View Full Version : Cardiologist found a heart murmur. Scared and alone.
Hi everyone,
Long time reader of the forum, first time poster. I hope you're all well.
I'll try cut a long story short. I'm a 25 year old guy from the UK, seemingly in good health, I eat well and exercise when I can. For around the last 6/7 years, I know I've been depressed and I have my ups and downs with a form of OCD. It all evolves around feelings of guilt and shame that I can't let go of, but that is another story.
Anyway, a few months ago I got referred to a cardiologist by a GP to try and get to the bottom of some strange 'spasmy' heartbeats that I occasionally get. A couple of weeks ago, I went to the appointment and after a brief chat, the cardiologist didn't seem too concerned about the strange beats.
I did an ECG, which she said all looked completely fine. I was ready to leave when she asked if she could listen to my heart with a stethoscope. She had a good, lengthy listen after which she told me that I had a heart murmur.
Now, she explained, and stressed to me that, to her ears, it sounded innocent and was really nothing to worry about. However, she was going to refer me for an echo scan, just to ensure that the structure of my heart was all normal. Then she starts taking my blood pressure (I didn't ask what it was ... which I regret).
Then she starts explaining how the valves in our heart can leak. She explained this in a really casual manner, so I wasn't worried. She said it was nothing to worry about... she thanked me for coming then I was on my way. Walking home, alarm bells began to ring.
Of course, later I Googled a few things. 2 weeks later, I'm still Googling and I feel I've done enough research to be some way towards being a certified cardiologist myself.
So, it turns out that, from my research, it would appear she was listening to abnormalities with my aortic valve. She had me leaning forward and holding my breath. She was also checking my legs for edema.
At first glance, this isn't concerning. However, for as long as I can remember, I have had a strange relationship with my heart beat. If I'm sat down or laid down in bed, I can always feel it. When I'm laid in bed, say if I'm reading a book, it actually rocks my body. If I lay on my left, sometimes it's unbearable so I have to turn over.
I have a really strong pulse. Which happens to be a key sign of aortic regurgitation (aortic valve leaking), which was what I am sure she was listening to.
There's a list of clinical signs linked to aortic regurgitation. I have to say, from my own inspection, I have the majority of them.
She was asking me whether I get out of breath easily. And, as I have always been like this, I said not that I can recall. But since that meeting, I have noticed myself getting a bit out of breath just undertaking simple tasks. I even found myself a bit out of breath when I was eating my lunch.
I've done a lot of research and I am absolutely convinced they're going to tell me I have aortic regurgitation. My heart beat has always been like it is now (I can remember being around 12 years old going on holiday, falling asleep in the car and feeling it in my chest thinking I could make it skip a beat). Also, getting anxious in sports classes at school because I couldn't stand the feel of my heartbeat.
I've since bought a blood pressure monitor that I can't seem to get an accurate reading out of. I seem to be average 115/75 or 110/70. That doesn't indicate the wide pulse pressure that is associated with aortic regurgitation. However, earlier I had a couple of reading that said 130/65. That DOES have the wide pulse pressure of AR. That freaked me out.
I'm just confused. My ECG was fine (surely it would show heart enlargement from years worth of regurgitation?! Could she miss this?) and seemingly, my blood pressure is fine. But there IS a murmur and I have all the clinical pulse signs of aortic regurgitation.
The hardest part is that I feel like I have a large dark cloud over my head. Years ago when I had a bit of breakdown, every morning was a struggle. I remember having a sick feeling in my stomach when I woke up and just wanted to sleep forever. It's back now.
I've had to suspend my distance learning university studies for a start. I work full time and getting out of bed is just the hardest thing ever.
The prospect of heart surgery is seriously driving me into the ground. I'm very, very scared.
What makes it harder is the depression I already have. I have a strange past. OCD led me down some very dark routes and I have a few things that I am very ashamed about. I have to say it is definitely all in the past, and I can't really explain why I did what I did. I wouldn't dream of doing it again now. But, as a result, I try and live an anonymous life. I keep myself to myself, I keep my head down and I always go out of my way to try and bring something positive into the world. I don't feel I really deserve happiness, but I feel as though I should use my time here to try and help others. It's what keeps me going, I guess. I feel strange receiving praise or attention: I just want to be left alone and live a peaceful life, not bothering anyone.
