Akoto
17-03-18, 09:31
Hi everyone,
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I just want to lead off by saying that I'm not looking for a diagnosis, don't worry. I've got an appointment with a specialist coming up in a bit. I'm just up late looking for a virtual shoulder, I guess. Sorry, I'm really wordy. I'll summarize at the end for those who want it short!
I'm honestly a little bummed and ashamed that I have let my anxiety about my health get out of control again. I was doing so well with it and anxiety in general. After finally convincing myself to go to a psychiatrist who I still see a couple years back and being prescribed Valium, man, the world changed. The anxiety I always felt faded a lot, and I wished I'd done it sooner in life (33 now, lifetime anxiety sufferer).
Anyway. This time, I do have something going on legitimately healthwise, other than my diagnosed - but entirely unrelated - physical disability. Since not long after my birthday, which was Feb 3, I've been suffering from upset stomach. This isn't necessarily unusual for me because I've switched between C and D my entire life and probably have IBS; I'll get to that. What's setting off the health anxiety is the fact that I 1) usually don't have it flare for this long before it settles, and 2) I have enough time to wait ahead of seeing the GI specialist that I am unfortunately given room to worry. Still a couple weeks ahead, too, barring a cancellation.
Unfortunately, can't see anyone sooner. Options around here for GI Specialists either seem to be awful or great. Awful, you can see sooner. Great, you've gotta wait. I did the responsible thing and saw my GP when this obviously wasn't a short bout, got a referral to a GI. Found out the GI was a bad one (he somehow traumatized my mom doing a colonoscopy on her, so I said nope). Changed to a really good one, but weeks to wait.
I am not in agony, at least beyond the normal pain for my real disability. Uncomfortable, sure. I started out figuring he'd diagnose IBS, and I was fine with that because I've always figured I have it. My mom has it, so I know what it looks like pretty well from the outside, and I myself have suffered - while avoiding doctors - the same symptoms most of my life. The agony is mental during the wait. I've catastrophised and, yes, gave in to the lure of Google.
So, we've ventured from a simple suspicion of IBS into Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's. My justification? Don't really have one, I've just read up and scared the bejeezus out of myself. I decided ongoing upset stomach for these weeks and some abdominal discomfort had to be something worst, and damned if I wasn't going to self-diagnose it! So, I carry my own blame.
How did I arrive at those diagnoses? Mainly reading up, again. Mind, I've never seen a drop of blood in the bowl, ever. I don't have excruciating abdominal pain. No vomiting, no fever, no nothing as far as the common symptoms I know of for those go. It even happens I was in results on a blood panel my insurance requires when I talked to the GP, and my results were pretty much fine. Why am I even obsessing about it? I can't really explain.
It's unfortunate that the wait for the specialist is long, and I do have something that needs checking. What sucks is how badly I've turned a physical issue which could be nothing much into an anxiety fit! I don't think I've ever waited so eagerly for an appointment where something's likely to be stuck up my behind. Mostly to get the wondering cleared out and hopefully venture back to the land of sanity.
I have to get by in the interim, though. It's that or the ER, and I don't believe I need to be there. My last visit there for other reasons wasn't exactly cordial, anyway. They don't like pain management patients at my ER, believe me (even though the one time I went, it wasn't for pain...)
The Summary: something's legitimately wrong which has upset my gut moreso than usual, for weeks. I probably have IBS given a lifetime of hints, I've catastrophised it into something worse. There's no way around waiting to see the specialist unless there's a cancellation, so I've had time to read and fail myself at staying in control. Now, it's gotta be UC or Chron's, even though I don't exactly meet most of the symptoms. So, I'm here looking for advice on calming down and keeping calm until I see the proper guy.
Easier said than done, I know, of course. I recovered from HA once, and it was hard, only to have this relapse. I do know that I wouldn't have done it without not only my psych and meds, but also the occasional kind ear to listen and tell me to just calm down. So, here I am, with the experts on that! Health Anxiety was always, by far, the *worst* facet of my anxiety.
---------- Post added at 05:31 ---------- Previous post was at 04:13 ----------
I kind of feel like I came off as a crazy person in that last post, long as it ended up being. Sorry about that. A lot to get off my chest, I guess!
