View Full Version : Thinking of leaving the forum
Hi folks I have been thinking this for a while now Iam sure no one will even know I have gone. I have posted my own posts and religiously offered help back. tried to make friends on here but it's tiring me out now so really come to the end of the road now. ATB
Oh BB think you will be sorely missed.
Have you tried internet dating site. I don't know anything about them myself.
I think you are after to form a relationship. Is that so? x
No Magic not atall just want some friends in my life not seeking a relationship right now but thanks for your post X ATB
I believe there are friends sites. Not dating, just people looking for friends :)
Bboy, as I posted previously, this is not the place to do so. You help a lot of folks and it would be a shame to see you go over something like this. Is there a reason you're so intent on making that happen here?
As Phuzella said, there are sites dedicated to social activities and friend making.
Positive thoughts
I think there used to one called Meet Up? They post local activities
Hiyer BB,
Why not just use us as a sounding board/for support for branching out 'in the real world' ? This forum has its place, but I've never thought of it as somewhere people would 'meet' others. Flip can you imagine half of us meeting, it'd be a mess of anxiety, stress, probably some tears and all sorts of emotions LOLOL
You do help loads of others and if that feels like its now having a negative impact on you, then I guess you either change the type of input you have here and make it more 'self focused' or.....oooo...I don't know where my sentence was leading actually....:wacko:
I don't think you should expect too much from the forum, Dave. You've always contributed a lot and it must be very disappointing not to get much in return on the new friends front but we are all just a bunch of randoms with a shared problem. And communicating online is very different from being in touch in real life.
Are there any social groups for your railway interest? I would have thought that there might be.
My cousin met his now wife from a dating site. His wife is Polish. She came to this country with her mother. I don't think my cousin would ever think he would ever meet someone, But hey you never know!!!. If I was a young single lonely person I would give it a try:shades:
BB, it might not be The Forum that is making you feel this way.
It might be how you are feeling within yourself at the moment.
I know, because I have been there myself many times.
It's your choice to do what you want to do for your wellbeing and happiness, but I personally think you are a valued and likeable member on this Forum. :hugs:
Thank you folks I will reply to each of you but not tonight You know I just don't get it meet up section on anxiety forum doesn't work so why on earth is it still here its not just my threads that have had no luck or lets downs it countless threads that dont get a meet up theres no point in the section being here now if it was being used then and results happen great. Night all ATB
ServerError
22-03-18, 23:33
It's not doing any harm by being there though, is it? Meets have happened ed in the past and might do again.
Your pain absolutely leaps off the screen at me and I feel for you. Part of the problem is if you want something too much, it just becomes harder to live without it. Date I say, I think you have too fixed an idea of how things will go. You're hoping somebody who lives local to Staffordshire is going to come along and see your thread and want to meet up, and that they'll have anxiety too. But this is not a particularly busy website do the likelihood of it is not high. It's not 0% either, but it's not high. If you want that, it might take a long period of patience.
I think you need to step out of your comfort zone and reach out in ways that don't quite fit with what you're waiting for. Perhaps an anxiety group? I remember you saying you weren't comfortable with the idea, but you also said on my thread how good the group stuff I'm involved in sounds. You want something to happen so badly, yet you close the door to things that could really help change your life. Sometimes you have no choice but to step outside of your comfort zone to get what you want. In fact, it's almost obligatory. There are websites dedicated to meeting up. The Meet Up app is really good. Look into doing something that combines an interest you have with socialising.
It would be a shame if you left. You definitely helped me during my recent difficulty. But I think you need to get a hold of your life and take it by the scruff of the neck. Don't focus so much on the meet up section of this site. Push yourself. Go to the pub alone and chat to the bar staff if you have to (I do it occasionally). Obviously don't become dependent on the drink, though!
nomorepanic
22-03-18, 23:49
We used to have loads of meet-ups. I have been all over the place to meet people in groups and have days out. We even went to Alton Towers twice.
Now they just don't seem to happen any more.
But don't leave because of it - I would miss your posts for one.
ServerError
23-03-18, 00:04
Why do you think that is, Nicola?
Have you noticed any changes in the way the site is used that could account for it? Is there something different about the people who visit here now as compared to back then?
I'd always be happy to meet someone if they were local enough.
You can’t leave. I sometimes think you are the most sane person here. I always read your posts. ��
---------- Post added at 18:39 ---------- Previous post was at 18:38 ----------
:)
I believe there are friends sites. Not dating, just people looking for friends :) I am sure there are Phuzella I don't know what route to take at the moment thx ATB
---------- Post added at 10:46 ---------- Previous post was at 10:41 ----------
Bboy, as I posted previously, this is not the place to do so. You help a lot of folks and it would be a shame to see you go over something like this. Is there a reason you're so intent on making that happen here?
