View Full Version : Fear of being on my own for the rest of my life (:
Hi folks this is so real for me and I don't like the way I feel, So any one else either going through this now or has done in the past? It's pretty scary right now ATB
Yes, I have BB. But, never give up hope. :hugs:
Catherine S
20-03-18, 16:50
There's a lid for every teapot Dave. Have faith :)
Cath x
Dave I have been there, but have gotten over it to a certain extent, mainly cause I cannot work out an alternative behaviour.
I think that I get too intense at times and way to needy and that scares people off, not that I blame them.
Am I happy, in some respects yes, but others no.
Must admit I do look at some people in relationships and wonder how can you get there but I can't, but then to be fair we never know how things are behind closed doors, and I am sure that there are many people in relationships that are truly miserable.
Yes, I have BB. But, never give up hope. :hugs: I have very nearly Carnation but thx :) ATB
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There's a lid for every teapot Dave. Have faith :)
Cath x Cath I like you the way you said that :shades: Thx ATB
Catherine S
20-03-18, 17:19
Not much of a consolation Dave, but I'll be in Stafford on Friday April 27th, so could meet you for a coffee? My train gets in from Crewe around 1pm lunchtime and i'm gonna have a wander around town until I head off to my daughter's when she finishes work. Stafford park is opposite the station too, and is a really nice place. PM me if you prefer to.
Cath ☺
There's a lid for every teapot Dave. Have faith :)
Cath x
Godd if makes you feel better Dave, to me it is a platitude and I have been around too long to believe it for a min.
Dave I have been there, but have gotten over it to a certain extent, mainly cause I cannot work out an alternative behaviour.
I think that I get too intense at times and way to needy and that scares people off, not that I blame them.
Am I happy, in some respects yes, but others no.
Must admit I do look at some people in relationships and wonder how can you get there but I can't, but then to be fair we never know how things are behind closed doors, and I am sure that there are many people in relationships that are truly miserable.So is there a alternative behaviour that you may have not thought about? Are you still on your own now? Yes I think you are right Elen when you are clingy and needy and Iam the same I think it does scare people, but on the other hand it wouldn't scare me away if I thought some one was lonely either. Oh same here it's not just relationships it's friends too seeing people when the weather is nice and people in 2's or small groups are enjoying a drink together now that does get to me and I think why cant that be me, hope that makes sense? Thx ATB
Catherine S
20-03-18, 17:23
I was just trying to make him feel better elen that's all. I found my lid at age 54, but it's possible at any age.
Not much of a consolation Dave, but I'll be in Stafford on Friday April 27th, so could meet you for a coffee? My train gets in from Crewe around 1pm lunchtime and i'm gonna have a wander around town until I head off to my daughter's when she finishes work. Stafford park is opposite the station too, and is a really nice place. PM me if you prefer to.
Cath ☺ Cath it's music to my ears and sounds good. I will pm in a bit thx ATB
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Godd if makes you feel better Dave, to me it is a platitude and I have been around too long to believe it for a min. But it's true Elen so you have given up hope then, you sound a really caring person :) ATB
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I was just trying to make him feel better elen that's all. I found my lid at age 54, but it's possible at any age. Seriously Cath that does fill me with hope for which I am greatful:hugs:ATB
I was just trying to make him feel better elen that's all. I found my lid at age 54, but it's possible at any age.
yep I appreciate that but it still is a platitude, So glad that you found your partner later in life, so hope for many there,
yep I appreciate that but it still is a platitude, So glad that you found your partner later in life, so hope for many there, What is a platitude? ATB
Catherine S
20-03-18, 18:17
According to the dictionary, a platitude means something that has been said so many times it has no meaning.
According to the dictionary, a platitude means something that has been said so many times it has no meaning.Ahh ok think sometimes there are exceptions ;) ATB
I did laugh that you asked what platitude means , I thought the same thing dammed state education maybe I should have listened in school , my neighbour is 90 she's never married and lived alone since her parents died many years ago , she's had one life long freind who is now in a care home with dementia but she has always been happy in her own company and very positive, she used to go away on cruises and trips to London to posh hotels , she doesn't have the stresses of family life , believe me family life can be hard and feel just as lonely ( alone with everyone ) .