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I just want to lead off by saying that I'm not looking for a diagnosis, don't worry. I've got an appointment with a specialist coming up in a bit. I'm just up late looking for a virtual shoulder, I guess. Sorry, I'm really wordy. I'll summarize at the end for those who want it short!
I'm honestly a little bummed and ashamed that I have let my anxiety about my health get out of control again. I was doing so well with it and anxiety in general. After finally convincing myself to go to a psychiatrist who I still see a couple years back and being prescribed Valium, man, the world changed. The anxiety I always felt faded a lot, and I wished I'd done it sooner in life (33 now, lifetime anxiety sufferer).
Anyway. This time, I do have something going on legitimately healthwise, other than my diagnosed - but entirely unrelated - physical disability. Since not long after my birthday, which was Feb 3, I've been suffering from upset stomach. This isn't necessarily unusual for me because I've switched between C and D my entire life and probably have IBS; I'll get to that. What's setting off the health anxiety is the fact that I 1) usually don't have it flare for this long before it settles, and 2) I have enough time to wait ahead of seeing the GI specialist that I am unfortunately given room to worry. Still a couple weeks ahead, too, barring a cancellation.
Unfortunately, can't see anyone sooner. Options around here for GI Specialists either seem to be awful or great. Awful, you can see sooner. Great, you've gotta wait. I did the responsible thing and saw my GP when this obviously wasn't a short bout, got a referral to a GI. Found out the GI was a bad one (he somehow traumatized my mom doing a colonoscopy on her, so I said nope). Changed to a really good one, but weeks to wait.
I am not in agony, at least beyond the normal pain for my real disability. Uncomfortable, sure. I started out figuring he'd diagnose IBS, and I was fine with that because I've always figured I have it. My mom has it, so I know what it looks like pretty well from the outside, and I myself have suffered - while avoiding doctors - the same symptoms most of my life. The agony is mental during the wait. I've catastrophised and, yes, gave in to the lure of Google.
So, we've ventured from a simple suspicion of IBS into Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's. My justification? Don't really have one, I've just read up and scared the bejeezus out of myself. I decided ongoing upset stomach for these weeks and some abdominal discomfort had to be something worst, and damned if I wasn't going to self-diagnose it! So, I carry my own blame.
How did I arrive at those diagnoses? Mainly reading up, again. Mind, I've never seen a drop of blood in the bowl, ever. I don't have excruciating abdominal pain. No vomiting, no fever, no nothing as far as the common symptoms I know of for those go. It even happens I was in results on a blood panel my insurance requires when I talked to the GP, and my results were pretty much fine. Why am I even obsessing about it? I can't really explain.
It's unfortunate that the wait for the specialist is long, and I do have something that needs checking. What sucks is how badly I've turned a physical issue which could be nothing much into an anxiety fit! I don't think I've ever waited so eagerly for an appointment where something's likely to be stuck up my behind. Mostly to get the wondering cleared out and hopefully venture back to the land of sanity.
I have to get by in the interim, though. It's that or the ER, and I don't believe I need to be there. My last visit there for other reasons wasn't exactly cordial, anyway. They don't like pain management patients at my ER, believe me (even though the one time I went, it wasn't for pain...)
The Summary: something's legitimately wrong which has upset my gut moreso than usual, for weeks. I probably have IBS given a lifetime of hints, I've catastrophised it into something worse. There's no way around waiting to see the specialist unless there's a cancellation, so I've had time to read and fail myself at staying in control. Now, it's gotta be UC or Chron's, even though I don't exactly meet most of the symptoms. So, I'm here looking for advice on calming down and keeping calm until I see the proper guy.
Easier said than done, I know, of course. I recovered from HA once, and it was hard, only to have this relapse. I do know that I wouldn't have done it without not only my psych and meds, but also the occasional kind ear to listen and tell me to just calm down. So, here I am, with the experts on that! Health Anxiety was always, by far, the *worst* facet of my anxiety.
---------- Post added at 05:31 ---------- Previous post was at 04:13 ----------
I kind of feel like I came off as a crazy person in that last post, long as it ended up being. Sorry about that. A lot to get off my chest, I guess!