As Phuzella said, there are sites dedicated to social activities and friend making.
Positive thoughts FMP yes you have said this to me a few times. Well thank you, I think the reason why is because it would have been good to meet up with a fellow sufferer and share each other experiences, well that's what it probably was set up for originally. Thx ATB
---------- Post added at 10:55 ---------- Previous post was at 10:46 ----------
Hiyer BB,
Why not just use us as a sounding board/for support for branching out 'in the real world' ? This forum has its place, but I've never thought of it as somewhere people would 'meet' others. Flip can you imagine half of us meeting, it'd be a mess of anxiety, stress, probably some tears and all sorts of emotions LOLOL
You do help loads of others and if that feels like its now having a negative impact on you, then I guess you either change the type of input you have here and make it more 'self focused' or.....oooo...I don't know where my sentence was leading actually....:wacko:Hi Carys Yes that sounds a good idea, when I first joined here I looked down the index and saw NMP Meet Ups and get togethers I had to look at it twice,that sold it for me :) I think sometimes one has to step out of their comfort zone to make headway ;) Sadly it wasn't to be. Yes it's a bit of both I think spent a lot of time helping others and certain subforums can take its toll like the HA board!
So yes feel the forum has took it's toll on me a bit. Thx ATB
mezzaninedoor
23-03-18, 10:58
BigBoyUK,
I can feel your frustration and I know that I did make private message contact with you but didnt take it as far as a meetup
I guess we all use these forums differently and some of us invest less or more time in the forums dependant on other avenues we have regards navigating our conditions
Im keen to try and support folks as best I can BUT time and energy is limited, sometimes I have energy but often I have little as I get home from work and collapse in a heap most days
I like reading your posts and would miss them BUT I get that you need something that perhaps you are not getting at the moment
Would it be possible for NoMorePanic to set up some localised meetups in the summer in the better weather ??
BB, just look at the response you have had here. :)
People like you. I know you are sensitive and have been let down in the past, so have I, it knocks you back, but you have friends on here.
I also know what loneliness is like. I’ve stared out of my bedroom window for hours feeling down, but you won’t be alone forever.
I think you need to join a class or group to do this.
There’s probably people that go there that are thinking the same way as you.
As far as The Forum, there is a saying, ‘If in doubt, do noubt’. :hugs:
BB, it might not be The Forum that is making you feel this way.
It might be how you are feeling within yourself at the moment.
I know, because I have been there myself many times.
It's your choice to do what you want to do for your wellbeing and happiness, but I personally think you are a valued and likeable member on this Forum. :hugs: Hi Carnation think it's a mix of things at the moment and it's not just the forum that's making me like I am, I am still thinking about it at the moment, so will see. Thx ATB
---------- Post added at 11:17 ---------- Previous post was at 11:00 ----------
It's not doing any harm by being there though, is it? Meets have happened ed in the past and might do again.
Your pain absolutely leaps off the screen at me and I feel for you. Part of the problem is if you want something too much, it just becomes harder to live without it. Date I say, I think you have too fixed an idea of how things will go. You're hoping somebody who lives local to Staffordshire is going to come along and see your thread and want to meet up, and that they'll have anxiety too. But this is not a particularly busy website do the likelihood of it is not high. It's not 0% either, but it's not high. If you want that, it might take a long period of patience.
I think you need to step out of your comfort zone and reach out in ways that don't quite fit with what you're waiting for. Perhaps an anxiety group? I remember you saying you weren't comfortable with the idea, but you also said on my thread how good the group stuff I'm involved in sounds. You want something to happen so badly, yet you close the door to things that could really help change your life. Sometimes you have no choice but to step outside of your comfort zone to get what you want. In fact, it's almost obligatory. There are websites dedicated to meeting up. The Meet Up app is really good. Look into doing something that combines an interest you have with socialising.