You know sometimes you try so hard for something you end up pushing it further out of reach , you seem like a good man so just keep on hanging in there and keep getting out and about the more people you meet the higher the odds of finding someone you click with .Take care:)
I did laugh that you asked what platitude means , I thought the same thing dammed state education maybe I should have listened in school , my neighbour is 90 she's never married and lived alone since her parents died many years ago , she's had one life long freind who is now in a care home with dementia but she has always been happy in her own company and very positive, she used to go away on cruises and trips to London to posh hotels , she doesn't have the stresses of family life , believe me family life can be hard and feel just as lonely ( alone with everyone ) .
You know sometimes you try so hard for something you end up pushing it further out of reach , you seem like a good man so just keep on hanging in there and keep getting out and about the more people you meet the higher the odds of finding someone you click with .Take care:)
Yep me to:D I had to google it:doh:
What's google ? I'll have to bing it :D
I am alone,might have something too do with my tattoos and foul language,but that's me folks.
At the moment I love my life and the freedom to do what I want.:yesyes:
WiseMonkey
21-03-18, 05:21
Hi folks this is so real for me and I don't like the way I feel, So any one else either going through this now or has done in the past? It's pretty scary right now ATB
Hi there,
I don't know your age but never give up that you may find a kindred spirit.
Like others have said, it can happen later in life too.
Many of us married young (in our twenties) and had bad marriages, which we ended. So you are then on your own, even if you have children, it's not the same as having a loving companion.
I persevered with a verbally abusive marriage for 15 years before ending it (I was 39). Over the ensuing years I had a few boyfriends but none I lived with.
At 56 I met my lovely partner (the love of my life) and after 4 years we set up home. It's great, I'm so blessed to have found him, I'm 61 and he's 64.
So I was on my own for 19 years before my partner moved in with me :)
ps. I met my partner on an online dating site. It's a local New Zealand site so you can select from different cities and areas within that city. I have other friends my age who've had success with online dating as well. Well worth a try :)
Dave I know that you do not like group meetings but I really do feel that through them you stand the best chance of meeting friends.
It is asking a lot of anyone to engage in a one to one meeting as a first off and it could be too intense for a number of people.
Are you still going out an about to places where you are likely to meet people who you can start up a casual conversation with?
Do you have a local pub?
The only way to meet people is to get out and among them, as someone else has said the more people you meet the better your chances of meeting the right person.
I did laugh that you asked what platitude means , I thought the same thing dammed state education maybe I should have listened in school , my neighbour is 90 she's never married and lived alone since her parents died many years ago , she's had one life long freind who is now in a care home with dementia but she has always been happy in her own company and very positive, she used to go away on cruises and trips to London to posh hotels , she doesn't have the stresses of family life , believe me family life can be hard and feel just as lonely ( alone with everyone ) .
You know sometimes you try so hard for something you end up pushing it further out of reach , you seem like a good man so just keep on hanging in there and keep getting out and about the more people you meet the higher the odds of finding someone you click with .Take care:) That's ok Buster ;) I genuinely didn't know the meaning of the word! Sure I don't mind some time on my own, but I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, not after a relationship, had a few of those and they are too complicated for me so good friends is a great option :) Yes I do try too hard but that's the fighter in me. Well thank you Buster Iam a good guy (look at me blowing my own trumpet lol) just lost his way at the moment ATB
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What's google ? I'll have to bing it :D You know Google is a no,no Buster LOL ATB
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I am alone,might have something too do with my tattoos and foul language,but that's me folks.
At the moment I love my life and the freedom to do what I want.:yesyes: That's fine Lola-Lee and I doubt that's the reasons why you are on your own ;) We are primarily social animals but sometimes, somethings go wrong (through no fault of our own) and we end up alone. Can I ask if you are married? And I bet you do have friends too :) ATB
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Hi there,
I don't know your age but never give up that you may find a kindred spirit.
Like others have said, it can happen later in life too.
Many of us married young (in our twenties) and had bad marriages, which we ended. So you are then on your own, even if you have children, it's not the same as having a loving companion.
I persevered with a verbally abusive marriage for 15 years before ending it (I was 39). Over the ensuing years I had a few boyfriends but none I lived with.
