grimboddy
24-03-18, 07:07
so this is something i have trouble talking about at length because frankly it's kind of embarrassing but i feel like i'll (further) lose my mind if i don't. i, for some reason, am constantly afraid that i've got rabies. it's like ocd and health anxiety working in tandem; i have highs and i have lows and sometimes it goes away completely, but more or less the fear is always present. although i've struggled with health anxiety since childhood this has hit me hard and fast and gotten completely out of hand over the past 6 - 8 months.
i cannot get this thought out of my head no matter what i do. i've told my therapist about it, i've tried accepting that the things i'm feeling are physical manifestations of anxiety, i've tried accepting that there's really no possible way that i've contracted it, that this fear is irrational, that it's super uncommon, that all the symptoms i'm feeling are all in my head. i just can't get through to myself and i have no idea why and it's starting to get in the way of being able to live my life. i feel really stupid and ashamed for believing this and not being able to shake it.
i have three (healthy) dogs i love so much and i can't even stand to be around them too long sometimes because if one of them scratches or even licks me i get stuck in a loop of panic attacks varying in severity for anywhere from a few hours to several weeks thinking i'm going to die a horrible painful death. my favorite dog of the three scratched me the other day on the wrist and since then i've been in complete shambles pacing around my house in tears on and off just losing my mind. i'm at the end of my rope and frankly i'm finding it hard to be patient with myself or even have hope that this will pass, to the point even that i'm beginning to feel suicidal.
i have all the knowledge i could possibly arm myself with against this stupid fear or phobia or obsession. i literally KNOW better, but it's just a constant argument in my head throughout the day that the rational half of me never seems to win. i'm sick of it and i wish i could scrub the entire concept from my memory. i'm at a total loss with myself and my family and friends are all getting fed up with it too. i really don't know how much more of it i can take before i just completely lose my mind.
i cannot get this thought out of my head no matter what i do. i've told my therapist about it, i've tried accepting that the things i'm feeling are physical manifestations of anxiety, i've tried accepting that there's really no possible way that i've contracted it, that this fear is irrational, that it's super uncommon, that all the symptoms i'm feeling are all in my head. i just can't get through to myself and i have no idea why and it's starting to get in the way of being able to live my life. i feel really stupid and ashamed for believing this and not being able to shake it.
i have three (healthy) dogs i love so much and i can't even stand to be around them too long sometimes because if one of them scratches or even licks me i get stuck in a loop of panic attacks varying in severity for anywhere from a few hours to several weeks thinking i'm going to die a horrible painful death. my favorite dog of the three scratched me the other day on the wrist and since then i've been in complete shambles pacing around my house in tears on and off just losing my mind. i'm at the end of my rope and frankly i'm finding it hard to be patient with myself or even have hope that this will pass, to the point even that i'm beginning to feel suicidal.
i have all the knowledge i could possibly arm myself with against this stupid fear or phobia or obsession. i literally KNOW better, but it's just a constant argument in my head throughout the day that the rational half of me never seems to win. i'm sick of it and i wish i could scrub the entire concept from my memory. i'm at a total loss with myself and my family and friends are all getting fed up with it too. i really don't know how much more of it i can take before i just completely lose my mind.