throwaway12312313
09-04-18, 21:23
Hello all, I hope some people can take the time to listen to my story, as I am in a very dark place and feel the need to reach out.
I am a 28 year old male who has been at the pinnacle of health up until December, at which point my life fell apart.
I'm having severe health anxiety as a result of one thing after another going wrong for the last 4-5 months. Please bear with me since the timelines of all these ailments jump around a bit.
It all started in early December when I got sick with something. Girlfriend was sick too, so it was likely contagious but it was mild. Some lymph nodes in chin and right lymph node in groin swelled, caused discomfort. Lymph nodes in chin subsided, the one in my right groin remained around 1.2 cm, and sometimes I can still feel soreness in the area.
Around the same time in december/january, I started getting severe constipation for a while and noticed blood in my stool. This also came with lots of abdominal pain and discomfort. This led me to start worrying that I had colon cancer.
I had a sigmoidoscopy done in january that found some minor hemmhroids that the doctor said may have caused the bleeding. Later (feb 20) I had a full colonoscopy because I was still having the issues. The doctor took a random biopsy which said "mild stromal fibrosis" and said that "small lymphoid aggregates" were present. I also had an upper endoscopy (march 1) which found erosive gastritis on the top part of my stomach. Random biopsies from the stomach found various minor inflammation, but "small lymphoid aggregates" from one of the duodenum samples caught my eye. At this point I started obsessing over lymphoma.
Over these few months, I also had a TON of blood tests (probably had every kind of blood test possible), you should see my arms, they are still full of needle marks. All came back normal., I had an ultrasound of my groin lymph nodes (1.0 x 0.8 x 0.3 cm on left side, 1.2 x 0.3 x 1.0 on right side), and a clear chest X-ray and abdominal ultrasound. Eventually, in march, I had a abdominal MRI with contrast (clear). I also had a pelvic MRI with contrast that found an extremely rare abnormality called a "urethral diverticulum" which is very uncommon in men. This alone freaked me out and I spoke to a few doctors about it who said not to do anything since I was probably born with it. I still worry that the radiologist misdiagnosed it and its actually a cancerous tumor, but the doctors do not want to do surgery. I also saw a hematologist/oncologist who took a bunch of specialized blood tests (normal) and got mad at me when I came back again with lymph node paranoia.
I also felt some lymph nodes in my neck and ended up in the ER with a severe panic attack over it (early march). They did a CT scan of my neck and found "multiple level I and II sub-centimeter lymph nodes" but they said they were normal and sent me away. I think since then they have gotten a bit larger and I am constantly obsessively feeling them. I can feel 4 in the area under my chin. I think at least one may be over 1cm now and it's freaking me out a lot. I'm touching them obsessively every 5 minutes.
In the midst of all this, at the end of january, I found a small lump around my left bicep that was misdiagnosed as 5 different things by 5 different doctors. First one said lipoma. Next one said cyst. Did an ultrasound, they said it was either cyst or lymph node. Eventually saw surgeon who said it was either a calcified tendon or cyst. I eventually convinced the surgeon to cut it out (this was last friday, still waiting for biopsy result, severe anxiety). The billing code from the hospital said the surgery was to remove a "mass of the peripheral nerve of upper extremity" which nobody mentioned or explained to me.
Also in January I saw a neurologist because I thought I had MS and he did a ton of neurological testing on me that came back normal and sent me home with a prescription for ativan, which doesn't even do anything for me anymore.
Over the last ~3 weeks I have been having bloody boogers / see some blood when I blow my nose and it is further increasing my panic. One thing after another. And every little pain or weird observation throws me into a panic. I'm still having abdominal trouble.
Believe it or not, this is the abbreviated history. I've also had/have other weird symptoms like a weird click/muscle spasm in my neck when I swallow, some pain in my leg, some pain in my armpits though I havent felt any lymph nodes there, and a lot more things I probably cant even remember/keep track of right now. At one point I lost like 10lb, prompting a doctor to prescribe me megace which helped me gain it back. A few times I woke up and I think I had night sweats, but not severe, sometimes only my legs. Everything tells me "cancer".
I have seen 20+ doctors, I have had a huge amount of blood and imaging tests. The surgeon refuses to biopsy any of my lymph nodes, and I have told multiple doctors I wanted to biopsy them and I keep being told no.
At this point I am convinced I have some sort of cancer and it is driving me insane. It has gotten to the point of considering suicide. It has ruined my life, jeopardizing my relationship and my career. I feel like I am seriously sick and all the doctors are either incompetent or are looking in the wrong places, and the scans were either too early or misinterpreted. I wake up 5x times a night paranoid. Is it possible to have this kind of streak of bad luck and scary symptoms without it being related to each other? I'm having trouble believing in this kind of insane coincidence streak.
I am working with a therapist and psychiatrist but the pills I have tried do not work and the ones that worked even a little tiny bit (ativan), I have grown a tolerance to. Besides, these pills do not stop the physical symptoms from existing and I am losing my mind.
I am ashamed to even go to my doctors anymore because I keep coming back with new things and they are all getting pissed off. Everybody is dismissing me. I have done almost every test possible and I can't keep asking for repeat MRI/CT scans. I am running out of things I can do.
I don't know if I'm really dying from cancer or just paranoid. Everything is a mess. I need help.
PS:
I am not a crazy person. I am usually very rational and I am (supposed to be) defending my PhD dissertation soon. I am not delusional, and I do not think that blood and lumps can be psychosomatic. I have been having a streak of real physical issues that have left me worn out physically and mentally to the point that it is unbearable. I no longer know where to turn.
PS #2:
Forgot to mention, my girlfriend was diagnosed with HPV type 16 about 1.5 years ago, so I probably have that too. I know it causes a ton of cancers so that hasn't been helping.