At 56 I met my lovely partner (the love of my life) and after 4 years we set up home. It's great, I'm so blessed to have found him, I'm 61 and he's 64.
So I was on my own for 19 years before my partner moved in with me :)
ps. I met my partner on an online dating site. It's a local New Zealand site so you can select from different cities and areas within that city. I have other friends my age who've had success with online dating as well. Well worth a try :) Hi Thanks for your reply :)Not really looking for a relationship like I previously said they can be complicated but you story is inspirational 19 years is a long time to suffer. Happy to make new friends to share my hobbies and interests, but when I get home that's it, it's my space just for me :) ATB
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Dave I know that you do not like group meetings but I really do feel that through them you stand the best chance of meeting friends.
It is asking a lot of anyone to engage in a one to one meeting as a first off and it could be too intense for a number of people.
Are you still going out an about to places where you are likely to meet people who you can start up a casual conversation with?
Do you have a local pub?
The only way to meet people is to get out and among them, as someone else has said the more people you meet the better your chances of meeting the right person. Hi Elen yes I understand that, A lot of disappointment has stemmed from the Meet Up section here (which is no longer used that much,) it did bring me hope at first but not now and it's false sense of security to me now (: Well recently I did look at a meet up.com group for anxiety/depression quite local to me, and once logged the group you can message members that have joined the group so messaged one person who actually lives in the same town as me and we have already met locally for a drink and we have since made arrangements to go out again :) So baby steps for now I think!! Thank you all so far for your comments folks:shades: ATB
imabit2lil
22-03-18, 01:44
I feel that way. But i try to focus on my own dreams. And what i like. What i want. And i start to feel excited for it.
Sometimes we are so selfless We forget about ourselves
There may be not a thing i can do about being alone But i can fill my days with as much joy as i can doing what i love going where i want and spending time with those who love and support me.
It works for me for now. I have a lot of skills i am interested in acquiring. As well as a fitness routine that works for me. So i can look how i want.
I hope this helps. I know pain all too well. But there is life outside another person. Life forced me to see this. When it was all snatched away from me
Sent from my LGMP450 using Tapatalk
I feel that way. But i try to focus on my own dreams. And what i like. What i want. And i start to feel excited for it.
Sometimes we are so selfless We forget about ourselves
There may be not a thing i can do about being alone But i can fill my days with as much joy as i can doing what i love going where i want and spending time with those who love and support me.
It works for me for now. I have a lot of skills i am interested in acquiring. As well as a fitness routine that works for me. So i can look how i want.
I hope this helps. I know pain all too well. But there is life outside another person. Life forced me to see this. When it was all snatched away from me
Sent from my LGMP450 using Tapatalk I understand that, but at least you have people to spend time with I haven't sadly. ATB
imabit2lil
22-03-18, 11:46
I understand that, but at least you have people to spend time with I haven't sadly. ATBI don't have any friends or anything i spend everyday alone
But I took the initiative to host a get together for myself my mom and brothers.
They are all traveling to my house
And i intend on treating all of us to dinner and a movie.
It gave me a goal to save up
And gave me something to look forward too
And i am planning for us once a year to all get together and each of us take turns hosting it.
I also found someone to study the bible with.
So try to take the initiative and give yourself something to look forward to. The weather will break soon. There will be pottery classes discounts on groupon for all sorts of fun things.
Build your support circle. My family and I were never close. This get together I'm hosting is an attempt to put our past behind us. Because I need it. But I won't tell them all that hahah [emoji173]
Sent from my LGMP450 using Tapatalk
I don't have any friends or anything i spend everyday alone
But I took the initiative to host a get together for myself my mom and brothers.
They are all traveling to my house
And i intend on treating all of us to dinner and a movie.
It gave me a goal to save up
And gave me something to look forward too
And i am planning for us once a year to all get together and each of us take turns hosting it.
I also found someone to study the bible with.
So try to take the initiative and give yourself something to look forward to. The weather will break soon. There will be pottery classes discounts on groupon for all sorts of fun things.
Build your support circle. My family and I were never close. This get together I'm hosting is an attempt to put our past behind us. Because I need it. But I won't tell them all that hahah [emoji173]
Sent from my LGMP450 using Tapatalk I cant even do that as I live in cluttered house so Iam doomed to be alone for the rest of my life :weep: Ive had enough. And emotionally dead inside currently being hurt by someone too thx for reading. ATB
BB are your parents still around? Do you have any Brothers or Sisters?