It would be a shame if you left. You definitely helped me during my recent difficulty. But I think you need to get a hold of your life and take it by the scruff of the neck. Don't focus so much on the meet up section of this site. Push yourself. Go to the pub alone and chat to the bar staff if you have to (I do it occasionally). Obviously don't become dependent on the drink, though! I guess it isn't even though Nic says it's not really used now so maybe a temporary removal of that forum just to see how it goes if its missed (which I am sure it wont be) then bring it back seriously it gave me false hope, and I don't want any one else to go through what I did :)
Yeah I hear you Server and patience is a virtue :) I have signed up via Meet Up and get weekly email notifications of new groups but not keen on paying for it monthly I thought MH Meet Ups were free to join. I have seen a anxiety/depression group about 12 miles from me messaged a guy on there who lives in the same town as me and we have met up once over a few beers and plan to do the same this weekend. I also messaged the person who is running this anxiety/depression group who tells me as the number of members have increased he has put up the monthly subscription :eek: feel this is wrong to make money off MH conditions... I have been to pubs on my own in the past but tend to sit in corner on my own drink my half then go home. Yes it would be a shame if I left but it's something I may have to do, Glad I helped you too, but there we go. Thx ATB
---------- Post added at 11:22 ---------- Previous post was at 11:17 ----------
BigBoyUK,
I can feel your frustration and I know that I did make private message contact with you but didnt take it as far as a meetup
I guess we all use these forums differently and some of us invest less or more time in the forums dependant on other avenues we have regards navigating our conditions
Im keen to try and support folks as best I can BUT time and energy is limited, sometimes I have energy but often I have little as I get home from work and collapse in a heap most days
I like reading your posts and would miss them BUT I get that you need something that perhaps you are not getting at the moment
Would it be possible for NoMorePanic to set up some localised meetups in the summer in the better weather ?? Yes remember that and I tried to get a meet up arranged but again sadly it never happened:huh: Yes I lack energy and find it hard to function sometimes during the day and have been called lazy etc so that doesn't help either. And I like that idea maybe Admin/Mods could post meet ups in various locations via FB Now that I would go to :) Thx ATB
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-18, 12:44
As Carnation said, look at all the responses. Some people raise threads like this on the contact admin board and get far less. That surely shows you are popular and that people do care?
You know my thoughts on the NMP meet up board as it's been discussed before but it could be any website and it would feel much the same. It's not the real issue and a distraction from what is so it's best to learn to accept the situation or work to change it. Changing something environmental like this is a lot of work and it may not even yield personal results for you either (some meet ups might start up but in places you can't access) so it may not be good enough.
No one wants to see you go because you are upset. You are an asset to the forum. Many of us talk to you on here. If you weren't popular, and respected, you either wouldn't get that or get arguments from those disliking you.
When you say all this it feels to me like an emotional build up. There is more negativity in your posts than usual. That's something you can work on outside of meet ups as KK was saying to you in the other thread.
Has there been any progress from that nurse on help? Or has it died off and that's why you haven't given us one of your usual follow up posts discussing it?
As Carnation said, look at all the responses. Some people raise threads like this on the contact admin board and get far less. That surely shows you are popular and that people do care?
You know my thoughts on the NMP meet up board as it's been discussed before but it could be any website and it would feel much the same. It's not the real issue and a distraction from what is so it's best to learn to accept the situation or work to change it. Changing something environmental like this is a lot of work and it may not even yield personal results for you either (some meet ups might start up but in places you can't access) so it may not be good enough.
No one wants to see you go because you are upset. You are an asset to the forum. Many of us talk to you on here. If you weren't popular, and respected, you either wouldn't get that or get arguments from those disliking you.
When you say all this it feels to me like an emotional build up. There is more negativity in your posts than usual. That's something you can work on outside of meet ups as KK was saying to you in the other thread.
Has there been any progress from that nurse on help? Or has it died off and that's why you haven't given us one of your usual follow up posts discussing it?Yes I can see that, so that's does help, yes I do know your thoughts on that. but to be honest I don't know your current situation or the other member who lives in the same area as us 3 do. but it's basically there the 3 of us could possibly meet and it's just a thought, but any way yes it is a emotional build up over many different things like a pressure cooker and the safety valve has got stuck. No not really re my decluttering my support worker has been off for 3 weeks so I have slipped backwards and my house is even worse now and it's getting me down, so may have to get a hoarding company in and pay through the nose to get it totally decluttered, the charity manager and some one called yesterday to see me boy was I angry why, guess what they said (it was so patronising) oh we have seen worse WTF I snapped big time I mean is that supposed to make me feel better:shrug: every single room in house is huge mess to them it didn't seem like it was. so yes a multitude of emotions running around all over worse than hormornal changes:whistles:ATB
MyNameIsTerry
23-03-18, 14:21
Yes, that's a poor comment. I guess they thought it would be something humorous or to downplay it but it can be dismissive too and it's a serious issue affecting your life so it's like saying "it could be worse" trying to cheer up someone who's mental health has them on their knees. I doubt I would have taken it differently back then.