I'd gotten into good routines and was living a reasonable and anonymous life. Now there's all this.
It's turned everything upside down again. All I wanted was to just be left alone...
Sorry for the long post... I'm just really scared and I'm alone. My father is currently ill, and my family doesn't know about my depression or OCD.. so I don't have anyone.
I'm terrified, to be honest. What do I do?
Sorry for the long post.
Hi, I can understand that "heart murmur" sounds sinister but millions of people live with some degree of valve abnomalities, which never require surgery and dont even know about it. I was born with mitral valve prolapse and had murmur all my life - trust me, it's very common!
As someone with heart disease, if there was something of concern, your cardiologist would have told you. You've had reassurance from a professional and the fact is, millions and millions have innocent heart murmurs. You're being scanned which will confirm the benign issue.
As far as what to do? Getting real life help with your depression and OCD would be a good start. Remember...
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it." - Charles Swindoll
Positive thoughts
Hi, I can understand that "heart murmur" sounds sinister but millions of people live with some degree of valve abnomalities, which never require surgery and dont even know about it. I was born with mitral valve prolapse and had murmur all my life - trust me, it's very common!
Thank you for your reply, much appreciated. It means a lot to me, honestly.
At first I thought I had mitral valve prolapse. I react bad to caffeine, have a lot of ectopic beats after drinking alcohol etc. I think these are all signs. It's just the crazy pulse that I have that seems to indicate that it is my aortic valve. Any time that I go anything strenuous, I always feel the pulsations in my neck. I can even see my neck pulsating (which is another sign) and I can see my apex beat in my ribs.
I jsut don't understand how she can say that it sounds innocent and nothing to worry about? Could she really tell? I know there are obvious different types of murmurs..
I've also struck up conversations with a few people who have had aortic valve replacements. They all say they had the same symptoms as me and their ECGs and blood pressure readings were always normal... yet they had the valve issue.
It's just scary and the last thing I need.
Really sorry if this topic spikes anyone. I'm really sorry if this makes anyone with heart problems anxious or if I am sounding presumptuous.
Also, I tried to get help with my depression and OCD once. I disclosed a few things and they didn't understand what I was getting at, so they basically had me on lock down. It was horrible. I'll never go back.
I really think you are okay. I just recently had an echo for palpitations. They are actually watching your heart so I think the chances of the echo being inaccurate are very very low. Murmurs are so very common. And almost all of the time they aren't anything to worry about. My husband has one and he doesn't even have to see a cardiologist or anything. I struggle from anxiety too and told my cardiologist I felt like my heart was beating SO hard. He discussed to me that is probably because I was being very "cardiac aware". You notice your heart because you are paying attention to it. He was right. When I didn't have the anxiety I never noticed my heart beat- but when I had anxiety I was always paying attention to it and recording my pulse. Once my anxiety came down again ...I didn't feel like my heart was pounding like before. I think a lot of the symptoms you are having are more because of anxiety. With anxiety you are going to worry about every little thing. Sometimes I have to think to myself "If I didn't have anxiety..would this even worry me or bother me?" I really think you are okay! Please try to stay calm. Quit googling too!!
I really think you are okay. I just recently had an echo for palpitations. They are actually watching your heart so I think the chances of the echo being inaccurate are very very low. Murmurs are so very common. And almost all of the time they aren't anything to worry about. My husband has one and he doesn't even have to see a cardiologist or anything. I struggle from anxiety too and told my cardiologist I felt like my heart was beating SO hard. He discussed to me that is probably because I was being very "cardiac aware". You notice your heart because you are paying attention to it. He was right. When I didn't have the anxiety I never noticed my heart beat- but when I had anxiety I was always paying attention to it and recording my pulse. Once my anxiety came down again ...I didn't feel like my heart was pounding like before. I think a lot of the symptoms you are having are more because of anxiety. With anxiety you are going to worry about every little thing. Sometimes I have to think to myself "If I didn't have anxiety..would this even worry me or bother me?" I really think you are okay! Please try to stay calm. Quit googling too!!
That does make sense. When I'm sitting on the PC, or watching a video, completely engrossed in something, I don't notice it. Though, I feel that I still feel my heartbeat and my pulse a lot more than other people.. I do have a small frame and I am quite skinny, so maybe that has something to do with it. I'm sure the pulsing in my neck isn't normal, though. Also, my foot bobs up and down slightly if I cross my legs. That's how wide my pulse pressure is... yet it doesn't really show on the blood pressure monitor.
