WhyAmILikeThis
16-03-18, 18:07
Hello! This is my first post on this forum, I used a different forum when I was first dealing with HA back in 2015. Wish the forum I used was still alive so I could see the posts I had and see exactly what I was feeling back then...sucks I can’t :/.
That all started with a Brain Tumor fear. Yikes it was bad. Didn’t leave my house for months on end, just scared...then it moved to Lymphoma, then to Leukemia, then to bowel cancer to colon cancer so on and so forth. But I eventually got over it with no visits to a doctor(which is pretty crazy to think about) I met my current girlfriend and she seemed to make all my “symptoms” go away.
Fast forward a year and a half and I’m now in the ER with heart palpitations. Bad ones. I had heart surgery in 8th grade (2008) so I knew I had to go in. I was in the mall with my gf and had her call an ambulance it was so bad. Wore the heart monitor and did all the tests had blood taken and every thing came back normal and fine. Looked over the monitor results and nothing seemed abnormal to me, either. Didn’t think much of it and haven’t been scared of anything since..
Until just a few weeks ago. A little background on my current situation: I’ve been laid off of work because I work in Landscaping and I’ve been living very unhealthy (sitting on my butt playing video games, rarely getting out of the house, rarely moving) and just a few weeks ago I got a cold, my gf and I both got it and we never get sick at the same time, it was a pretty bad one. The cough has lingered until today but I’m not sure it’s because of the cold. So I was getting ready to go to bed one night and I felt almost a tickle in my upper chest and I starting dry coughing and it just didn’t feel right, I was up for a couple hours worrying sick of what to do. Since then I’ve been spiraling out of control.
So I’ve always had bleeding gums, since I was young..bad oral hygiene. I brush my teeth once a day for 25 seconds and that’s it. Very stupid, I know. But the past couple months I’ve been bleeding heavily and they’ve been very swollen and I’ve even woken up with dried blood on my two front teeth like 12 times. I haven’t been able to get to a dentist because I don’t have a dentist and it’s been hard to book an appointment. I thought nothing of it until I started to spiral.
Basically my fear right now is leukemia. And it’s a bad fear and it’s taken over my life. Since the day I had my panic attack I’ve been tired. Like bad tired. It’s gotten a bit better as I’ve been able to go on runs with my dog. Running about a half mile then walking another half mile. And I’m not too tired I fall asleep during the day I actually stay up until 1am or so and wake up at 8am or earlier. I just can’t really sleep. I don’t get winded walking to the bathroom or anything like that I just feel kind of tired. I don’t eat a lot either anymore. I used to eat a lot. Now I don’t have any motivation to eat. I eat when it’s presented to me but I tend to get full afterwards. So with this I’ve lost weight the past couple weeks. Was 160 now I’m about 152. And with my calculations I’m eating about 1,400 calories a day only and about 3-4 bottles of water. So with the weight loss, small fatigue, and bleeding gums I’ve come to the conclusion I have leukemia and I’m going to die.
I don’t bruise easily, I don’t bleed more than I should besides my gums. Although I have had blood in my boogers when I sneeze sometimes. I don’t have petichae or whatever it’s called and I don’t have bone pain or headaches or anything. But I just feel like I’m dying and I feel odd and off and nothing has been helping me. I’m just scared.
---------- Post added at 13:07 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------
I should say I’m 23 turning 24 tomorrow and a Male.
That all started with a Brain Tumor fear. Yikes it was bad. Didn’t leave my house for months on end, just scared...then it moved to Lymphoma, then to Leukemia, then to bowel cancer to colon cancer so on and so forth. But I eventually got over it with no visits to a doctor(which is pretty crazy to think about) I met my current girlfriend and she seemed to make all my “symptoms” go away.
Fast forward a year and a half and I’m now in the ER with heart palpitations. Bad ones. I had heart surgery in 8th grade (2008) so I knew I had to go in. I was in the mall with my gf and had her call an ambulance it was so bad. Wore the heart monitor and did all the tests had blood taken and every thing came back normal and fine. Looked over the monitor results and nothing seemed abnormal to me, either. Didn’t think much of it and haven’t been scared of anything since..
Until just a few weeks ago. A little background on my current situation: I’ve been laid off of work because I work in Landscaping and I’ve been living very unhealthy (sitting on my butt playing video games, rarely getting out of the house, rarely moving) and just a few weeks ago I got a cold, my gf and I both got it and we never get sick at the same time, it was a pretty bad one. The cough has lingered until today but I’m not sure it’s because of the cold. So I was getting ready to go to bed one night and I felt almost a tickle in my upper chest and I starting dry coughing and it just didn’t feel right, I was up for a couple hours worrying sick of what to do. Since then I’ve been spiraling out of control.
So I’ve always had bleeding gums, since I was young..bad oral hygiene. I brush my teeth once a day for 25 seconds and that’s it. Very stupid, I know. But the past couple months I’ve been bleeding heavily and they’ve been very swollen and I’ve even woken up with dried blood on my two front teeth like 12 times. I haven’t been able to get to a dentist because I don’t have a dentist and it’s been hard to book an appointment. I thought nothing of it until I started to spiral.
Basically my fear right now is leukemia. And it’s a bad fear and it’s taken over my life. Since the day I had my panic attack I’ve been tired. Like bad tired. It’s gotten a bit better as I’ve been able to go on runs with my dog. Running about a half mile then walking another half mile. And I’m not too tired I fall asleep during the day I actually stay up until 1am or so and wake up at 8am or earlier. I just can’t really sleep. I don’t get winded walking to the bathroom or anything like that I just feel kind of tired. I don’t eat a lot either anymore. I used to eat a lot. Now I don’t have any motivation to eat. I eat when it’s presented to me but I tend to get full afterwards. So with this I’ve lost weight the past couple weeks. Was 160 now I’m about 152. And with my calculations I’m eating about 1,400 calories a day only and about 3-4 bottles of water. So with the weight loss, small fatigue, and bleeding gums I’ve come to the conclusion I have leukemia and I’m going to die.
I don’t bruise easily, I don’t bleed more than I should besides my gums. Although I have had blood in my boogers when I sneeze sometimes. I don’t have petichae or whatever it’s called and I don’t have bone pain or headaches or anything. But I just feel like I’m dying and I feel odd and off and nothing has been helping me. I’m just scared.
---------- Post added at 13:07 ---------- Previous post was at 12:49 ----------
I should say I’m 23 turning 24 tomorrow and a Male.