BB are your parents still around? Do you have any Brothers or Sisters? no mum died about 12 years ago dad about 30 years ago, got one sister one brother they support but very little and in any case if mum and dad was still alive I still want friends in my life if that makes sense?! ATB
I thought you joined a walking and dog walking group? Did you not meet people through that? BB if you don't mind me asking how old are you?
I thought you joined a walking and dog walking group? Did you not meet people through that? BB if you don't mind me asking how old are you? The person running it left to do something else just waiting for some one else to take their place. I don't mind you asking but age is just number to me Iam 45. ATB
The person running it left to do something else just waiting for some one else to take their place. I don't mind you asking but age is just number to me Iam 45. ATB
Sorry you've lost your parents BB.
I don't have an answer but i do know that every single mate i've had since leaving school has been through hobbies and sports i've played. If you don't have many hobbies is there not something you would like to do? I can guarantee you'll meet people.
Was there not another group that you joined.
It's a sad fact that if you want to meet people you have to get out there among them.
It's not easy Dave, but you are a nice guy so it is probably worth the effort.
Elen
Sorry you've lost your parents BB.
I don't have an answer but i do know that every single mate i've had since leaving school has been through hobbies and sports i've played. If you don't have many hobbies is there not something you would like to do? I can guarantee you'll meet people. it's ok, But that's the thing I have quite a few hobbies :) So don't get it why am I on my own so much? ATB
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Was there not another group that you joined.
It's a sad fact that if you want to meet people you have to get out there among them.
It's not easy Dave, but you are a nice guy so it is probably worth the effort.
Elen I did join OCD meeting but left that a while back. Yes of course and had tried that too. This loniness stems over very long number of years going back to my school days. But thank you for your kind words:) ATB
it's ok, But that's thing I have quite a few hobbies :) So don't get it why am I on my own so much? ATB
What hobbies do you have?
I'm the same age as you by the way. I've not been able to do my two main hobbies for over 17 months now because of my back problem and other health things going on and it's doing my head in. I use fishing for my me time, the tackle shop run competitions and social events but i don't get involved. With my motorbike i joined a club as at one time about 20 mates that we had all known each other for years rode together but in 2008 one was killed in an accident and many packed it in.
You must have clubs and groups in your area for your hobbies?
What hobbies do you have?
I'm the same age as you by the way. I've not been able to do my two main hobbies for over 17 months now because of my back problem and other health things going on and it's doing my head in. I use fishing for my me time, the tackle shop run competitions and social events but i don't get involved. With my motorbike i joined a club as at one time about 20 mates that we had all known each other for years rode together but in 2008 one was killed in an accident and many packed it in.
You must have clubs and groups in your area for your hobbies? Ahh ok I like music (wide selection and different genres!) eating out, a few beers, dogs, going on weekend breaks, holidays, and preserved railway lines and steam trains. yes thats bad you lost a mate in that way sorry to hear that. Well thats me described now.Pretty boring reallyATB
Ahh ok I like music (wide selection and different genres!) eating out, a few beers, dogs, going on weekend breaks, holidays, and preserved railway lines and steam trains. yes thats bad you lost a mate in that way sorry to hear that. Well thats me described now.ATB
Just a thought have you looked if things happen at your local church? My Mum's a churchgoer and her church run things like film nights, music nights, arts and craft nights plus loads more. It's open to all, free and it's not intended to sign people up to religion.
Unless you have a relationship, which you say you don't want right now, you will still come home to an empty house. You will still wake up in the morning alone. A "friend" will have their own personal life, separate from your friendship, which you will have to accept and respect. A friendship will not survive possessiveness and envy.
You can have a very close friendship yet because of circumstances might only get to spend time together once a month. They might be in a relationship, have kids, a career, or other responsibilities. Would you be content with that? Or would you want to see that person at least 2-3 times a week, perhaps even spending a whole day together?
Unless we make peace with ourselves, we are doomed to feel lonely and unhappy, Dave.
