I need a friend right now

[welsh girl]

I have tried to post here but I can only expect I am not doing it right, so thought I would try a new thread
Like so many people on here I suffer from Anxiety, and depression. only difference is I know the cause,
Eleven years ago I learned something that broke my heart, and not an hour
goes by without me thinking about it, I get a lump in the top of my stomach which is so painful that I think I am going to faint,
I have tried to talk to my Husband to discuss it but he refuses saying we have been through it over and over again so now it is as if a shutter is down and I can;t say anything.
My loyalty stops me from getting professional help. so where will it end?
Has anyone been in this position? I would so like to know, I feel so alone and ill.



anyone

[Lilliput]

Devon girl, if you have been going through this for eleven years, you owe it to yourself to get help. What is this loyalty that stops you getting professional help?

[welsh girl]

Lilliput thank you for your in put, very pleased for that,but if I may explain,
I am to loyal and would not want to let anybody down and also I have always been a strong person regarding others,and I would feel guilty going to a professional and find it so difficult to tell all.
I know that is silly but if I did go it would all come tumbling out and break down.
The only person who I could talk to is my Husband and he won't
I would just like to mention it is nothing illegal just personal ,
I just feel that being on here that someone is listening , thank you

[Siya]

11 years or 20, nothing is a long time, we just have to do it when we are ready for it. I can talk if you like, message me.


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[welsh girl]

Thanks Siya
I find it difficult to talk, I have reached the stage where my words get stuck, written or spoken. probably because I have been told to stop .
But that makes my Anxiety worse, i did not have it before

[Siya]

Thanks Siya
I find it difficult to talk, I have reached the stage where my words get stuck, written or spoken. probably because I have been told to stop .
But that makes my Anxiety worse, i did not have it before



You’re dealing with a manipulator, they want you to ‘listen’ to them and more you listen more power you give. You said ‘have been told to stop’ there’s play with you winning or them... you can turn it around not listen and win. You don’t feel it yet but it’s possible to break out of this... slowly but can be accomplished. We have to understand what’s the situation and really nothing is impossible.

Hugs



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[Fishmanpa]

I am to loyal and would not want to let anybody down

Loyalty is something that starts within yourself. By not seeking help, you're not being loyal to yourself and letting yourself down. In order to be loyal and there for others, you first need to be there for "you". You're reaching out for help and while it's cathartic to write things out and reassuring you're not alone, it's not a replacement for real life help with a trained professional.

Positive thoughts

[bulan]

Devon girl, my husband and I are dealing with similar situations. His happened during childhood. It wasn't illegal then, but it is now, and he has faced monumental pressure to keep it quiet. He has decided after about two decades to see a counselor. His manipulators didn't have to know, and they didn't find out. Meanwhile, he made some giant leaps forward in his healing, and found freedom from some things that had been weighing him down. He's feeling better now than he did all those years he held it inside. Someone else's secret isn't worth us losing ourselves and our joy.

I went through something a bit different. Nothing illegal happened, but very hurtful things were said and done by my relatives 10 years ago, and I was expected to keep it to myself. It's still hurting me, though, and I think it's even contributing to my anxiety. There's healing in telling our stories, and expressing the traumatic ways we have been impacted. So I've been working through this with a counselor, and after all this time I feel that I need to use my experience for good. My immediate family supports me in writing our story. And my Mom and I have even given a talk on it, to raise awareness and prevent this from happening to others. That took courage for us both, because we're both sensitive to our relatives' opinions of us, and one person in the audience did know our family. But we feel that our experience needs to be used for good, and we want others to learn how to avoid the same mistakes that our relatives made. (I should add that we told our story respectfully and anonymously.) I'm not saying that everyone needs to do this, of course! This is just part of our own personal healing journey. Most people will be like my husband, quietly finding freedom in the confidentiality and privacy of a counselor's office.

I wish you the courage to find your own healing, in whatever time it takes.

[Siya]

Loyalty is something that starts within yourself. By not seeking help, you're not being loyal to yourself and letting yourself down. In order to be loyal and there for others, you first need to be there for "you". You're reaching out for help and while it's cathartic to write things out and reassuring you're not alone, it's not a replacement for real life help with a trained professional.



Positive thoughts



So true!


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[welsh girl]

Thank you all for your advice, I do appreciate it, maybe in time I can forgive but not forget
it is too personal and close to my heart, I feel that my life and hopes are all wasted, and now I am marking time for peace of mind one day, thanks so much