It just seems strange how the cardiologist completely changed how she was with me after the examination. She started writing out the referral straight away and was checking my blood pressure immediately, asking lots of questions etc. But then she stressed it sounds very innocent and assured me not to worry. How can she actually say that? I can't help but think she's really missed some of my other signs.
The cardiologist would have been able to tell from listening to your heart if you had aortic value regurgitation. My husband had this and I could tell from putting my head on his chest! He had an incompetent aorta his whole life and finally had valve replacement surgery age 40. Nine years later the replacement valve is still good and they have said that in the future he may possibly have the valve replaced again using keyhole surgery. He lives a completely normal life. Anyway, I'm telling you this because even if it was what you feared, it's manageable, but like I said, it would be very obvious to a cardiologist if you had this condition and they would have told you about it so I'm sure you don't!
The cardiologist would have been able to tell from listening to your heart if you had aortic value regurgitation. My husband had this and I could tell from putting my head on his chest! He had an incompetent aorta his whole life and finally had valve replacement surgery age 40. Nine years later the replacement valve is still good and they have said that in the future he may possibly have the valve replaced again using keyhole surgery. He lives a completely normal life. Anyway, I'm telling you this because even if it was what you feared, it's manageable, but like I said, it would be very obvious to a cardiologist if you had this condition and they would have told you about it so I'm sure you don't!
Thanks for your reply, appreciated.
I'm sorry to hear about your husbands issues, though it sounds like he's on top of them.
I'm just struggling to believe that she would have told me if she thought something was wrong. And struggling to understand how she could tell. Would she really HAVE to tell me that she suspected an abnormal murmur? And how could she tell, really?
She knew I was a bit of a worrier. So maybe she just said it sounded innocent just to ensure I didn't panic and would attend the echo. But things just aren't adding up. It sounded innocent to her, but then she was explaining how our heart valves can leak... which isn't innocent!
Plus, I have the signs. I definitely have a collapsing pulse.
I wish she would just have been honest. Can't remember ever feeling this low, and I have had some low points in my life...
I actually had a similar conversation many years ago
I was 16-17 and I remember all of a sudden being completely aware of my own heartbeat one night, it freaked me out no end..i could hear it all the time.
I went to hospital, had an ECG and had this recorder thing strapped to me for 2 days so they could record it beating
On returning for results I got some very brief description about dodgy hearts and murmurs and how I had one. That was it, nothing else was said just off you go
So I'm here 16 years later, still fully aware of my heart beating all the god damn time (very annoying trying to sleep in silence) listening to the odd clicks and bumps it makes when presumably it hits something nearby or the valve messes up. I think if I allowed it to..it would scare the hell out of me but I just sort of accept it and I'm still here!
Hey. Any problem with the heart is always going to cause anxiety. I know exactly where you’re coming from. In 2014 I was told by my cardiologist I have a murmur along with a condition called Supraventricular tachycardia. As far as I’m concerned both are nothing to worry about. As said earlier, millions of people live with a murmur. Just go with what your cardiologist advises and you will be absolutely fine!
utrocket09
05-04-18, 15:18
As someone who has a regurgitation and heart murmur I can tell you for most people it isnt anything sister. If it gets bad enough some people have to have their valves replaced. You can see regurgitation on echos.
Thanks for your replies people, really appreciated.
Felt a little better this afternoon. Went out for a walk in the country and I calmed down a little.
Still worrying though. Just something telling me that she didn't want to tell me it could be something abnormal so I didn't go into a full on melt down. Which, I guess, I am in now.
It's going to be weeks until the echo too.
I guess it's just one step at a time. I know I can blow things out of proportion, but somehow this time, I don't think that I am. Why would she send me for an echo if she was convinced it was something innocent? She can't have been that convinced..
Catherine S
05-04-18, 22:56
Hi Paul, I was told I had a murmer at age 19. It was discovered by my GP who was listening through a stethoscope, but he didn't seem bothered by it and didn't refer me to a cardiologist. In my 20s the flutters and 'missed' beats started and have been with me all my adult life and i'm now in my 60s.