Just a thought have you looked if things happen at your local church? My Mum's a churchgoer and her church run things like film nights, music nights, arts and craft nights plus loads more. It's open to all, free and it's not intended to sign people up to religion. I haven't and in any case whats the point thx anyway ATB
I haven't and in any case whats the point thx anyway ATB
Meeting people? And you may just meet a nice lady!
Unless you have a relationship, which you say you don't want right now, you will still come home to an empty house. You will still wake up in the morning alone. A "friend" will have their own personal life, separate from your friendship, which you will have to accept and respect. A friendship will not survive possessiveness and envy.
You can have a very close friendship yet because of circumstances might only get to spend time together once a month. They might be in a relationship, have kids, a career, or other responsibilities. Would you be content with that? Or would you want to see that person at least 2-3 times a week, perhaps even spending a whole day together?
Unless we make peace with ourselves, we are doomed to feel lonely and unhappy, Dave. KK I can handle that coming home to s empty house especaily if I have had a good day or evening out then I can reflect on the day and savour it :) I could adjust to that not easy but would prefer once a week And yes understand the other points you raised Thx KK ATB
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Meeting people? And you may just meet a nice lady! No what I meant was who would want to know me that's how bad I feel.... ATB
I haven't and in any case whats the point thx anyway ATB
I do not for a second believe you're an unlikeable person or that your past is all your fault. The root of the problem is YOU believing that too, matey.
I do not for a second believe you're an unlikeable person or that your past is all your fault. The root of the problem is YOU believing that too, matey.Well that's kind of you KK but tbh you haven't gone through what I have gone through, and quite possibly I don't believe I am likable you just take on a new you (not for the better)after all the chipping away I have had done to me over the years it's took it's toll. Thx ATB
Well that's kind of you KK but tbh you haven't gone through what I have gone through, and quite possibly I don't believe I am likable you just take on a new you (not for the better)after all the chipping away I have had done to me over the years it's took it's toll. Thx ATB
But with respect, I could say exactly the same. Just that I don't wish to talk about it publicly. Comparisons are never fair, Dave.
But with respect, I could say exactly the same. Just that I don't wish to talk about it publicly. Comparisons are never fair, Dave. Yes that's a good point KK, my apologies to you :) ATB
Yes that's a good point KK, my apologies to you :) ATB
To all of us I hope Dave, we all problems that we do not necessarily share on here.
As you keep telling people, the only way out is to push your way out of your comfort zone.
It is obvious that meet ups through this site are not happening for you atm but there are so many other avenues open to you.
I have had a couple of meets from the site but that has been with people that I had chatted to for a long long time on here until we got to the stage where we were all comfortable meeting up.
I would never go to meet someone just because they were geographically close, for me it is all about finding people that I am comfortable with. But like others have said I have a fear of people knowing my true identity so I to hardly ever give out personal info.
Perhaps concentrating less on the anxiety angle and more on the lonely angle you might have more luck.
Fingers crossed for you
Elen
To all of us I hope Dave, we all problems that we do not necessarily share on here.
As you keep telling people, the only way out is to push your way out of your comfort zone.
It is obvious that meet ups through this site are not happening for you atm but there are so many other avenues open to you.
I have had a couple of meets from the site but that has been with people that I had chatted to for a long long time on here until we got to the stage where we were all comfortable meeting up.
I would never go to meet someone just because they were geographically close, for me it is all about finding people that I am comfortable with. But like others have said I have a fear of people knowing my true identity so I to hardly ever give out personal info.
Perhaps concentrating less on the anxiety angle and more on the lonely angle you might have more luck.
Fingers crossed for you
Elen Elen Indeed I do say that. Well tbh with you the meet ups on here aren't going well for any one atm I used to take it very personally but not now as meet ups in general aren't happening :) Well I would if someone posted tonight lets meet at such a pub I would go so Iam already out of my comfort zone which I can handle. Yes think you are right but I have pushed the lonely angle to the limit nearly but there's still a bit more left I guess and thank you for your post :) ATB
Well I would if someone posted tonight lets meet at such a pub I would go so I am already out of my comfort zone which I can handle.
But that is sticking to meeting people from here so not really out of your comfort zone hun.
Meeting people seems to be a huge thing for you so it is up to you to go out and make it happen.
You have had loads of suggestion so hopefully one of them works for you
But that is sticking to meeting people from here so not really out of your comfort zone hun.
