View Full Version : Too many directions
I'm struggling right now. My 88 year old Dad has developed problems with his hip and the doctor arranged an x-ray which has revealed osteoarthritis. this has resulted in him losing some mobility and I've had to do shopping for him. Now Mrs F is bleeding due to her crohns disease and the car has been cutting out. This last issue has been offset with a spray for the EGR valve, however last time the fix only last about 2 and a half months.
I'm trying to run a household here, nearly 19 year old daughter does nothing to help around the house and Mrs F can't. My brother will just have to step in regarding my Dad otherwise I can see myself going under. Sorry guys I don't normally open up on these boards and can usually see the positives.
Fishman i know how you feel buddy!!!
You've got a lot on. Your Brother will have to step up to the plate, you've got enough to deal with looking after Mrs F. I'm not great with words but your daughters 19, she needs to help or at least not another person you're looking after. She must understand at 19 that you can't be doing it all?
Take Care
MyNameIsTerry
07-04-18, 02:35
It can feel like everything is on your shoulders pushing you under when you look at the sum of all the things you have to do. And the feeling of having to do them, that there is no choice, is bad for anxiety which is why they teach us to change "should" to "could" to imply choice. Sadly, the real world can often collide with what we "could" do though and those who are acting in caring roles like yourself have a tough time.
Is it possible to break it all down into smaller tasks that you feel you can cope better with? And I think as Matt says you have an adult daughter now and whilst she may be used to mum & dad doing anything it wouldn't be a bad thing if she started pitching in anyway so she appreciates more of what you are going though. That will likely see her stepping up again more easily going forward?
So, can some tasks be shared out to ease your load? Would you feel comfortable delegating as many who are like carers feel they have to do everything or they are letting people down? (when I bet they aren't).
And why shouldn't you reach out on here? It's what it's for and people will want to help because they can. You help others, others want to pay you back for that. Again, it makes me think the person posting may feel the need to do it all on their own, a sign of a good person in my book, but it can be a bit much with mental health to contend with and there is no shame in asking for support.
I think you just have to ask your brother to help out with your Dad's shopping so that you can get this worry out of your head. Make it one less thing that you have to do? Speak to him today and tell him that he's going to have to step up to the mark? If you don't talk to him soon you are just going to worry about it and work out some way that you can do your Dad's shopping yourself along with everything else..
Your daughter probably won't be of much help but you can try and have a few words with her...she may surprise you?
Concentrate on Mrs F though..Everything else can wait. The dust will still accumulate so don't stress about the housework.
I know how difficult it is when everything gets too much. You must keep posting on here so we can try to support you.
Sounds like it's all piling up on you mate , I know the feeling one more straw will break the donkeys back ,my daughter is pretty much the same we do everything for her then when we ask a small favour we get excuses partly my partners fault for doing everything for them because of her own upbringing .
It's not easy but you need to break it down and talkle one problem at a time .
The egr vavle probably needs taking off and cleaning out they get clogged up with soot and oil most cars it's not a huge job , I took mine off and threw it away and blanked the hole off .
You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed it seems the way lots of people are feeling these days , hang in there chap .:)
Take care
Just wondered whether your brother could set up an online shop and delivery for your dad if he says he has no time to go round the shops in person? There's so much more help out there now for people who have difficulties getting shopping.
Best wishes to Mrs F and please look after your own health, Fishman. If you get ill everything grinds to a halt (I know this probably doesn't help but it's true)
I can feel myself welling up reading these wonderful responses, you guys really are something else. But then it takes a fellow sufferer to fully empathise and you all know exactly how it feels.
You are all right of course, I do need to break this down into smaller parts. Last night was bad and I have this tendency to bury my head when things mount up. But that doesn't solve the situation, it just postpones the reality. I do know my brother would step in, but I'm so often my own worst enemy in delegating myself because I see 'backing out' as failing. I think 'why am I letting someone else take over?'
One major factor is using Mrs F as a prop when I'm struggling. But when she herself is ill, she changes from a prop into an anxiety source.
OK enough dwelling on what might happen. Buster you're right about the car, and it hasn't cut out at all today so that's one factor dealt with. And today my Dad managed to drive over here for a visit, then Mrs F and myself went to my son's. OK anxiety was present, moderate at worst but not as bad as last night was suggesting.
Oh yes Pulisa, my sister and myself suggested a cleaner for my Dad, plus a milkman which would make sure he has the essentials and so taking a little pressure off myself as I know he's not going to starve. However, he didn't seem keen but maybe we will have to insist. As for my daughter, well she knows all about my anxiety but has a new BF which is distracting her somewhat. And since turning 18 last April she has become aloof and distant. I think perhaps the answer is to break my leg, that would ensure a license to back off from everything and get sympathy thrown in for good measure.
Anyway once again Matt, Terry, Buster and Pulisa...thank you. Your support means a great deal to me.
Even if you broke your leg I bet you'd be hopping around on crutches trying to get things done!!
I think getting a cleaner is a good idea but I know how resistant older people can be to the idea of outside help. You could say it would be a temporary thing and then if things went well and your dad found it really helpful it could be carried on? We have a milkman and they deliver all sorts of stuff apart from just milk.
Your daughter is probably a lost cause in terms of help but she may notice if her washing isn't done..Or if her meal isn't cooked for her...and the penny may drop eventually! Do you still have to drive her everywhere or has the new BF taken over here?
Sorry to hear this Fishman.
This sort of thing happens to the best of us and normally in droves!
Can I suggest you ask your daughter to help with your dad? If your brother can't help.
As Pulisa has already said, you may be surprised with her response.
Your priority is your health here, otherwise you are no good to anyone.
I set up a food delivery for my mum and dad online for the weekly necessities', so I didn't have to worry about them running out of anything. I also got the pharmacist to deliver the meds, but a note; 'Boots' won't do this.
I would also suggest that when Mrs F feels a bit better, for you both to get out and get some fresh air and relax. Even if it is the garden; make a date of it.
Me and Mr C often just sit on a bench and listen to the birds and watch the nature at work. You need some de-stressing. :hugs: x
Pulisa - yes I probably would be, you know me too well!! :blush: I phoned my Dad just now and he's managed to get to the newsagent. I said I'd go over tomorrow morning and see what he needs, if Mrs F is better she might come too.
My sister is coming up on Thursday, she lives 80 miles away but obviously at that distance she can't get up that often, the last time was 22nd March. But we need to discuss a milkman, cleaner and pharmacy delivery service. Yes milkmen deliver all sorts of goods and they're making a comeback with the backlash against plastic.
Carnation - I do have the garden as my safety valve. I have a greenhouse and love growing plants from seed. In fact I'd recommend gardening as therapy, plants make very few demands and I get immense satisfaction from watching seeds germinate and the plants mature. The beauty is that you don't need acres of land, a couple of tubs is enough. And when anxiety strikes you know that plants won't be asking to be fed, ok well watered maybe but you get the idea. We have two dogs as well, a black lab and border terrier. I just love coming home, not just because its my safe zone but the greeting I get from those two.
Hugs to you both :hugs:
I think it's incredible that your Dad has managed to stave off osteoarthritis until the grand age of 88! A lot of middle aged people have got it as a matter of "ageing" and "wear and tear".
You sound as if you are getting things sorted in your mind which can be comforting. I'm always better with a plan of action and I hate not having things "sorted". I think it comes from always having to be one step ahead.
You do so much for your Dad despite having Mrs F to care for during her flare-ups but if other family members can step in to lighten your load they are only doing their fair share.
That's very kind of you Pulisa thank you. Yes my Dad is very lucky, I've told him that myself. His trouble is he still thinks he's 28 not 88 and thinks he should be able to do these things.
Anxiety up this evening but I shopped for him the other day so can do it again tomorrow.
When your old man starts to act like he's 88 then he will be in trouble, some of the old buggers I deal with in their 80s put me to shame , as one put it to me " at my age you can't put things off until tomorrow " and another said " I saw two jumpers in a sale I thought about buying both but then thought one will last me out " :D
If it all gets too much and you feel like you can't cope like I do at times let me know I'll come and pick you up and we'll sod off on a road trip .:roflmao:
Sounds good to me Buster :yahoo: I'm a big fan of the Lake District :shades:
It's good to hear you sounding a little more calmer today fishman. :)
If I had the chance to go on a road trip I don't know where I would want to go. Where would everybody like to go if the sky was the limit?
If I had the chance to go on a road trip I don't know where I would want to go. Where would everybody like to go if the sky was the limit?
All the way round the coast of the uk , start on the east coast down past carnation and Matt , across the south coast to Cornwall ( love Cornwall ) up through wales and head for Scotland as summer comes on its s fair bit cooler , head back home through Peak District , Derbyshire dales .
It might be clear I've thought about this before :D maybe one day on an adventure before dementia.:yesyes:
A coastal trip sounds just the job Buster, though that would be some distance if we include all the islands too!! :ohmy:
Well today I did my Dad's shopping, he wasn't up to coming round so sat in the car. And I was ok? Only mild anxiety, figure that out if you can :shrug: That's often the way with anxiety though, predictable in its unpredictability. I'm expecting a better day tomorrow so no doubt it will be a stinker.
Hey, you could do a tour and stop off at all our houses.
Or better still, pick us up on the way and we could all end up in an anxiety free zone. :D
There's a book called, 'Travels with Charley'.
It's from one of my favourite authors; John Steinbeck.
A travel Biog about one man and his dog that travels in a camper over parts of America in the 60s.
It's a very funny adventure and worth a read. :)
Well done fishman for coping today. :yesyes:
Yes, well done Fishman! There's no rhyme or reason to anxiety-for me not caring about it gets me through the day.
A coastal trip sounds just the job Buster, though that would be some distance if we include all the islands too!! :ohmy:
Well today I did my Dad's shopping, he wasn't up to coming round so sat in the car. And I was ok? Only mild anxiety, figure that out if you can :shrug: That's often the way with anxiety though, predictable in its unpredictability. I'm expecting a better day tomorrow so no doubt it will be a stinker.
How could I miss out the islands , isle of white , isle of Mann for the TT , Southern Ireland , and Skye, im thinking old converted double decker .
Do you think we'd drive each other even more nuts ? It could quickly turn into a murder mystery tour :D I like to have pipe dream to take me away from reality.
We could pass by the Anfield Ground to keep pulisa happy :roflmao:
The other option would be Vietnam or Route 66 .
Hope you had another good day , if you get a fluke good day don't question it just enjoy :yesyes:
Take care .
Funny you should say Buster, today wasn't bad either :huh: How long can this continue?!
Skye is gorgeous, maybe we could spend a few days there :shades: Nothing wrong with pipe dreams, coping mechanisms come in many forms.
I sometimes think what we would do if waking in the morning we found anxiety suddenly gone. Just vanished. It sounds bizarre but there is a kind of certainty about anxiety. At least when it's active I know where it is :wacko:
I'm sorry I can't read through all the posts but I want to respond to the opening post.
You spread your positivity so much. You deserve to get support back from people that you support.
You are allowed to express difficult emotions. It's through expressing the difficult stuff that other people feel related to, and heard. Why else are songs about heartbreak so popular?
I do think even rebellious 19 year olds would listen if you sat them down to specifically talk about the situation - to say that this is a time of high pressure and you want them to help more while mum's not well, and you're feeling the strain. Especially if you treat them with respect and ask assertively rather than telling them what to do.
Wishing you moments of joy and peace on all your days.
That's very sweet of you lior and so eloquently put. I was in a state of full blown panic when I posted those thoughts, thankfully I 'think' I've worked through most of my fears regarding this coming together of situations. Often it's the convergence that causes the overload, if each factor had manifested separately then perhaps things would have been different. Not that I'm out of the woods by any means, I don't want to pull the tiger's tail.
I wish you joy and peace too :hugs:
How could I miss out the islands , isle of white , isle of Mann for the TT , Southern Ireland , and Skye, im thinking old converted double decker .
Do you think we'd drive each other even more nuts ? It could quickly turn into a murder mystery tour :D I like to have pipe dream to take me away from reality.
We could pass by the Anfield Ground to keep pulisa happy :roflmao:
The other option would be Vietnam or Route 66 .
Hope you had another good day , if you get a fluke good day don't question it just enjoy :yesyes:
Take care .
Anfield????!!!:ohmy: Not on your life!! I'd avoid that place like the plague!