I hope you don't have to pay a private company. They just seem more like deep cleaners over mental health support. If they don't resolve the root causes they just ensure themselves future business. I'm a bit cynical of them, I guess.
I don't know on meets, Dave, in truth I've never wanted them. I'm a private person and I've always tried to separate my personal thoughts from real life. I'm uncomfortable with talking so openly on here if it can ever be linked to me in real life. I've turned requests for email addresses & phone numbers down from people I know on here for this very reason. It's never anything personal about those asking, I've always valued my distance before my anxiety days, and it doesn't change my interaction with people. I just came here for different reasons, friends are great but I'm less bothered about it as losing all my mates meant I had to come to terms with it.
I always hope you find what you are looking for though.
Yes, that's a poor comment. I guess they thought it would be something humorous or to downplay it but it can be dismissive too and it's a serious issue affecting your life so it's like saying "it could be worse" trying to cheer up someone who's mental health has them on their knees. I doubt I would have taken it differently back then.
I hope you don't have to pay a private company. They just seem more like deep cleaners over mental health support. If they don't resolve the root causes they just ensure themselves future business. I'm a bit cynical of them, I guess.
I don't know on meets, Dave, in truth I've never wanted them. I'm a private person and I've always tried to separate my personal thoughts from real life. I'm uncomfortable with talking so openly on here if it can ever be linked to me in real life. I've turned requests for email addresses & phone numbers down from people I know on here for this very reason. It's never anything personal about those asking, I've always valued my distance before my anxiety days, and it doesn't change my interaction with people. I just came here for different reasons, friends are great but I'm less bothered about it as losing all my mates meant I had to come to terms with it.
I always hope you find what you are looking for though. Absolutley they could see I was in already a bad state and should have thought before they spoke, but it's passed now. I actually don't want to pay a private company as the one I contacted wait for it is £50 per hr and you have to have to have a min of 3 hrs if you take a fourth hr the fourth hr is cheaper at £35 so its going to be a very expensive declutter they said they offer on going support too. that will be the very last thing I will use to help me.
On the meet up front well at least you are being honest instead of building my hopes up like a few have on here that sucks no wonder my trust levels are at a all time low. so respect to you for that. ATB
ServerError
23-03-18, 15:46
I must admit, I do wonder about the people who specifically post asking if anyone in their area wants to meet and then never post again. I guess some people just do it on a whim and then forget about it.
I must admit, I do wonder about the people who specifically post asking if anyone in their area wants to meet and then never post again. I guess some people just do it on a whim and then forget about it. Yeah know what you mean they never follow it up unlike me lol, Have you ever meet anyone on here Server? ATB
Posted on your other thread
To all of us I hope Dave, we all problems that we do not necessarily share on here.
As you keep telling people, the only way out is to push your way out of your comfort zone.
It is obvious that meet ups through this site are not happening for you atm but there are so many other avenues open to you.
I have had a couple of meets from the site but that has been with people that I had chatted to for a long long time on here until we got to the stage where we were all comfortable meeting up.
I would never go to meet someone just because they were geographically close, for me it is all about finding people that I am comfortable with. But like others have said I have a fear of people knowing my true identity so I to hardly ever give out personal info.
Perhaps concentrating less on the anxiety angle and more on the lonely angle you might have more luck.
Fingers crossed for you
Elen
ServerError
23-03-18, 16:38
Yeah know what you mean they never follow it up unlike me lol, Have you ever meet anyone on here Server? ATB
No, I haven't. I've never really tried. I've met people from dating sites and social groups and I have one really good friend who I met through the forums for the one and only computer game I play (Football Manager). But not from here.
No, I haven't. I've never really tried. I've met people from dating sites and social groups and I have one really good friend who I met through the forums for the one and only computer game I play (Football Manager). But not from here. Cool would you meet any one off here? How long did it take you to make a friend off that gaming site? ATB
ServerError
23-03-18, 19:15
I'd theoretically be open to it. Personally, if I was going to do that, I'd rather have a group get-together. I'm not actively seeking it out though.
It was way back in 2006 when me and my friend met. It was just luck. We found ourselves agreeing a lot and sharing our game experiences. He lives in Northern Ireland but he happened to be coming over to Liverpool so we met up and then stayed in touch and met a few times after that. Then I happened to end up living in Belfast for a couple of years so we saw more of each other. It was just s stroke of luck that the two of us happened to find a connection. Neither of us are seeking to make friends via the Football Manager forums.