Meeting people seems to be a huge thing for you so it is up to you to go out and make it happen.
You have had loads of suggestion so hopefully one of them works for you Yes I get that but it's still coming out of my comfort zone to meet them! As I have not met any one of you :) So doesn't really matter where I get the meets from? Yes but that's signiling me out I am not the only person in the uk who makes it a big thing out of it. Lonliness is a killer over 2.5 people in the uk are going through it on a daily basis, befriending schemes over the uk are not a numerous as they used to be because of funding cuts etc. I had a befriender from mind some year back I was good and it gave me something to look forward too and it became a routine too, service has now finished a good few years now more must be done to help the lonely people of the uk. :) ATB
Yes I get that but it's still coming out of my comfort zone to meet them! As I have not met any one of you :)
Have to disagree with you there. You seem to be convinced that a meet has to happen through here, or on a one to one basis.
That is a huge ask of other people so perhaps you have to change your criteria of how meets are going to be.
Have to disagree with you there. You seem to be convinced that a meet has to happen through here, or on a one to one basis.
That is a huge ask of other people so perhaps you have to change your criteria of how meets are going to be. Not Strictly true it doesnt have to, but would be nice if it did :) I have not yet signed up to a meet up,com meeting but I have signed up to meet up so once logged in saw a new group set up locally to me for depression and anxiety so had a look around and checked out the members and saw there was someone in the same town as me and sent them a message got a reply back and have meet up once for a drink we are meeting again this sun, so not all doom and gloom:yesyes: As for the group I feel the organiser is charging too much for each group meeting you attend and they have raised the price again so not sure if I will be going but if I do the person I met for a drink is willing to drive me up there. ATB
I understand how loneliness can feel and I've said in PMs and emails how although I'm alone most of the time, I don't feel "lonely". I actually get annoyed when people assume you must be lonely if you live alone. For me it's a state of mind and I value my independence and space. However, no man (or woman) is an island either and I also believe we need a degree of social interaction, therefore I'm lucky to have close friends I can rely upon, although we still lead separate lives.
I have suggested a few times that you should focus more on social networking rather than NMP. Even when meet-ups happened on here, they would be perhaps monthly (maybe longer): a few hours at a pub or other venue, occasionally a whole day out, then people would go home. I really feel you want more than that. You seek a friend/friends you can spend time with on a regular basis in your area, or relatively nearby anyway.
I believe most people meet these days via FB and other similar social media sites. Perhaps it's one reason why meet-ups have fizzled out on NMP. Also, the slow but inexorable transformation of this site from a "community" suffering with PAs and general anxiety/depression into a high turnover HA forum. It's a reflection of social changes more than NMP IMO. I've noticed many members joining, posting their concerns and then disappearing for good. So the NMP "community" has shrunk, if not disappeared, and it seems regular members like us are becoming fewer and fewer.
You will meet like-minded people on a more specific social media site (doesn't have to be FB), but do understand your desire to "ideally" find people who share and understand mental health illnesses.
You will always have your NMP friends here, even if we remain only cyber-friends. We can still support you through the tough times - like I hope you appreciate we're trying to do now.
Not sure if you’ve done this already as I haven’t read the whole thread, but have you looked at mentalhealthmates.com? They set up regular walks in various towns and cities across the UK.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Great post, KK.
Everyone who has contributed to both of your current threads on here is trying to help you, Dave. It's a good source of support even though it's "just" cyber support and it would be a shame to walk away from it when you are feeling vulnerable. Hopefully we can support you to find a friendship group in your local area-I know you have a criteria for what you want but maybe you should just lower your expectations a bit and allow things to develop at their own pace?
I understand how loneliness can feel and I've said in PMs and emails how although I'm alone most of the time, I don't feel "lonely". I actually get annoyed when people assume you must be lonely if you live alone. For me it's a state of mind and I value my independence and space. However, no man (or woman) is an island either and I also believe we need a degree of social interaction, therefore I'm lucky to have close friends I can rely upon, although we still lead separate lives.
I have suggested a few times that you should focus more on social networking rather than NMP. Even when meet-ups happened on here, they would be perhaps monthly (maybe longer): a few hours at a pub or other venue, occasionally a whole day out, then people would go home. I really feel you want more than that. You seek a friend/friends you can spend time with on a regular basis in your area, or relatively nearby anyway.