Selhurst Park is more my line-in deepest SE25 and the Pride of Sarf London!
I live in Surrey (not the Stockbroker Belt). More the Rage against The Lycra Set belt.
Anfield????!!!:ohmy: Not on your life!! I'd avoid that place like the plague!
Selhurst Park is more my line-in deepest SE25 and the Pride of Sarf London!
I live in Surrey (not the Stockbroker Belt). More the Rage against The Lycra Set belt.
I might have just accidentally rembered you saying your team lost to Liverpool, thought you might like to egg the place :roflmao: so you won't want to stop by meadow lane or pride park either I could send photos of them .:shades:
I believe it's the Pirelli Stadium now for the Rams..Never been to Meadow Lane (Shrewsbury?) I'd love a tour of all proper football grounds not these ghastly faceless complexes with hotels etc (Chelski etc)
Hey, you could do a tour and stop off at all our houses.
Or better still, pick us up on the way and we could all end up in an anxiety free zone. :D
There's a book called, 'Travels with Charley'.
It's from one of my favourite authors; John Steinbeck.
A travel Biog about one man and his dog that travels in a camper over parts of America in the 60s.
It's a very funny adventure and worth a read. :)
Well done fishman for coping today. :yesyes:
As long as you all take your shoe's off your more than welcome to pop round mine:D
Infact can i come with you?
Sounds like your doing ok Fishman. I'm pleased:yesyes:
MyNameIsTerry
11-04-18, 17:27
As long as you all take your shoe's off your more than welcome to pop round mine:D
Infact can i come with you?
Sounds like your doing ok Fishman. I'm pleased:yesyes:
Give it up, Matt, we all know this "don't tread your dirty shoes through my house" is really just a cover for your foot fetish...:whistles::biggrin:
Give it up, Matt, we all know this "don't tread your dirty shoes through my house" is really just a cover for your foot fetish...:whistles::biggrin:
:roflmao:
It all started at school mate. I'd get the girls wearing skirts to do handstands and that also brought on the foot fetish:whistles:
My socks are holy Matt, would that be a problem? :shades: Pulisa, I 'think' Meadow Lane is Notts County unless I'm out of date.
Buster - start up that bus? All this doom and gloom news calls for some escapism...
My socks are holy Matt, would that be a problem? :shades: Pulisa, I 'think' Meadow Lane is Notts County unless I'm out of date.
Buster - start up that bus? All this doom and gloom news calls for some escapism...
No problem Fishman! As long as your feet are clean!!:D
Now about this bus, it's odd i watched the film speed last night (spooky) no way am i getting on a bus!!!:scared15:
My socks are holy Matt, would that be a problem? :shades: Pulisa, I 'think' Meadow Lane is Notts County unless I'm out of date.
Buster - start up that bus? All this doom and gloom news calls for some escapism...
'Course it's Notts County ..silly me! Am getting confused with Gay Meadow if it's still OK to call it that?
I never take much notice of the news, Fishman. If it's not the weather it's Brexit or Nuclear War but I suppose that's better than wall-to-wall Meghan Markle? Anyway the new Royal baby is imminent so that will take the attention off anything too heavy for a day or two..
I can imagine a road trip with all of us on board might be a good channel 5 series. What would be a good name for the programme do you think?
I go past Notts county , forest and Derby county all the time but this is how much I follow football my cousins lad played for the rams and I didn't even know :D
Matt I'd take off my shoes but I'd might seem pointless when the dogs allready ran in to greet everyone , you'd have paw prints on the ceiling .
Me and my mates used to have bus when we were in our twenties going to festivals and car shows we had some fantastic times , I guess it would be a bit more sedate these days but then as you get older you notice the small things and enjoy the journey not just the destination, I suppose now we'd have to take change of clothes and soap instead of stacks of alcohol.
My god we'd be a bunch of misfits , wonderfully weird :) normal is soooo overrated.
Normal is indeed overrated Buster, whatever normal is anyway. I think we'd get along just fine, all weirdos together.
Our own documentary on Channel 5 Pulisa? Hmm...'Coastal Britain Aboard the Misfit Bus'? or 'Weirdos on the Road'? :roflmao:
'Anxiety on the Road', 'Misfits on the Road', Watch Out, 'Weirdos on the Run'; love it! :D Who would calm who down? No-on would take charge, it would chaos!
You'd have to get us all on the bus first, then you'd have to keep us there.
Seriously, I was only talking to Mr C the other day about no programme on TV based upon people with Anxiety in a 'fly on the wall' series or even a drama series.
Plenty of drama with anxiety. The 'Bus' idea would surely pull in millions! :wacko:
MyNameIsTerry
12-04-18, 01:34
Couch Trip :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 01:27 ---------- Previous post was at 01:23 ----------
:roflmao:
It all started at school mate. I'd get the girls wearing skirts to do handstands and that also brought on the foot fetish:whistles:
http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t1537.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t15152.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php?page=4)
It's amazing what some of those mothers at the school gates get up to! :ohmy::blush:
(Oh...you meant when you were a kid? :biggrin:)
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Buster, would I still be allowed to moon out of the window or am I too old for that too? http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t1505.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php)
If the police pull us over I've got my excuse lined up ready...I was asked Matt about my piles :yesyes:
Couch Trip :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 01:27 ---------- Previous post was at 01:23 ----------
http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t1537.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php)http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t15152.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php?page=4)
It's amazing what some of those mothers at the school gates get up to! :ohmy::blush:
(Oh...you meant when you were a kid? :biggrin:)
---------- Post added at 01:34 ---------- Previous post was at 01:27 ----------
Buster, would I still be allowed to moon out of the window or am I too old for that too? http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sex/t1505.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sex.php)
If the police pull us over I've got my excuse lined up ready...I was asked Matt about my piles :yesyes:
I said how many miles, not piles!!!
MyNameIsTerry
12-04-18, 04:11
I said how many miles, not piles!!!
:blush: I was giving The Proclaimers a reboot at the time too :winks:
Couch Trip is great!:D
Or "I'm a Worrier-Get Me Outta Here"
Panic Party On The Road
The Charge of the White Coat Brigade
Love it! :D
What about music along the way?
Love it! :D
What about music along the way?
I'm loving the names too.
As for the music, just make sure it's not Radiohead, that would be enough to make Buster drive us off Beachy Head!!!!
---------- Post added at 19:13 ---------- Previous post was at 19:08 ----------
Or Cliff Richard that would make me exit a moving bus:ohmy:
---------- Post added at 19:14 ---------- Previous post was at 19:13 ----------
Even if it was Summer holiday:D
"Stan" by Eminem might not be a great idea......
As it my idea I'm putting forward Busters Bustours , and as we are fickle bunch I suggest a dictatorship rather than a democracy, I'm quite happy to make all the bad decisions for us and the ladies can point out were I went wrong and remind me on a daily basis .
Once aboard all of you current worries and health anxieties will quickly disappear replaced by real worries like , why is the driver searching for flapjack under his seat while doing 70 or changing a cd while on the wrong side of the road , or It might cross your mind has he got his eyes open while driving , all valid worries but the biggest one might be do we know this man very well he might be driving to beachy head .:roflmao:
So we will definitely need a mix tape ( that's like an MP3 to you young uns) Iggy pop passenger , Elvis viva skegvegas , Metallica Ride the lightning, monty pythons Allways look on the bright side of life :whistles: and a bit of chas n Dave for pulisa .
Had shite week so I'm setting off tomorrow.
Chas and Dave - what was that song of theirs 'turn that noise down, you call that music?' I shout it up to my daughter :shades:
We would need some Marillion and U2. And some Floyd man.
Over to my Dad's today, sister came up with niece. His new fridge freezer was delivered. Frenzied socialising left me not knowing what day it was. Total focusing on my body's reactions rather than topics of conversations :wacko:
That happens to me Fishman.
I haven't heard a thing they have said to me.
I love the, 'Buster's Bustours' idea. :(
No Phil Collins or Cliff please.
What's this about Pulisa liking Chas 'n' Dave? :D
That happens to me Fishman.
I haven't heard a thing they have said to me.
I love the, 'Buster's Bustours' idea. :(
No Phil Collins or Cliff please.
What's this about Pulisa liking Chas 'n' Dave? :D
No bleedin' way
MyNameIsTerry
12-04-18, 20:51
I can't take credit for Couch Trip, it was a film. Jack Lemon & Walter Matthau I think.
Buster, your proposal sounds a bit like marriage :winks:
Music. The Drugs Don't Work might be good. Just in case Radiohead does come on I'll bring the Shaft theme tune (worked on Father Ted) :biggrin:
Chas & Dave did the Darrnnnn Ta Margate tune for The Jolly Boys Outing episode of Only Fools & Horses.
Why can I see us all singing along to Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick? :biggrin:
Chas & Dave did the Darrnnnn Ta Margate tune for The Jolly Boys Outing episode of Only Fools & Horses.
:biggrin:
"I've got a room in a motel, they don't know i ain't got a car" "i'd keep quiet about that if i was you Trig"
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When we stop, could we all lay on the roof, in silence, looking up at the sky and listen to the Rainbow track, catch the rainbow, it's a beautiful song!:D
MyNameIsTerry
12-04-18, 23:00
"I've got a room in a motel, they don't know i ain't got a car" "i'd keep quiet about that if i was you Trig"
---------- Post added at 21:51 ---------- Previous post was at 21:22 ----------
When we stop, could we all lay on the roof, in silence, looking up at the sky and listen to the Rainbow track, catch the rainbow, it's a beautiful song!:D
Trig looked after his broom :biggrin:
Trig looked after his broom :biggrin:
"I don't think you would of one first prize anyway, your alright but Del don't look nothing like Tonto"
We seem to have hijacked Fishmans thread. Sorry Fishman, how are you doing?
Just checking to see if you are OK Fishman?
Sorry guys I've been distracted but bless you both for asking. And don't worry Matt, nothing wrong with a bit of banter :)
Up and down lately though today/last night were not good. Mrs F's bleeding has been active again, so cue our dear friend anxiety to make the most of it. Crohn's disease is a horrible, messy condition that flares up from time to time and right now is one of them. The digestive system becomes inflamed and swollen, then there are the ulcers and sometimes bleeding.
She has started taking the steroids she was prescribed for a previous flare, so hopefully they will settle things down. She had a blood test this afternoon, I had to badger her into it which caused some bickering between us. I just don't want her full blood count dropping as low as it did about 10 years ago, anything below 8 is considered in need of a transfusion and back then it reached 4. That's dangerously low. So if the phone doesn't ring we are ok.
I don't quite know why the anxiety reacts so much at the prospect of Mrs F going into hospital. I mean, often she is in bed or asleep on the sofa, so I find myself doing tasks alone, and I cope? Perhaps with the thought of her being in hossy it makes me feel I 'have' to do tasks alone. I'm not even sure about this one myself. I do think the situation with my Dad is stoking the fire too. In effect I'm carrying two adults? Oh well, people have worse things to deal with so I need to just crack on and whatever will be will be :shrug:
How are the rest of you lovely people?
You are coping amazingly well Fishman.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling panicky when Mrs F is away. Because you consciously know she is not there, it is different to her being in a different room or in the garden. You will also worry about her condition and what is happening to her.
That's all very natural to feel that way under the circumstances.
You can only do one thing at a time and prioritise.
Don't forget to take some relaxation time for yourself! :hugs:
Thank you Carnation and my apologies for not replying sooner. Things have been hectic, first of all my Dad had an X-ray on Wednesday and the result came back next day. It showed a shadow, we saw the GP and he didn't hold back nor give us false hope. He said its possible it could be a tumour though he's known similar cases where it wasn't.
So there you go, Mrs F still bleeding too even though her blood test came back as satisfactory. Though with continued bleeding? Anxiety has been having a wonderful time but hardly surprising really. Oh well, what will be will be.
Never apologise Fishman, you have your hands full.
My mum had a shadow on her X-ray, but it thankfully turned out to be nothing. Let's hope your dad is the same. You have a lot of worries, I do hope you get some respite somehow. :hugs:
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Never apologise Fishman, you have your hands full.