I'd theoretically be open to it. Personally, if I was going to do that, I'd rather have a group get-together. I'm not actively seeking it out though.
It was way back in 2006 when me and my friend met. It was just luck. We found ourselves agreeing a lot and sharing our game experiences. He lives in Northern Ireland but he happened to be coming over to Liverpool so we met up and then stayed in touch and met a few times after that. Then I happened to end up living in Belfast for a couple of years so we saw more of each other. It was just s stroke of luck that the two of us happened to find a connection. Neither of us are seeking to make friends via the Football Manager forums. Iam actually open to a group of us getting together as a NMP group but guess it down to a central place where we could meet so may put that up in the meet up section soon would you consider this? ATB
ServerError
23-03-18, 19:29
I've seen how hard you take it when things on here don't work out and I don't want to be responsible for another disappointment for you. It would be hard to organise given how spread out everybody is and how few people show an interest in meeting, so I wouldn't get too attached to the idea if I were you. As I say, in theory, yes, I'd be interested if it was happening, but I can't afford to travel far at the moment and am busy trying to get myself back into work.
Please don't be discouraged by the way things have gone on this site. Try to focus on more promising means.
BBoy,
I posted something about this on another thread a little while back and between this and your thread about a fear of being alone, I though you'd find it insightful.
I divorced in 2000. I went a bit crazy for a while, dating quite a bit. I got into the inevitable "rebound relationship". It was hers too. Of course I was head over heals and of course, she broke my heart. There were several more short term relationships through the next few years and around 2005 I really fell for a woman I met at the gym. We were together 2 years. Long story short, again, it didn't work out. I felt like crap for a while and then the health issues started, heart attack #1 and a triple bypass. Fun eh?
I suffered from depression after that as you could imagine (this is about where you are now). I knew it too. My first wife was severely depressed so I knew the signs. I just hated the way I felt too because that's not who I am. I called my doctor and spoke to him about it. He got me a referral for one on one therapy and put me on Zoloft.
So I went to therapy, once a week for a couple of months, then every other week for a total of 6 months. After the first couple of sessions (and they were intense - this therapist was good! Challenged the poo out of my thoughts) I realized that I just really needed to work on me. I needed to heal.
I didn't date for 3 years. I went out occasionally with friends but other than that, I spent that time learning about myself, improving myself and most of all healing. I got comfortable with myself and being alone as well. For me, that was the key. If I never met anyone else, I was Ok with that. After those three years, I felt comfortable and ready to date again.
I met my wife in the Fall of 2010. From the first time we met, I knew And I'm quite blessed she feels the same way.
So take some time, look into therapy and don't have an aversion to meds if needed. I really didn't feel any different on them sans a dodgy stomach but people around me noticed a difference, I was more myself and it felt like I had a cloud was lifted off of me. It enabled me to focus on the therapy and exercises. It got me back out and about and exercising and enjoying the things I love.
Heal...Learn about yourself... Change the things that need to be changed. Most of all...Take. Your. Time.
When you least expect it, someone will come into your life and hopefully it will be "the one".
Positive thoughts
I've seen how hard you take it when things on here don't work out and I don't want to be responsible for another disappointment for you. It would be hard to organise given how spread out everybody is and how few people show an interest in meeting, so I wouldn't get too attached to the idea if I were you. As I say, in theory, yes, I'd be interested if it was happening, but I can't afford to travel far at the moment and am busy trying to get myself back into work.
Please don't be discouraged by the way things have gone on this site. Try to focus on more promising means. Yeah it has in the past cut me up inside Server. Well I am going ot give it ago nothing ventured nothing gained so they say Oh I wont be mate and thank you for your reply :) ATB
yvonne_uk_98
25-03-18, 00:28
BigBoyuk,
I love your posts, they are very inspirational, help me with some good advice at times. I would miss your posts very much. I have very much appreciated your posts.
nomorepanic
25-03-18, 00:39
Why do you think that is, Nicola?
Have you noticed any changes in the way the site is used that could account for it? Is there something different about the people who visit here now as compared to back then?
I'd always be happy to meet someone if they were local enough.
Mainly because I arranged a lot of them personally and encouraged people to come.
I have been to probably 7 or 8 meetups
Yes it is very different to years ago and yes the people are different too.
Catherine S
25-03-18, 02:06
Sorry but i'm now very confused. Is the meeting in Stafford for a coffee not going ahead now in view of the posts on this thread? Just let me know ok Dave? Because quite frankly, I have other things I can be doing given the limited time I have with my family on that weekend.
