needed to tell someone!

[bluesparkle]

i really have no idea which subject to put this in so if you want to move it please do...
i want to thank you all for your replies on my other thread after my op... i am still not feeling right and am sore its been 8 days now i am probably being a bit impatient and have had a lot going on the last few days...
anyway im not sure anyone can do anything or not sure what im asking but one thing i have learnt is that i can say anything here and you all understand, i am not a person who likes to just take and take so i hate moaning but i really needed to tell someone.
my partner is leaving me.................
i dont want to get into back biting and "he said and done this" but he doesnt half pick his moments...
things have not been great but he calmly announced on saturday that he didnt want me anymore and didnt love me... he wants to be single he works long/odd hours and is very much a single man.
last time this happened we still saw each other every day and so decided to get back together but i cannot allow myself to do that this time i cannot go through this again, i have asked him not to leave but he wants to so i have to just get on with it now, i have told the kids and they were gutted especially youngest and also my teenage son too(i have 4 in total)
the hard thing is and the reason i really need you lot right now is he is still here until he finds somewhere to live... and that is hard...i am trying to be strong and get things sorted like money etc then he says i am pushing him out ... well he decided thats what he wanted so i know i must not feel guilty.
well to top it all today my mum has been taken ill, had ambulance called etc its her heart but they think they can control it with drugs... we taking it in turns to sit with her as they said they would see how she gets on today and decide then if she needs to go into hospital...
why is all this happening... i know lots of you are struggling so please forgive me for going on,
i really just needed to tell someone
i have made great steps in recovery lately as you know... please dont let me go back to where i was again, i want to be a help and support to others too, i just cant believe this is happening, i spent all day saturday asking him is this really it but i now know it is so my life as a single person/mum has to begin i have been here before but its still scarey.
rach

[trac67]

Rach,

Just needed to give you a big :hugs:

Things will get better for you, its just everything seems to hit us in one go doesn't it :mad:

Take care of you ok and make sure this doesnt undo all the things you have achieved so far.

i hope your mum feels better soon

Love

Trac xxxx

[Lindalou64]

Hey Rach.. Listen Hun Its Not Your Fault Sometimes In Life We Can Get Dealt A Bad Hand One Week One Yr Ect...you Are Def Not Alone And My Heart Goes Out Too You....what Makes It Hard Is When It All Hits At Once And Ya Feel Like Where Do I Turn Now...well Ya Have To Think Of You And Ya Kids Right Now...of Course Be There For Ya Mom...my Prayers Our With Ya There Also...just Take It One Day At A Time Rach Ya Know And Seen What You Can Do And You Will Still Continue .sure Your A Feeling Down Right Now We Wont Use The Word Depressed Ok Who Wouldnt Be You Have The Right To Feel Down But You Will Pick Yaself Up And Move Forward Hun..im Sorry Ya Man Is Leaving That Sucks But Hey If He Says He Dont Love Ya Wel Hell He Dont Deserve Ya Then.i Know Thats Hard Also...just Hang In There Try And Stay Strong Ya Still Need To Heal From Op And Then You Will Start To Heal From The Other Things In Ya Life I Know Its Hard Im A Single Mom Also Hubby Passed 5yrs Ago The 2oth Of This Month.....but I Had To Learn To Deal With These Issues As You Will...please Let Us Know How Your Coming Along Ok......take Care Of You....linda Xxx

[Piglet]

Oh mate - what a crock!!!

Sometimes everything just seems to come at once doesn't it!! First and foremost though is your own recovery - so one day at a time of not overdoing things - ok!!!

Do go and sit with mum if you are up to it and hopefully you may know more later. :hugs:

As regards your other half (whom I happen to think is quite quite mad to let a lovely lady like you slip through his hands but thats another story) of course him still living there is bloody hard after what he has just told you.

I suggest you put a time limit on this - he needs to decide where he is going since he has made this decision as its not fair on the rest on the family. Obviously you want to do this fairly but it's not a situation that is comfortable for any of you - I really hope it can be sorted very soon. Perhaps a break and he may realise what he is losing.

You are not going to slip back mate - everyday is a movement forward and you only deal with what's going on in that particualar day. Try not to think any further forward than that - other than necessary practical arrangements.

We're all here for you and I for one think you have and are managing terrifically well - non anxious people would be have trouble coping mate, so again realise any reactions you are feeling at the moment are appropriate, so don't try and supress them by thinking they are a negative anxiety response!!

