xofeatherxo
26-03-18, 01:40
We weren't together long (since January) but we were inseparable and I adored her. She was out of state for a month and hadn't been acting right for the last few weeks of her trip, ignoring my texts and giving short answers when she did reply. I assimed she was just tired from traveling but when she got back she didn't even act like she wanted to see me. I finally broke down and begged her to be honest with me and she told me she knew she wouldn't be able to handle a relationship along with working insane hours this summer, and she's moving in the fall.
At first I was just relieved to finally know why she was acting strange but... now it's sinking in.
She was my first everything. Little memories keep coming back because she touched every inch of my life in the short time we were together. When I drive my car my right hand wants to reach for her. The first time we held hands was in my room, on those stupid chairs I still sit in every day. We had a movie on but I definitely wasn't watching, because I had been brave enough to lean over and rest my head on her chest and all I could hear was her heartbeat in my ear. She was so shy and just pressed her thumb to mine until I grabbed her hand and held it. I remember hearing her heartbeat speed up every time I traced my fingers over a new spot on her hand and wrist and by the time the movie was over I was asleep. She kissed me when I woke up and I was so lost for words all I could do was kiss her back.
She made me laugh. She comforted me on my bad days. She made me feel so precious when she held me tight and kissed my forehead, or when she would scratch my head ("you're like a cat. Purr, kitty, purr"), or when she kissed my fingers to warm them up while I drove her home at 3 am. And her good morning texts (which came about noon because her internal clock is jank) and good night texts were the two sure things of my day. My phone still suggests her nickname when i type "goodnight" and it hurts so bad I don't know what to do.
She wants to stay friends and I do too. She has maybe a week before her job starts so we have some time, but I'm afraid to see her because I know I'll want things to be the way they were and I don't know if she wants that. I waited for a month for her to get back and now just. Nothing. I just want one more normal night with her.
And on top of all that I feel like no one takes my pain seriously because we only dated for three months. Even I feel like I shouldn't be this hurt... I think introverts take things like this harder. I liked and trusted someone enough to let them into my shell and having that person ripped back out is very unpleasant. Ugh
At first I was just relieved to finally know why she was acting strange but... now it's sinking in.
She was my first everything. Little memories keep coming back because she touched every inch of my life in the short time we were together. When I drive my car my right hand wants to reach for her. The first time we held hands was in my room, on those stupid chairs I still sit in every day. We had a movie on but I definitely wasn't watching, because I had been brave enough to lean over and rest my head on her chest and all I could hear was her heartbeat in my ear. She was so shy and just pressed her thumb to mine until I grabbed her hand and held it. I remember hearing her heartbeat speed up every time I traced my fingers over a new spot on her hand and wrist and by the time the movie was over I was asleep. She kissed me when I woke up and I was so lost for words all I could do was kiss her back.
She made me laugh. She comforted me on my bad days. She made me feel so precious when she held me tight and kissed my forehead, or when she would scratch my head ("you're like a cat. Purr, kitty, purr"), or when she kissed my fingers to warm them up while I drove her home at 3 am. And her good morning texts (which came about noon because her internal clock is jank) and good night texts were the two sure things of my day. My phone still suggests her nickname when i type "goodnight" and it hurts so bad I don't know what to do.
She wants to stay friends and I do too. She has maybe a week before her job starts so we have some time, but I'm afraid to see her because I know I'll want things to be the way they were and I don't know if she wants that. I waited for a month for her to get back and now just. Nothing. I just want one more normal night with her.
And on top of all that I feel like no one takes my pain seriously because we only dated for three months. Even I feel like I shouldn't be this hurt... I think introverts take things like this harder. I liked and trusted someone enough to let them into my shell and having that person ripped back out is very unpleasant. Ugh