I am a 28 year old male who has been at the pinnacle of health up until December, at which point my life fell apart.
I'm having severe health anxiety as a result of one thing after another going wrong for the last 4-5 months. Please bear with me since the timelines of all these ailments jump around a bit.
It all started in early December when I got sick with something. Girlfriend was sick too, so it was likely contagious but it was mild. Some lymph nodes in chin and right lymph node in groin swelled, caused discomfort. Lymph nodes in chin subsided, the one in my right groin remained around 1.2 cm, and sometimes I can still feel soreness in the area.
Around the same time in december/january, I started getting severe constipation for a while and noticed blood in my stool. This also came with lots of abdominal pain and discomfort. This led me to start worrying that I had colon cancer.
I had a sigmoidoscopy done in january that found some minor hemmhroids that the doctor said may have caused the bleeding. Later (feb 20) I had a full colonoscopy because I was still having the issues. The doctor took a random biopsy which said "mild stromal fibrosis" and said that "small lymphoid aggregates" were present. I also had an upper endoscopy (march 1) which found erosive gastritis on the top part of my stomach. Random biopsies from the stomach found various minor inflammation, but "small lymphoid aggregates" from one of the duodenum samples caught my eye. At this point I started obsessing over lymphoma.
Over these few months, I also had a TON of blood tests (probably had every kind of blood test possible), you should see my arms, they are still full of needle marks. All came back normal., I had an ultrasound of my groin lymph nodes (1.0 x 0.8 x 0.3 cm on left side, 1.2 x 0.3 x 1.0 on right side), and a clear chest X-ray and abdominal ultrasound. Eventually, in march, I had a abdominal MRI with contrast (clear). I also had a pelvic MRI with contrast that found an extremely rare abnormality called a "urethral diverticulum" which is very uncommon in men. This alone freaked me out and I spoke to a few doctors about it who said not to do anything since I was probably born with it. I still worry that the radiologist misdiagnosed it and its actually a cancerous tumor, but the doctors do not want to do surgery. I also saw a hematologist/oncologist who took a bunch of specialized blood tests (normal) and got mad at me when I came back again with lymph node paranoia.
I also felt some lymph nodes in my neck and ended up in the ER with a severe panic attack over it (early march). They did a CT scan of my neck and found "multiple level I and II sub-centimeter lymph nodes" but they said they were normal and sent me away. I think since then they have gotten a bit larger and I am constantly obsessively feeling them. I can feel 4 in the area under my chin. I think at least one may be over 1cm now and it's freaking me out a lot. I'm touching them obsessively every 5 minutes.
In the midst of all this, at the end of january, I found a small lump around my left bicep that was misdiagnosed as 5 different things by 5 different doctors. First one said lipoma. Next one said cyst. Did an ultrasound, they said it was either cyst or lymph node. Eventually saw surgeon who said it was either a calcified tendon or cyst. I eventually convinced the surgeon to cut it out (this was last friday, still waiting for biopsy result, severe anxiety). The billing code from the hospital said the surgery was to remove a "mass of the peripheral nerve of upper extremity" which nobody mentioned or explained to me.
Also in January I saw a neurologist because I thought I had MS and he did a ton of neurological testing on me that came back normal and sent me home with a prescription for ativan, which doesn't even do anything for me anymore.
Over the last ~3 weeks I have been having bloody boogers / see some blood when I blow my nose and it is further increasing my panic. One thing after another. And every little pain or weird observation throws me into a panic. I'm still having abdominal trouble.
Believe it or not, this is the abbreviated history. I've also had/have other weird symptoms like a weird click/muscle spasm in my neck when I swallow, some pain in my leg, some pain in my armpits though I havent felt any lymph nodes there, and a lot more things I probably cant even remember/keep track of right now. At one point I lost like 10lb, prompting a doctor to prescribe me megace which helped me gain it back. A few times I woke up and I think I had night sweats, but not severe, sometimes only my legs. Everything tells me "cancer".
I have seen 20+ doctors, I have had a huge amount of blood and imaging tests. The surgeon refuses to biopsy any of my lymph nodes, and I have told multiple doctors I wanted to biopsy them and I keep being told no.
At this point I am convinced I have some sort of cancer and it is driving me insane. It has gotten to the point of considering suicide. It has ruined my life, jeopardizing my relationship and my career. I feel like I am seriously sick and all the doctors are either incompetent or are looking in the wrong places, and the scans were either too early or misinterpreted. I wake up 5x times a night paranoid. Is it possible to have this kind of streak of bad luck and scary symptoms without it being related to each other? I'm having trouble believing in this kind of insane coincidence streak.
I am working with a therapist and psychiatrist but the pills I have tried do not work and the ones that worked even a little tiny bit (ativan), I have grown a tolerance to. Besides, these pills do not stop the physical symptoms from existing and I am losing my mind.
I am ashamed to even go to my doctors anymore because I keep coming back with new things and they are all getting pissed off. Everybody is dismissing me. I have done almost every test possible and I can't keep asking for repeat MRI/CT scans. I am running out of things I can do.
I don't know if I'm really dying from cancer or just paranoid. Everything is a mess. I need help.
PS:
I am not a crazy person. I am usually very rational and I am (supposed to be) defending my PhD dissertation soon. I am not delusional, and I do not think that blood and lumps can be psychosomatic. I have been having a streak of real physical issues that have left me worn out physically and mentally to the point that it is unbearable. I no longer know where to turn.
PS #2:
Forgot to mention, my girlfriend was diagnosed with HPV type 16 about 1.5 years ago, so I probably have that too. I know it causes a ton of cancers so that hasn't been helping.