Fanny Adams
14-12-04, 10:15
Hi guys,
I joined last week and keep reading all your wonderful posts. I actually joined on Thursday. Every Thursday I go to see my CBT lady (cognitive Behav Therapist); I do this as the last two years of my life have been constant panic - always having time off work cos Im either throwing up or cant get out of bed etc.
However, Something was different on Thursday - after reading all the info on here it actually brought on a panic attack ( why was I the only one who feared being in love ?) needless to say I was clinging to my steering wheel in my car and when I got to Jo I said "Im having a panic attack, I never have them during the day whats wrong?"
She put me straight into hypnosis where I was for a good hour I think. Everything from me being 4 years old, to my sister, my half brother mum and dad and my fiance were there. However, the one thing that clinched it for me was Ali ( My fiance ) Jo asked me whether I wanted to love alistair and I replied "Yes" Instantly although crying at the same time. Everyone I have loved completely has left me, including my parents when I was 16, my sister etc - so its only natural to build up this wall in front of Ali.
But when I woke up I felt as though a weight had been lifted. I felt I wasnt LYING to myself anymore. I thought I was TELLING myself I loved alistair when I didnt really. But thats changed now. I do love him, but Ive supressed it for so long.
When I got home we talked and laughed and we cried and for the first time in near on 3 years I had the "love flutter" you know, the butterflies in the stomache.
But thats not the good bit.
Although I have a virus now (so exhausted and lost my voice ) I havent had a panic attack since Thursday - thanks to you, thanks to Jo, but thanks to ME as well. I feel so positive. When I feel a panic coming on I say "ok, so Im not going to get married tomorrow, but I KNOW I love Alistair, I KNOW my parents love me, Im GROWN now" and it dissipates.
I guess this is my way of saying thank you to you guys
Love Always
Sweet FA
xxxxxxx
Everything is Sweet FA!
I joined last week and keep reading all your wonderful posts. I actually joined on Thursday. Every Thursday I go to see my CBT lady (cognitive Behav Therapist); I do this as the last two years of my life have been constant panic - always having time off work cos Im either throwing up or cant get out of bed etc.
However, Something was different on Thursday - after reading all the info on here it actually brought on a panic attack ( why was I the only one who feared being in love ?) needless to say I was clinging to my steering wheel in my car and when I got to Jo I said "Im having a panic attack, I never have them during the day whats wrong?"
She put me straight into hypnosis where I was for a good hour I think. Everything from me being 4 years old, to my sister, my half brother mum and dad and my fiance were there. However, the one thing that clinched it for me was Ali ( My fiance ) Jo asked me whether I wanted to love alistair and I replied "Yes" Instantly although crying at the same time. Everyone I have loved completely has left me, including my parents when I was 16, my sister etc - so its only natural to build up this wall in front of Ali.
But when I woke up I felt as though a weight had been lifted. I felt I wasnt LYING to myself anymore. I thought I was TELLING myself I loved alistair when I didnt really. But thats changed now. I do love him, but Ive supressed it for so long.
When I got home we talked and laughed and we cried and for the first time in near on 3 years I had the "love flutter" you know, the butterflies in the stomache.
But thats not the good bit.
Although I have a virus now (so exhausted and lost my voice ) I havent had a panic attack since Thursday - thanks to you, thanks to Jo, but thanks to ME as well. I feel so positive. When I feel a panic coming on I say "ok, so Im not going to get married tomorrow, but I KNOW I love Alistair, I KNOW my parents love me, Im GROWN now" and it dissipates.
I guess this is my way of saying thank you to you guys
Love Always
Sweet FA
xxxxxxx
Everything is Sweet FA!