I've had all the tests over the years and have never had the murmer mentioned since the first diagnosis at 19, so either it's been of no significance or it corrected itself in time. It's always a bit freaky when we think something is wrong with our heart, but most times its really nothing to worry about.
:)
My mother and nephew both have a heart murmur. My nephew had the echocardiogram as well, and it was a harmless murmur. Now as a young adult, he has become a serious athlete and an avid cyclist. Obviously the murmur has not affected what he can do! My mother has also had a murmur all her life, and is now 87, with no heart problems. Sometimes we are just a little noisy!
I was kinda freaking out about my heart all this week. BP machine said my HR was irregular. I was having anxiety attacks before that due to drinking too much caffiene. Long story short I went to the cardiologist abs he said I'm fine. I have some PACs and they are benign. He's scheduling me for a stress echocardiogram, but that's mainly for me. Try to calm down youre going to be fine, just trust your doc and stay off of Google!
I was kinda freaking out about my heart all this week. BP machine said my HR was irregular. I was having anxiety attacks before that due to drinking too much caffiene. Long story short I went to the cardiologist abs he said I'm fine. I have some PACs and they are benign. He's scheduling me for a stress echocardiogram, but that's mainly for me. Try to calm down youre going to be fine, just trust your doc and stay off of Google!
I know what you mean with the irregular beats... mine heart rhythm doesn't make any sense sometimes. That DID shows on my ECG, but the cardiologist says that is quite normal in young people and will go as I get older.
I got my appointment today, which is a week on Monday. Huge amount of stress this afternoon, which I know doesn't help.
I tried to have a nap this afternoon. I had my dinner and got laid on my bed and my heart rate was around 85 bpm.. and I could just feel it pounding everywhere. I wouldn't say I was particularly feeling stressed or anything...
The things is, for as long as I remember, I have been able to feel my heartbeat a lot. I remember being on holiday around 7 years ago and we did some walking in the hills in the heat and I remember my heartbeat in my chest driving me mad. Even when I am just relaxing I can feel it. If I had regurgitation for this long, say all my life, surely there would have been enlargement of my heart by now?
The only time it really dies down is when I am relaxed at night. Then, I can feel it, but it is very very faint.
Do you think, if I had the bounding pulse, characteristic of aortic regurgitation, it would still be the same at night? Can anyone with aortic regurgitation, or anyone who knows someone who has had it, detail if they had a bounding pulse or what even their blood pressure was? Mine seems to be pretty much spot on... though the diastolic pressure sometimes seems a little low, which is a characteristic. To be honest, it's a wrist blood pressure monitor and I don't trust it. Every time I use it I get a different reading...
I know I'm reassurance seeking here again... but I am dreading the next 10 days.
Life can throw anything at me and I will try and take it, but something like this is more than I can handle.
My husband had very high blood pressure. That was one of the reasons he needed the valve replacement.
You can handle it! You got this :yesyes:
Why would she send me for an echo if she was convinced it was something innocent? She can't have been that convinced..
It's called "CYA" (cover your arse) medicine. Per your own words you're healthy, eat well and exercise. This sounds like an incidental finding and your doctor is doing exactly what any doctor would do.
I get that your anxiety is making mountains out of murmurs (pun intended) but as I stated, millions and millions of people have them and probably many more that never get discovered.
Positive thoughts
Mine sent me for an echo also and a stress test:doh: . He told me I was ok but wanted to just be 100%
I will chime in here, and at first it will be scary, but then I am going to try and put you at ease.
I had a heart murmur my whole life, and last year I was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm and a bicuspid aortic valve. Both were found with an echo. I have a normal EKG and normal ECG. If they give you an echo and it comes up clear, you are absolutely fine.
But let me share the worst case scenario, the absolute worst thing is they caught something that is easily (if uncomfortably) treated. The replacement of the aortic valve is so routine now, while still a major surgery, it has massively positive outcomes. The replacement of the aortic valve is something I will have to do soon, along with the aneurysm repair right at the aortic root.
I am a guy who has had health anxiety off and on since about the age of 17. I am now 47 and not even remotely nervous about the surgery I will have to have, most likely late this year or sometime next year.
Once any issue is diagnosed, they follow it with yearly scans, and follow any progression. Many people with aortic valve issues have no idea they have them, and die a ripe old age from something unrelated to their heart. Other people need them fixed as early as infancy. It is a massively unique medical situation, but it does NOT lead to sudden death, especially when monitored. There is a progression to it, a progression which would be easy to note, and would show up to your cardiologist.