Because of your ongoing requests to meet somebody from nmp I offered to meet you, but in view of comments on the threads...your replies included... i'm getting the feeling that perhaps it's something you now prefer not to do. That's fine Dave, but letting me know would've been polite.
Cath
I hope you don't leave.
I noticed from the beginning you were extremely keen on meeting people, but I don't think this is necessarily the best place for that, I mean obviously it can happen but I wouldn't be using this forum in hope that it would end in a meet up. I feel the same as Terry does really, although I wouldn't completely rule out a meet up if I felt close enough to somebody and secure enough to do so.
You need to remember that many on here have social anxiety aswell and things that could change their mind very easily, I doubt anyone has let you down on purpose so try not to take it to heart.
Sorry but i'm now very confused. Is the meeting in Stafford for a coffee not going ahead now in view of the posts on this thread? Just let me know ok Dave? Because quite frankly, I have other things I can be doing given the limited time I have with my family on that weekend.
Because of your ongoing requests to meet somebody from nmp I offered to meet you, but in view of comments on the threads...your replies included... i'm getting the feeling that perhaps it's something you now prefer not to do. That's fine Dave, but letting me know would've been polite.
Cath Cath I have sent you a pm just now, and not sure why you think I don't want to meet up. Any way pm sent :) ATB
---------- Post added at 12:39 ---------- Previous post was at 12:18 ----------
I hope you don't leave.
I noticed from the beginning you were extremely keen on meeting people, but I don't think this is necessarily the best place for that, I mean obviously it can happen but I wouldn't be using this forum in hope that it would end in a meet up. I feel the same as Terry does really, although I wouldn't completely rule out a meet up if I felt close enough to somebody and secure enough to do so.
You need to remember that many on here have social anxiety aswell and things that could change their mind very easily, I doubt anyone has let you down on purpose so try not to take it to heart. Yes I realise that Katie, so again ask for a trial removal of the meet up section you state you don't think this is the best place for meets not just for me.but for any one, it gave me a false hope inside, Yes Iam aware there are many members with anxiety on here too, well not so sure about that, I could name one person but that's water under the bridge now. The door is closed on that now I am still thinking what to do and thx for your reply :)
Cath I have sent you a pm just now, and not sure why you think I don't want to meet up. Any way pm sent :) ATB
---------- Post added at 12:39 ---------- Previous post was at 12:18 ----------
Yes I realise that Katie, so again ask for a trial removal of the meet up section you state you don't think this is the best place for meets not just for me.but for any one, it gave me a false hope inside, Yes Iam aware there are many members with anxiety on here too, well not so sure about that, I could name one person but that's water under the bridge now. The door is closed on that now I am still thinking what to do and thx for your reply :)
I can sympathise with how you feel and understand it gave you false hope but it may work for someone so isn't it better to leave it there, on the chance that it could potentially lead to a meet up for others? Than take away that option all together? Not everyone will have your experience and like has been said there has been meet ups in the past. I think you already know anyway that the issue here lies with you and it's clear to see how much it means to you, and also clear that you're very liked on the forum.
I hope you don't leave & all works out for you, take care x
BBoy,
I posted something about this on another thread a little while back and between this and your thread about a fear of being alone, I though you'd find it insightful.
I divorced in 2000. I went a bit crazy for a while, dating quite a bit. I got into the inevitable "rebound relationship". It was hers too. Of course I was head over heals and of course, she broke my heart. There were several more short term relationships through the next few years and around 2005 I really fell for a woman I met at the gym. We were together 2 years. Long story short, again, it didn't work out. I felt like crap for a while and then the health issues started, heart attack #1 and a triple bypass. Fun eh?
I suffered from depression after that as you could imagine (this is about where you are now). I knew it too. My first wife was severely depressed so I knew the signs. I just hated the way I felt too because that's not who I am. I called my doctor and spoke to him about it. He got me a referral for one on one therapy and put me on Zoloft.
So I went to therapy, once a week for a couple of months, then every other week for a total of 6 months. After the first couple of sessions (and they were intense - this therapist was good! Challenged the poo out of my thoughts) I realized that I just really needed to work on me. I needed to heal.
I didn't date for 3 years. I went out occasionally with friends but other than that, I spent that time learning about myself, improving myself and most of all healing. I got comfortable with myself and being alone as well. For me, that was the key. If I never met anyone else, I was Ok with that. After those three years, I felt comfortable and ready to date again.
I met my wife in the Fall of 2010. From the first time we met, I knew And I'm quite blessed she feels the same way.
