Just needing some support from fellow HA's

[tan235]

Hi All,
I know that admin will step in and tell me I'm back on my HA wagon and am I getting counselling etc, but i just need some support so go easy on me please.
I've had h pylori, I took AB's and it went away - then I started eating the foods I couldn't eat again, so I know it's my own doing but for the past 2 weeks I've had terrible heart burn that radiates into my back. I don't really get the burning or anything just that horrible back pain and stomach ache and now the top part of my abdomen really hurts, so I'm assuming I've got gastritis again. Problem is I've had gastritis on and off now for 10years and I'm really starting to think I might have the big C or something sinister going on.
I have got an endoscopy but not for another month, and I'm trying really hard to not freak out.
I'm on 10mg of losec, maybe i should up it to 20mg? - Dr told me to just take what worked.
Every time I eat anything I burp like crazy and I can't seem to get rid of this-this time, normally PPI's work within 2-3 days for me but this has been 4 days and I'm not eating again which means I"m losing weight; I lose weight super fast.
I'm really scared and paranoid about having stomach cancer but so be it if i have it - what can be done now. I just know that my anxiety is a major cause of my indigestion and now I fear that my fear of getting sick has actually made me sick.... I"m 40 by the way so it's not unlikely that I don't have it - I could.
It doesn't run in my family however, but I just can't get on top of the pain ... aghh. Just needing support, similar stories etc etc....

---------- Post added at 05:26 ---------- Previous post was at 01:28 ----------

anyone?

[pulisa]

Are you having therapy which focusses on your HA though? To me it seems the best thing to do other than go to your doctor frequently or post for reassurance on here because neither of these seem to have helped you much. You must spend so much money at the doctor's surgery-why not channel some of this towards appropriate therapy which could really improve your life and give you some respite from draining HA?

[tan235]

I am in therapy, but having a group like this that completely understands you is price-less, however all I feel I receive currently is grief for having HA .... We all understand it's a mind disease, yet we come here to feel a connection we can't feel otherwise, no-one truly understands a HA thoughts but someone who has it, therapy is great, but it's not a magic pill and healing takes time - doesn't mean I wont get scared sometimes, and this is an on-going issue for me - GERD, so I want to share in my frustration and fear on a page I should feel safe in.

[pulisa]

Why do you think you get grief for having HA? You may be being challenged to be aware of how reassurance doesn't work but that is done with your best interests at heart. Trying to manage the anxiety caused by HA is the important thing. Recognising how big a part anxiety plays in your symptoms and how you respond to them is important.

[tan235]

Appreciate the response ... thank you x
I hear you, like all of us, we hear the logic but what we do with it is a different story...... x:whistles:

[welsh girl]

oh boy, do I hear you.
If you have HA it's like hitting your head on a wall, you feel nobody understands, (I think they do really) but I am sure friends and family have heard the story so many times that they don't appear to sympathize,
I have had HA for eleven years, but unlike most people I know the cause but can't do anything about it, the person who caused it won't talk to me about it, so is a closed book/
I must not talk about my problems but I just want to say that I have been there and sometimes feel that my HA is so bad that I can't take another day , but one always does somehow, Get all the medical checks you can to reasure you then talk to as many people who are happy to listen,
I felt better when I had some social organizing to do. but now it has gone I am worse than ever, You are not alone believe me

[tan235]

Thanks Devon Girl, yep - see we understand each other here, one of the only places that does. My family are fed up - but unlike you I've had HA all my life, since I was 5 I can remember being worried about my health, mine comes from genetics, it's very strong in my family and on my Dad's side it's gone viral! Everyone has it so there is some understanding there but it's nice to be anonymous here ;)
It's a battle and probably will be for me as I don't know myself not having this anxiety.
I'd love to be free of it though ..... I wonder if it's too late to get rid of it when it's ingrained in your DNA!

[welsh girl]

From your answer it seems as though we could be around the same age (not very young)
if that is correct do you think the Dr's take the same interest in one?
That of course is probably my unreasonable thoughts,
Do you feel nobody can possibly understand how awful and ill you feel.? so why can somebody you love not see how I am desperate I am
I am new to this forum but feel that friends are there to talk to anon, with no judgment
nice to talk.

[Fishmanpa]

I am in therapy, but having a group like this that completely understands you is price-less, however all I feel I receive currently is grief for having HA ....

You've been pretty active here that last five years. Many have offered advice and reassurance. That being said, in my experience on the forum, reassurance seeking is detrimental to recovery. Reassurance is like crack to an addict and as long as you keep taking the drug, you'll keep your addiction going. Those that recover, no longer need the drug. What does your therapist think about your participation here Tan?

Positive thoughts

[tan235]

My therapist thinks it's fine .... You're right, the reassurance is a drug, but it's more than that, it's friendships that I've formed and people that I trust here to talk to.
I don't always get reassurance here, in fact lately I seem to get berated more than reassurance. I know that many anxiety sufferers get Indigestion so I come here to discuss it and disclose my fear - I haven't googled it, I just got so deep in my thoughts that i figured I'd come here and chat about it that's all - I always, I hope, have taken onboard what people have said to me, I understand the addiction to seeking comfort, but for the most part I'm trying to find my 'spirit' level! But whilst I'm still trying to find it, when I get too deep I come here and yes it helps me raise a little and maybe that's not good, but it feels nice to have others understand the effects of anxiety.

[Fishmanpa]

My therapist thinks it's fine .... lately I seem to get berated more than reassurance.

Any therapist worth their salt would highly discourage it... I'd find a new therapist!

What you see as being berated is in reality people challenging you to do something about your anxiety. You joined in 2010 and have been pretty active from 2013. The last several months have shown a marked increase in posts and things spiraling downward. Many members including admin are pointing it out. Sorry you feel that's a negative but I guess this is your comfort zone as it is for many long time members. Comfort is great but one sometimes needs to feel uncomfortable in order to move forward.

Anyway... good luck to you. I do hope you find some peace.

Positive thoughts

[tan235]

Thanks Fishmapa - always appreciate your comments for what it's worth.
You're one of the reasons i come here - for your level head and way of thinking.
I like my therapist though, she has said one thing at a time and when healing starts I will find i haven't come here for a while, however as mentioned, I have formed some friends here so will probably always come back regardless of where I'm at mentally!