Please note, I am not saying you have anything wrong with you. I am only saying that, in the worst case scenario, if you do, it is far from the end of the world. More than 95% of all people undergo open heart surgery with zero complications. I have learned more about this than I ever wanted cause to, and in so learning, I have zero anxiety about it.
I would encourage you to accept whatever the cardiologist says after an echo, as this is an easily diagnosed condition, and if there is nothing wrong, it is not a test that is misread, ever.
Edit:
Please note, and I want to reiterate, I am not suggesting you have anything wrong with you. I am merely stating that those who do have to deal with a bad aortic valve have very very positive outcomes, so try not to be anxious, as the worst outcome, as rare as it is, is still positive! :-)
I will chime in here, and at first it will be scary, but then I am going to try and put you at ease.
I had a heart murmur my whole life, and last year I was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm and a bicuspid aortic valve. Both were found with an echo. I have a normal EKG and normal ECG. If they give you an echo and it comes up clear, you are absolutely fine.
But let me share the worst case scenario, the absolute worst thing is they caught something that is easily (if uncomfortably) treated. The replacement of the aortic valve is so routine now, while still a major surgery, it has massively positive outcomes. The replacement of the aortic valve is something I will have to do soon, along with the aneurysm repair right at the aortic root.
I am a guy who has had health anxiety off and on since about the age of 17. I am now 47 and not even remotely nervous about the surgery I will have to have, most likely late this year or sometime next year.
Once any issue is diagnosed, they follow it with yearly scans, and follow any progression. Many people with aortic valve issues have no idea they have them, and die a ripe old age from something unrelated to their heart. Other people need them fixed as early as infancy. It is a massively unique medical situation, but it does NOT lead to sudden death, especially when monitored. There is a progression to it, a progression which would be easy to note, and would show up to your cardiologist.
Please note, I am not saying you have anything wrong with you. I am only saying that, in the worst case scenario, if you do, it is far from the end of the world. More than 95% of all people undergo open heart surgery with zero complications. I have learned more about this than I ever wanted cause to, and in so learning, I have zero anxiety about it.
I would encourage you to accept whatever the cardiologist says after an echo, as this is an easily diagnosed condition, and if there is nothing wrong, it is not a test that is misread, ever.
Edit:
Please note, and I want to reiterate, I am not suggesting you have anything wrong with you. I am merely stating that those who do have to deal with a bad aortic valve have very very positive outcomes, so try not to be anxious, as the worst outcome, as rare as it is, is still positive! :-)
Thank you for your post. It's very kind of oyu to take time out to write a lengthy reply like that. I really do appreciate your support. To be honest, more often than not, I feel places like are all that I have for comfort.
Cattia, it is interesting that you could hear the murmur by listening to your husband's chest.
I know it's reassurance seeking (a characteristic of OCD, actually), but last night I bought a stethoscope app. I've beenusing it quite a bit. I had a listen at the key points to listen for AR.
My results have been mixed. On some of my recordings, I can hear the s1 and s2 beats very clearly, and if I slow it right down so I can hear all the sounds, I can hear a faint 'blowing' murmur, exactly like that AR murmur. Same place, characteristic and everything.
Other times, in the same position, leaning forward holding my breath after breathing out, I can't hear it. Sometimes it's reasonably clear when I slow it all down. Playing it at normal speed, I can hear anything abnormal.
Apparently, how loud the murmur is does not indicate its severity. It's more its length. However, it is quite faint...
Like I said, sometimes I can hear it, and then on other recordings... nothing. Would it be consistent? Would it be much easier to hear?
Sorry, I know I'm trying to work things out for myself but I can't bear waiting. It's another 9 days until my echo and I'm dreading getting up at 6:30 am on Monday for work...
Your cardiologist has years of practice listening to peoples' heartbeats. She said your murmur sounded innocent to her. I would take her assessment.
I have had to wait lengthy periods of time for medical tests and results before (including an echocardiogram). You need to think about something else for a while. What else interests you? Do you like to follow sports? Television shows? Find what calms you down, maybe reminds you of happier times, and focus on it hard for this coming week. Analyzing your heart sounds is not going to make this time go by any easier.
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