My mum had a shadow on her X-ray, but it thankfully turned out to be nothing. Let's hope your dad is the same. You have a lot of worries, I do hope you get some respite somehow. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
22-04-18, 02:24
Sorry to hear your wife is struggling with her condition, fishman. I know little about it but have heard it's painful & unpleasant. It is good that you are diligent to prevent further complications and I'm sure she appreciates it (even if you get told to bugger off at times :winks:) and the doctors would think you are right.
Sorry to hear about your dad too. This must be very worrying to hear. I guess it's a waiting game and trying to think how it could be something benign or something else that's treatable.
As for worrying about your wife when she's in hospital more than when she's at home I would think that makes you very normal. Just being in hospital makes loved ones worried. You can't see what's happening a lot of the time and we associate these places with the worst. There is also the lack of control issues as well as uncertainty with our disorders but to be honest I think any spouse or partner would be the same.
So, don't be so hard on yourself. When my mum had an ambulance out, nurse & GP's calling, etc when she had pneumonia my dad burst into tears. I don't think I've ever seen him cry other than when his mum died years before and he has lost many brothers & sisters since. Sometimes the emotional just builds up and forces it's way out.
Hang in there and best wishes to your family.
My best wishes to you too, Fishman. You have a lot to deal with but your feelings are perfectly normal. I'm sure the GP will be requesting more blood tests to check that Mrs F's blood count isn't getting too low during this flare-up. If you're concerned you can always get onto the GP yourself and get him/her to order another test.
I'm sorry you have more worry with your Dad and that he can get an accurate diagnosis as soon as possible. You may have to push them to get things moving for him but hopefully not and more tests can be arranged.
Hi Fishman,
I won't go into detail,but I have a blood disorder which requires transfusions,the last few months I have been doing ok.
You are a very caring, supportive Dad,Son and Husband,take care of yourself too.:hugs:
Bless you all, I keep coming back to this thread to post but have been getting too emotional to respond. I remember you saying that about your Dad Terry, us blokes are poor at showing our feelings or maybe that's good at concealing them. Your Dad needn't be ashamed.
I suppose what it boils down to is getting older and having the loved ones around you getting older too. My Dad's 89th birthday is in September, so he's had a long life that many people get nowhere near to living. I lost my Mum back in 1998, she was only 65 and a brother aged 45 in 1999.
Anyway my Dad has a CT scan for 17th May. Then we'll know but with his age, the GP did say that invasive surgery/procedures might have to be weighed up against his ability to survive them.
:hugs: for you guys, a 'blokey' one for you Terry :blush:
PS - Lola-lee I'm so sorry to hear that. I do hope you are able to keep as well as you can.
Really sorry to hear all that Fishman.
I can't really add to what's been said by others but having to wait until May 17th is the last thing your Dad, you and your family need, CT scans only take minutes.
Take Care
Hi there fishman , your life sounds a lot like mine going from one worry to the next , sometimes if things seem to be going smoothly I get a panic that it will all fall apart , I almost want somthing to go wrong so I can say right this it .
I was going to ask if you have lost anyone close to you because you have that same fear as me about family members going into hospital, but you've already answered that about your mum and brother , I think that's where our problems started, after my dad went suddenly at 55 I became very aware of my and my family's mortality, had a lot of family pass away and freinds over a short period and nearly losing my daughter just set the fear in place that people don't come out of hospital but they do , I was told my daughter might not make the night and to prepare for the worst but she's still here , and the amount of time I've wasted worrying about my partner going in and not coming out is ridiculous, worrying doesn't change the outcome ( wish I could convince my brain of that ) .
Hope you wife picks up and hopefully your old man will be around for while yet .
Take care chap .:)
I agree with you Buster.
Losing people that are close to you can definitely trigger Anxiety.
It also makes your aware of your own mortality.
Instead of living life in the present, we dwell on past events and worry about the future. :(
Thank you Matt, Buster and Carnation.
Matt, yes the CT scan is not far shy of a month off. It got me thinking, is that because the doctor examining the Xray thinks its not serious, or could it be the fact they know he's 88 and he's been put lower on the waiting list? I shouldn't speculate so much but then 'speculate' is the middle name for us anxiety people isn't it.
Buster, I'm really sorry you lost your Dad at a tragically young age, I'll be coming up to 55 in 2 years. That must have hit you for six buddy. I agree that if you've lost someone you start to get cynical, see the negatives. Once again though, anxiety jumps on the bandwagon and fuels those fears too. Anyone with no history of anxiety would be worried in the same situation but for us its a double whammy.
Carnation, you're right as ever. We do dwell on past events. In fact I often live in the past because its safe and not unpredictable like the future. What a lovely bunch of people you are on these boards. Time to start up that bus of yours again Buster? :shades:
It is as a long time ago now fish but we carry that baggage with us , I went to a few funerals last year and two had the same sermon or what ever you call it at a non religious funneral , anyway he talked about the date they were born and the date they died and the dash that's put between the two dates , the dash is the important bit it's the bit we are in at the moment , we just struggle with living in the moment we think about what's happened in the past to our loved ones and fear what will happen to them and us in the future , we can only enjoy right now , some days I stop walking while out with dogs and just take it in what's happening around me , the birds , the wind , the sun coming through the trees , anxiety and depression dull it all down so much you forget it's there .
The bus trip is on hold got a few money probs right now but I'm working on it , do you get paid for giving blood ? :D
MyNameIsTerry
23-04-18, 02:35
The bus trip is on hold got a few money probs right now but I'm working on it , do you get paid for giving blood ? :D
I suppose we could always pitch in at the "men's donation clinic" :blush:
I suppose we could always pitch in at the "men's donation clinic" :blush:
Just like in the film Road Trip. Have you seen it Terry?
MyNameIsTerry
23-04-18, 02:54
Fishman, thanks. My dad's a typical man of his age and grew up a certain way (work to put food on the table, don't show weakness, etc), you know the type.
I can understand your feelings, I look at my mum and see how her health has worsened over the last 10 years. I know it worries my brother too. I think my dad was upset that he felt powerless and has seen her health worsen and that worries him.
Like you say it's about getting old. I've been lucky so far but I know those times are going to come. We know they are reaching good ages but we wouldn't be human if we didn't care enough about what we are going to lose. And its very sad to hear you lost your mum & brother at younger ages.
Something my nana said to my mum the day she died has always stayed with me. Carnation will understand this, I'm sure others on here do, but it reminds me of what she has said about her own mother missing her father. She said she had seen & done all she ever would and just wanted to be at peace. She missed her husband. That day we had the call that she had passed. I've often heard how old folks almost decide it's time and just go. Perhaps there is some good in that, that they are allowed to leave when they decide the time has come?
Your dad seems to want to keep fighting on and that attitude is important. It's the same attitude that gets people through illnesses that doctors say is important to recovery success. That will only stand him in good stead.
It does seem a long delay but perhaps there are reasons for this? The GP could help here and for all you know he might not have ordered an urgent test anyway.
We must never underestimate them, they have been through some very tough times and just like children do, they surprise us with their strength to push through some tough health situations.
A manly bear hug right back at you! :hugs:
---------- Post added at 02:54 ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 ----------
Just like in the film Road Trip. Have you seen it Terry?
No, I don't remember that one.
If we are having a road trip I'm not sure I would drum up much coin hitchhiking from the truckers :ohmy::winks:
Fishman, thanks. My dad's a typical man of his age and grew up a certain way (work to put food on the table, don't show weakness, etc), you know the type.
I can understand your feelings, I look at my mum and see how her health has worsened over the last 10 years. I know it worries my brother too. I think my dad was upset that he felt powerless and has seen her health worsen and that worries him.
Like you say it's about getting old. I've been lucky so far but I know those times are going to come. We know they are reaching good ages but we wouldn't be human if we didn't care enough about what we are going to lose. And its very sad to hear you lost your mum & brother at younger ages.
Something my nana said to my mum the day she died has always stayed with me. Carnation will understand this, I'm sure others on here do, but it reminds me of what she has said about her own mother missing her father. She said she had seen & done all she ever would and just wanted to be at peace. She missed her husband. That day we had the call that she had passed. I've often heard how old folks almost decide it's time and just go. Perhaps there is some good in that, that they are allowed to leave when they decide the time has come?
Your dad seems to want to keep fighting on and that attitude is important. It's the same attitude that gets people through illnesses that doctors say is important to recovery success. That will only stand him in good stead.
It does seem a long delay but perhaps there are reasons for this? The GP could help here and for all you know he might not have ordered an urgent test anyway.
We must never underestimate them, they have been through some very tough times and just like children do, they surprise us with their strength to push through some tough health situations.
A manly bear hug right back at you! :hugs:
---------- Post added at 02:54 ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 ----------
No, I don't remember that one.
If we are having a road trip I'm not sure I would drum up much coin hitchhiking from the truckers :ohmy::winks:
It's well worth a watch. It's got Tom Green and Seann William Scott in it, it's very funny:yesyes:
Fishman, thanks. My dad's a typical man of his age and grew up a certain way (work to put food on the table, don't show weakness, etc), you know the type.
I can understand your feelings, I look at my mum and see how her health has worsened over the last 10 years. I know it worries my brother too. I think my dad was upset that he felt powerless and has seen her health worsen and that worries him.
Like you say it's about getting old. I've been lucky so far but I know those times are going to come. We know they are reaching good ages but we wouldn't be human if we didn't care enough about what we are going to lose. And its very sad to hear you lost your mum & brother at younger ages.
Something my nana said to my mum the day she died has always stayed with me. Carnation will understand this, I'm sure others on here do, but it reminds me of what she has said about her own mother missing her father. She said she had seen & done all she ever would and just wanted to be at peace. She missed her husband. That day we had the call that she had passed. I've often heard how old folks almost decide it's time and just go. Perhaps there is some good in that, that they are allowed to leave when they decide the time has come?
Your dad seems to want to keep fighting on and that attitude is important. It's the same attitude that gets people through illnesses that doctors say is important to recovery success. That will only stand him in good stead.
It does seem a long delay but perhaps there are reasons for this? The GP could help here and for all you know he might not have ordered an urgent test anyway.
We must never underestimate them, they have been through some very tough times and just like children do, they surprise us with their strength to push through some tough health situations.
A manly bear hug right back at you! :hugs:[COLOR="blue"]
Thanks Terry, you always manage to hit that nail right on the head don't you.
My daughter failed her driving test today :-( She seems quite philosophical about it though, she got herself in the wrong lane which was classed as a serious fault.
Anyway, she said today that her boyfriend's family want to meet myself and Mrs F. At any other time I might be able to handle that but with Mrs F and my Dad I really can't be doing with it. This year started ok but has gone pear shaped. I think I need a good kick up the backside, at least I tackled Asda and the chemist this morning while I still get zero help around the house, or zero help 'period'.
We have such similar lives fish , my daughters car has a major problem and it was me found it for her 5 months ago at a dealer , it ticked all the boxes low miles full service history hpi clear , it drove fine , since then nothing but problems I've had it in bits today , I feel responsible and because of our money problems I can't just throw money at it , when kids grow up they bring a whole new set of problems and worries , because I'm a grandad we have to see the other grandparents on a good day that's fine but when I'm not doing well it's hard to act normal plus we get all the birthday and Christmas do's , what I will say is all families have problems non are perfect and I know you won't want to let your daughter down so go meet them it won't be as bad as you think , they might be even more nuts than you :D
So on the road trip front , you know things are not good my end but I may have an answer to the funding , woke up this morning feeling awful ( too much stress ) I bumped into a chap walking the dogs and had a major internal panic , felt like I was dying couldn't breathe but kept it hidden , I then calmed down and got realy pissed off at myself for freaking out , where's this going you may ask ? To the post office where I posted my parcels , the two women cashiers are good fun and I go in a lot , they noticed I looked unhappy and said they'd had bad weekends so one says we should run off together , so I suggest I rob the post office buy a motor home and we leg it robbing more post offices on the way to fund the trip , they couldn't have been more enthusiastic practicing what they'd say when holding up a PO , I said you'd need to swear more like in pulp fiction , you should have heard the words that came out of their mouths while they were making pretend hand guns , good job no one else walked in , funny because one of them owns the post office , I did get worried when one started asking where to get a balaclava.
So if you guys don't mind two more middle aged ladies we have plan and funding :roflmao:
Funny that you can go from anxous to blind panic to angry then be laughing all in one morning, it's what keeps me going through the rough times knowing it can change like the weather .
Take care .