Big hug from :hugs:

Piglet :flowers:

[happyone]

You are not going on hun:hugs: You are sharing and if it helps, keep on doing it!
I am so sorry you are having such a rotten time.
I think after what he has said he can't expect you to be particularly accomodating.
With everything that is going on for you hun, you are doing really well.
keep on talking:hugs:
Happyone
xx

[bluesparkle]

thank you so much for your replies...
told family yesterday and started ringing round benifits etc today... just work to face now but not for anouther week.
yes i will put a time limit on... looking at a flat tomorrow and one on wed so hopefully know something soon.
i am absolutely worn out again tonight but thank you so much for your kind words its nice to know people understand and care.
rach

[pips]

So sorry Rach Hun,

What alot for you to go through matey.http://aimgit.net/images/thanksAvtrDollGlitter.gifhttp://aimgit.net/images/thanksAvtrDollGlitter.gifhttp://aimgit.net/images/thanksAvtrDollGlitter.gif

I Just want to say that I'm thinking of you sweetie and here if you need me. Please feel free to PM or e-mail me anytime you want hun.

I hope your Mum gets better soon.

Try to Stay Strong http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_5_140.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZCxdm594YYGB)

Take care http://www.zingerbug.com/Comments/hugs/bear_hug1.gif

Love & More Hugs,:hugs:

Pip's X X X X

[bluesparkle]

thanks pips...
i will pm soon, i just need to get through these next few days
rach
x

[Paddington]

Dear Rach:hugs: firstly i hope your mom gets better very soon:flowers: Secondly..see if this makes sense in any way....your partner?were you dependent on him when you were worse with your anxiety at all??I ask this because when people are on the road to recovery ,be it drugs .drink,anxiety ..some times the partners role in the relationship changes sooo much that it is them who cant cope with the changes:ohmy: Mad i know ,but a fact too.I believe that you can and will cope on your own ,..your new found independence is a challenge and a gift hun:flowers: I hope this makes some sense to you Rach.I am glad you are feeling better too after your op:) Here if you need me.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

.some times the partners role in the relationship changes sooo much that it is them who cant cope with the changes:ohmy: Mad i know ,but a fact too.

Yes I've heard that too!!

Hope things are better with your mum today Rach.

We're all here if you need any help and advice.:hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Quirky]

Thinking of you Rach :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Lisa x

[bluesparkle]

thank you all so very much... when i feel down i come here and read the replies it helps so much...
he looked at a place today but it was no good... looking at a flat tomorrow, but he is not really in a hurry things are not to bad here but as you can imagine its not nice either...
this afternoon he announced "what if this is a mistake" i think reality has dawned on him as this time i have not begged him to stay i asked him on saturday several times if he was sure as i really didnt want him to go but he said yes he wanted to be single and he didnt love me,and didnt really bat an eyelid at how upset i was. i cannot cope with him saying things like he did today and i was doing so well. he just doesnt think what this is doing to anyone else.
i couldnt go back now, the week end was so hard telling my family and children i cannot risk breaking there hearts again as im sure he would leave if something better came along. i just hope i am doing the right thing. i just dont know why things have to be so difficult as if him leaving in the first place wasnt bad enough.
well writing this down has helped it is going to be a few bad days but im sure its the right thing to do to stick to the decision i cant let him mess with my head.
thank you all so much for being there and listening
and mum is doing ok today thanks... she still must take it very easy though
rach

[Paddington]

Rach hun..you're being very brave and very sensible too:hugs: you cant let him blow hot and cold like that:mad: As for him going anyway if something better came along, erm... hun..look further along your own road hun..there WILL be better things for you too hun:flowers: I know what it feels like to be seperated and have kids so iam thinking of you Hun..your life will start anew once he gets his own place:flowers: Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

Yep I agree with Paddie hun - better things will be down the road for you.