I believe most people meet these days via FB and other similar social media sites. Perhaps it's one reason why meet-ups have fizzled out on NMP. Also, the slow but inexorable transformation of this site from a "community" suffering with PAs and general anxiety/depression into a high turnover HA forum. It's a reflection of social changes more than NMP IMO. I've noticed many members joining, posting their concerns and then disappearing for good. So the NMP "community" has shrunk, if not disappeared, and it seems regular members like us are becoming fewer and fewer.
You will meet like-minded people on a more specific social media site (doesn't have to be FB), but do understand your desire to "ideally" find people who share and understand mental health illnesses.
You will always have your NMP friends here, even if we remain only cyber-friends. We can still support you through the tough times - like I hope you appreciate we're trying to do now. KK Yes I get that and I don't mind being at home on my own, but company at home is good too. I too value my space on my own.
Absolutely You have said this a few times that we all need interaction at times, for those that say they don't then they either have been hurt a lot or had bad life experiences etc or are deluded.
It's still being online though, so don't know what Iam going to do, I had a severe brain condition at only 9 months old it's fairly rare and it's devastated/ruined my whole life. If I hadn't had this condition things would have been totally different.
You may be right on that,but NMP is just another platform that includes a section for Meet Up's (so not a sn site but it's still got that element to it)
Yes it's creating 'common' ground which is a good thing so having a MH can help but not always. The other way I look at sadly KK there's some things one cant change and I think in my case it's my loneliness Do you know the serenity prayer? God grant me the courage to accept the things I cant change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference it's always used in the 12 step anonymous programmes.
Yes we have lost a few regular members over a period of time which I have noticed myself, think that will always happen with forums, some want a quick fix post once or twice then you never hear from them again. others will be on everyday quite possibly because they are lonely and have nothing else in their life others visit everyday to try and help others, etc ,etc many reasons.
Yes I know that KK and can see everyone is trying to help me just wish one day some of us could meet. ATB
---------- Post added at 10:22 ---------- Previous post was at 10:19 ----------
Not sure if you’ve done this already as I haven’t read the whole thread, but have you looked at mentalhealthmates.com? They set up regular walks in various towns and cities across the UK.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Yes was a member a good while back, checked again but no walks in my area again yet. Thanks for posting it :) ATB
---------- Post added at 10:33 ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 ----------
Great post, KK.
Everyone who has contributed to both of your current threads on here is trying to help you, Dave. It's a good source of support even though it's "just" cyber support and it would be a shame to walk away from it when you are feeling vulnerable. Hopefully we can support you to find a friendship group in your local area-I know you have a criteria for what you want but maybe you should just lower your expectations a bit and allow things to develop at their own pace? Hi pulisa. Yes and I appreciate this totally :) That would be good, Yes think I may have set the bar too high, and I want it developed in to something great overnight. Prehaps I need a life coach cause I have lost my way, but it's not available on the NHS! Do you have any friends outside of here? Thx ATB
Well I have friends but no one I can talk to, if that makes sense? Being a carer does isolate me and my life doesn't follow the same path as friends I used to have. That doesn't bother me though because my time is spent looking after my family who have specific needs.
To be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable in social situations anyway now due to my own MH issues.
Well I have friends but no one I can talk to, if that makes sense? Being a carer does isolate me and my life doesn't follow the same path as friends I used to have. That doesn't bother me though because my time is spent looking after my family who have specific needs.
To be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable in social situations anyway now due to my own MH issues. I understand but I don't want my MH issues to make me feel uncomfortable in social situations, but it seems to be going that way, so we differ there. ATB
Oh I'm a lost cause, BB! I enjoy a bit of peace and quiet but I'm fortunate in that I don't feel lonely. I do understand your need to find new friends but don't make it the be all and end all because you will just distress yourself further if things don't go to your plans? See how these new contacts develop but don't force the pace?
Pulisa you are definitely not a lost cause , looney maybe but not a quitter :)
BB I grew up with lots of freinds and was very social mental health problems robbed me of that and like pulisa I still have freinds but none I could talk to even though two of my mates have been sectioned I still wouldn't open up about my problems ( male pride ) , I don't see mates socially any more and some have now passed away or moved away .