That's what I like about you Buster, no matter what kind of day you've had, you always manage to have a laugh. I'm more of an Eeyor character myself, all doom and gloom.
Its funny though you saying how you can go through the whole gamut of emotions in a short space of time. I felt great in Asda, then in the chemist I got talking to an employee because my daughter wanted some 'Karms' before her test. Now you might well think 'so'? But that for me is good, talking to someone in public about valerian root and the fact I've got valerian growing in my garden. I don't use it, just the flowers for the bees.
But I got home and Mrs F had had a seizure upstairs in bed. I felt bad because I wasn't here but someone has to do the shopping. She's ok but will be sleepy for a good while.
So the funding is sorted then?
I'm like great big fat ball of mangled emotions , laughing on the outside and crying inside , I can laugh at my own misfortunes, you have to in this bloody game :roflmao:.
I know too well that guilty feeling of not being there when something goes wrong at home I felt that way this morning partner is very low and I didn't want to leave her alone because of things she'd said but I and you can't be every where at once you still have to go out and do things for yourself, I need to be out at the moment trying to earn some dollars or we won't have home to come back to so it's risk I have to take , plus you'd drive her insane if you just sat and watched her all day , a few hours and mine would tell me to fu&@ off out I can be quite annoying when the cabin fever sets in , The shining springs to mind :roflmao:
Took my Dad to the GP again today. The blood test results were back and his anemia is classed as 'unexplained'. Which means they start looking for more sinister causes. The doctor has ordered a sigmoidoscopy to rule out bowel cancer. My Dad has lost weight too.
I had switched to auto-pilot by this time and was struggling to absorb what was being said. They will assess him first as he is over 80. Its really not looking good.
Coeliac syndrome can also cause these symptoms. My Dad was diagnosed with this in his 80s.
You've got a lot to absorb, Fishman. Is there any way your Dad's CT scan can be brought forward from May17th? He will probably need an endoscopy and colonoscopy to check for internal bleeding if this is what is suspected-a sigmoidoscopy only looks at a small part of the bowel.
How is your dad taking the news that he faces more tests? I'm really sorry you have this burden to bear on top of everything else. Have you told your brother and sister?
Thank you Pulisa, bless you :hugs: Its a sigmoidoscopy that was asked for. Though they do an assessment first on patients over 80, so its possible they might not see him as being up to it. I keep wondering if we're not being told everything. Could the doctor be wanting to be seen to be doing something positive?
That's a good question about the CT scan because today the GP said he wanted everything done within 2 weeks, that's the time frame the NHS aims for? So why a CT scan nearly a month away from when we received the letter?
I've told my brother and sister, they said they will do the hospital appts. My Dad seemed ok, subdued but then who wouldn't be. I don't like it him being there on his own.
Fishman, you know I have been there, where you are now.
Somehow, everything does get sorted out and you can not be responsible for your dad 24/7. You do what you can and be there when you can.
I know with mine that they refused a lot that was offered to them in the way of investigating, as they just weren't up to it or thought it was unnecessary.
And Doctors don't seem to rush scans and investigations with our elders, I think, because of their age.
Make use of your brother and sister's help fishman. Don't try to do everything yourself.
I hope Mrs F is feeling better. You could sure do with a break and a little respite. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
27-04-18, 02:15
Could it be the GP wasn't considering more serious problems when he ordered the CT but in light of the blood test results he can't take any chances? If anything it may be to ensure more serious possibilities are ruled out and allows further investigation of what he may suspect?
My nana had bowel cancer in her seventies and got through it so never give up hope.
I hope MrsF is feeling better too. My GF has seizures and has always said they wipe her out for a bit.
I would just get your daughter to delay meeting "the other side" on the basis of MrsF being unwell. MrsF, your dad and your health is more important than tea & cake with people you may not have much to do with anyway.
A sigmoidoscopy is minimally invasive and your Dad could easily have that done-don't let them fob you off with excuses. Of course if your Dad has refused further testing then that is another matter.
It's a very worrying time for you, Fishman. Don't give the meeting your daughter's boyfriend's family another thought-it's just not the right time.
Maybe your GP will be able to arrange for your Dad to have these hospital tests done as a day case-including the CT scan? It would save him having to have a number of tests done on different occasions which would be very disruptive and tiring for him? Maybe your brother or sister could have a word with the GP regarding this? It's only an idea of course. It all gets so overwhelming very quickly when you are faced with news which you aren't expecting.
Thank you Carnation, Terry and Pulisa for your insightful comments and advice. I saw him again today, Friday is not normally a day I go over but thought I should. My brother phoned him but that's it, he clearly doesn't see it as necessary to visit despite being 5 miles closer than I am. There feels like a shadow cast over everything now, I've had some lowered mood today. I'm hoping the antideps will hold up but then grief is not exactly the same as depression, but follows similar patterns?
fishman, I'm afraid 'Family' can disappoint. It happens to us all. :(
That old saying; 'You can choose your friends, but not your family'.
You have to bite the bullet with your brother. Arrange everything without your brother in mind for help. It will only annoy you more when he lets you down.
I'm sure your daughter will help a bit here and there, don't take it all yourself.
Maybe your sister will take a turn in dealing with something? I don't know how the land lies with her.
You will get down fishman. Hard enough for someone without anxiety.
But, it's not forever. That's what people used to say to me.
Do only do what you can and feel comfortable with.
The idea of getting any tests done with your dad all on the same day is a brilliant idea.
You know we are here for support if you need us. :hugs:
Fishman, I do not know you and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, you need to get family involved with helping out, is there a way you can have a grocery delivery for your dad once a week, or hire a caregiver to come in during the day and bring him groceries, if your brother is not willing to do so, also your daughter needs to step up and help, you need to take care of yourself and the Mrs, I wish you all the best and hope things get better.
Many thanks Carnation and Pkstracey, just posting here helps, knowing you all understand. That is enough.
My Dad was here today for his usual Saturday visit. He still drives but I couldn't help noticing how much weight he has lost. I mean I knew he had. Anyway he has an assessment on Thursday, Mrs F will come with me to take him. If they decide he's fit enough for a bowel procedure then I'll delegate that to one of my siblings. My sister is willing but lives 80 miles away, even though she has said she would book a sickie and drive here.
Why do we allow ourselves to love? Because life would be easier if we didn't, but then also the lesser for it. We can't have the joy without the pain, the yin without the yang, the light without the darkness.
Sorry you are having to deal with all this mate , it can drag you down when it's so constant , you do need to take yourself away from all the pressure every now and then for some you time or it consumes you . You are doing well under the circumstances.
Today i heard The living years on the radio it always makes me think of my dad , try and see this as a time to look after him and say things that we sometimes want to but never get round to , he could be around for many years and he is lucky to still be independent and lucky to have you .
I say this but if my old man was still around I probably wouldn't be able to say things to him and if I did he'd probably tell me to p@&s off for being a girl :) I held my dads hand and kissed him goodbye after he'd passed away but he didn't get a say in that one .
Love is all that matters the rest is just stuff .
Take care .:D
fishman, I was aware that my dad lost a lot of weight in the last ten years and it worried me, but I never said anything to him direct.
But, it doesn't always mean something bad as my neighbour looks as though she weighs about 7 stone and she leads a very full life. :)
Buster, I held my dad's hand as well. Two days before he passed and it was the only time I ever did. My dad was not a touchy feely bloke and he made me feel awkward about my emotions. I just found myself doing it and it felt right. :)
You have to master up an amazing amount of bravery in times like this and to my surprise you do. I had just had my breakdown at the time and I was in a real bad way, but the things you have to or want to do just happen of their own accord.
You can always lick your wounds afterwards in your own time.
fishman, I hope this is not too sensitive for you. I just wanted to let you know the strength you find when you need it and not to be fearful of anything that should arise.
I am one of life's most sensitive people and I got through it all.
Please consider your sister's offer. I know 80 miles is not around the corner, but she may want to do this for her sake, as her contribution.
Its not an excessive distance. It's just a bit of a journey and she has already thought it through by the sounds of it. It will give you a break fishman. :hugs:
Thanks guys, you are very kind. I'm on a bit of a roller coaster this evening, alternately anxious then calm, up then down. I shall get through it though, by hook or by crook.
Any news about your Dad's tests, Fishman?
Hi Pulisa, he has an assessment this Thursday to discuss the sigmoidoscopy. This is normal for anyone aged over 80. Myself and Mrs F will take him, whether they recommend he has the procedure will remain to be seen. I'm dreading it.
My anxiety has been up and running, also some low mood this morning. Yesterday we did a shop and I 'think' I may have got a speeding ticket. I was miles away and was probably doing about 34mph, if I'm right it will be another £100 fine and three more points on the licence. I was caught in November 2016 so have three on there already. I really shouldn't be adding to my problems...
Hi Pulisa, he has an assessment this Thursday to discuss the sigmoidoscopy. This is normal for anyone aged over 80. Myself and Mrs F will take him, whether they recommend he has the procedure will remain to be seen. I'm dreading it.
My anxiety has been up and running, also some low mood this morning. Yesterday we did a shop and I 'think' I may have got a speeding ticket. I was miles away and was probably doing about 34mph, if I'm right it will be another £100 fine and three more points on the licence. I was caught in November 2016 so have three on there already. I really shouldn't be adding to my problems...
Are they using zero tolerance for speeding now? I thought they allow upto 10% over + 2mph? The speed camera near my house has loads of pictures with me speeding with legs in the air:ohmy: no number plate on the front of a motorbike:winks:
It was one of those sneaky vans Matt, parked up. In November 2016 I was doing 35mph, I got the £100 fine and 3 points. It's drivers marginally over that get caught.
Just paid my bus lane fine , it was a very good picture of me the only one on the road not much denying it , you could even see the Guy Fawkes mask on the passenger seat , I feel like I need to break somthing of the councils to even the score :D
I once got caught by the same camera two weeks running six points in two weeks ouch .
Take care chap .:)
It was one of those sneaky vans Matt, parked up. In November 2016 I was doing 35mph, I got the £100 fine and 3 points. It's drivers marginally over that get caught.
The mobile one's are a nightmare!! Three points and £100 fine for 35mph is very harsh!
That does sound really harsh. When you think of all the crazy drivers on the road and they have to penalize you for that, Fishman. I hope you don't get that letter.
My son breaks speed limits by big margins but never gets caught. When all is said and done, speed traps are a money spinner for them. They're not interested in fairness.
After being caught in Nov 2016 I became obsessed with my speed, to such a degree that I drove straight through a pedestrian crossing on red. Luckily there was a guy about to cross rather than crossing, otherwise I'd have knocked him down, albeit at only 29mph :shades: There were no cameras on the crossing and I'm assuming he didn't get my reg as I heard nothing. But I was always watching my speedo rather than where I was going.
Tackled the pharmacy three times today as they got Mrs F's prescription mixed up, managed if wobbly at times but held my ground.
PS - thank you Pulisa
Mixing up prescriptions is SO dangerous-you could have just collected it and given it to Mrs F and then what..? Well done for standing your ground.
I really hope all goes well with your Dad's assessment tomorrow. I can't see what would stop him being able to have a sigmoidoscopy but there are obviously reasons (which didn't prevent a certain royal from having a hip replacement at 96 years of age). All this must be very stressful for you so try to pace yourself and leave in plenty of time to get that elusive parking space at the hospital, won't you?!
I'm sure today must have been gruelling but hope you know more now and that your Dad is satisfied with his assessment.
Hi Pulisa, many thanks for your concern. We took him to the outpatients clinic and saw the consultant. He was a very nice doctor and explained the various scenarios and didn't pull any punches on what we might be dealing with. He is going to try and get three (I think) CT scans done in one session. The one for his chest, one for his pancreas and the other of his pelvis area.
He said that if the scans came up with nothing showing, then they would prescribe iron tablets for the anemia. However If they came back with something sinister showing, then we would have to think about my Dad's age in regard to treatment. He did say they would have trouble finding a surgeon willing to operate. Ditto for an anaesthetist. So I'm assuming that would mean palliative care only. My Dad seemed philosophical about it, but when we got him home he said about having lived long enough. Wow, that has only just hit having typed it.
I know it's really hard going through this , some of the old people I deal with are very accepting of their mortality it's the ones left behind that find it harder to accept , non of us want to lose a loved one life can feel very cruel at times , don't write him off just yet you never know .
Take care chap .:)
You and he need to know what is going on.. if anything. My Dad shared the same views as your Dad but I know that this is very hard for a son to hear. You want everything possible done and I felt the same but for an older person it is different and they have come to terms with their mortality.
At least the CT scans will be done at the same time-I take it the sigmoidoscopy wasn't considered? Coeliac disease could be a cause of the anaemia but of course they will be looking for other things before testing for this.
Oh Fishman, it's a hard time for you. Lots of things to think about but no diagnosis yet so as Buster says, you mustn't fear the worst. Easier said than done though. Please take care.
Fishman, my Dad also said similar. He kept saying he was living on borrowed time. I think it is quite a natural outlook at that age. It's actually harder on us. We feel so responsible for their welfare, but it is actually them that have control on what goes.
You are a good and caring son Fishman and he will know that! But, don't think the worst too soon and worry yourself since sick over it all.
Try to give yourself a break over the weekend and enjoy the lovely weather and spend time in your garden. :hugs:
Hi Fishman. There won't be any problem with your Dad getting the CT scan of all three areas, i really don't understand why the consultant said they will try. A CT scan is quick, very quick. The area's they call it is Pelvic, abdomen and thorax/chest and take no more than 10 mins. If your Dad is having contrast then it takes longer but the scan time is the same.
All the best with everything Fishman and Family.
Thanks guys, I'm really touched by your support. When my Mum was ill, she was very bitter about having cancer. I can understand why because she had a typical smoker's lung cancer but had never smoked. In fact she lead a healthy life but then its the luck of the draw.
With my Dad, he is seeming to accept the situation passively, which feels worse. But as has been pointed out, he is likely coming to terms with his mortality better than I am. I'm letting my sister take him for the scans, then once we get the results we will know for sure.
I hope he gets these scans done asap. It's horrible waiting and not knowing but your Dad is probably taking it in his stride. Not that you could be expected to of course.
Please keep posting on here if it helps? We will all try to support you through this ordeal.
Thank you Pulisa, the support from you guys makes all the difference. Not just through the fact of losing loved ones, but from the anxiety point of view as well.
We all understand and empathise, Fishman. You can talk about anything on here and we will be here for you.
willieverbefree
05-05-18, 11:17
Fishmanpa
This is a bit of a late response - I not long been on/used this site, but have noticed how you always try to help/reassure others ( me included) etc - despite having had to deal with so much yourself ..Its times like this when I wish I could wave a magic wand and help/assist all the good people - that have had to cope/deal with so much.... Its not much help, but you are in our thoughts - and hope you are able to take some deep breaths and be given some respite from so much anx/worry etc
Fishmanpa
This is a bit of a late response - I not long been on/used this site, but have noticed how you always try to help/reassure others ( me included) etc - despite having had to deal with so much yourself ..Its times like this when I wish I could wave a magic wand and help/assist all the good people - that have had to cope/deal with so much.... Its not much help, but you are in our thoughts - and hope you are able to take some deep breaths and be given some respite from so much anx/worry etcHi willieverbefree, you might be getting me confused with Fishmanpa. I don't think I'm quite as charitable but thank you all the same.
Hi willieverbefree, you might be getting me confused with Fishmanpa. I don't think I'm quite as charitable but thank you all the same.
I hate it when that happens I was always getting mixed up with Buster Douglas the boxer , I can't tell you the amount of fights I got into over that :roflmao:
Hope you are still hanging in there ok .:)
I hate it when that happens I was always getting mixed up with Buster Douglas the boxer , I can't tell you the amount of fights I got into over that :roflmao:
Hope you are still hanging in there ok .:)
If anyone confused me with Tulisa they'd get a black eye and a trout pout!:D
Best wishes to you, Fishman.
Its funny you should say that Pulisa, I was going to ask how Dappy was :winks: My sister is coming up tomorrow. Her, my Dad, Mrs F and myself are going to put some flowers on Mum's grave, she died 20 years ago tomorrow. I'm bearing up guys, thank you for asking.
Whatever happened to Dappy? Faded into obscurity, I hope!
These anniversaries are hard, aren't they? How lovely that you are marking this very significant day with a family gesture of love and remembrance.
My Mum and Dad wanted a communal scattering of their ashes. It was very clinical and ghastly. Just emptying a bucket under a specific tree at the crematorium. I often wish I had somewhere to go to remember them and reflect but it was their wish to have things like this so I respected that.
Wishing you peace for tomorrow and a day of loving reflection in memory of your Mum..
Bless you Pulisa :hugs: My niece and BIL are coming too, I suspect a pub meal which means I will have to conform to social expectations :unsure:
Whatever happened to Dappy? Faded into obscurity, I hope!
These anniversaries are hard, aren't they? How lovely that you are marking this very significant day with a family gesture of love and remembrance.
My Mum and Dad wanted a communal scattering of their ashes. It was very clinical and ghastly. Just emptying a bucket under a specific tree at the crematorium. I often wish I had somewhere to go to remember them and reflect but it was their wish to have things like this so I respected that.
Wishing you peace for tomorrow and a day of loving reflection in memory of your Mum..
When are you getting the band back together Chulisa? My god Dappy was an arse :shades:
I often wonder where my dads ashes ended up as I pass his allotment, I think I mentioned I put them under a pear tree he planted and someone nicked it , I went back to pay my respects and was greeted by a large hole , it's was like storey from only fools and horses .
I went to the pub today fishman after working in the garden for a few hours , I thoroughly enjoyed a pint and didn't feel anxous at all even going to the bar so you might feel ok and enjoy some time with your family , I know the reason for being together isn't a good one but you are still together and still taking the time to remember.
Ps I was out in the sun way to long burnt my head and felt sick from the heat when I got home , then granddaughter came round and didn't stop talking to me for two hours straight, but that pint was great and earned.:D
You behave as you want, Fishman. I can't believe that you ever don't come up to scratch socially no matter how challenging these situations can be. I'm sure your Dad will find tomorrow hard and he'll be very appreciative that you are there with him to remember your Mum.
It's going to be a very hot day so very tiring physically and emotionally. Take care, fishman.
I also hope you day goes ok with no hitches fishman. :hugs:
Pulisa and Buster, it must have been upsetting for you both, but the action was their to respect them and ashes do not have souls. :hugs: x
---------- Post added at 21:42 ---------- Previous post was at 21:38 ----------
And Buster, make sure you wear a hat tomorrow. :emot-shakehead:
Thanks guys :) I'll most likely be fine, its the anticipatory anxiety. I agree about the ashes Carnation. IMO our loved ones are in our hearts, not urns. Loss is a very personal thing though isn't it.
Drove 75 miles to Hunstanton today :yahoo: Easily the furthest I've gone since a 2009 trip to Wales. And I was fine, how crazy is that??
That's brilliant fishman. :yesyes:
That's the thing with anxiety, it is so unpredictable!
My OH has just come back from a golfing trip to Hunstanton! You may have seen him relaxing at the Golf Club there!:D
Great to hear that you enjoyed a much deserved day out and coped with the driving as well! I hope Monday went as smoothly as possible.
Sorry Pulisa I missed your post. OH is a golfer then :)
Yes it was a lovely day out, its a nice little town. My next target is my sister's :unsure:
I know today will be a hard one with your Dad's scans..I sincerely hope that the news will be better than you fear.
Thank you Pulisa, my sister took him today. Its a waiting game now, though he's insisting he still goes on his holiday next week.
Do you know how long you will have to wait for the results?
Well his x-ray results came back the next day, so I'm assuming something similar unless it hasn't revealed anything worrying.
Best of luck with it mate glad he's still got the attitude to carry on with his plans , can't say much more I'm too bloody tired got eyes like wee holes in the snow .
Take care :)
Another anxious wait for you fishman. Thinking of you. :hugs:
A hug back atcha Carnation :hugs: A blokey slap on the back for you Buster. You've been having a rough time of it lately buddy?
Its strange Carnation regarding my Dad. It feels like I'm more worried than he is...
Exactly fishman, both my mum and dad were the same.
MyNameIsTerry
17-05-18, 02:16
I like his attitude, go on holiday and enjoy yourself and face what comes when you come back. That's the attitude we all need too!
When you get to his age I guess you understand the importance of life more than when you were younger. So, he intends to enjoy it!
He did sound an independent man, someone not easily willing to give that up even if it means humping big heavy objects around rather than ask for help. Whilst we have to adjust to life's stages, which he will have done plenty of over the years, it's always good to know there's a fighting spirit in there.
Another one hoping for some good news from you soon, fishman.
I like and admire your Dad's attitude too. Where is he off to, Fishman?
You're all such troopers on here. He is at his lady friend's today, I should imagine his results are already back. My sister phoned to discuss whether he has the results before or after his holiday. I suggested only he can decide that, I will go over tomorrow but if he's had a message left on his answerphone its possible he could get his results before I get there.
Mrs F has a throbbing pain in her bowel, I'm just hoping its not an abscess. Exciting times!!
---------- Post added at 19:07 ---------- Previous post was at 18:24 ----------
Eastbourne Pulisa, south coast.
Sounds like your Dad is doing ok Fishman. I'm pleased to hear it:)
Nice place Eastbourne:yesyes:
I hope he's pushing the boat out and staying at The Grand!
Hope Mrs F is ok and that you don't need a hospital visit-it sounds v painful.
MyNameIsTerry
19-05-18, 02:30
Tell him to keep an eye on his lady friend around Eastbourne, I've heard Wayne Rooney goes on the pull around there :whistles:
I'm not sure Rooney would go for 80 year olds Terry :ohmy:
He was here today to watch the royal wedding, then they go to the coast on Monday. So we won't get any scan results until at least Friday or a week on Monday. Its an emotional rollercoaster, not to mention the anxiety side of things.
He probably would prefer to have his holiday and then come back and deal with the results of the scans?
Waiting is so stressful with the added burden of an anxiety disorder. I really feel for you, Fishman.
Thanks Pulisa, that's very kind of you. Today has not been good, some DP/unreality creeping in, I can really do without that working its mischief. The car is playing up again too, though its finding the money if it needs repairs. Sometimes you just have enough of all this...
Well the CT scan results are back and its 'satisfactory'. I think that means there is nothing sinister? This has been a horrendous time over the last 5 weeks or so, especially with a GP and consultant hinting very strongly at cancer. The consultant even said 'it comes to us all in the end'.
He is making an appt for later this week with the GP we saw first as he has the issue of the anemia still, which is not good in itself for an 88 year old with angina. I don't quite know how to feel, obviously relieved of course but some annoyance. But then I suppose doctors have to prepare patients for bad news.
Thank you everyone for your support :hugs:
That's great news fishman.
A waiting game is the worst.
Although you will still worry, but the results must be a great relief. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
30-05-18, 02:19
That's excellent news! :yesyes::yahoo:
Yes, I can understand the mixed emotions. Doctors are supposed to keep us informed in case of the worst but outside of someone with a bad diagnosis or lying in a hospital bed it does seem too far in your dad's case!
I'm so sorry you have been through this hell and then got a "satisfactory" result at the end of it. I'm not sure what that is meant to mean in doctor-speak but certainly not the worst case scenario which you were prepared for. You must feel relieved but still a bit in limbo..At least your Dad will have more news this week and hopefully his anaemia will be addressed and treated promptly.
I hope he enjoyed his holiday last week and that whatever his health issues are I hope he soon feels better and stronger.
:yesyes: I've got so used to bad news I don't quite know how to react to good news , sounds like you are in the same boat ,I know docs have to prepare you incase things are bad but it can be very worrying and then turn out ok , when my daughter was ill they insisted on telling her she could die and possibly was going to have a liver transplant they also told us to prepare for the worst and she might not make it through the night, whole load of worrying ourselves sick and she was back home after a week , if you had a crystal ball would you look to see ? They always tell us worrying doesn't change the outcome , it's not bloody easy though , who knows he might out live us all .
You're doing good , hang in there .:)
So glad you got good news for your dad, sorry you are still dealing with so much, hugs, wish I could join the road trip you all are talking about
Thanks Carnation, Terry, Pulisa, Buster and Pkstracey :hugs: We should be seeing the GP either tomorrow or Friday to clear things up and address his anemia. It was his lady friend who phoned and spoke to a receptionist. Anyway, roll on tomorrow...
---------- Post added at 22:42 ---------- Previous post was at 22:40 ----------
So glad you got good news for your dad, sorry you are still dealing with so much, hugs, wish I could join the road trip you all are talking aboutBuster's the driver Pkstracey, I'm sure he'd be able to pick you up :hugs:
Sounds like your dad's lady friend can take some of the weight off your shoulders fishman. :winks:
MyNameIsTerry
31-05-18, 01:57
Yeah, Buster is the man for pick ups, Tracy. I see he's already buttering you up for some mac & cheese :biggrin:
Im quite happy to take a small detour across the pond to pick up Tracy a bit of extra air in the tyres should keep us afloat , she may come in handy for steering past Maccy D's and KFC my van pulls to one side when I try and drive past :D , we could also pick up the Trump and drop him off at the nearest euthanasia clinic and by that I mean alligator infested swamp , pretty sure Terry would be able to take up some canoeing lessons as well , I know he's wanted to since watching deliverance ( squeal like a peeeg ) :roflmao: I'd like to take a trip down Route 99 it's the back road to Route 66 for us not so normals .ive been likened to Homer Simpson more than once so should blend right in .
We may need a bigger bus at this rate .
Hope you get or have got some good news fish , I feel for you my mother isn't too good now so I do know .:hugs:
I think we'll need some extra room for Kim Kardashian's bottoms if the Donald wants to bring her along too..
Fishman, I hope you got some clarification following your Dad's CT scans and that there is a plan in place to treat his anaemia.
OK took my Dad to the GP. The radiologist's report said the 'opacity' in the x-ray is inflammation, no evidence of cancer. No sign of cancer anywhere else for that matter. I honestly think that because we live in a compensation culture, doctors are now afraid of being sued. So they order all sorts of tests and warn us what it might be etc so they can't be taken to court. Its a sad situation. Who would be a doctor? He's been prescribed iron tablets for the anemia.
Anyway that's enough whinging, I'm just overjoyed and very very relieved. We've been staring down the barrel since 19th April. Now he (and me) can enjoy the world cup :D
Buster I do hope your Mum picks up soon. Oh yes just love KFC, I'm on a diet right now but the thought of a fillet tower burger!? :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
01-06-18, 03:10
Im quite happy to take a small detour across the pond to pick up Tracy a bit of extra air in the tyres should keep us afloat , she may come in handy for steering past Maccy D's and KFC my van pulls to one side when I try and drive past :D , we could also pick up the Trump and drop him off at the nearest euthanasia clinic and by that I mean alligator infested swamp , pretty sure Terry would be able to take up some canoeing lessons as well , I know he's wanted to since watching deliverance ( squeal like a peeeg ) :roflmao: I'd like to take a trip down Route 99 it's the back road to Route 66 for us not so normals .ive been likened to Homer Simpson more than once so should blend right in .
We may need a bigger bus at this rate .
Hope you get or have got some good news fish , I feel for you my mother isn't too good now so I do know .:hugs:
My instructor says I'm doing it wrong, I should be using a paddle when paddling up river and maybe not up creeks either http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sport/t31119.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sport.php?page=3):D
He also said I have a pretty mouth! :ohmy::blush:
---------- Post added at 03:10 ---------- Previous post was at 03:01 ----------
I think we'll need some extra room for Kim Kardashian's bottoms if the Donald wants to bring her along too..
Fishman, I hope you got some clarification following your Dad's CT scans and that there is a plan in place to treat his anaemia.
I think Buster's bus has those double doors that open to the pram section so she might fit on http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/sport/t31192.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-sport.php?page=5):roflmao:
Am so glad to hear that your Dad is ok, Fishman. Hopefully the iron tablets will do the trick and bring his levels up again. If he has problems with his stomach from taking them I found that liquid Spatone iron syrup was very gentle and worked well-you can buy this in Boots.
Roll on the World Cup for you and your dad!
Thanks Pulisa, he was originally scheduled for a hernia op but that was postponed in the wake of the more pressing health scare. They need to get his blood count close to normal though before that can happen. Iron syrup noted. On reflection I'm not sure the World Cup will be beneficial for either of us as we'll be supporting England, it's only going to end in tears :ohmy:
Ah but Gareth Southgate has all the answers...We are practising taking penalties already!:D
MyNameIsTerry
01-06-18, 17:14
I've seen some of those Russian ultra women. I'm thinking of going, you have to pay for that treatment over here :whiplash::winks:
Southgate should be watching that TV biscuit advert where Hazard kicks the ball through a hole in a big wall of cups. When I first saw it I said to my dad "thank god they didn't hire the England squad as they would have trouble hitting the wall of cups let alone the hole". We have some famous examples of that :biggrin: Imagine the out takes? The crew doing the stacking would be earning their money :roflmao:
Brilliant news Fishman :yesyes:
I'm referring to your dad, not the World Cup. :D
MyNameIsTerry
02-06-18, 01:46
Yes, great news on your dad! :yesyes::yahoo:
I think it's worrying if some doctors jump to conclusions just because someone is older. There is a time for preparing people for the worst but they should be open minded, something I thought was integral to being in a scientific field like medicine? :shrug: (unless the doctor's name is something like Dr Greg Oliver Ogle :winks:)
I always thought doctors would never commit themselves to a diagnosis until test results were back..ie the wait and see approach. Never good to jump to conclusions especially when you are a GP/medic and should know better!
That's how I felt in the way they went about looking for cancer as though it was a done deal. How were they to know how my Dad would react?
Penalties?? No amount of practising will help us. It will be a case of :doh: followed by :ohmy: ending in :weep:
Awww great news about your dad, yes I'll bring Mac and cheese and try to keep us away from unhealthy eating and yes let's pick up old Trump and drop him off in that area you mentioned
Fish , I had a chat with a chap yesterday he's 73 been in good health until his daughter in law mentioned having a prostrate inspection because of his age , so he did and the doc said all seems ok but let's have a biopsy done to be safe , so he did and apparently because they do it from up your jacksy there is a high risk of infection from the brown stuff , a week later he's rushed into hospital bad infection , possible heart attack , so he's come out got better and the biopsy results were ok but he's on heart meds just incase , as he put it " I was alright until I went to see the doc " if it ain't broke don't fix it , bloody doctors you once they were drunken medical students and you wouldn't trust one of them to look after a good fish :D
Tracy Ive put you on the bus guest list , could have done with some guidance today it was my birthday, ate too much for breakfast , dinner at the pub with a pint , birthday cake back at home , snacks , chocolate and a Newcastle brown ale to finish , I'm the patron saint of lost chocolates :D
Terrence , Ive noticed you keep spelling creak ,creek , in future could you please use my incorrect spellings so I don't notice and feel stupid , I don't expect you to do it for ever just as long as I'm alive after that you can spell how you like again , igronance is blish :shades:
Buster, we need a big suitcase of meds and emergency items. I am a quite accident prone and you sound the same. I'd say we need a doc or nurse on board, but lately they sound a load of crap! We probably have enough experience between us. :ohmy:
We don't need medics on board-they're full of hot air and pointless NICE guidelines. Let's take our chances and rely on common sense?
Sorry this is the bus that gave up docs , it was a doc got me in this mess , all we take is a 1970s first aid kit , lint ( what ever that is ) blunt scissors , plasters , cotton wool and half a packet of paracetamol, the only people Ive known get better on here and leave have done it on their own , I'm seriously thinking about taking a practice run on my own , just a short camping trip alone in my van to see how I feel and cope .:)
Happy birthday! Buster and it's okay to splurge, however try to eat healthy tomorrow. I have a weakness for mint chocolate chip ice cream, I can down a gallon container in three days. Hey if you're camping and get a cut have no bandages, find some spider web put on that sucker, my Native American Granny used it a lot to heal my cuts and stop bleeding. It's due to the vitamin k in the web, which helps blood clot
Ta muchley Tracy another year gone :) I think the best approach to most injuries and illness is rub some dirt on it or walk it off , their are some maverick doctors that may disagree :D
Sorry I missed your birthday Buster, it sounds like you had a decent time though. Anyway, Happy Birthday buddy :yesyes:
You sound a lot like me, off on your own somewhere. The times I'm out and about alone, I start wondering where everyone in my life went :huh:
MyNameIsTerry
04-06-18, 02:10
Tracy, I love mint choc chip! My favourite from childhood. http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/eat/t1915.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-eat.php)
So, I rub a Tarantula's bum on cut? http://yoursmiles.org/msmile/animal/m0207.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/m-animal.php):ohmy::biggrin:
---------- Post added at 02:10 ---------- Previous post was at 02:09 ----------
We don't need medics on board-they're full of hot air and pointless NICE guidelines. Let's take our chances and rely on common sense?
And here was me thinking you would be sitting next to Dr Jesson on the bus...:winks:
I wouldn't share oxygen with that vile toad!
I think you should get away for a short break on your own, Buster? Just some time to yourself away from the demands of everyone?
Mint chocolate chip Terry? Now that's enough to sabotage my diet :lac:
Buster, I agree with Pulisa. You do so much for others while allowing very little time for yourself. A time-out is overdue I think.
Lol, no , Terry you collect the web and put it on kind of mash it into the wound, about to have a bit of mint chocolate chip ice cream tonight. Fish I hope you are well? Oh ladies and gents, I have a Himalayan Salt Lamp always heard they were good for anxiety, two days so far and I have not been anxious, I turn that on,light some incense, have Alexa Echo Dot play ocean sounds and I lay on the bed, I drift off for about 30-40 minutes meditating, when I come to I am refreshed and calm
I have a salt lamp too. :)
They are supposed to be good for cleansing the air and help with breathing and congestion. Which is probably why you were chilled PKStracy.
Fishman, hope you are chilling for a bit after all your worry recently.
I've not heard of the salt lamp do they do a really big one :D I tried an app for relaxing with whale sounds and the sea , I laid on the bed prepared for deep relaxation, then my phone rang and cut it off , the dogs ran up and jumped on the bed , the kids came round so I was shouted down , one day when I'm tucked up in a grave someone will come knocking on my coffin :D even as I write this my daughters and my dogs are pushing me off the bloody sofa to try and get themselves comfy , there really is no rest for the wicked.
Tatty bye :hugs:
I have a salt lamp too. :)
They are supposed to be good for cleansing the air and help with breathing and congestion. Which is probably why you were chilled PKStracy.
Fishman, hope you are chilling for a bit after all your worry recently.
Could be that and it helping with anxiety, but I have never had congestion or breathing problems, :)
---------- Post added at 12:06 ---------- Previous post was at 12:04 ----------
I've not heard of the salt lamp do they do a really big one :D I tried an app for relaxing with whale sounds and the sea , I laid on the bed prepared for deep relaxation, then my phone rang and cut it off , the dogs ran up and jumped on the bed , the kids came round so I was shouted down , one day when I'm tucked up in a grave someone will come knocking on my coffin :D even as I write this my daughters and my dogs are pushing me off the bloody sofa to try and get themselves comfy , there really is no rest for the wicked.
Tatty bye :hugs:
Awww Buster, thankfully hubby leaves me alone when he knows I am in my Zen state, I tease him and say you bother me I'll put a hex on you, I am a practitioner of the craft, aka witchcraft/wicca. I bet you wouldn't have it any other way of them trying to get comfy by dad.
MyNameIsTerry
07-06-18, 03:00
Tracy, now I'm getting worried :huh: spiders for healing, witchcraft!!! http://yoursmiles.org/hsmile/mystic/h0538.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/h-mystic.php):biggrin:
I've got a nature home up on a fence and in the 3 years it's been there it has been home to a spider. Never anything that's supposed to live in it, the spider got their early on so they would have been eaten anyway. I'll now refer to it as my first aid box as it's always covered in webs. :yesyes:
Buster, so you want to be known as the man with the big "stones" in the bedroom then? :whistles::winks:
Witchcraft eh ? Can you do hex spells by post ? I have one or two people I'd like hexing , sister in law for one we hate her sooooo much , she put us through hell , a solicitor who ripped us off last year , I could possibly get a sample of hair or maybe scalp at a push , I suppose it might be easier to just not brake next time I see her crossing the road , there is a woman near me who's a witch her family were Cherokee she does tarot readings and all sorts of spiritual things , was time when I was searching for something religious or spiritual to hang on to I considered going to see her , I settled on humanism .
Terrence I once carried a huge boulder / stone home because I like the look of it , it's bigger than a medicine ball ( remember them ? ) I look at it in the garden and think yep that's my life carrying round a big bloody boulder all the live long day , could be worse I could be laying under it like our old cat that clearly didn't use the green cross code .
I might have got side tracked again what was the question? :roflmao:
Senior Moment
07-06-18, 22:23
Buster, you are so funny. I can guarantee at least one chuckle a day when I read your posts. You really appeal to my sense of humour. Thank you, SM x
SM if I didn't laugh at this bloody farce we call mental health I'd sit and cry all day and I'm right out of tissues so laughing at it is the cheaper option , im on a budget due to DWP cutbacks :D
MyNameIsTerry
08-06-18, 02:29
Ah yes, Buster, I thought it was you...
https://sportbeardwatch.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/robert-oberst-1.jpg
...:yesyes:
No sorry I don't do hexes I believe in the old an ye harm none do what thou will, what you put out there good or bad comes back to you three fold, I know the feeling I wanted the person that scammed me out of hundreds of dollars and a book of shadows to get their comeuppance.
Fishman is very quiet? I hope he is putting his feet up and earning that well deserved rest? :hugs:
Tracy Ive always been believer in Khama what goes around comes around as we say .
Terry if only that was the boulder I fell in love with it's so round I could have rolled it home but my life is harder so I chose one a little flat on one side and awkward but at least it made it harder for anyone to steal it and don't say who'd steal a giant boulder because I did . There is a rumour that fish and Matt went for windy walk one afternoon and just kept walking off into the sunset :D I'm hoping they are heading my way for me to join them although I'm not allowed to talk to strangers or cross roads so we might just go round the block a few times :doh:
Hope you guys are doing ok or more than ok :hugs:
Fishman is very quiet? I hope he is putting his feet up and earning that well deserved rest? :hugs:
I hope so too :) Yes Buster I believe in Karma as well, A nice long walk with all of you would be good, I am on day three of no anxiety and feeling at peace. Carnation I love reading your blog that you keep up on here.
Hi guys, sorry for my silence. Just had to fetch Mrs F from a nearby town. Her cousins, her self proclaimed family, got her blind drunk, the worst I've seen her in 23 years of marriage. Drinking neat whiskey apparently.
I was put on trial too, that I must make sure I don't 'knock her about', that I need to let her out and not control her. I think if I hadn't got my son with me, I'd have been assaulted. So I found her slumped on the bathroom floor, we managed to get her in the car where she was sick everywhere.
Oh and my son has split from his wife, he's living back here now. Probably just as well after today.
Oh My Fishman. :ohmy:
There was me thinking you were chilling out. :lac:
You seem to be a magnet for stress at the moment.
At least with your wife being drunk is that she can sober up, but those things that were said to you are uncalled for and basically none of their business.
Maybe your son being at home can help with your dad if needed, obviously once he has got back on his feet.
I'd say it sounds like you need a drink, but we both know that isn't the answer.
Thanks PKstracy, my blog is mostly garble. :D
I also believe in karma and a little psychic. :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
09-06-18, 01:58
What a horrible bunch they sound! Like Carnation said on pulisa's thread, you can't choose your family. And many of us have a Jeremy Kyle element in the family somewhere.
I'm going to take a guess that drinking as heavily as that is really not going to be good for Mrs F's health condition? With that in mind, they sound pretty uncaring alone.
All that matters is what Mrs F thinks and yourself. Whilst it gets to sensitive people it's something that you need to let pass out of your mind because it doesn't reflect reality. Idiots say & do idiotic things.
They sound an awful bunch, Fishman. I hope Mrs F is ok this morning? Can't be a good thing with her diagnosis and no doubt these caring cousins will lie low now. How irresponsible of them especially when you had to basically rescue her and keep her safe.
I'm sorry about your son's split-did you like the wife?
Hi there fish , Ive been the same a few times partner would go out with someone and they just want someone else to get hammered with then if you say anything about it making them ill you come across as controlling when you are just looking out for them , chances are if she's made herself that ill through drink she'll be avoiding it for a while , my other half did the same last year at a party now won't drink , mind you when i used to drink I'd get in a right state most weekends , my partner bruises like peach and she is pretty clumsy , we've been a the hospital before and they've taken her to one side and asked if I'm hitting her which I never have , at cbt we talked about me seeing not worrying about her as not caring which I do so I try to not be so stressed about her making her own decisions and mistakes ,you can't be there 24/7 she's her own person .
Take care chap :)
But with her Crohn's it's more difficult where drink is involved, I suppose? When you are a carer it's more complicated and it's easy for others to say you are being controlling. Is there a happy medium and if so, somebody tell me?!
MyNameIsTerry
09-06-18, 14:15
Isn't it an inflammatory condition? I guessing alcohol doesn't go well with that so Fishman might be having a busy day looking after the missus?
I know alcohol makes things like piles worse so in something as horrible as Crohn's I would think it would be a painful day for her.
Nic has Crohn's so I bet she would know too.
Hi guys, thanks for your input. In answer to the crohns question, big doses of alcohol are not helpful. Bearing in mind she also has epilepsy and rheumatoid arthritis, and you will begin to see just how irresponsible her 'family' were in letting her drink that much neat whiskey. The cousin who came and picked her up, he knows she's on a stack of medication and yet carried on regardless. To add a little spice, she seems to value what he says more than anything I might suggest.
Buster, I used to drink like a fish when I met Mrs F, to the point where she gave me an ultimatum. So I know just what alcohol can do. We went out for a drive today but it was a miserable time, we just argued. It feels right now like there's three people in this marriage.
MyNameIsTerry
10-06-18, 02:51
It's always easy to be the one who does the partying and not having to care or pick up the pieces later.
It's always easy to be the one who does the partying and not having to care or pick up the pieces later.
Absolutely, Terry. And no doubt this caring cousin helped when you came to Mrs F's aid and has been ever-attentive ever since....
Have you even had a phone call from him to check on how she is? Totally irresponsible and immature. You must be fuming, Fishman. I hope today is a better day and that Mrs F realises who really cares for her and is there for her come what may.
I can only echo what Terry and Pulisa have already said. :hugs:
Thanks guys, what lovely people you are, I hope you know that :hugs:
No nothing from the cousin, not even any more texts (including the suggestive ones).
It gets worse, can't say on an open forum though.
Can you talk to a trusted family member about this? It sounds awful and I'm so sorry.
Can you talk to your son as he is with you now?
Thank you stracy. Hugs for you as well :hugs:
Fish , it seems we are both in the same boat and when I say boat I mean a rotten wooden pallet with a couple of barrels of shite tied to it barely floating :D I know what you mean about posting on a public forum you never no who will see it ,I've had hold back on saying the whole lot for fear of who will see it which doesn't leave anywhere to vent it ,I didn't realise private messages are also sent to your email unless you unclick it , I don't mind people pm'ing me , I can sometimes be serious but I try my dammed hardest not to be .
Take care .:D
Hi Buster, you're right mate, sometimes the open forum is not the place. Especially the stuff I've been dealing with of late, I've got into the habit of logging out rather than getting windows to save my password. Sorry you've had a rough time buddy, it can only get better?
Hi just checking in to see how you are fishman. Hope everyone else is doing well as well.
Hi Pkstracy, thank you for asking, you're very kind. Not too bad I suppose, a lot has happened this year and not much of it good. A health scare for my Dad in April/May and another brewing. But then he is nearly 89 so I shouldn't be complaining.
The domestic situation is stressful, son split from wife, acrimonious vibes and two special needs boys involved. Does anyone ever chase down old friends on social media and then regret it? A friend from school and up to the age of 20 or so, I typed his name into FB and up he came. He's now a contracts manager and travels all over the world. But then social media only shows us snippets of peoples lives and never the bad stuff. Still vaguely depressing though...
Bet your schoolfriend couldn't deal with what you have to cope with every day though, Fishman? He might have a fancy job etc with loadsadosh but could be as miserable as sin for all you know....
Fish, sorry about your dad, your school friend could be hiding pain and hurt inside and probably wishing he didn't have to travel so much. He may have a stressful marriage. No one really airs all the bar on Facebook unless they seem drama and all the comments it will get, hugs to you.
Thought I'd revive this thread as things are not good. I've thought about making an appt with the GP but have online booking and the earliest is 8th October, nearly two weeks?
Ring them up, fishman and try to get in sooner? 13 days is a lot of hours to get through when you're in distress. Whatever we can do to help you through this we will xx
Thanks pulisa, bless you. I did manage to get out to fetch the daughter and BF but Mrs F came too. She's been very supportive. I should be used to anxiety by now but this has taken off, I rarely make doctor's appts and not sure what they can do anyway as I'm on the maximum dose for two ADs. One day at a time but I need to prune commitments.
Hi fish checking in , I was doing so well until tonight. I hope you are well.
That's very kind of you to ask Pkstracy. I'm sorry you are struggling, if it's any consolation I've hit the buffers too after a good spell. Is there anything specific that has set you back? Wishing you all the best :hugs:
Hi pk, fish , it must be the time of year to crash but like any storm it passes you just have to ride it out ( easier said than done eh ? ) .
Hope you managed to get through the problems you were having before Fish , can't have been easy going but you are still around .
Take care :hugs:
Working through them thanks Buster, though you've had a packet yourself lately mate. Of course we have the wonderful festive period looming with all it's anxiety potential. Thanks for the 'man hug' :blush:
OK thought I'd pop a quick post on this thread again as Mrs F said this evening that she thinks she's anemic. She's had bleeding from her bowel for a while now, due to the crohns disease so it wouldn't surprise me if her blood count is low.
This would mean a likely blood transfusion and/or possible hospital stay. All very worrying but nothing has been confirmed and yet the anxiety has already taken off. I don't understand why the anxiety is worse when its Mrs F. Because she's my 'go to' person when I'm struggling? Because I'm her carer? I mean, a month ago I was being checked up in the cardiology unit, convinced I had heart disease. And yet I wasn't too bad anxiety-wise? Anyway whatever will be will be. Blah blah and here we go again. There really is no break whatsoever from this is there.
I think it's all the uncertainty and the "is she/ isn't she?" anaemic scenario which is anxiety-provoking. Also the thinking ahead and imagining all sorts of situations which could happen but in all likelihood won't..
Get her booked in for an FBC first and find out for sure what the score is re her blood count? At least you will know where you stand then..
I'm the same FMP. When my Partner or close friend or family are ill, it sets my panic off. Although I probably don't deal with my own ailments like a normal person, probably due to my health anxiety, I much worse when it is someone else. I think it's the fear of losing that person.
Thank you both for your thoughts and apologies for being so long in replying. Carnation, I think you've hit the nail right on the head there. Right at the very core, when you sweep all the other stuff away, the real reason for the anxiety is a very natural one, losing them. Anxiety leaves us struggling through but we will ultimately get through it, losing someone we love is something else altogether. And a double whammy when we are already carrying this on our backs.
Can you believe it? I've just had my daughter come downstairs and ask me to run her over to her boyfriend's because they have had a row. I said that it's 10 10pm and they could sort it out over the phone. Good grief its 13 miles there. I know what this is about, she's scared he's going to cheat again. So because he can't control himself, she expects me to go running too. I dont know what planet she lives on :mad:
Planet Me...
I expect you felt you had to drive her there and wait outside until she was ready to leave...Dad's Taxi Service is always available round the clock..
I know you want to make sure she's safe but it's a huge cheek to expect you to drop everything and take her late at night. I hope things are temporarily "resolved".
Thank you Pulisa. Things were resolved, I refused point blank. If I hadn't, I could be driving her over there whenever the BF get's so much as a funny feeling in his toe :lac:
Good for you, fishman. You're not an on tap taxi service.
I was hoping you would make that decision FMP.
I wouldn't have dared asked my dad to do that for me.
Anyway, the b/f will respect her more for not going. :huh:
Thank you both for your support. Carnation yes, appeasement will encourage the BF to escalate his behaviour. When he knows she won't go running he might realise he can't keep manipulating other people.
Struggling. Not much else you can say really but square one is looking very familiar.
Time for some off loading?
Here if you want :hugs:
If its any comfort I feel the same , spent the whole day feeling like I was having a heart attack , completely tensed up so bad it hurt like hell , I could hardly breathe but as usual running around after family , at one point I thought about going to a&e .