So take some time, look into therapy and don't have an aversion to meds if needed. I really didn't feel any different on them sans a dodgy stomach but people around me noticed a difference, I was more myself and it felt like I had a cloud was lifted off of me. It enabled me to focus on the therapy and exercises. It got me back out and about and exercising and enjoying the things I love.
Heal...Learn about yourself... Change the things that need to be changed. Most of all...Take. Your. Time.
When you least expect it, someone will come into your life and hopefully it will be "the one".
Positive thoughts Thx FMP very wise post, So it can happen to any one :) ATB
Catherine S
25-03-18, 14:39
PM read and replied to thanks.
Cath.
PM read and replied to thanks.
Cath. Likewise thx :)
Likewise thx :)
No need to say thanks to Cath Dave your paying!!!!:D
And don't leave NMP Dave!
And don't leave NMP Dave!
Here here!!! Just call it a glitch. :) x
No need to say thanks to Cath Dave your paying!!!!:D
And don't leave NMP Dave! Ha ha Well a just a glass of water each then LOL ;) ATB
---------- Post added at 16:32 ---------- Previous post was at 16:30 ----------
Here here!!! Just call it a glitch. :) x Well we will see but folks really nice to hear this. :) ATB
Catherine S
25-03-18, 16:45
I might run to a mug of builder's tea from the caff :D
I might run to a mug of builder's tea from the caff :D
Give Dave some notice, then he can wear his builders bum jeans:D
I might run to a mug of builder's tea from the caff :D And a bacon butty please ;)
---------- Post added at 17:43 ---------- Previous post was at 17:39 ----------
Give Dave some notice, then he can wear his builders bum jeans:D Been given plenty of notice. Any way it's a coffee and chat Matt!! Which will be great.ATB
MyNameIsTerry
26-03-18, 02:39
Absolutley they could see I was in already a bad state and should have thought before they spoke, but it's passed now. I actually don't want to pay a private company as the one I contacted wait for it is £50 per hr and you have to have to have a min of 3 hrs if you take a fourth hr the fourth hr is cheaper at £35 so its going to be a very expensive declutter they said they offer on going support too. that will be the very last thing I will use to help me.
On the meet up front well at least you are being honest instead of building my hopes up like a few have on here that sucks no wonder my trust levels are at a all time low. so respect to you for that. ATB
They probably come out, pull everything out, deep clean...and drive off. "Ongoing support" is the biggest issue here. Aside from the declutter itself being a hard experience (do they support you through that or just send a man with a van?) they seem to want to work on prevention rather than the usual way of getting you to learn to confront your fears by throwing away yourself.
I think these companies have been created by the OCD Cleaners nonsense we see on TV. I would question whether they are truly in it to help people or just make money with a bit of after support. They sound like they make money from the misery of others to me.
Would you find the declutter hard? It sounds very much a thrown in the deep end (flooding exposure) to me. Like how on TV someone says they are terrified of spiders so by the end of the programme they are hugging lots of big hairy spiders.
Does your hoarding get worse when your emotions are suffering like now? Daft question I know but I don't like to assume. I've done a little bit of it myself with being unable to discard things but not to the levels of a proper hoarder by a long way.
They probably come out, pull everything out, deep clean...and drive off. "Ongoing support" is the biggest issue here. Aside from the declutter itself being a hard experience (do they support you through that or just send a man with a van?) they seem to want to work on prevention rather than the usual way of getting you to learn to confront your fears by throwing away yourself.
I think these companies have been created by the OCD Cleaners nonsense we see on TV. I would question whether they are truly in it to help people or just make money with a bit of after support. They sound like they make money from the misery of others to me.
Would you find the declutter hard? It sounds very much a thrown in the deep end (flooding exposure) to me. Like how on TV someone says they are terrified of spiders so by the end of the programme they are hugging lots of big hairy spiders.
Does your hoarding get worse when your emotions are suffering like now? Daft question I know but I don't like to assume. I've done a little bit of it myself with being unable to discard things but not to the levels of a proper hoarder by a long way.if it's anything like the tv programmes I have seen, so would think/hope that it would be similar. As for staffs rethink the charity not making much head way, support worker been ill for 3 weeks that's why I left a call for the manager to come and see me, they wouldn't have bothered (out of sight, out of mind) very disappointed and no on going support really. Wellbeing service don't think I need CBT NICE guidelines state OCD problems should be treated by CBT. That Hoarding company that I told you about (the over charging one) Would think they would have a support network too not sure wether it would just be once a week phone call which isn't necessarily the way everyone would want it. But using that company would be a extremely expensive declutter How ever good they may be.
Think it would have done years ago, I really have no room so haven't hoarded for years now but I still need a comprehensive declutter programme, No when I am down I tend not to do anything round the house as it's that bad I realty think staffs rethink should have thought before they spoke still annoyed about that. And another important thing is I haven't got 12 months to declutter in that's too long and I think it's fair that it should be done sooner than later on the tv programmes I see they send the home owner to friends or family and then they gut the place 3/4 days later it's all decluttered and clean :) ATB
MyNameIsTerry
01-04-18, 05:00
Dave, I've been seeing posters for these guys for a while on community notice boards.
https://m.facebook.com/blueirisstoke/?locale2=en_GB
http://www.stand-stoke.org.uk/blue-iris/
Not sure if you've come across them? I've been meaning to mention it for a while but kept forgetting until I walked past one of he boards again.
Dave & Catherine is it tomorrow for your drink and a chat? I seem to think it's the 18th? If so, have a nice time both of you:yesyes:
Dave & Catherine is it tomorrow for your drink and a chat? I seem to think it's the 18th? If so, have a nice time both of you:yesyes: No don't think it is Matt thought it was on a Friday Prehaps Cath Can remind me on Yes pretty sure it's on a Friday cause I can go straight to Stafford from Stone when I finish work ;) I will certainly let everyone know how it goes. It's been a long road nearly gave up but kept going :) ATB
I thought it was Friday week?
I thought it was Friday week? No the 27th next Friday :)
That's what Cmrd P meant. She has her "sources" (usually from Morrisons) :shades:
That's what Cmrd P meant. She has her "sources" (usually from Morrisons) :shades:Well there's more reasons too:D And Never hard that saying before a week on Friday yes, but not Friday week :blush: ATB
Friday week to me means a week on Friday. Doesn't really matter so long as you get the date right though!
Catherine S
25-04-18, 09:45
Yes the meet up is this Friday the 27th. However, ive been sending PMs to Dave this week to confirm it but so far I've had no reply. He also hasn't been on the forum since last Friday either which isn't like him. Does anybody know if he's ok? I hope he is :unsure:
Cath x
Yes the meet up is this Friday the 27th. However, ive been sending PMs to Dave this week to confirm it but so far I've had no reply. He also hasn't been on the forum since last Friday either which isn't like him. Does anybody know if he's ok? I hope he is :unsure:
Cath x
That's very odd, Cath. Not like BBoy to disappear from forum like this. Hope he is OK and that you hear from him soon. Know he was very keen on meet-up :shrug:
He may be having surgery? He did mention this a while back, I think? He was going to a private hospital as an NHS patient..
I do hope he's ok? I'm sure he would be really looking forward to the meet-up, Cath. Please let us know if he gets in touch? Of course it may just be an internet problem?
Catherine S
25-04-18, 19:13
I didn't know about the hospital appointment Pulisa so yes perhaps that could be it. I do know he's been having tech problems too, so could also be a reason. I'm sure he'll let us know when he can :)
Breaking News, Dave is back. Great news
Catherine S
25-04-18, 20:10
Haha, Ahh bless him. Yes he's just pm'd me, he was waiting for a new pc to be delivered so wasn't able to get online. So the bacon butty and builder's tea is back on :D
Cath
Yes I am back Folks :) Will explain more on another misc thread I started too tired to talk much now. Going to enjoy my Prisoner Cell Block H probably get 3 episodes in tonight LOL ATB
Glad you are back, Dave! Full steam ahead for Friday then !!
Well....that was starting to become a worrying absence.......glad you are back and ok.
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-18, 01:58
He may be having surgery? He did mention this a while back, I think? He was going to a private hospital as an NHS patient..
I do hope he's ok? I'm sure he would be really looking forward to the meet-up, Cath. Please let us know if he gets in touch? Of course it may just be an internet problem?
I trust pulisa when it comes to who is where, I think she's got a file on us all...like back in her intelligence days :D
Glad to see you're ok, Dave.
I can barely remember when I was intelligent, Terry...if in fact I ever was but I always keep your files updated:shades:
Well today has arrived and I hope you two really enjoy your meet-up!! Looking forward to hearing all about it!
I knew i should of checked if you were still in my basement.
Note to self, use gaffer tape not parcel tape next time.
Glad your ok Dave and have/had a good time today!!!:)
MyNameIsTerry
28-04-18, 02:32
I knew i should of checked if you were still in my basement.
Note to self, use gaffer tape not parcel tape next time.
Glad your ok Dave and have/had a good time today!!!:)
Oh yes??? http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t15199.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php?page=5):D
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