I don't feel the need for close friendships right now as it adds to the pressure , I get plenty of human contact from the work I do and dog walking , the good thing about this is I can walk away and not be committed ( probably should be committed) .
We are a fickle bunch on here and mental health problems make us not the most reliable people , I've missed three funnerals out of seven in the past few years due to anxiety so getting someone to agree and turn up to a meet up isn't going to be easy , we agree overthink it then bottle out it's the nature of the beast .
A few people have pm'ed me for a while then disappeared without trace I take that as a good thing that they have got better and moved on which gives us hope , the best freindships are the ones that just happen over time they can't be forced .
Just me and the dogs again tonight and my only regret is throwing the remote at the wall last week so now I've got to get up to turn over .
Take care .:)
Oh I'm a lost cause, BB! I enjoy a bit of peace and quiet but I'm fortunate in that I don't feel lonely. I do understand your need to find new friends but don't make it the be all and end all because you will just distress yourself further if things don't go to your plans? See how these new contacts develop but don't force the pace?
Definitely not a "lost cause" - you fulfil a very important role in life with the responsibilities you take on :shades:
So no more of that talk, Agent P :lac:
WiseMonkey
24-03-18, 23:32
You can feel very lonely in a bad marriage/ relationship, been there, done that myself. There was so much relief when I was finally by myself (although with 2 young children) as there was no more negativity or abuse!
When you are by yourself, you are open to new friendships or relationships and the universe will provide.
What is very popular among older adults in NZ is being in a relationship but living alone ie in your own place. It gives you the best of both worlds, times together plus the independence of living alone. My b/friend, now partner and I did this for 4 years. We'd spend the weekends together then catch up mid-week. We decided to live together as there were financial gains for us both plus we'd decided to get married in the future :)
Note Don't expect this sort of arrangement to be agreeable to people who want to get married of have a family (males or females)!!
Pulisa you are definitely not a lost cause , looney maybe but not a quitter :)
BB I grew up with lots of freinds and was very social mental health problems robbed me of that and like pulisa I still have freinds but none I could talk to even though two of my mates have been sectioned I still wouldn't open up about my problems ( male pride ) , I don't see mates socially any more and some have now passed away or moved away .
I don't feel the need for close friendships right now as it adds to the pressure , I get plenty of human contact from the work I do and dog walking , the good thing about this is I can walk away and not be committed ( probably should be committed) .
We are a fickle bunch on here and mental health problems make us not the most reliable people , I've missed three funnerals out of seven in the past few years due to anxiety so getting someone to agree and turn up to a meet up isn't going to be easy , we agree overthink it then bottle out it's the nature of the beast .
A few people have pm'ed me for a while then disappeared without trace I take that as a good thing that they have got better and moved on which gives us hope , the best freindships are the ones that just happen over time they can't be forced .
Just me and the dogs again tonight and my only regret is throwing the remote at the wall last week so now I've got to get up to turn over .
Take care .:) Buster well that's the difference you were blessed lucky on that front, I wasn't so lucky even as child I was rejected at school so always alone. Yes had quite a few pm's of members many have dried up but I would respectfully say that while they may have got better probably with me they got bored (: well at least you will get exercise I had tv once yes it was one of the first remote control tv but only 3 buttons on it OFF (not standby rubbish now a days) Volume and Channel. When you clicked OFF you could see the button on the Tv actually pop out so to turn it back on you had to get up and push the button back in to the tv what a cool idea. ATB
---------- Post added at 13:39 ---------- Previous post was at 13:25 ----------
Oh I'm a lost cause, BB! I enjoy a bit of peace and quiet but I'm fortunate in that I don't feel lonely. I do understand your need to find new friends but don't make it the be all and end all because you will just distress yourself further if things don't go to your plans? See how these new contacts develop but don't force the pace? I enjoy some me time too but I do like to be around folk too. I have 1 friend who I have known for nearly 8 years now he is solid as a rock we debate we laugh, we chill and we give each other a man hug when they leave so yes for that I am greatful but one is never enough a bit like ferro roche lol Yes I know some one is going to post oh they haven't got no one atall that wont make me feel any better! Thx for your reply :) ATB
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