Things can only get better eh ? ( D:ream said that and Brian cox has an IQ of over a billion so he should know :D)
Chin up tomorrow is another day .
Not only has he an IQ of a billion, he has also discovered the fountain of youth:winks:
That guy, never, ever, ever, ever ages.
Yea sorry for that little outburst guys. I'd done my morning jobs, supermarket, housework etc and was doing the codeword in the paper and wham. No not George Michael Buster but a full blown panic. At the time we always think its out of nowhere don't we. But after some reflection we can see how it has come about. An ill wife, ill daughter and 89 year old Dad who needs an x-ray and endoscopy because of a persistent sore throat. After googling the worst possible scenario I can see there are other symptoms he should be getting but hasn't got. And anyway he's 89 after all, his angina that he's had for about 16 years will probably get him first.
But anxiety true to form, jumps on anything and everything. I've got his funeral arranged in my head and Mrs F going into hossy for an op that will go wrong. I hope you start feeling a bit better soon Buster, the law of averages says you're due a break surely. A blokey hug for you mate and this for you Darksky :hugs: Thank you.
Yes we always say it came out of nowhere but something always triggers it. With me it's a thought, a tiny micro thought. A thought of a thought. I can't describe it really, it really is micro seconds. Then it floods up and bam you've got another one:weep:
You've had so much on your plate recently, all the stress and worry is bound to come out somehow. I wonder how it comes out of people who don't suffer with anxiety?
My mothers 90 and I have more worries over her than you can shake a stick at. You suddenly realise that they are really old, their mortality stares you in the face. These people who looked after you, brought you up, tanned your backside when you were naughty, are now really frail people who need our help to keep going.
She needs a camera down her throat too, she has reflux, but there's no way in hell she will have one. Stubborn as a mule.:)
I hope your panics subsided a bit now. They really are all the gates of hell opening up in front of you. But they do go. Always remember, they do go. :hugs:
Thank you Darksky :hugs: You speak very wisely again, when our parents reach that kind of age we value every day we have with them. I keep thinking 'well he is 89 so these things are to be expected'. To try and kid myself that losing him will be tempered by the fact he's old. But it doesn't work like that does it. We love our family whether they're 1 or 101.
Anyway no panic today but lots of DP, tension and a vague, trapped in limbo kind of feeling.
fishman, it's understandable you are going to feel the effects of all the stuff you have been through lately. My God, you've had more than your fair share lately and even the strongest and most capable people would struggle with that.
It's the natural way for your body to tell you, too much! Rest, chill, think about you for a change. Say No, to a few people.
You and Darksky both have elders to look after and worry about. I have been through all that with three parents. It breaks your heart to see the change and frailness in your mum and dad, but they know they do your best and worry about you more than themselves. They would be happy to know that you are taking care of yourselves. xx
Darksky, I personally would not worry too much about the camera in the throat for your mum at that age, my mum had it and wished she hadn't and it didn't solve anything anyway. Easier to cure with the right foods. x
Carnation :hugs: Thank you. We have had a wood pigeon in our garden for two days, I think it was blown into something and could only flap along the ground. So I phoned the local animal sanctuary but they only cater for domestic and farm animals. However they put me in touch with Animals in Need, about 8 miles from here. So I caught it, covered it with a towel and took it over. At least now it will be nursed back to health and not die slowly trapped in our garden.
I felt very dodgy though and have done since. Still, there are others on these boards having a much tougher time than me so credit to you guys.
Ahh that's lovely. It does me good to hear of people showing kindness to animals/birds.
We have a local wildlife rescue , they take in injured foxes, badgers, swans etc. I've added to their work by taking a woodpecker and a baby rabbit in the past. I would love to volunteer there on retirement but I couldn't cope when the animals didn't pull through.:weep:
That's lovely to hear Darksky, was it a green or great spotted woodpecker? I was going to let nature take it's course with the wood pigeon but my daughter said if it was a red kite would I let it die? Which was right of course.
Having a stinking time with the anxiety right now. I phoned my brother to see if he would take Dad but he has a meeting with the water board where he works. So I'll have to bite the bullet, I've even thought of resorting to some old risperidone tablets but they're six years old.
It was a spotted one. Got it from the jaws of a cat. Wasn't injured but I did worry about shock. It got there ok though.
Yeah I think 6 years might be pushing it a bit. One or two and I would chance it as long as the blister pack wasn't broken. I know there are companies that take out of date meds abroad so they must be ok for a while. Don't know whether the active ingredient would still be active after 6 years though.
I know what you mean about your Dads hospital visit. I would be bricking it too. I hate being trapped and hanging around in waiting rooms is the worst for me. I have no advice but remember time never stands still. Everything ends with every tick of the clock. Concentrate on your Dad, give him all your focus. Think to yourself, I'm here to get HIM through this and I will do so. Divert away from yourself as much as you can. Fuss round him like an old hen if neccessary. Although if he's like my dear old mum, he will probably tell you to sod off. Although her language would be far more colourful. The older she gets the worse she gets. Can't take her anywhere.:)
Darksky :hugs: Thank you. Before I go any further, can I just say that I think all you guys on these boards, not just the lovely people who post but those reading but suffering too, I think you're all warriors just to carry on with your lives in the face of this monster we call anxiety. The invisible beast that challenges every last facet of what we do and think. You're all amazing people, there I've said it and will now shut up before I make a bigger fool of myself.
Anyway yes Darksky the risperidone are probably too old and if I'm honest I think I'd rather go through the wringer because they dope me up. I probably shouldn't be driving if I take them, they really do throw the baby out with the bathwater. I shall bluff it out but it's ironic that I'm getting myself so anxious because in January I took Dad for his eye injection, knew that it would take 2 hours plus and yet had barely a ripple of anxiety. Sat in the coffee shop drinking a cup of chino, sat chatting in the waiting room with a woman who seemed harassed and turned out to suffer with anxiety. I told her ditto but she must have thought me a liar.
Well its payback time, I suppose I knew it would be. Mrs F has promised to come but she has a virus so I'm questioning that. I did ask my brother to step in but he has a meeting. He even asked if I'd be ok which astounded me.
It's the anticipatory anxiety that's going to be the worst. You may find when there and you're actually doing something that it's not so bad. Action conquers fear...or something like that. Sat waiting for the dreaded day is the pits.
Some times are definately worse than others. I can look back and think how did I do that? But I know it was because my anxiety wasn't ramped up at the time. When it's bad, you feel you can't do anything at all. It's all a big con though, when you think about it. It is never anxiety that makes choices for us. We do it. We think we can't because we will suffer, so to save suffering, we avoid. I suppose the answer is to adopt the Nike logo....just do it!
Much much easier said than done. Yet I suppose we are 'doing it' every day because we all get on with our lives dragging this with us. Definately warriors and we are holding our own because we are still here. Bruised and battered but still here.:yesyes:
Well Dad has the all clear, no sign of anything nasty. It does make me wonder why he was referred in the first place, the side effects of his three different inhalers include sore throat/hoarseness. Is it down to the lawsuit culture?
Anyway, I had just got to my Dad's when his phone rang. It was Mrs F to say she thinks she has Bell's Palsy. Anxiety rocketed. Well it turns out she does, we saw the GP this afternoon. One bullet dodged another one lined up. She really can't afford any more illnesses, though this 'should' clear up in time with steroids, hopefully no permanent paralysis.
Life certainly doesn't stand still for you fishman. :lac:
Good news about your dad though.
It must feel like one step forward, two steps back. :hugs:
Well that's great news about your Dad:yesyes: what about you, were you alright at the hospital?
Bells Palsy is only temporary. My father had it years ago and it slowly got better. if she has trouble closing her eye, make sure she has eye drops to keep the eye lubricated. You can get them from the chemist. Dry eye will become very uncomfortable. She will get there and the steroids will hopefully speed it up.
It never rains but it pours at the moment does it. Be sure to look after yourself too. :hugs:
Carnation, Darksky :hugs: It was brilliant news about Dad Darksky. I wasn't as bad at the hossy as this week has been telling me, isn't that often the way. Well sometimes, other times it lives up to it's billing. Though autopilot kicked in a few times.
Yes been reading about Bell's palsy. About 80% get over it completely but it sounds very idiosyncratic. Damaged/inflamed nerves are unpredictable aren't they.
Sorry to hear about Mrs F and her Bell's Palsy-I hope this won't mean more work for you. Try not to focus on those who don't make a full recovery though because there's no reason to suggest that this will be the case with Mrs F.
Very good news about your Dad-the poor man has had so much testing recently but is obviously in good health for his age and this is something to hang on to. Has he got any holidays coming up? I think you said he enjoyed hotel holidays by the sea?
Thank you pulisa. Hopefully she will regain all sensation or at least some of it. She has a mammogram this Wednesday so more nail biting. Why does life seem to revolve around hospitals and illness? Getting older I suppose.
My Dad will no doubt be off somewhere this year. They usually go on organised coach holidays, last year it was Bournemouth. Yes I told him he's got more lives than a cat :blush:
Awful news today, my brother's eldest son was killed in a road accident while driving his lorry. He was 47. Utterly shocking.
I'm so sorry, fishman. What shocking news for you and your family. Your poor brother must be devastated. I know that you and he weren't particularly close but something like this brings the family together in terrible circumstances. 47 is no age and a real tragedy. My thoughts are with you.
Oh no that's utterly awful news. My thoughts are with you and your family at this dreadful time.
Thank you both. The police are going out to see him tomorrow. Myself, Mrs F and my Dad went round this afternoon. It's just so senseless, his lorry was in collision with another one. The other driver was ok, at least physically. I really don't know how to deal with this, it's uncharted territory.
Life is an ordeal right now. My brother still doesn't have a date for the funeral but he expects as many as 100 people attending, my nephew was very popular. I'm trying to be there for my brother but struggling with the usual anxiety hijacking any ideas of grieving. I've also decided to drink for the funeral, I can't not go as I did three years ago for Mrs F's Mum's funeral. I felt ashamed afterwards so at least this time I'll be there physically. Though I don't drink at all these days, the last time was New Year 2016/17 I think?
Fishman, are you absolutely sure you want to drink for this funeral? Are you not using it as a coping tool? But will it be? The fact you haven't drunk for a couple of years, well, it may have the opposite effect that you need.
As you know I had to attend my Partner's mum's funeral and at that time could barely walk from room to room without feeling lightheaded and anxious.
I had to go as I had no choice. But believe me it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
For a start, the funeral will not last any longer than 20 minutes. You also have an excuse to breakdown or act weird. I also had in my mind if I could not handle it, I could sit in the car.
By all means drink if you think it is the right thing to do, but don't bet on it being your crutch.
Just my opinion on my experience.
Fish , sorry to hear about your nephew, Ive missed a couple of funerals through anxiety ( I go to too bloody many ) the anticipation is always the worst part and I know the actual funeral will be hard but it's one day and as know not going will play on your mind for years so you are doing the right thing for your bro .
I still drink but haven't got drunk for years , it has the opposite effect as it used to , it just magnifies your anxieties, I stick to a couple and if you are the driver just one , it's surprising how many people you talk to at our ages that don't drink any more , we're from that get hammered generation, it's not always expected to drink too much anymore .
It's just one day and you will get through it and do the right thing , take care matey.
Thanks Carnation and Buster, thank you for your kind words. Carnation I completely understand where you're coming from, I'm not happy feeling I have to get tanked up. However, having once been a heavy borderline problem drinker, I know the quantity plus strength of booze I would need to see me through the ceremony. There will be a lot of people there whom I will know and drinking is the only way to guarantee I'll be present/able to engage socially. Three years ago I backed out of my MIL's funeral, apparently one or two people there said they thought I could have turned up, even though I had done more than my share for her while she was alive, while many that attended were conspicuously absent when she still walked upon this mortal coil.
Alcohol and anxiety don't sit well together for many and that includes me too. I haven't been drunk for years either Buster, I think 2005 for my 40th? That said and all things considered, it is one day and I'll return to teetotal once it's all over. Talking to my brother today, there will be an inquest and the family liaison officer said it may be sorted quickly but he's seen one case where the funeral was six months after the person died!! That's not easy to deal with as it drags things out but then the law dictates an investigation is necessary.
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