We need to value ourselves don't we - you're damn special so why should you settle for second best, or someone who doesn't see what a gem you are.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Ellen70]

Hi Rach,
I don't know what to say other than I really feel for you and that I hope things settle down quickly. You are very brave and strong. I wish there was something more I could do but I will be thinking of you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Ellen :flowers:

[bluesparkle]

thank you so much, :hugs:
well he is moving to a flat just down the road, but i think im strong enough to cope with that i just want this over with now, it will be about 2 weeks sounds a long time but then it should be all sorted, so until then i will just keep coming here and writing/moaning etc, you lot are very special people i feel very safe here.
anyway what i have come on for is to ask for some posative vibes to be sent today as i have just phoned work and my team leader is coming to see me at 4pm, im not sure what i want to say or what i want i just need to see what options are open to me , and if i can maybe swap some shifts or drop some just temporarily.
anyway i will be back later to let you know how it goes
thank you all so much
rach

[bobsy]

Just want to say good luck with this afternoon. i hope it goes ok

I would be assertive with your team leader and let them know your position and needs at the moment. Maybe say that you would like to take some time out due to personal reasons, and hope that they understand and can accommodate you, until you you are feeling a little better.

you can handle all this and it can only make you a stronger person

love

bobsy

[Piglet]

All the best this afternoon hun - ask for what's going to suit you best just at present, afterall it doesn't need to be a permanant change just what helps you while you get your physical health back to par and the other stuff.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[bluesparkle]

thank you :)
my team leader turned up with 4 of the students cos he thought it would be nice to pop in...well it was lovely to see them but he wanted me to talk to him there and then so i told him the problem he did look shocked lol
well for now i am going to keep my 35 hours, but change my sat eve shift and do the day instead and also made him aware that any problems at home i will be asking for time off as the kids come first.
not had a very good few days again though the problem is im not patient enough it could be anouther 2 weeks or so until my ex can move out into a flat, and i am finding it very hard. he gets grumpy and cross and i take it to heart.
i am also a little nervous about going back to work on wed, i guess its because everyone wont know what im going through and im not sure what to say.
thank you for listening
rach

[Piglet]

I think all you can do at the moment hun is take each day as it comes.

All the best for returning to work on Weds and tell the people you feel you can - people can be very understanding when it comes to it and it helps not trying to have to pretend you're fine when you're not.

Big hugs :hugs:

Piglet :flowers:

[bluesparkle]

thanks piglet...
i think you are right and all i can do with all of it is calm right down and just be patient... its not a nice situation but i cant do anything about it i just hope all goes ok with the flat etc i want my life back now.
am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.
rach

[Jo Jo]

Hello Rach

I am so sorry for what has been happening in your life recently. I havent mailed you before but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending you a big big hug.

Life deals a cruel hand sometimes but it is a test to us all and you can get through it!! You have all the support from everyone here!! Piglet is correct, sometimes the role does change with the partner and it is very hard to revert back to a relationship as they become the carer. I look after patients with MS and this does happen occasionally.

This is a new begining for you, grap it with both hands and make it yours!!!!

Jo Jo xx:hugs:

[bluesparkle]

hi jo jo
thank you for that ... i needed a hug this morning :)
you are right and once it is all sorted and he has finally moved out i do intend to grasp life with both hands, i have learnt so much from people on here and made some good friends i could not have got on with my life and doing new things with out the support.
i am back to work tomorrow so that should help a bit
rach

[Piglet]

That's the attitude - go get em tiger!! :yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

[Quirky]

Well done for coping so well Rach, thinking of you :hugs:

Lisa x

[bluesparkle]

thank you :hugs:

[Paddington]

Hows things hun..has work gone ok:hugs: i have ben missin with an ear infection.but have thought about you hun:flowers: ooh all these big ghanges ahead and adventures,new people to meet ,rather exciting :yesyes: crumbs two week hun..my ex was in the house for 12 months:ohmy: :ohmy: and i had to sleep on the sofa:ohmy: hey ho such is life...i was just relieved to be honest that the ball was rolling at all..hard hun yes but definitely possible:D Hope you ok.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[bluesparkle]

thanks for that paddie :)
well we got a date today it is next thursday...
mixed emotions today... pleased that this nightmare will end and sad that it has :huh:
i just hope i can stay strong now...
work is going ok a bit odd as i feel a bit lost as a person right now.
thank you all for your support
rach
x

[Paddington]

Oh i remember that feeling Rach..it is sad ,,but exciting too..i wept buckets when my ex actually left.I didn't want the relationship any more but ,,lord with the kids etc..it is sad ..you have a history together and that wont change hun:flowers: But your new begining will be wonderful too:yesyes: You will stop that horrid feeling of not being a full person,,because you will become your own person hun..we will be with you on your journey for as long as you need us:hugs: Lots a love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

Been there too hun and got the t-shirt.

Have a big hug :hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers: