View Full Version : Up sh@t creak
So having struggled to stay afloat for god knows how long today the rug gets pulled out again , if you feel ok don't read on its going get real depressing.
For those who know me you'll know my partner has been physically and mentally unwell for a very long time , heart issues , pneumonia at least ten times in the last 18 months , hospitalised twice for overdoses so we've been claiming pip and carers , because of my own mental health problems plus some physical ones lve only worked part time for myself , the long winter has been tough and my work has dried up , so due to the new fantastic government shake up partner had to have an assessment, the letter came back today and was pretty unbelievable, half of it was pack of lies , the woman who did the assessment said my partner said she enjoyed going out socialising with her freinds and daughter , sounds harsh but she no longer has any freinds she hasn't been out with or had a freind round in well over ten years she doesn't like people in general because of her depression , she only leaves the house with me except on rare occasions.
Long and short of it is they say she is fit for work without contacting her psychiatrist , Gp or hospital consultant all of which would say no way she is fit for work .
So the situation from today is no money coming in , no savings left except enough to cover us for maybe a month , neither of us are well enough to work full time , we have some rent arrears from a few years ago so if we miss a payment we are out , basically as the title says .
She's contacted her psychiatrist who says they didn't even contact him , there is an appeals process but we don't know how long it takes or the chances of the outcome being any different , has anyone been through the appeal ?
Trying hard not to cave in but we both know prospects are not good , it's hard to see any way out right now other than a cupboard full of morphine and codien that the bleeding chemist keeps sending , nothing can be done until Monday now anyway so just sit and worry .
Thanks and sorry for the depressing post .:hugs:
You have to appeal, Buster. It does take time, and it's a real emotional drain on both of you, but you must start appeal process ASAP. I would think you have very good chances of getting "decision" changed if it goes to tribunal. You have to start Mandatory Reconsideration process by writing to DWP or filling out section in letter you received from them. In the meantime, they should still pay you benefit until appeal process is over.
Be strong and push ahead. You can both do it!
Buster that's CRAP mate. It really makes my blood boil, they just pass everybody fit no matter what. You need to take it to mandatory reconsideration then tribunal if that's not successful. Do you get housing benefit? If not you should.
---------- Post added at 17:28 ---------- Previous post was at 17:12 ----------
Buster, As KK has said they still have to pay your benefits whilst your appealing. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry, they can't leave you with no money.
Definitely start an appeal
Contact fightback4justice they are currently handling my appeal and are really good
Just the news you didn't want, Buster..I'm so sorry you have to contend with this but as others have said you have to appeal. Excellent advice from Elen who has obviously been through the mill with a similar experience. I'm sure I'll have to do the same for my daughter in due course when her DLA becomes PIP.
MyNameIsTerry
14-04-18, 02:33
I'm sorry to hear you are having all this horrible hassle with these clowns, Buster. And you too, Elen, and glad to hear you are getting support.
Some interesting info to consider, Buster:
In the first quarter of 2013/14, the success rate for DLA claimants was 40% of 16,229 appeals. This has risen to 56% of claimants winning 2,435 appeals in the first quarter of 2015/16.
The picture for ESA is very similar.
ESA success rates have risen from 42% of 77,289 appeals in the first quarter of 2013/14up to 58% of 12,101 appeals in the first quarter of 2015/16.
PIP success rates for claimants have risen from 26% of 81 appeals in quarter 4 of 2013/14 – the first time there were any PIP appeals - to 57% of 7,931 appeals in the first quarter of 2015/16.
AND
According to statistics from the Tribunal Service, the success rate for PIP appeals in the last quarter of 2015/16 is 63%; up from 53% in the same period of the year before.
The rate of successful appeals has gone up quarter by quarter since PIP was introduced – and the number of appeals heard has also gone up very significantly, from 3,826 to 15,971. The DWP introduced the “mandatory reconsideration” as an extra step claimants have to complete before going to appeal, but even with this, a clear majority of cases that go to appeal find in favour of the claimant.
AND
Personal Independence Payment (PIP) assessments have been branded a “total failure” as 69% of people appealing them at a tribunal now win their case.
That is the highest percentage success rate ever recorded since the benefit launched in 2013.
Today’s figures show that between October and December 2017, 20,144 benefit tribunals were completed – and 13,881 ended in victory for the claimant.
It may seem like an impossible battle but look just how many who fight back win their cases?
The quality of some of these "assessors" can't be beyond that of a hospital porter so it's worrying why so many mess it up but it's also about people without any real knowledge making assessments. They don't have to be trained in the area they are assessing...they might as well get any admin clerk doing it!
I cam completely understand how this is too much to take on. There were people at the walk-in groups going through this with ESA when I was there and they found the form filling daunting let alone the meetings themselves. One of the coordinators had been through it and reassured the group the appeals process was much smoother with people who understood the issues and were more understanding to the claimant.
This issue has always been a national disgrace, present & previous governments, Labour & Tory. A total mess. From listening to others and reading about the cases in the press I've always seen it as a sieve process. A "kick them all off and see who takes us to task" approach. The trouble is, it doesn't just boot off the scammers that were loathed but also people like us who find it daunting. And the process was never any use for mental health, it was all about physical problems. I've heard some utterly worthless tests the assessors do to assess fitness (one was if the claimant with anxiety could use a pen and cook for themselves they were fit) as well as support workers/nurses talk about people mentally disabled who couldn't even cross the street alone being signed off! :mad:
And then there are the lovely healthcare staff working as assessors who actively lie causing great distress like yours. Paying them commission seemed to pull in the scumbags who do it for money and don't care about people.
Hi , thanks for the kind words and support I do appreciate it a lot I do feel utterly ashamed and embarrassed that it's come to this :hugs:
In my usual style I did somthing possibly a little weird , took a diazepam to take the edge off , packed the van and buggered off 100 miles to the coast with partner and dogs , there is nothing that can be done until Monday and the state my partner was in it seemed better to be away from a house full of drugs , being away makes the problems seem smaller ( ok burying our heads in the sand a bit ) .
I've downloaded a template letter for the mandatory reconsideration process so just fill in the parts that apply along with a letter from the shrink and doc ,plus a letter to explain why their decision is wrong and to ask why half of the assessment was completely fabricated, the two biggest lies were her going out with freinds she doesn't have and being able manage money matters ok when she pointed out she was in arrears with rent , rates and had run up bank overdrafts for no reason .
I checked on the woman who did the assessment and she doesn't seem to have any medical qualifications but seems to know better than a psychiatrist or consultant.
As for money we don't claim housing or council tax benefits we paid our own it was too complicated unless I gave up work all together and as for the pip and carers the letter said it was stopped completely from the 8th last week with no mention of what to do about living just a warning to say if you claim for car tax which I don't I should now tax my car .
The thought that I'm not letting the b'stards grind me down or win is keeping me going for now , that and a photo of my grandkids .
Again thanks . Ps sat at a beach cafe this morning and didn't feel like walking into the sea .
MyNameIsTerry
14-04-18, 15:20
That's not in the least weird, if anything that's a great response. Why spend the weekend worrying and seeing your partner upset when you can be stoic about it and say sod it I'm going to have a nice day out.
It's burying your head when you can but don't want to. Choosing to get on with life and face it when the correct time comes is exactly what a therapist would be telling us all to do.
Have a nice day. The weather is good here so hopefully it's an ice cream day on the beach for you. Any donkeys?
Good on you Buster:D
Great idea to escape to the seaside, as you say you can't do anything until Monday.
Take Care Mate!
Buster, well done for taking the initiative and buggering off to the coast. :yesyes:
I must admit I was a little worried for the both of you when reading your post as I know how this sort of thing can affect you.
I was also in this position. I won't bore you with all the minor details, but had the assessment. Even though I had to be chaperoned there and was extremely nervous and agitated during the interview.
I also received a letter to say I was fit for work.
For one thing, I couldn't go out alone with my monophobia and was practically a hermit for most of the time.
Anyway, during the assessment, which was done by a nurse, not someone who I thought was qualified to assess me in half an hour and led me to believe that everything was going to be fine for me and in fact it was not!
So I wrote a letter and copied it to my GP, who was behind me 100%.
Get you GP to write a letter for you, you may have to pay a small fee, but it is worth it.
The more back up you can get the better.
Even letters from neighbours and family members.
Things can be worked out and even if they have stopped your money, you have to be entitled to some support.
If your partner is out of work at present, she has to receive support anyway.
It's the weekend, so chill out for now and make the most of the sea air. :hugs:
Had a Neil kinnock moment on the beach today as in a wave snuck up behind me and I got soaked but my partner absolutely pis&ed herself so no all bad took one for the team :doh:.
As I sat on the edge of the prom drying my trousers and trainers I noticed two blokes stood at the edge of the sea about a hundred yards apart both just staring out to sea , one a biker in full black leathers boots and helmet under his arm , the other in a mod Parker , both middle aged it was more Quadraphenia than baywatch but I did sit and wonder what they were thinking and why we do it just looking out to sea like it has the answers .
Wish I could just stay here but need to go back to reality and sort the shite out back home .
Going to a carboot in the morning if I find a Ming dynasty vase I'll probably stay the week :D
Thanks buoys and gulls :)
---------- Post added at 23:08 ---------- Previous post was at 22:55 ----------
Thanks carnation, I did think about letters from my daughters to say she doesn't have freinds to socialise with and that's a good idea to show the letter they sent to her Gp and psychiatrist, they had to come to her for the assessment had they came a few weeks ago she had pneumonia, I think their idea like others have said is just fail everyone and see who appeals , guilty until proven innocent.
Take care :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
15-04-18, 02:14
Mods & Bikers standing together looking out to see? Probably thinking of the old days when they were young and were booting the crap out of each other by the sea! :biggrin:
Glad you had a good day and cheering Mrs B up! Watch out for Jaws next time!!! http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/fish/t107112.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-fish.php?page=5)
I bet doctors are sick to death of these assessments. It must grate on them that they spend years assessing & monitoring for someone far less qualified to say they are wrong in a 30 minute session. :doh:
Good advice from members Buster. Will not be long until tomorrow.
Glad you can keep your sense of humour.
All the best :hugs:x
Hope you found that Ming vase, Buster!:D
There were a few minging things but not what I had in mind :D so I guess it's back to the worry factory in the morning .
Bought a pad today to make a start on the letter to Dwp , I was struggling for inspiration so I thought what would Magic say ?
Dear pri@k or sh!t head , I sincerely wish I could bestow the gift of anxiety and or depression on you for one week so your tiny uncaring brain could feel the utter despair and give an insight into our daily struggle , you cu@t !
I might have to work on it before sending :roflmao:
Spoke to an old lady today parked up at the beach , she said she drives there most days and just sits and watches the sea , she lives alone and probably likes a bit of conversation, she looked very calm and content unlike most people these days .
Anyway dogs have just had their last walk of the day and it's now absolutely pis£ing it down .Ill let you guys know how it goes with the Dwp , as a last resort I suppose I could apply for a job as a Dwp assessor I was once a Doctor of lager although that might make me over qualified.:D
Take care .
There were a few minging things but not what I had in mind:roflmao:
Oh Buster, I've only just come upon this thread, really sorry I would have written on it sooner had I have seen it. Anyway, as I'm late the rather crap party (I'll pass on a party bag if you are giving them out, not sure what you might put in it in your current frame of mind lol), I can see that more knowledgeable people than myself have given great advice.
You did the perfect thing driving to the coast and having some time out. What a complete pile of utter rubbish has been chucked your way, and its so unfair. So glad you are doing the appeal jobby :yesyes:
You make me laugh Buster, but you have to get in these people's heads! You also have to point out their liabilities for their decisions. Point out that your partner was made to feel nervous and uncomfortable. You know the sort of stuff. It's not lies, it's the truth!!!!
Bought a pad today to make a start on the letter to Dwp , I was struggling for inspiration so I thought what would Magic say ?
Dear pri@k or sh!t head , I sincerely wish I could bestow the gift of anxiety and or depression on you for one week so your tiny uncaring brain could feel the utter despair and give an insight into our daily struggle , you cu@t !
I might have to work on it before sending.
:roflmao:
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!:D
Mental health is an easy target for these people, it's just something they don't understand! I just wish you could give it to these people for just a moment of their life, then they might just understand!
Good Luck Buster!!
MyNameIsTerry
16-04-18, 02:06
You know, that does sound like Magic :whistles::biggrin:
You probably made that old ladies day, Buster...she might have thought she had pulled a toy boy :winks:
I agree with Carnation, lay it bare. No, holding back in a very British way, lay it out how their decision affects you all.
Unfortunately many people will now be trying to pull a fast one under the anxiety and depression mantle...which makes it all the more difficult for those with a genuine, life-affecting disability like your case, Buster.
That's exactly why this has happened Pulisa.
As far as they are concerned, if you can walk and talk and can answer the questions rationally, then you can work. Their outcome of your present state is based solely on their very selective questions, which is unfair!
It can also be twisted around to sound more in their favour. You might say you attended a Wedding or even a funeral, so they put down that you socialise regularly!
I do understand why they are trying to stop scroungers from abusing the system..because it has been abused obviously in the past. We just all suffer now from that legacy. "Anxiety and depression" covers such a wide spectrum but you can't have a one size fits all criteria and assessors have to be trained in detecting the whingers and malingerers from those genuinely in distress and incapacitated.
MyNameIsTerry
16-04-18, 13:42
I do understand why they are trying to stop scroungers from abusing the system..because it has been abused obviously in the past. We just all suffer now from that legacy. "Anxiety and depression" covers such a wide spectrum but you can't have a one size fits all criteria and assessors have to be trained in detecting the whingers and malingerers from those genuinely in distress and incapacitated.
There's a question mark over whether that is the intention of these reviews. If they are intended to weed out the scroungers then the failure rate is high and suggests they are not fit for purpose.
How much money is wasted on appeals? But I guess it might be weighed up against how much is gained by saving on those people too afraid to challenge.
Terry, that's exactly the point!
The rate is high for those that don't appeal for the plain fact that they are mentally unable to do this, especially victims on their own with no-one to help fight their battles.
MyNameIsTerry
16-04-18, 14:32
Terry, that's exactly the point!
The rate is high for those that don't appeal for the plain fact that they are mentally unable to do this, especially victims on their own with no-one to help fight their battles.
I know I would find it challenging, it would up my anxiety for sure.
I wonder how hard it is for those more complex mental health disorders? And what of those going through periods of psychosis? I guess we have to hope they have family because not turning up because you've been sectioned will just be a tick in the box for sanctions and how could you get your head around following that up when you're struggling just to get by each day?
Imagine those coming out of hospital after self harm? It's scary to think how they could be treated by uncaring system. Thank god for charities & advocacy services.
I know my daughter would be absolutely devastated if she were to lose her DLA/PIP. It would severely impact on her mental health and she would consider herself a fraud. She would believe the assessors.
I would be able to appeal on her behalf though but the psychological damage would have already been done. The result of the appeal would be irrelevant. It wouldn't be about the financial side of things-more the shame of being perceived as a fake.
Hi guys , back home now , firstly thanks to all that have replied and offered advice and support , I know others will be in this position who don't feel they can ask and may get some help from this thread .
I've read quite a lot about the appeal process and the best way to go about it , I want to get this right so plenty of letters , the amount of people on Google who are saying the assessor lied about what had been said is unbelievable, on my partners letter there are at least three complete lies but the complaints process is a joke , the main problem with the Dwp is no one is accountable for the assessors actions , if plumber messed up and someone died because of his work he'd be locked up but if they say you are fit for work against doctors advice and you drop dead or kill yourself that's the end of it no one has to answer for it , it's almost impossible to make any complaints against them .
So you know I spend a lot of time pondering about people and the world we live in , I sat at the beach again this morning not wanting to come home , it crossed my mind that we talk on here but have no idea what people look like ( well most ) I could be sat saying morning to another member or having a chat and not even know , we all go about our days hiding our guilty secret , maybe the biker stood staring out to sea could have been bikermatt ok he have to be driven there in his leathers until he fixed up and back on the road , who knows where we all spend our days , the loonies are walking among us :D .
The other thing that I noticed is animals also like to stare out to sea maybe looking for the answers or maybe looking to see what I'm staring at .
Attached photo of ma dowg this morning , the other one was hiding behind me to keep warm and whining to go home .
Ta ta :hugs:
the loonies are walking among us :biggrin: .
Well, thats freaked me out now, never considered that until you said it :roflmao:I'm going to be ultra suspicious and on the 'look out' now.
Look at all those wind turbines, that s amazing!
Great photo Buster. Looks as know your dog was drawn in by the turbines. :D
Do you know, I was thinking the exact same thing today.
We have no idea what we all look like and we may have even crossed paths.
I also get a picture in my head of everyone, which may or may not be true.
Buster, I know you will deal with this issue very thoroughly and give it your best.
We are here if you need any advice. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
17-04-18, 02:00
I know my daughter would be absolutely devastated if she were to lose her DLA/PIP. It would severely impact on her mental health and she would consider herself a fraud. She would believe the assessors.
I would be able to appeal on her behalf though but the psychological damage would have already been done. The result of the appeal would be irrelevant. It wouldn't be about the financial side of things-more the shame of being perceived as a fake.
I would say I could imagine that, but I really couldn't. I'm sure many a doctor couldn't, not like you who understands her much better from years of observation and navigation of her conditions.
But I'm not sure they would care. They get paid and go home. I'm sure some do, law of averages and all that and these are people from the caring profession, but the kind that make up lies or do it just to make money when their ethics for being in caring occupations should be more important I don't care about any of those they see.
I am thinking the questioning alone would greatly upset your daughter as she would view it as questioning whether her behaviour was "right"?
---------- Post added at 02:00 ---------- Previous post was at 01:57 ----------
Hi guys , back home now , firstly thanks to all that have replied and offered advice and support , I know others will be in this position who don't feel they can ask and may get some help from this thread .
I've read quite a lot about the appeal process and the best way to go about it , I want to get this right so plenty of letters , the amount of people on Google who are saying the assessor lied about what had been said is unbelievable, on my partners letter there are at least three complete lies but the complaints process is a joke , the main problem with the Dwp is no one is accountable for the assessors actions , if plumber messed up and someone died because of his work he'd be locked up but if they say you are fit for work against doctors advice and you drop dead or kill yourself that's the end of it no one has to answer for it , it's almost impossible to make any complaints against them .
So you know I spend a lot of time pondering about people and the world we live in , I sat at the beach again this morning not wanting to come home , it crossed my mind that we talk on here but have no idea what people look like ( well most ) I could be sat saying morning to another member or having a chat and not even know , we all go about our days hiding our guilty secret , maybe the biker stood staring out to sea could have been bikermatt ok he have to be driven there in his leathers until he fixed up and back on the road , who knows where we all spend our days , the loonies are walking among us :D .
The other thing that I noticed is animals also like to stare out to sea maybe looking for the answers or maybe looking to see what I'm staring at .
Attached photo of ma dowg this morning , the other one was hiding behind me to keep warm and whining to go home .
Ta ta :hugs:
Probably thinking can I play with those or eat them? :yesyes:
I look at our dog when he's staring into space and wonder what's going through his mind.
Maybe the sea represents some adventure or opportunity to start anew? I think people have always stared at it in wonder of the ages, it seems to get mentioned in that way as almost a godly thing in nature like a mountain would be.
Well, thats freaked me out now, never considered that until you said it :roflmao:I'm going to be ultra suspicious and on the 'look out' now.
Look at all those wind turbines, that s amazing!
Carys I wouldn't be too worried about the loonies among us , im the sort that would pull up in traffic to help someone who had fallen over unlike the norms who drive by , not all loons are wearing clown masks and standing behind you with an axe :D we are looking out for the odd person we've been warned about and it turns out its us .
Glad you agree on the turnbines lots of people hate them and think they are and eyesore , free electric and they remind me of the little windmills you got to stick in the sand as a child , All good I say .
We are not loonies though. We are sensitive people who have a great deal of empathy with others who are genuinely having a rough time just getting through each day. I'd rather be anxious and kind than not anxious and totally self-centred.
I know that assessors don't care what damage they do psychologically to vulnerable claimants. They are just doing what they consider is a job. I know it's going to be very tough when my daughter gets assessed because she finds anything like this incredibly challenging and is very frightened of saying anything in case it's the "wrong" thing..
I like the wind turbine pic, Buster-and of course your dog gazing reflectively out to sea! Am so sorry you have this hassle.
not all loons are wearing clown masks and standing behind you with an axe :biggrin: we are looking out for the odd person we've been warned about and it turns out its us .Phew. Although......now I know its me.......:roflmao:
I agree Pulisa, 100 percent !!!!!!! I've said the same myself, mental health conditions shape and develop a person, often in a very positive way. I know it is hard, painful and upsetting at times, but hey, there are some silver lining aspects.Some struggling is part of me/you/us and it can make you a better and stronger person in many ways.
Wind turbines - I am scared of them close-up, I have Megalophobia relating to some large man-made objects. Had it all my life and I push myself to sometime try and desensitise myself, with things like radar dishes and pylons and stuff, and go nearer to them. I couldn't go anywhere near these wind turbines, BUT, I think they look amazing from this distance - the beauty of safe, gentle, natural power in motion. Actually, I think I might paint them bright colours to make them look even nicer ;)
MyNameIsTerry
17-04-18, 11:09
We're Goonies! You no longer need a mental picture of me, here I am...
https://i.gifer.com/Hjj.gif
...:yesyes:
Good idea, Carys. Paint them like Cow Parade.
What makes you think we're "loons", Buster? :lac:
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/PlushGoldenCougar-max-1mb.gif
May be it's just me that's the loon , do you guys have circus music playing in your heads all day ? :roflmao:
Umpa lumpa umpadee doo :D
Pulisa you've hit on another of my thoughts , I bumped into a mate ( sort of ) today he was doing a house clearance , he has no conscience and will trample over anything or anyone to make money , I know the chap that died who's house he's clearing and I would play on my mind going through his stuff and there is a lot of it he was a hoarder, would it be better to not give a crap and just get on with life not over analysing everything, he's doing really well for himself and I'm not so who's better off ? It can be a burden having a conscience.
I guess I'll just stick with doing what I think is right and being poor .
To picture me just imagine a 6'2 bloke who can't fold clothes , that's me :D
The difference is Buster, when you get to the pearly gates, you will be in a peaceful and pretty place with beautiful angels waiting on your very command, while the other bloke will be sent below in the dark where he can turf things over all day long never at peace with himself.
Did I mention I had a vivid imagination? :D
There were a few minging things but not what I had in mind :D so I guess it's back to the worry factory in the morning .
Bought a pad today to make a start on the letter to Dwp , I was struggling for inspiration so I thought what would Magic say ?
Dear pri@k or sh!t head , I sincerely wish I could bestow the gift of anxiety and or depression on you for one week so your tiny uncaring brain could feel the utter despair and give an insight into our daily struggle , you cu@t !
I might have to work on it before sending :roflmao:
Spoke to an old lady today parked up at the beach , she said she drives there most days and just sits and watches the sea , she lives alone and probably likes a bit of conversation, she looked very calm and content unlike most people these days .
Anyway dogs have just had their last walk of the day and it's now absolutely pis£ing it down .Ill let you guys know how it goes with the Dwp , as a last resort I suppose I could apply for a job as a Dwp assessor I was once a Doctor of lager although that might make me over qualified.:D
Take care .
Wished I lived by you Buster. I would help you. I write to the council many times about certain things----but might as well not bothered.
It amazes me about people who do not do their jobs properly and get paid for doing nothing, zilch.I don't swear at them though, well not yet! I can be very calm at times. I look so innocent,:noangel:
Do not phone. Everything in writing and keep a copy
All the best:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
17-04-18, 16:50
Umpa lumpa umpadee doo :D
...I've got an antidepressant for you :biggrin:
We're Goonies! You no longer need a mental picture of me, here I am...
https://i.gifer.com/Hjj.gif
...:yesyes:
Good idea, Carys. Paint them like Cow Parade.
Buster, I love the sea you can't beat it!! I've spent many an hr just sitting, watching and listening. When i was doing alot of fishing i would often fall asleep.
Yep i don't have a problem with wind farms. One thing i don't understand is why we can't harness what we're surrounded by, the SEA? To create energy?
Terry you've never mentioned you played for Liverpool a few years ago???:yesyes:
I've just noticed that picture says Ian Dowie, i'm sure that's Dirk Kuyt???
Buster, I love the sea you can't beat it!! I've spent many an hr just sitting, watching and listening. When i was doing alot of fishing i would often fall asleep.
Yep i don't have a problem with wind farms. One thing i don't understand is why we can't harness what we're surrounded by, the SEA? To create energy?
Terry you've never mentioned you played for Liverpool a few years ago???:yesyes:
You need to be careful Matt falling asleep on the beach , I did that once and when I woke up my trousers were on backwards :roflmao:
Today on my dog walk I think I surpassed myself on saying things out loud that should stay in my twisted brain , I was walking with a woman who I see a fair bit dog walking , she said she will miss her winter coat when it warms up because it is full of poo bags dog treats and tissues , she asked if my pockets were full of the same , now try not to judge me on my reply I don't know why the words came out , I replied " no just cable ties , duct tape and a blind fold " she just laughed and said I think I need to find someone else to walk with , she saw the funny side luckily well she didn't run off screaming anyway .:roflmao:
Wrote out the letters today which was really hard it read like a character assassination, pointing out every bad point about my partner, I think I might write a letter to her with the good points it can't have been easy reading it for her . Still waiting for the psychiatrists letter bloody slacker he knows she needs it .
Take care :noangel:
Good job done Buster. :yesyes:
MyNameIsTerry
19-04-18, 05:05
Terry you've never mentioned you played for Liverpool a few years ago???:yesyes:
Well, looking like Sloth I can handle...owning up to playing for Liverfool is another matter! :winks:
I used to work with a bloke that reminded us of Sloth :D
---------- Post added at 05:01 ---------- Previous post was at 04:55 ----------
You need to be careful Matt falling asleep on the beach , I did that once and when I woke up my trousers were on backwards :roflmao:
Today on my dog walk I think I surpassed myself on saying things out loud that should stay in my twisted brain , I was walking with a woman who I see a fair bit dog walking , she said she will miss her winter coat when it warms up because it is full of poo bags dog treats and tissues , she asked if my pockets were full of the same , now try not to judge me on my reply I don't know why the words came out , I replied " no just cable ties , duct tape and a blind fold " she just laughed and said I think I need to find someone else to walk with , she saw the funny side luckily well she didn't run off screaming anyway .:roflmao:
Wrote out the letters today which was really hard it read like a character assassination, pointing out every bad point about my partner, I think I might write a letter to her with the good points it can't have been easy reading it for her . Still waiting for the psychiatrists letter bloody slacker he knows she needs it .
Take care :noangel:
The dog walking serial killer! :yesyes:
BIB - sore bum too? Sorry about that :whistles::noangel:
---------- Post added at 05:05 ---------- Previous post was at 05:01 ----------
May be it's just me that's the loon , do you guys have circus music playing in your heads all day ? :roflmao:
Umpa lumpa umpadee doo :D
Pulisa you've hit on another of my thoughts , I bumped into a mate ( sort of ) today he was doing a house clearance , he has no conscience and will trample over anything or anyone to make money , I know the chap that died who's house he's clearing and I would play on my mind going through his stuff and there is a lot of it he was a hoarder, would it be better to not give a crap and just get on with life not over analysing everything, he's doing really well for himself and I'm not so who's better off ? It can be a burden having a conscience.
I guess I'll just stick with doing what I think is right and being poor .
To picture me just imagine a 6'2 bloke who can't fold clothes , that's me :D
That's easy, who cares about the bloke who doesn't care about others? Plenty care about the bloke who stops to give some time to an old lady rather than walk past wondering how much he could get for her house clearance...even if he can't fold clothes :winks:
With the way the world is these days everyone out to look after themselves , politicians robbing from the needy and vulnerable to line their own pockets and the rich ripping off the poor you can become very cynical about the human race but reading through these posts does make you realise there are still people out there , Magic putting she wished she lived near me to help write the letters , she doesn't know me from Adam ( I might be adam :D) but it shows there are still good kind hearted people , that goes for the rest of you as well :hugs: I think it was Pope john paul said " so shines a good deed in a weary world " or it might have been Willy Wonker I forget :noangel:
So letters wrote pointing out the assessor had clearly lied on the assessment, letter from me , my daughter , partner and one from the psychiatrist pointing out she has treatment resistant mental illness and is on the highest dose of antidepressants, copied , sent recorded so that's as much as we can do , she's also talked to an advisement service that act on your behalf their number was on the Dwp letter and they said they get at least ten calls a day for the same problem , they also said she stand a a good chance of getting it reversed , now just wait and see . It's definitely not the way I want things I'd rather be out at work all day getting my hands dirty but needs must .
Terry the woman I told I had a kidnap kit in my coat pockets was hiding behind a tree in the woods this morning laughing, I just shouted you need a bigger tree , not to mention two of her dogs standing beside the tree , she walked back with me so I guess no matter what I say to poeple I won't be walking alone , maybe I should be worried she did have a very loud laugh .:roflmao:
Good job done Buster, and so quick!! :yesyes:
You shouldn't have had to do this in the first place, but that's the system for you.
Wasting everybody's time. :lac:
Now you can get back to your shed and make one of those strange inventions you like to create. :D
I think seen as the assessors see what issues the person has from the form they have already filled out the assessor should then either be someone who has a background in psychology if its mental health issues and someone who has had the training to be a nurse or doctor for those with other ailments.
Pretty sure this one failed to get a job at McDonald's so being an assessor was the next best thing , no conscience is the only qualification.
Been trying to stay positive about our situation but feeling pretty low and hopeless today , partner rang DWP to see what's happening but basically nothing just told to ring back in two weeks , she pointed out we have no money coming in but it falls on deaf ears , I googled assessment deaths and it runs into thousands they just don't give a fook if you die they don't have to pay you so all good .
Been trying my hardest to get out and earn some money but it's not easy everything seems against you even the pis*ing down rain and the money I make goes nowhere in one hand out the other .
Partner is going down hill mentally and physically ive just taken her to docs and they are not happy , she's got to go for a heart scan because she's getting chest pain and swollen ankles .
So sat in my van wet feet and jeans from this mornings dog walk trying to think about what to do next in this wonderful life .
Rant over and out :shrug:
So, so, sorry to hear this Buster....and you are trying so damned hard to find a way through. I think its worth using the doctor as leverage in this situation; if your financial/assessement crap stuff is having a negative affect on health of you and your partner then they need to know this (and presumably can see this by your visit today). I've seen GPs get involved and write letters to various agencies before when the situation for their patients is desperate. Also, and this could be a last resort, what about involving your MP ?
Buster, this is just not what you want!
I get sooooo angry with the system.
We had a friend pop round yesterday who is actually a pensioner and he told me that they have reduced his rent allowance. He now has to make up the £25 per week, plus his bills and food. And he sat there watching someone that had just come here from Syria getting full support! :mad:
Don't give up Buster. I had this when they stopped my money and I became homeless at the time.
Keep phoning the Social Services, because sometimes you actually get a good one that might re-instate your support. Tell it how it is and say that you cannot survive being cut off and need that money while the case is being investigated and tell them it is putting your partner at risk with her health.
Keep in touch Buster. One way or another we will get this sorted. :hugs:
Buster, Don't give up!!!! you make me laugh, but also bring a tear to my eye.
I am sending you:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Also:flowers: for your partner.xx
yvonne_uk_98
02-05-18, 17:06
sorry to hear Buster. there is a welfare hardship fund which can be claimed from one's local council. gives one two weeks money, bit less than what one would get on ESA. through the local council can be applied for. can only apply for it 3 times a year, can be applied for more than 3 times. As long as one can prove this is not one's own fault. that is the rules of it. its not a lot what they give.
I'll keep you in my prayers. while going through mandatory reconsideration one can claim housing benefit while no income. housing benefit get paid while going through the mandatory reconsideration process.
I hope they over turn the mandatory reconsideration for you. If not take it to the appeals to tribunal, once that is lodged. phone the dwp up, get the benefit that one was on reinstated and back dated to the date it stopped. then they will pay a tribunal appeal rate, once one wins their appeal, the dwp will back date the rest of the amount that was not given while waiting on the appeal.
I hope this helps. all the best.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Shafters total and utter shafters!!
Keep your chin up Buster!!!!
Thanks you guys I really appreciate the support , I fell asleep on the floor last night and woke up at five this morning in pain and feeling sorry for myself hense the rant this morning.
Just got home been on the go trying to make some cash , left the house this morning at 8 and at 9 this evening I was sat in a traffic jam on the motorway trying to keep my eyes open , turned up the tunes and did some bad singing to wake me up , bought a van load of bits to sell so hopefully enough to pay the bills for a couple of weeks .
I do appreciate the advice but we all know it's like talking to a brick wall they have zero compassion, they do things slowly regardless of wether it will make you homeless , we've done all we can so it's down to me to keep things going , wasn't easy tonight dealing with someone and unloading one van to fill another while panicking inside but trying not to show it .
Again thanks , you know by now I get knocked down but I get up again :hugs: :hugs::hugs:
Buster, your determination and strength is next to none.
You need to know that you doing brilliantly and should be proud! :hugs:
Hey Buster,
Have are you and your partner these last 2 days?
You gotta keep bugging them as they don't want to hear anyone. They think everyone who needs help is worthless and low.
Carnation thanks but I don't feel very strong just scraping by the best I can :)
Thanks for asking Rose , up and down one minute I'm cracking on the next I think what's the point but I always find a reason to keep going , partner is very up and down she keeps bursting into tears , we've been through worse so f**k em :roflmao: main thing is to not let the b'stards grind you down .
Take care .
I'm having to go through a mandatory reconsideration with PIP as they didn't aware me the daily living part even though that's the part I have the most problems with.
I just wanted you to know you and your partner are great and inspire me to keep going and fighting.Thank you.
Rose hope you get the outcome you are hoping for , I try and think maybe this is a good thing for me giving me push to do more , I am flattered you take inspiration from me but I must warn you I did once look down in a post office queue and realise I was wearing two different shoes :roflmao: you have to keep a sense of humour in all this madness or you are really in trouble .
Take care :hugs:
Buster, my thing is wearing clothes inside out and I can't change it because it is unlucky, but lucky to keep it the wrong way on. :wacko:
And how's that working out ? Any good luck ? Put shoes on the table in our house and partner would scream the place down , I'm not sure it's bringing us any good luck though .:D
Same here Buster. Plenty of bird shit on the car too. :D
So on a bit of a downer ( boohoo) so if you are not in the mood for reading a depressing rant go and make a cuppa and come back later :D .
DWP haven't made any decision so completely in the dark and no money coming in ,doing as much as possible to make money to pay the bills which feels like it's killing me it's hard enough anyway but carrying around anxiety on your back 24/7 makes everything exhausting it's like backpack full of boulders , partners been up and down like a yoyo so its puts me on edge more , big two day bust up which made me feel like giving up ( another bloody boohoo ) daughter desperate for me a to find her a car , and now my brother has told me my mum is getting worse and he's struggling with her , he lives with her and packed up his job a couple of years ago so now has no money left and is acting as a carer, it's only recently she's gone down hill and stopped looking after herself, my brother was always closer to her because I was a tareaway and not home a lot when we were young, I want to help out so the first thing is finding out what benefits and help are available, I'll be honest it's all getting too much trying please everyone and be everywhere at once , oh and my leg hurts for no apparent reason :D in fact most of my bloody body hurts .
Done , you can come back now .
Think you need one of these. :bighug:
MyNameIsTerry
12-05-18, 02:11
I'm sorry to hear you are having all this horrible hassle with these clowns, Buster. And you too, Elen, and glad to hear you are getting support.
Some interesting info to consider, Buster:
In the first quarter of 2013/14, the success rate for DLA claimants was 40% of 16,229 appeals. This has risen to 56% of claimants winning 2,435 appeals in the first quarter of 2015/16.
The picture for ESA is very similar.
ESA success rates have risen from 42% of 77,289 appeals in the first quarter of 2013/14up to 58% of 12,101 appeals in the first quarter of 2015/16.
PIP success rates for claimants have risen from 26% of 81 appeals in quarter 4 of 2013/14 – the first time there were any PIP appeals - to 57% of 7,931 appeals in the first quarter of 2015/16.
AND
According to statistics from the Tribunal Service, the success rate for PIP appeals in the last quarter of 2015/16 is 63%; up from 53% in the same period of the year before.
The rate of successful appeals has gone up quarter by quarter since PIP was introduced – and the number of appeals heard has also gone up very significantly, from 3,826 to 15,971. The DWP introduced the “mandatory reconsideration” as an extra step claimants have to complete before going to appeal, but even with this, a clear majority of cases that go to appeal find in favour of the claimant.
AND
Personal Independence Payment (PIP) assessments have been branded a “total failure” as 69% of people appealing them at a tribunal now win their case.
That is the highest percentage success rate ever recorded since the benefit launched in 2013.
Today’s figures show that between October and December 2017, 20,144 benefit tribunals were completed – and 13,881 ended in victory for the claimant.
It may seem like an impossible battle but look just how many who fight back win their cases?
The quality of some of these "assessors" can't be beyond that of a hospital porter so it's worrying why so many mess it up but it's also about people without any real knowledge making assessments. They don't have to be trained in the area they are assessing...they might as well get any admin clerk doing it!
I cam completely understand how this is too much to take on. There were people at the walk-in groups going through this with ESA when I was there and they found the form filling daunting let alone the meetings themselves. One of the coordinators had been through it and reassured the group the appeals process was much smoother with people who understood the issues and were more understanding to the claimant.
This issue has always been a national disgrace, present & previous governments, Labour & Tory. A total mess. From listening to others and reading about the cases in the press I've always seen it as a sieve process. A "kick them all off and see who takes us to task" approach. The trouble is, it doesn't just boot off the scammers that were loathed but also people like us who find it daunting. And the process was never any use for mental health, it was all about physical problems. I've heard some utterly worthless tests the assessors do to assess fitness (one was if the claimant with anxiety could use a pen and cook for themselves they were fit) as well as support workers/nurses talk about people mentally disabled who couldn't even cross the street alone being signed off! :mad:
And then there are the lovely healthcare staff working as assessors who actively lie causing great distress like yours. Paying them commission seemed to pull in the scumbags who do it for money and don't care about people.
^^^ Don't forget this, people are beating the DWP all the time. The system is so messed up that they lose far more than any process ever should.
---------- Post added at 02:11 ---------- Previous post was at 02:06 ----------
We're with you, Buster! http://yoursmiles.org/msmile/quarrel/m1340.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/m-quarrel.php?page=2)
I'm very cynical about these processes. They cut your money and make it up later. The failure rate is very high in their processes. It makes me wonder whether they gain so much money in the short term, on a rolling basis due to new claims, that this is propping up other budgets for the government, imagine companies doing that and making interest of it all...:whistles: I know from my own experience in a big corporate that their can be tactical delays inserted to make figures look better, gain more money from investments, etc...
Having one of those days when you think well this is as bad as I can feel then somthing new pops up just to see how huch you can take , woke up at 5 to go to the market , leg was killing me but thought Ive got to go , got in the van and couldn't even press the clutch down , a few days ago my ankle went side ways on a rut walking the dogs I'm pretty sure this is whats done it , so to add to the leg pain my wisdom tooth has decided to join in , my gum has swelled up and is throbbing so bad , the good side to this is the pain is even worse than my leg , we have bottles of morphine packets of codiene but I'm not keep on any and ibuprofen are a bit iffy as I have asthma but I've taken some anyway, I seriously feel like bloody crying , today I am not a happy bunny :weep:
Icing on the cake my daughters dog attacked my older dog for no reason and wouldn't let go of her face , dog was yelping partner was screaming so unable to get her off her I took drastic measures ( gross alert ) finger up her arse while pulling at her head and she let go , not my proudest moment but no serious damage to the dog , worth remembering if you ever have dog being attacked .
What a day , tried everything to get rid of the toothache Bonjeller , whiskey , ice still throbbing.
Seriously half one and can't sleep because of the tooth pain ,anyone got a steam roller to just run over my head ? It's really asking for it .
Seriously half one and can't sleep because of the tooth pain ,anyone got a steam roller to just run over my head ? It's really asking for it .
Tooth pain is the worst Buster. I had raging toothache a couple of years ago, swishing some whiskey helped to numb it, also sleeping with my head propped up helped. Feel for you mate!
So no steam roller then ? Tried the whiskey swilling no help , was a time id have glugged half a bottle and gone to sleep but alas no more , just been to the freezer for an ice pack see what that says , cheers big ears :)
You're just coming out with sympathy with me Buster. :D
I've had this pain all week, hardly any sleep and mine is where the wisdom tooth is as well. Partner tells me it's hay fever, but I've had everything on it. Honey, salt water, teabag, cold flannel, hot flannel. Yet to try alcohol. Biker Matt is right. I've had to prop my pillows up to sleep.
Must be an epidemic!
I could really do without it right now , I've had it off and on for years the gum swells up around my wisdom tooth usually goes down after a few days but hurts like hell it hurts to swallow and I can only eat on one side ,I've googled it and it seems the best cure is an ice skate and a rock :D
Buster, a tip from me for your tooth.
Get a dab of toothpaste and rub it on the area.
Don't rinse off. Toothpaste takes the swelling down and helps with the pain. x
,I've googled it and it seems the best cure is an ice skate and a rock :D
WILSONNNNNNNÑNNNNN!!!!
Warm salt water rinses should help the swelling. Colgate make a good rinse called peroxyl which contains peroxide.
Well the bandage is off my leg that's fixed , the tooth has stopped throbbing and it's not hurting in my ear and throat so fingers crossed it's going down ( thanks for the tips I've done them all ) .
It's now been four weeks since they stopped the money and still no decision ( we've tried calling ) .
Just got the money I'm bringing in plus a bit off my daughter , daughter and her boyfriend live with us she works and he works part time but doesn't keep jobs long and very rarely gives us any money , after the money stopped we all agreed if we pull together we can manage but he's packed up another job and doesn't get paid in the new one for a month , partner doesn't want me to say anything to them but we are struggling, it's starting to piss me off but if I say anything I'll get it in the neck from every direction, so bottle it up keep quiet and feel depressed at not saying what should be said , the therapist I saw said not speaking up and getting walked over does give you inward anger and depression, I sick of keeping quiet and people walking all over me , I never feel relaxed at all :weep:
Your partner doesn't want you to say anything to them but is quite prepared to sit back and watch you suffer? No reason at all why your daughter and her boyfriend shouldn't contribute-they aren't children and should pay their way if they are both earning. ESPECIALLY in view of what has happened to you financially.
I'm glad you admit that you are sick and tired of being a doormat. It's time to be assertive regardless of what your partner says. Don't be walked over-this is all about your financial survival after all.
Good advice from pulisa Buster. I would have said the same thing.
Buster, just remember as long as you can scrape by, what they've not paid you will be backdated.
I agree with Pulisa, they need to contribute somehow.
And me Buster.
I agree with Pulisa.
And as it stands, this is a temporary situation at present. They need to help and support you.
Call a family meeting if you have to, they might take it more seriously if you do that. :hugs:
Hi , thanks guys , I was on the go from 5 in the morning until 7 last night at ten o'clock I realised my daughter and bf had gone out and left their tv on for six hours playing to itself then again this morning so I had it out with her , it might seem a small thing but they need to know all this stuff they waste costs us , its partners birthday tomorrow so I'm not mentioning the money thing until the end of the month when he gets paid but I am having it out with them , it will cause friction but we have plenty of that anyway .
So today had a rotten day arguing then got a call from my cousin , my heart sank as I thought he'd probably died for those who don't know he was in hospital with organ failure after stopping eating and drinking due to depression, he's actually my cousins son but closer to my age ( is that second cousin ? ) anyway today he had his liver transplant which has gone well , it only took half the expected time as the match was so good , it hit home because it could so easily have been my daughter after her liver failure when she overdosed, it makes my problems seem so small we may be skint and arguing but over the weekend a family has lost one of theirs and my cousin has benefited from that death , my brother came round today and we had a chat about mum and what benefits he can claim
I am worried about her and him but at least we are talking about it , neither him or mum have been to our house for very long time even though we always invite them .
So that's my day in a nutshell, I'm hanging on to a new theory that like poeples good luck running out maybe bad luck can also run out :D
Take care fellow fruit loops :hugs:
It's uncanny how you post at the same time as me carnation this time only one minute apart , you're not that weird woman who lives opposite me are you? Better shut the curtains
Well it's been another week and still no decision of the DWP but still hanging in there and still getting out earning enough to scrape by , had somone coming up from London today to buy a whole load of my stuff for a shop , had to wait in and my thoughts were on going to my lock up to deal with him and the fact we have to load up in 80 degree heat opening my lock door is like opening an oven , he turned up and turned out to be a she , it all went ok and she was really nice just a young lesbian woman trying to make a crust like me , no doubt money will be made her end in the city of more money than sense :D
So got a dilemma if anyone wants to chip in , I can overreact to things and don't always react the right way but for me if I think somthing is wrong I'd rather do or say something than regret not , so the situation is this , last week was my partner's birthday she told my grown up daughters ( one lives at home ) don't waste money on buying me anything we need the money for bills more so if you want just put some money in a card , neither did between them they spent a grand total of five pounds , it upset her that they didn't bother at all , one is going to France next week and we are looking after the kids and dog and the other I've been running around looking at cars and now found her one so it wasn't that they couldn't afford it ,partner thinks neither of them like her even though she does everything for them , now my birthday is looming and the older daughter asked what I want so I said you get me a card if you want and that's it , I said you spent nothing on your mum and how does it look if you now spend on me ? It went down like a lead balloon, I'm going to say then same to my other daughter , it may sting a bit but they made her day shite and I don't see why I should be treated any different , they know what we are going through but still expect us to help them out but we get nothing in return , am I wrong ? I kept my mouth shut on her birthday to keep the peace but what I do on mine is my choice , bloody kids who'd have em ?
Maybe it's time not to be so available for them all the time? If that's the way they treat you and your partner.
How very hurtful for your partner. I wonder how your daughters would react if they got the same treatment from you on their birthdays
That did cross my mind when it comes to their birthdays , somtimes im so proud of them and love them unconditionally but it's hard to like them at times they can be so selfish , I know girls can be more for their dads but it's not the way I want things we treat them equally and have always put them first , they were no trouble as kids but made up for it later .
How are you holding up pulisa ? Are your lot more helpful or are you just left to get on with it ? It's a thankless task being a mum :hugs:
Buster, I think you did absolutely the right thing.
Although you love your daughters, it seems they have no responsibilities and appear to have an easy ride in their lives. Your partner must be very upset with their so called effort on her birthday, especially with everything else going on in her life.
I think they need to know how you both feel.
Well done with your bulk deal and I am impressed with how you have kept things going. :hugs:
I always question my reaction to situations carnation , when I was younger if I had a problem with someone I'd go round and have it out with them , now I just don't know if I'm
Right or wrong , since my daughter was in hospital partner wont say anything to her for fear of upsetting her .
I could do with a good contact in London as most of my stuff gets posted that way , I just hate waiting around for people to turn up , I end up sitting on the edge of the chair clock watching and nobody is every early always late , funny you talk on line and make assumptions she had a name that could be man or woman but I assumed man , opened the door and still wasn't 100% sure short hair and manish clothes but it makes no odds to me I try and take poeple as they come , girls will be boys and boys will be girls it's a mixed up muddled up shook up world :) .
I would sell my soul to the devil for a good night's sleep somwhere near the sea , maybe a bench under a newspaper.:hugs:
Not a good idea Buster, selling your soul to the devil.
You never know what jobs he might want you to do! :scared15:
Besides, a good night's sleep comes from within the mind and not where you are.
I can understand the dilemma you are in with your daughter. It looks as though she has you over a barrel.
I sold something once to a Michael Jackson lookalike. It was so surreal. Voice, looks and everything! :D
MyNameIsTerry
29-05-18, 05:32
I tried that earlier and the devil told me he was sick of souls "it's always bloody souls" were his exact words. Instead he settled for me mending a shelf :yesyes:
It seems reality hasn't sunk in for your daughters or the BF. Giving up a job when you need money coming in is really good of him when he's got a safety net like you :mad: whereas out in the real world he would be getting booted out pretty soon or debt collectors around.
Birthdays are optional and many parents say don't spend but you give because you want to show appreciation and given your financial situation your partner's reaction is what anyone would be thinking.
---------- Post added at 05:32 ---------- Previous post was at 05:15 ----------
I sold something once to a Michael Jackson lookalike. It was so surreal. Voice, looks and everything! :D
HeHe! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/celebrity/michael-jackson-im-bad-smiley-emoticon.gif (http://www.sherv.net/)
That did cross my mind when it comes to their birthdays , somtimes im so proud of them and love them unconditionally but it's hard to like them at times they can be so selfish , I know girls can be more for their dads but it's not the way I want things we treat them equally and have always put them first , they were no trouble as kids but made up for it later .
How are you holding up pulisa ? Are your lot more helpful or are you just left to get on with it ? It's a thankless task being a mum :hugs:
Both mine are on the autistic spectrum but they are both kind and appreciative of whatever I do. Yes, I do a lot for them but I'm not taken for granted.
I appreciate that your partner is terrified of your daughter being upset by home truths but it's emotional blackmail really..I'd feel the same though. I know what it's like to fear the worst and the desire to keep your (adult) child safe at all costs. It just must be a kick in the teeth for your OH though. I know I'm very lucky with my children despite their issues.
Well selling my soul to the devil didn't work he saw me coming , up until 4.30 this morning arguing over somthing ridiculous, partner is so fragile I can't say or do anything with it upsetting her and things kicking off , maybe I'll try giving myself to baby Jesus that could work .
Pretty sure Terrence that birthdays are not optional more compulsory to be born into this wonderful world, you try filling out a form online without one ( RED it appears you've missed somthing)
Carnation , loving the Micheal Jackson thing , was it a single white glove because you'd lost the other one :D I've been wheeling and dealing as long as I can remember and some of the people you meet make you walk back in the house shaking your head thinking WTF just happened , it takes all sorts :D
That's good pulisa that you feel appreciated , my partner lost her dad as achild and her mum was a monster who walked out so she's spoiled our daughters doing everything for them which has back fired , they are not bad girls compared to some but they can be selfish .its been a tough day after no sleep but still plodded on .
Take care and thanks :hugs:
Hi Buster, the item was worth nothing until Mr died like most things. I always think of those artists who scrape by trying to survive in hope of selling one of their paintings and then as soon as they die it's worth 2 million!
It must be difficult in your family household and it must seem like you are in the middle most of the time.
Your partner sounds like she has it hard, that would explain a lot.
I also think Pulisa does a champion job. x
Absolutely horrendous day , arguing morning noon and night now , I stuck to my guns on telling my daughters I don't want anything for my birthday but the amount of friction it caused with partner I did think I should have let it go , either silent treatment or shouting both of which I hate , I can't do right for doing wrong , everyday seems to be getting worse and I still have to go out and deal with people or we will run out of money, not easy when you feel like driving into a wall , in a nut shell life sucks .
Do you think when I fall off my perch my sewing machine tractor will be worth thousands carnation ? Probably not .:)
It's not your birthday today Buster. Or is it?
Don't know about the sewing machine invention.
You could try The Tate Gallery. :)
Let's hope you get the result you want after all this waiting. :hugs:
Well another birthday over and done , wasn't as bad I thought it would be , partner had calmed down , daughter had gone to France and left the kids and dog with us , other daughter is house sitting for her , so spent the day with my grandkids, 7.30 jumping on my bed to wake me up and say happy birthday, took them to a pub with a bear garden and play area had some food a pint and it all felt ok , it's hard knowing how to be with partner because she changes so quick .
Partner got a text Friday from the DWP saying we have received your appeal and you should hear within four weeks so do not contact us , absolute shite as we made a point of sending it recorded so we know they signed for it 6 weeks ago , I guess they just do this to buy time .partner says she's had enough and if they turn down the reconsideration she will just kill herself rather than carry on with this crap .
All good fun :) to top off my day I have 5 gnat bites they got my legs , neck and a beauty on my hand that's made it swell up like blown up marigold , don't you just love em .
Take care .
Oh Buster...
I'm glad you had a decent birthday but I'm sorry about the DWP shite. They are just going through the motions whilst you are dealing with the reality of the situation. Don't let your partner grind you down if you can help it?
Belated Birthday wishes Buster.
:bighug:
Disgraced about the other stuff with the DWP, but been down that road. I'm proof that you can get through it. x
Thank you both :hugs:
The bloody gnat bites are my biggest worry right now but at least it's a distraction from life , can't stop looking at my swollen hand , spent the evening alone , three dogs two kids one partner all asleep by 8 , just me and the gnats awake .:D
I got 3 stings/bites yesterday, all red, itchy and swollen. :ohmy:
MyNameIsTerry
03-06-18, 02:12
Happy birthday, Buster :birthday::birthday1:
You did the right thing sending the appeal via recorded so it can't "get lost" :winks: It's probably been sitting in a pile of thousands hence the delay which wouldn't be such as issue if it was a trivial matter but when you have to struggle to survive whilst they drag their heals it is a disgrace.
Watch out for cellulitis with those bites, Buster. I hope you managed to get some sleep and that today is a better one for you.
Thanks Terry :) I always send important things recorded then they can't blame the post office for not having it , I know it's been working it's way down a large pile and for six weeks no one has seen it that's be why I've been pushing myself harder to provide for us , I just think about earning enough for tomorrow not will they ring I can't rely on them .
Not sure what cellulitis is so I'm not going to add that to my cluttered brain , I take antihistamines because of my asthma so hopefully the swelling will go down it's not red and shiny today so it must be going down not up , and today ( yes carnation im seem accident prone two black finger nails doesn't come from being careful) the new distraction from my bites is I picked up the kids metal scooters off the street and carried them through the house , partners rule is sit down before going out the back door ( superstition) as I did I dropped one on my bare foot , I now have lump on my tendon and my vein is sticking up so yet again I'm limping around , if anyone has seen monty pythons meaning of life I feel like the knight who keeps getting limbs cut off in a fight and carries on trying to fight , just a Flesh wound :roflmao: I'll end up a torso by the time the DWP get back to us and they may have to reassess me .and I'll still not get enough points .:roflmao:
Happy Birthday Buster. Sorry it's late. Sorry you having a rotten time,:hugs:x
Thank you magic that's very sweet of you :D there is always some poor bugger worse off and although I messed up my own birthday with my daughters I stuck to my principles and in a couple of weeks it's farthers day so they will have to be twice as nice , one step ahead :noangel:
MyNameIsTerry
04-06-18, 02:47
They would never get away with a process like that in private industry these days. It used to be like that, waiting forever to get a response from a dept, but continuous improvement has been a big focus in private industry for a long time now and they would have a team upstream opening those letters, logging them (which would add a marker of some kind on a computer file alerting the new status of "please pay this poor sod's benefits until the appeal takes place"). Easily achieved with basic training to spot an appeal request (isn't that even on a specific form anyway?).
I'm often cynical about the public sector with stuff like this and with the DWP it would be hardly surprising to hear they have a policy of preventing improvements as all that cash is sitting in a government bank account being used to by something else, maybe a lunch for a MP. :mad:
It's a load of man's danglies. :winks:
Well I said I'd update if things changed , yesterday the DWP put some money in my partners account , no letter , no phone call or text , just money , so today she rang them and he checked a said yes you won your case so part of your money has been reinstated you should have received a letter but it doesn't appear you were sent one , they are ****ing useless, first they lie on the assessment, then they say four weeks to make a decision and it's been ten , then they don't let you know what is happening, it's only part of the money that's been reinstated but it will help pay the bills and I should be regular .
So anyone going through this , get letters from all of the professionals you see , also get letters from family or freinds who can back you up , make copies of the letters ,send them recorded delivery as they will try and say they received the letters later than they did to buy time , you can then prove what day they received you letters and mandatory reconsideration , phone them every couple of weeks if you hear nothing and check what is happening, don't give up that's what they've want you to do .
And lastly and most importantly DONT LET THE B'STARDS GRIND YOU DOWN :D
Buster, You have no idea how happy I am for you.
:yahoo::yesyes::yahoo:
Obviously not the hell they put you through or the stuff you had to do to survive.
But you won!!!! And we quite rightly too.
This should never have happened in the first place and you should be very proud of how you got through all of this. Well done!!! :)
Great news, Buster, and well done! You should get it backdated eventually to when they stopped it. The key word here is "eventually" but you will be onto them, I know..
Well done Buster, I am glad that your perseverance has paid off.
I have been forced to threaten them with going to Tribunal, something I am terrified to do.
Very pleased you "won" your case, Buster. Many of us have been through this unnecessary and cruel ordeal but that doesn't make it any easier when you have a partner literally on the edge, bills to pay, and instead of help, get a kick in the gob. You should receive letter and full backdated pay in good time, so keep pushing, now that some of the pressure has been taken off you both.
Thank you guys for the replies and the support from the start ten odd weeks ago it does and has helped , Elen stick with it , if they can get away with it they do so just keep on at them and get as many people on your side as you can , good luck :hugs:.
Hopefully this thread may give others in this position some hope and rough time frame of how long it takes , they will keep throwing four weeks at you like a cowboy builder but they have so many they don't even get to look at them for at least 8 weeks .
It's not been easy but when the hell is life ever easy , it's given me a push to do things and deal with people that I'd been avoiding so not all bad .if we'd just sat and done nothing we'd be homeless by now and they'd have to find us somwhere to live and still end up paying us the money anyway it makes no sense, sink or swim time and we swam .
These people seem to have no conscience and don't have to answer for the mistakes and lies so you also have to play dirty , when I first got ill I said I wouldn't wish anxiety or depression on anyone but now I would happily send a six month supply to the lovely employees of the DWP , see how they get on and wether they turn up for work :D , failing that a parcel of anthrax, but I'm not bitter and twisted about it just crack on as usual .
Back to what I do best annoying the hell out of everyone I come across :noangel:
Again thanks for the support .:hugs:
Hi Buster. Good work !!! I cannot say more my specs broken :):yesyes::hugs:
Went away last week but finding it hard to be positive since we got back , worked my arse off at the weekend and hardly slept , up at 4.30 Saturday and didn't stop all day , so last night I thought I really need some sleep and rest but you tell god your plans and he pisses himself ( that's what rain is :roflmao:) went to bed about 12 , woken up soon after by daughter at toilet then again and again , she half cooked some fish and it was punishing her with sickness and diarrhoea (she gets her cooking skills from me not mother , raw or burnt ) so at three it was too hot to go back to sleep so I go downstairs and then my brother rings to say mums not well and wants to go to the hospital, she didn't end up going but I went round at 8 so not much sleep again and the had to work through the day in 30 degree heat which I love like getting locked in an oven .
It may sound selfish but I have no idea how to go about looking after my mum and seeing her in such a state is heart breaking , got to go round tomorrow while brother goes out with his gf and then take her to the docs she's had a letter and call saying they need to see her , I can't imagine going in with her but my bro says she lies to the doc and doesn't remember what he's said .
The DWP still haven't sorted out the money yet and when we ring we just get told you've won the appeal but we don't have the details , useless pricks ( that's probably and insult to pricks as they do at least have a use )
I chatted to new dog walkie lady this morning ( I must have a freindly face not a serial killer type ) any way she said she'd lost her husband in a car crash two years ago followed by her beloved dog which gave up after his master went , she'd got a new dog which had a scrap with my young one , I split them up which is how we got chatting neither of us seemed concerned about the fuss probably because we had bigger problems , anyway it did make me think as usual that there is always someone worse off , maybe I was destined to bump into her after visiting my mum , who knows.
Well feeling a bit low so thought I'd have a rant before bed , I've been told it's good to write down your problems .
Could do without the heat tomorrow what do you think of that God ? :roflmao: yeah thought so . Ta ta
Tooo hot too hot too feaking hot , :weep: I wish the weather happy brigade would f**k right off with their " wonderful news it's going to be another scorcher , everyone is so much happier when it hot and sunny " except the ones that have heart problems or breathing problems or attitude problems , they can shove the burning sun up their arses , I may be biased :roflmao:
So mothers doc appointment went pretty much as bad as can be , she could barely get in my van even though it has lowered suspension, had to lift her in and out and wheel chair her into the docs , partner sat in the room with her which was very good of her considering their past hasn't allways been rosy, mum lied about looking after herself and refused help , and it turned out the reason for her appointment that she didn't remember she had is that her liver isn't functioning right so she's having a scan , the doc asked if they find it's cancer does she want to know and will she have treatment , she said no she's not going in hospital full stop , her short term memory is non existent they did a few tests and she failed them all so definitely dementia , on the whole not good , my mind has already fast forwarded to the worst ending possible ( thanks mind you're a real freind to me what would I do without you ? ) .
Spent the morning today delivering a chair for chap because mum wouldn't have it , a couple of hours in the van with my bro which gave us time to talk , we don't talk a great deal it's how we were brought up , we both found out things we didn't know about my dad and mum , we are going to have to talk more to deal with things .
I'd like to add something funny but right now I can't really find it in me , maybe tomorrow I'll come across an absolute f**kwit to laugh about .
Toodlepip :D
Hi Buster, I had to reply to your last two posts, even though my hand is still hurting. :(
With the money they owe you, keep phoning them as they can make that payment while you are on the phone. Yes, it should be as easy as that! Go get em Buster.
With your mum, what a familiar story that practically matches what I went through, including the chair, the refusal if help and in complete denial.
There's only one thing you can do and that is take one step at a time. I often commented that there is no handbook available for when your parents age and become frail, but somehow you get through it.
Just remember that none of this is your fault and it is part of the life process.
Well done to your partner as well as I have the same relationship with my mum 'n' law and I had to do some very personal stuff for her, even though she was horrible to me for as long as I have known her.
As for the heat, we'll there's nothing I can do about that, just plenty of ice cream and hunting for shade. :)
I have to reply to you too Buster. What a right to do!!!! Been there, done that but not alone. You cannot do it all by yourself.
This is to let you know I am thinking about you.:hugs::hugs::hugs:
I think you should drop the expectation of humour from you for now, Buster? It's fine to express your sorrow and fear over your Mum. It's a horrible situation but you and your brother may very well get closer in the weeks to come because decisions have to be made jointly and it will be very hard with her dementia and health issues. You will need support from him and from everyone in your family who cares for you-time to forget about their own needs and requirements..
I hope we can help you in some small way too if only by this being a place where you can let off steam so to speak..?
Thank you ladies, after the last few months / years I was kind of hoping for an uneventful quiet year but here we go again , it all seems to be happening too soon like most things in my life , dad at twenty , lost my dad at twenty nine , grandad at forty , my mum is only seventy five so not that old and it's all happening so quickly at the start of the year she was still going out now she can't get out of a chair and doesn't know if its Wednesday or cheesecake , that said her sisters died much younger and she's still around who knows ? , I know you ladies have been through the same it's probably been a little easier being women , some tasks are embarrassing all round for blokes looking after their mum but what's the other option run off down the woods with a strong rope ( not like last time with the elastic that didn't go well :roflmao: ) .
I'm up and down but the day I don't laugh at something in this ridiculous world is the day I'm in real trouble , been there done that never going back .:D
Again thanks :hugs: and carnation stop typing if your hand hurts , its probably from shaking your fist at other drivers :D
Coming on here tonight to distract myself as my head is working overtime , brother came round today pretty much in tears saying mum had enough , we went round and she looked so scared and poorly her leg has swelled right up but she refuses to use anything we get her to raise it up , I was in pieces before I went round but had to hide it , partner helped her have a wash and get changed and we called the doc to get some pain relief for her , partner has been great about it , weird thing is and I don't know why but I got home and felt incredibly angry , a tin opener wouldn't work and I felt like I was going to explode , is this just me or is that a normal thing , I don't know how to feel anymore about anything.
Take care :hugs:
Yes, it is normal under the circumstances you are under Buster. :hugs:
I would think your mum needs antibiotics, not painkillers. She may even have gout from not drinking enough fluids. Or it could be water retention.
If you haven't already, arrange with her local GP that she have home visits as well.
It's not easy Buster. Been down that road and at times it will feel like you are bashing your head against a brick wall. Take one day at a time and make sure you have a breather from it all. :hugs:
Hi carnation thanks , brother rang not long ago she has gout which I suspected and water retention, she's already on tablets for that , he wouldn't prescribe any painkillers because of her liver problem which is going to be investigated, I think my main problem as usual is feeling out of control , I'm a fixer if it's broke people bring it to me but I can't fix people.
Going to be another bloody hot night . :hugs:
Keep cool Buster and give yourself a break. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
02-07-18, 02:11
Sorry to hear your mum is struggling with gout, Buster. Hopefully they can sort it quickly for her as not being able to take pain meds too isn't ideal. :hugs:
It must be very distressing to witness dementia. My gran had it in her late years and we have had some aunties with it so it does cross my mind about my dad but his memory has always been bad and not worsening so I cross my fingers.
One of our neighbours had early onset. She must have been in her fifties. Very sad.
I think you've been through a lot in your life Buster and if you can get through all that, whilst it may feel like hell, you will get through whatever comes your way.
:flowers: for your hand, Carnation. What have you done to it?
Thanks Terry :) The tendon is pulled/strained /damaged, whatever the terminology, it hurts!
My partners gout has also come back, now in the other foot. :lac:
MyNameIsTerry
02-07-18, 16:53
Have you been waggling your finger at MrC too much? :winks: Hopefully it will clear up soon.
Is it the weather that is causing MrC's gout flare up? My mum finds her lower legs swell in this weather. I hope it eases off for him.
I'm so sorry, Buster. I know what you mean about not being able to "fix" people. All you can do is the best you can but that would mean getting support from your brother too-he sounds as though he is willing to be involved in your Mum's ongoing care?
Good that your partner is helping out too-get all the help you can because this must be so distressing for you.
Hi , thanks Terry , my gran had it too so I've seen how it ends up , she's ok in the moment chatting but she soon asks the same questions from five mins before , my biggest concern is why her liver isn't working right which could her meds , she take Bp tablets, thyroid, and water retention ones .
Pulisa I wouldn't want you to think I'm doing all the caring , my brother lives with my mum his Gf is there all day but won't lift a finger , he does all the caring and I just go round and help as much as I can in between running round after my lot and trying to earn money as that's still not sorted , until this year it hasn't been a problem she was still going out and looking after herself ,I've been round today while my bro went and later my daughters and grankids went round to see her which she liked apparently , she needs to get up and about but seems to have given up a bit .
Got to go and see someone tomorrow who's ripped my brother off which I'm not looking forward to but he's asked me to back him up and I hate the thought of him getting ripped , before all this mental malarkey I'd always be up for an argument, hopefully the sight of us might just nudge em to pay up without the hassle .
I feel like I'm in an experiment to see how much stress you can take before your head explodes , The Buster show , maybe there are cameras watching me waiting for the Big Bang :roflmao:
Anybody got a holiday retreat i can borrow preferably Scotland ? :D
Another day another drama , partner woke me early this morning to say my older daughter needed to go to hospital she'd taken too many paracetamol, half awake I said "what the hell is it with you lot and paracetamol she saw what happened to her sister " not knowing my daughter hadn't gone to work , partner went ballistic saying I should be ashamed bringing that up which I should and now do , in tears I got up and went to fetch her she came out looking very ill and crying , she'd had bad tooth ache and kept taking painkillers so not a deliberate overdose but after seeing what happened to her mum and sister I couldn't understand it , so trying to get her to hospital I made my second mistake taking the shortest route which at rush hour took an age with my partner having a go for us being stuck in traffic and pointing out it would have been quicker another way . I've been through this five times now so I know the routine but it gets no easier , waiting in A&E for assessments then blood tests then results to see if there is liver damage and blood counts , blood counts were too high so more blood was taken and then wait again to see if they drop . She got to go home after four hours but those four hours are hell not knowing what will happen sitting with fingers crossed hoping it will affect the outcome .
Partner said I always make it about how it's affecting me which I guess I do it hard not to .
Tonight I feel drained and empty like I have no emotions left , I still can't get my head around why any of them would take paracetamol after seeing what the affects are , five overdoses in as many years , I feel upset and angry at the time and I shouldn't it's not right to feel angry .
There no real need to reply to this I know there isn't much can be said , it's a mental health forum but these problems are not in my head .
I probably won't be posting on here for a bit ( what do you mean good :) ) I don't feel I have much to offer right now , neither use nor ornament .
Catch you later :hugs:
Buster, You really need a break.
It seems that soon as one calamity is over, another appears. Have a break from here if you want, but you always have something to contribute and whatever you do, you will be missed and though of by many. :hugs:
Quite right that it should also be about you Buster because you do all the running around and picking up pieces afterwards. I think the selfishness lies in those who know others will get dragged into this new crisis through no fault of their own.
I agree with Carnation that you need a break. On your own and away from family, even if only for a day. And you will probably be made to feel guilty etc, but you know that is nothing new.
Spend a day at the beech, old bean! Alone :shades:
Buster I totally agree with the others. You have every right to be angry as their actions are impacting so hugely on your life.
A day at the beach sounds just the ticket
Sorry I've only just seen this, Buster..but I agree with the others in that you should take a break from here and from your family. They will cope without you-you are not responsible for keeping them afloat mentally and physically. You need to look after yourself-they are taking you for granted. It's not fair.
Hi , thanks guys , the problem with having a break you can never really leave it all behind it's all packed neatly away in my mind , you can run but you can't hide .
Woke up this morning full of dread and wishing I just hadn't woke up at all but had agreed to take the kids to school , partner still wasn't talking to me , put on a brace face for the kids they were asking about their mum being ill on the way , distracted grandson by picking him up and threatening to thrown him in the school skip , being around them was enough to drag me out of the darkness , picked them up later I just love being around my granddaughter she makes me laugh , she read a letter from school saying her teacher was leaving but added in it was because I once accidentally blew a kiss to her through the class window :).
I'll get through it as always , it would be good to take a break from life but I'm pretty sure they don't let you back in .
Take care :hugs:
Really just feel like I've had enough , the stress is constant from every direction all the live long day , I hoped this was going to be the year things got easier but I realise now this is as good as it gets and it can and will get worse ,I won't bore you with the details , it just seems a few minutes of happy each week is not enough to make it worthwhile :weep:
Hi all , haven't posted for bit as I've been a bit of a downer , feeling very lonely so here I am not dead after all .
I started this thread a few months ago when my partners benefits where stopped, just to say on time frame of sorting out an appeal part of the benefits were reinstated quite quickly but the other carer's and back dated money still hasn't been paid , they just say there is a backlog , if I hadn't been going out buying and selling we wouldn't have a home by now , I would actually be enjoying getting out and dealing with people if the anxiety would allow me ( constantly tensed up , can't breath and pins and needles in my arms , not good for the confidence) .
So most weeks have been a constant argument with my partner , working is tiring me out so I've had no time for her so she wants to split up , no work no money or work and no relationship can't win .
Yesterday my younger daughter and bf moved out which has left me feeling pretty low , seeing an empty bedroom for the first time was quite upsetting, that part of our lives is now over plus my mum getting ill has made me feel as if things are changing very quickly and coming to an end ( not sure if that makes sense ? ) it also means even less money coming in .
I guess I'm at a crossroads and feeling a little lost .
I hate having nothing positive to say or not seeing some funny side to this mess we call life so I'll end with somthing that made me laugh the other day , my granddaughter who I adore was round , it was baking hot and my anxiety was raging , she wanted somthing out of our cupboard under the stairs but couldn't reach it so she pestered me to crawl in , I got on my knees and trying reaching into the darkness , I was holding an ice sucker and said to her hold this while I reach in so she did , I bent back in trying to stretch to the item when shock horror the little bleeder put the ice sucker up my back , I jumped up and said what the hell , she was pissing herself and just "said well youve been moaning all day you're too hot " , I had to laugh it's exactly what I would have done :roflmao:
Well that's about all Ive got to say , catch yo'all laters .:bighug1:
Hi all , haven't posted for bit as I've been a bit of a downer , feeling very lonely so here I am not dead after all .
I started this thread a few months ago when my partners benefits where stopped, just to say on time frame of sorting out an appeal part of the benefits were reinstated quite quickly but the other carer's and back dated money still hasn't been paid , they just say there is a backlog , if I hadn't been going out buying and selling we wouldn't have a home by now , I would actually be enjoying getting out and dealing with people if the anxiety would allow me ( constantly tensed up , can't breath and pins and needles in my arms , not good for the confidence) .
So most weeks have been a constant argument with my partner , working is tiring me out so I've had no time for her so she wants to split up , no work no money or work and no relationship can't win .
Yesterday my younger daughter and bf moved out which has left me feeling pretty low , seeing an empty bedroom for the first time was quite upsetting, that part of our lives is now over plus my mum getting ill has made me feel as if things are changing very quickly and coming to an end ( not sure if that makes sense ? ) it also means even less money coming in .
I guess I'm at a crossroads and feeling a little lost .
I hate having nothing positive to say or not seeing some funny side to this mess we call life so I'll end with somthing that made me laugh the other day , my granddaughter who I adore was round , it was baking hot and my anxiety was raging , she wanted somthing out of our cupboard under the stairs but couldn't reach it so she pestered me to crawl in , I got on my knees and trying reaching into the darkness , I was holding an ice sucker and said to her hold this while I reach in so she did , I bent back in trying to stretch to the item when shock horror the little bleeder put the ice sucker up my back , I jumped up and said what the hell , she was pissing herself and just "said well youve been moaning all day you're too hot " , I had to laugh it's exactly what I would have done :roflmao:
Well that's about all Ive got to say , catch yo'all laters .:bighug1:
That's sh#t mate!! I bet if you'd had an overpayment they'd be bashing your door down!
Good story! Kids really do lighten things for us.
Now about that spare room, i'll give you £50 a week if you can stick my SIL in it? All i'd ask is if £50 would include you chucking some offal or tripe in the room a couple of times a day!
Take Care Buster!
Tell you what Matt I'll stick my sil in there as well and a gallon of petrol :D
The DWP turned my mum down for attendance allowance today even though she can barely walk and has dementia, my brother has to do pretty much everything for her now ( big big big guilt trip ) .
Bought a 1975 Honda today I'll probably ride it into a wall tomorrow, not because I'm depressed it's just MOT exempt and has really shit drum brakes , every cloud has a silver lining eh ? :roflmao:
Take care and hang in there good times are a comin .
Bought a 1975 Honda today I'll probably ride it into a wall tomorrow, not because I'm depressed it's just MOT exempt and has really shit drum brakes , every cloud has a silver lining eh ? :roflmao:
Take care and hang in there good times are a comin .
Hope it has heated rear glass to warm your hands up when pushing it, old boy :roflmao:
Glad you're still chugging along too. Bumpy road for many of us here :lac:
You're an expert on negotiating potholes, Buster! I thought my car was old at 17!
Enjoy your Honda-and don't forget to crank it up in the mornings!! Hope it will take unleaded petrol?!!
Tell you what Matt I'll stick my sil in there as well and a gallon of petrol :D
The DWP turned my mum down for attendance allowance today even though she can barely walk and has dementia, my brother has to do pretty much everything for her now ( big big big guilt trip ) .
Bought a 1975 Honda today I'll probably ride it into a wall tomorrow, not because I'm depressed it's just MOT exempt and has really shit drum brakes , every cloud has a silver lining eh ? :roflmao:
Take care and hang in there good times are a comin .
They are total shafters Buster. I have a bloke who lives a few doors down from me who has emphysema. The poor chap is only early 50's and is in a pretty bad way but yet he get's nothing but hassle from the DWP.
A mate of mine bought an old gs1000 a few years ago. I had a go Jesus the thing didn't wan't to stop, i think it would've stopped better if i'd put my feet down! You go easy on that thing.
Ok i'm in, send me the width of the door. Better check her arse will fit through!!!!
Hi Matt,
I had a Honda Goldwing years ago bloody heavy bike,I was riding up the coast going around some bends at a place called O’Sullivans Gap and dropped it,I ended up in hospital for 4weeks with a blood clot,sold the big muther and got the Triumph.I looked at a nice Harley today,still in two minds about getting it.
Glad you are feeling OK xx
Hi Matt,
I had a Honda Goldwing years ago bloody heavy bike,I was riding up the coast going around some bends at a place called O’Sullivans Gap and dropped it,I ended up in hospital for 4weeks with a blood clot,sold the big muther and got the Triumph.I looked at a nice Harley today,still in two minds about getting it.
Glad you are feeling OK xx
Hi Lola, You don't won't to be trying to pick one of those things up. My Brother has just bought the latest Honda Valkyrie Fc6, it's a naked version of a Goldwing.
What Harley are you after?
Here's some pictures of me doing some trackdays
Red GSXR1000 before i was a mentalist.
Silver Fireblade after i became a mentalist, anxiety, window licker!
Picked up that Honda rode it round the block with the wind in my hair ( all one of it :D) gave it a bath and polish and sold it for £600 more than I paid , not a bad days work but shit it's hard pushing a bike up a ramp into a van while you have steel band round your chest , your head is spinning and your ex freind the mind is telling you you're about to die .
Before I was a mentalist in my younger days I got the shit kicked out of me at a chip shop after my mates ran off and left me arguing with four blokes , the week after I was back at that chip shop after the pub closed eating my chips , it pissed me off I'd dropped them the week before , several times I got into fights at that chippy and ended up in the cells a few times , point is like anxiety you keep getting up and fighting if you don't they might aswell chuck you in a hole and kick some dirt over you :roflmao:.
You'll get back on that bike one day Matt that's why you've kept it , or get a Harley like Lola wants grow a big mustash and reform the village people .
Thanks for the replies you lot , it's been a long day again , if I get some sleep tonight I'll catch up on here tomorrow and see what been happening in the fruitcake factory:bighug1:
Nice one Buster!! Nice quick turnaround and made a profit, hope you declared it, NOT!!!
Bought another today , I might have a habit , this one was so modern it had an electric start 1978 , can you imagine what next eh ? I'm like a time traveler from the 1970s you can shove the modern world up your arse :D
Saw an old drinking buddy today in his mobility scooter stopping to pick up fag ends ( that might not translate well to our overseas buddies , cigarette stubs ) I guess there is always someone worse off .
Well been pushing myself too hard to make some money and keep everyone happy (ish ) now the fatigue has reared its ugly head , dealing with people buying and selling is pretty stressful ( waiting in for people who can't tell the time does my head in ) it just feels I never calm down , then the fatigue jumps in and wipes me out , boo freaking hoo :weep:
Anyway not wanting to let it beat me I'm still carrying on regardless , had the grandkids over I promised them we'd sleep in the summer house before they go back to school , so kitted it out with bed and DVD player and we watched jumanji, good quality time we had some laughs and hopefully some happy memories of mental grandad when I fall off my perch .
Highlight of the week riding around on the motorbike before selling it ( I don't think I'm
Road worthy so I'm looking for a motorcross bike , low light of the week slipping down an embankment that was wet ( remember wet before the bloody heat wave ? ) twisted my back but managed to keep falling with style into a bush out of sight of other dog walkers . My older dog like my mother can't get up stairs any more so there is another worry in the pipeline.
Managed to make enough money to go down the coast so we're off on Friday hopefully I'm missing the sea air .
So in a nutshell , still hanging in there and not hanging from a tree so not all bad .
You keep shaving that tash Lola , I didn't shave for five days this week and the woman in the post office said " you look rough are you ill " cheeky shite it could have been designer stubble not laziness.
Anyway tired so let's see what tonight's nightmares are about .
Laterzzz :hugs:
Hope you made it to the coast, Buster?
You do make me giggle but sounds like a trip to the coast is in order.
Enjoy
Wake up Buster the tides come in!!!!
Hope you got away Buster and enjoy!!
MyNameIsTerry
08-09-18, 16:39
Wake up Buster the tides come in!!!!
Hope you got away Buster and enjoy!!
He's got help so he's happy [Sid James dirty laugh] :winks:
http://www.vord.net/cars/vw-bus/girls-and-bus.jpg
Buster deserves a break. :hugs:
Yep made it to the coast , tucked up in a caravan , dogs walked , it's just pissed it down which is great when you are warm inside , had a bottle of Newcastle brown so all is good in the wonderful world of crazy , ok my chest is killing from being so tensed up all day and I do feel guilty about my bro looking after mum but I told him I appreciate what he's doing and said I'll drive back if they need me .
Terry my heart skipped as I saw that vw camper photo , I thought you'd been to my house and nicked my photos ,I swear I had that very camper in that colour years ago and I looked
Like that blonde haired woman in the 90s , right up until Mother Nature sent the bald eagle to steal my blonde locks , hair today gone tomorrow :shrug: and i watched carry on matron when I got here .
I'll send you all a post card , care of Broadmore rest home .
Hope my body and mind relax tomorrow.
Take care :bighug1:
Good Luck Buster, Enjoy!!!!:hugs:
Please to hear you got away Buster. Good forecast tomorrow. :)
MyNameIsTerry
09-09-18, 02:01
Did you have the legs too, Buster? :winks:
And what's going on with the coffin with windows in on the roof?! :ohmy:
Glad you got away, you need a break.
Newcastle Brown? The choice bottle for rioters :biggrin:
Well as days go this was one of the better ones , walked the dogs on the beach first thing with the sun shining , had a walk round a car boot sale and feeling a bit eccentric rather than mental I bought a China cup and saucer for us both , it made me chuckle to think of going back to the caravan and having a posh cuppa with biscuits on the saucer , I may stick my pinky in the air while drinking :roflmao:
Later I went out cycling round the area , my main issue is having an asthma attack and dropping dead in the road and a steam roller and brass band going over me , ok just the asthma attack but anyway it didn't happen and at one point I got up on the pedals off the seat and raced a car up hill to beat the lights , it felt good to be normal briefly.
Wednesday I plan on going to Boston to a market square auction alone , it doesn't sound much but right now it's a challenge to not bottle out and if bid and win somthing it should put me on a high .
I know Ive had a pretty shite year but I also know I'm lucky to do what I do , there are some on here in a much worse position that can't leave the house I know because I've been there , there is still life after anxiety/depression so don't give up .
Terry I do have women's legs and it's been confirmed by a woman dog walker who said recently I had better legs than her , cheeky bleeder I didn't even know her , I didn't point out she had rugby players legs .
One dog is loving it the other is plodding on like me.
Take care all .:bighug1:
I hope you make it to that auction, Buster. Don't overthink it and big it up in your mind-take it as it comes if you can? Sounds so easy, doesn't it? If only...
Sounds like you are doing all the things you love Buster. Enjoy it! :)
Yesterday was a good day I rode ten miles down the coast feeling like I hadn't felt in years , I stopped off at a pub that was a wooden ship on the beach , I did want a pint but thought it might set off the anxiety on the ride back so didn't chance it .
Today it all went sour , partner has been really nice and thanked me for being understanding about her not wanting to come away , today I did somthing wrong that just set things off , we were at an ice cream van and she said don't walk off I might not have enough money but in a daze I walked about ten feet away my concentration is shit and I wasn't aware she was shouting me back , by the time I looked round which was only seconds her mood had changed , she walked off and said I always ignore her and she'd made mistake coming because I'd pressured her into coming which I probably did ,she now wants to go home three days into two weeks away . Once this mood comes over her there is nothing I can do or say to calm it , she did her niece a big favour before we came away and she's now let her down by not repaying some money so as usual partner now feels everyone just takes then dumps on you .whats it they say about gratitude being the shortest lived emotion ?
So I've gone from a euphoric feeling yesterday riding down the coast with my MP3 to sitting here at 4 in the morning can't sleep feeling what's the point .
Supposed to be gong to Boston in a few hours and don't feel like going now but partner has said if I don't she's getting on a train home , if I go I'll worry about her being alone in her current mental state .
Sorry I can't say this has a happy ending, I don't think either of us know how to be happy any more .
Thanks for your replies, take care .:hugs:
Your partner is using her overdose history as a weapon against you, Buster, She wants you to go to Boston today-it might do you good to get away from her for a while and let her have some space? You didn't do anything wrong but she made you feel that you had. You need your space too and can't watch over her all the time when she is in a bad mood. I know how much you fear for her safety and I do understand this fear, believe me, but you will go under yourself if you carry on like this..but you know this anyway.
I do hope you can both carry on with your holiday. It's a good place for you-don't let her spoil it because it's not fair on you. I hope you get to Boston today and that you get some respite from all the crap.
Yes, I hope you have gone too, for the same reasons that Pulisa has said.
I actually see both sides Buster.
If truthful, your partner wants to bring you down because she feels let down herself. And you to her are her best friend and because you forgot for a split second that she needed you, she has taken it as a huge dig as not being there. You need to tell her that this is quite a common thing with couples, I see it all the time and it happens to me. Your partner will magnitude it because of the way she feels about herself and that's what you need to say to her.
The weather is going to be gorgeous for your stay, it would be a mistake and waste of money if you don't stay, especially with your crap year.
I know essentially she is s good warm caring person but life has been very cruel to her and she always seems to help people who will let her down which has left her very cynical of people in general, I'm a social animal I will talk to anybody ( wether they like it or not :D) and people don't seem to let me down . I couldn't bare the thought of not going away anymore and I know right now she says she doesn't want to leave the home that she always says she hates .
I still went to Boston alone , didn't get anything at auction but had a good walk around the market town took some fruit and a cake back for partner .
Happiness seems to be just out of reach for me , I can smell it , touch it but not quite hold on to it , but I see others along the way in a much worse place and I've been in a much worse place so I'll plod on .
Thank you and take care :hugs:
I'm glad you managed to get to Boston and that you had some time out. My view is that even if life has been cruel to your partner it doesn't give her the right to lay into you if she feels you don't come up to scratch.
I hope you can both have some happy days on holiday whatever that means for you..
Partner has been ill for the last few days , first a sore throat then being sick all day today , I'll be honest it not been the holiday either of us wanted , I do wonder if all the stressing she's done about her niece and everything else she's brought along worry wise is making her ill , her niece still hasn't paid her the money she owes and its upset her greatly not because of the money just her making up excuses not to pay , how hard is it these days to transfer money? I've sold things to people in California by text message without any problems.
So spending more time alone the following has happened , I saw a Lancaster bomber do low fly past three times while waking the dogs , it was amazing four Rolls Royce merlin engines thundering past and considering there are only two still flying in the world quite rare , this one is based in Lincolnshire about ten miles away ( I'm not a plane spotter ) , the other thang is I drove through a scarecrow festival and noticed a scarecrow on a good vintage push bike so I tucked a note on the scarecrow asking if it was for sale , the chap rang me and I went and bought it , I looked it up and it was made about ten miles away so I drove to this very old town in the country side , the shop is still there but was closed I could see its full of old racing bikes , just by chance I ended up talking to a family member of the owner and I'm going back tomorrow to see what he will sell , apparently he's not too well and everything will be for sale , do things happen for reason in a certain order ? Well we will see tomorrow, it would be great if I have good day and partner wakes up feeling better or maybe tomorrow I'll see a pig flying by instead .
Oh and carnation you were right about the nice weather, then wrong , then right again , then wrong , you get the idea , warm rain , shorts with coat hat and sunglasses, what the flip eh .
Take care if you are still reading and haven't fallen asleep and slid off your arm chairs :D
You are not kidding Buster, the weather is so up and down. It's definitely the season for wearing layers.
You should know in the UK you have to take everything with you from a pair of shorts to Wellington boots, an anorak, sunglasses and a wooly scarf. :D
You mention your partner not feeling too well and I hope she is a bit better since then, but I always fell ill when away having a break. It's as if my body just went, flump. I think it must be all the tension and stress and the shock of the fresh air.
Tell her I know how she feels about the money issue. It recently happened to me and they won't even talk to me anymore. She takes it personally, but it happens to other people too.
Hope you are staying long enough to grab the mini heatwave? And what a stroke of luck finding that scarecrow. Someone is watching over you. Not in a scary way, excuse the pun, but looking out for your welfare. :)
MyNameIsTerry
16-09-18, 11:29
Did the scarecrow take off his pretty advertising head and put a shrewd haggling head on? :biggrin: I bet Worzil would scare kids to death today.
For a minute Worzil thought he had pulled :roflmao:
Today was not a good feeling day , but yesterday was so the balance is restored, had terrible nightmares last night so didn't get much sleep , 4 o'clock this morning i was making a drink in the microwave after waking in panic after a vivid nightmare, as I stood half asleep waiting for the ping I was aware of a dark presence behind me , I turned to see a funny sight , I kid you not my old dog was tiptoeing behind me with one eye looking up to make sure I didn't see her trying to sneak into my bed , she was walking so slowly and quietly, she got Busted and sent packing .
Having not slept my anxiety ran amok, I had to leave a shop because I started coughing and couldn't stop , my brain was forwarding to dropping dead and no one knowing who I was , I didn't drop dead :)
Going around the country side looking for treasure ( hidden under scarecrows) has got me thinking I want to do this more but as usual overthinking is putting the brakes on , when I get home I'd like to get back into restoring the odd classic car , im still getting the irritation in my throat and lungs which I also need to get to the bottom of , shame I've given up on doctors .
Carnation, partner is still going over why her neice wont pay her what she owes and still beating herself up about it being something she's done , I keep telling her it nothing she's done and her niece probably has money problems so she's stalling , if she contacted her brother ( nieces dad ) he'd go ape shit and sort it out but I've said don't just yet as it will make things worse . Somehow she always seems to do the wrong people favours I guess like you but I still believe there are more good than bad people and its never a bad reflection on you because someone screws you over , they are the wrong uns.
I could do with some sweet dreams tonight and good nights sleep :hugs:
Today was a bit of a weird rollercoaster day , if you have five minutes to kill while wait for party political broadcast to start then read on but I must warn you it may turn out to be five mins of your life wasted that you will never get back :)
Ok so the other day I saw the lancaster bomber fly over me so I looked it up and decided to go and see it at the museum close up and see it taxiing down a grass run way as promised on the website , in the hanger it looked awesome ( for a killing machine ) but it didn't look like it was going anywhere fast , I grabbed a plane spotter ( not literally) and asked about it , it turns out there are two in this area and only one takes off , not this one I'm at the wrong museum, so then I go and see about it taxiing and can't work out why it's not doing it , then I realise it does it every Wednesday which I was convinced it was , wrong day apparently it's Tuesday today .
Back to the caravan a little disappointed.
I then go to the beach to walk the dogs in a bloody sand storm Christ it's windy , as I walk back up I bump into an old mate of my Dad walking his dog , last time I saw him was nearly twenty years ago at my dad's funeral , funny because I always think of my dad a lot here because he used to bring us here .
Things are much better with partner but the problem with her niece isn't resolved so it has cast a shadow over the whole holiday .
Onto this evening , took the dogs out for last walk of the day down the promenade, it was just getting dark as we came back , coming towards us was big bloke a woman and baby in pram , they were arguing and looked drunk , as they walked by the chap shouted " you slap me again and you get one back " we walked a bit further and heard a loud thud I turned round and the woman was flat on her back on the concrete , now I really can't do confrontations because of the anxiety but I didn't think I just walked straight back up , the bloke backed off and I checked the woman's head to see if she was bleeding and helped her up , she was pretty pissed , the bloke walked away and kept apologising saying he just pushed her away because she was hitting him, the woman seemed ok and said she just wanted to be left alone , hung about a bit and then left them , weird thing is I didn't feel scared or anxous and partner said I'm supprised you went back and was proud of me , she also said the bloke looked more frightened of me than me of him , funny because I spend most days afraid of anything and everything.
It has made me think that I still have it in me to do the right thing should the occasion arise .Funny old world with some horrible people in it but one or two good ones .:D
And now for something completely different.
I wouldn't expect to hear anything less from you Buster. :D But, seriously, you did well buddy. Very brave and as you thought, the right thing to do.
You sure know how to be in the right place in the wrong time. Or is it wrong place, right time? :shrug:
Your break away has Certainly been eventful. :)
On thing you can say about my life carnation it's never dull athough sometimes I could do with an uneventful day .it could be worse a woman was murdered at a pub outside our site a couple of months ago , we go to the nicest places .
So after the other night feeling a bit better about myself I decided on another trip to Boston auction , set off in the morning feeling positive but the old enemy anticipation got the better of me , the drive there was stressful lots of traffic and got stuck behind loads of tractors in the countryside, overtaking in an old van with your heart in your mouth and your fingers crossed isn't good for anxiety levels , then the dreaded chest tightness and shallow breathing set in , by the time I joined the other 50 or so blokes to bid I could hardly breathe , what I noticed at that point is all the coping techniques you are taught at cbt and online are bloody useless , in a crowd while trying to watch who's bidding you cant start doing breathing exercises, I still bid and won what I wanted and fumbled my way through paying but by then I was falling apart inside although hiding it well , as soon as I took myself out of the situation it all calmed down and I started chatting to a couple of blokes and bought some extra bits off them .
Back in the safety of the caravan it got very humid and windy which set me off again , couldn't tell if it was my asthma or panic or both , today is cold wet and windy and I've stayed in that same panic all day which is really frustrating and disappointing.
Going home tomorrow, I'm glad I came away ,it's had it's ups and downs I just wish I could go home feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world .
To stop these messages just text "STOP " to 999 blah blah blah .:D
Buster, I have the same thing. I seem to get through one time and the next, I just go to pieces.
How right you are about using coping techniques amidst a panic. One of the things about panic is you just can't think straight. It's a bit like someone saying to you if you are drowning to stay calm. :lac: That's how it feels with panic. The most helpful tip I had from my therapist is to think of it as an uncomfortable moment that will pass.
I have gone to auctions myself and it is the worst for pumping up the heart and making you anxious, even if you don't suffer with anxiety. :scared15:
I am pleased you got away and your partner eventually settled. I hope you have an easy journey home and once there feel chuffed at all your conquers. :)
Been dealt another blow today , can't see a way through it this time , I can't go in to it on a public forum and I have no one to ask advice or confide in , guess I really am up shit creek .
Thanks for your help and advice in the past it has been a comfort .
Take care :hugs:
You can pm me Buster. :hugs:
Also here if you want to PM for advice, Buster.
MyNameIsTerry
24-09-18, 02:09
Not sure what use I would be, and I can be pretty slow replying to PM's these days (just so you know I wouldn't be ignoring you), but the offer is there if I can be of use.
Thanks for the offers , I wouldn't even know where to start , I have zero control over my life and I'm not even sure how big the problems are ,I feel so scared I just want it all to stop .
MyNameIsTerry
24-09-18, 05:07
That's where others may be able to chop it up for you. They tell us in therapy to try to do this because looking at the whole lot in one go can be overwhelming with anxiety.
Others can be objective. It's much easier giving advice to someone else than being the one tackling the problems.
You start where you want Buster. :hugs:
Not sure if I can be of any use, but I will give it a go:hugs:x
Buster, I'm here if you need to vent/offload mate.
See Buster, you got friends by the bucket load. :)
Hi all , sorry I didn't reply to this earlier I haven't been doing to good , I really do appreciate all the support I've had , it is heart warming to know people who dont even know me are willing to give up their time .:hugs:
I still don't feel comfortable offloading on you guys as I know for sure all of you have your own problems .
When ever I think my problems are as bad as can be somthing comes along to ground me and put things in perspective, my problems are all family related and they come at me from all angles so breaking down the problems isn't really an option , I feel I need to be in several places at once to keep everyone happy ( ok not happy but you know what I mean ) and I still need to be earning money to keep us afloat , so this week a mate rang to see if I'd go and buy his wife's car , when I got there it turned out his wife died while I was away and he couldn't bear to clear it out , she was 40 , my problems are pretty big and it feels as though I'm being crushed mentally and physically all day long but im alive and so are my loved ones so I'll just keep on keeping on no matter how much it hurts .
I found a hand written letter in the car and it could easily have been left for me , it was about self belief and fear not being real , and how people treating you badly isn't a true reflection on you .
Thank you :hugs:
As I've said before Buster, someone up there is looking after you. :hugs: And down here too, you have many members from all walks of life that you can talk to if you need it. You don't have to feel alone and when life's troubles and worries come along, because they do, you will get through them and become stronger. :hugs:
Seem to have hit rock bottom , but then Ive thought that before and gone lower , partner asked her psychiatrist earlier in the week if she could be sectioned he gave her a few days to think about it and we talked her out of it although I did say she needed to do what's best for her .
Today I could see she wasn't happy as soon as I got up this turned into an argument I couldn't possibly win , she thinks nobody likes her including me and keeps talking of wanting to die , it progressively got worse through the day to a point where she's said she doesn't want to be around people at all , she won't be in the same room as me and if I sit in the next room she says it makes her feel uncomfortable so I've come out to sleep in the shed or not sleep as it turns out , I'm certainly not putting all the blame on her I'm not easy to be around at times .
My health and mental health are going down hill , I've been wheezing almost constantly for around six months now my chest and throat are constantly tight and painful , can that be stress ? I've worked with chemicals for 25 plus years so I'm convinced I've got copd on top of my asthma .
I just hurt now in every way possible my mind and body are broken , I just dont want to wake up into this hell of a life anymore .
Sorry for being so negative I just don't see much light at the end of the tunnel right now .
Nooooo! That's the last thing your partner should do.
If she feels shit, there are many other ways to help, but that is last resort. I know several people who couldn't handle life and they all regret doing that.
She would have to be prepared for all sorts of mental and physical experiments. She surely needs a therapist to begin with. :shrug:
As for you sleeping in the shed. Noooooo!
You mustn't Buster. That is your home as well and if you have asthma and breathing problems, definitely not!
My ex. suffered with asthma and stress definitely made it worse!
It seems to me if your partner was sorted out, then a lot of your stress would be relieved. She is very depressed and lost her way. She needs to talk to someone and there are people even online or the phone. The samaritans for instance, but a therapist is better.
Why did you go to the shed Buster. You have a spare room as you daughter has left the house, you could use that? Your partner has lost faith in people and life. She's taking it personally, but it happens to everyone. It's life! I've been shat on more times than I like to admit. You move on and take a bit more wisdom with you.
You have to look after you and not keep sides saddling around your o/H, let's face it, that method has not been working. You can still be caring and there, but you are feeding the situation if you sleep in the shed. That helps no one!
If my words sound harsh, it's because I am direct and honest. And basically what your partner needs is a friend right now. Therapist if you can. :huh:
Now, go and make a nice hot cup of tea and warm your tootsies. :hugs:
Oh dear Buster, please do not sleep in the shed. I agree with Carnation. Don't know if I can add anything else. Having gone through something similar in the past.
I refused help myself and I wish I had had it. I think you both need help.
You probably need some one to talk to yourself Buster. Sending :hugs:x
Buster mate, I'm a bit late to the party as usual and I apologise for that. Having a few problems myself but next to yours they are pieces of cake. Why indeed should you sleep in the shed? I admit I don't know the full story of you and your partner, but punishing yourself is not the answer.
I can't answer your chest question but it could be just asthma exacerbated by all the stress you are under. You've had lots of PM offers and I'll add mine if you need to talk buddy. Hang in there, it can only get better.
Thanks ladies , sleeping in shed isn't half as bad as it sounds , i have six sheds in different places and this one I kitted out as a man cave but my daughter and bf nicked it , it has carpet ,insulation , double bed and tv , ok it was cold but it was a lot colder in the house , if I'd stayed in the house things would have escalated to much worse , either partner would have stormed off into the night or harmed herself , at cbt he said when things get to that point it's better to remove yourself from the situation.
I want to help her so much but I don't know where to start it seems the goal posts are constantly moving , what ever I say is turned around into a negative and thrown back , she has no faith in people at all , with good reason , she says I don't show I care enough , the nice things I do are quickly forgotten but anything I do or say wrong are at the front of her mind .
Partner has a social worker type woman to talk to and sees the psychiatrist each week but you are right magic I could do with someone to open up to every now and then , I do appreciate you guys on here but it would be nice to just talk to an actual human you know like we did in the good old days . I've met one or two people with mental health problems and daren't admit I'm struggling too , I feel like I'm just living a lie I talk to dog walkers as if nothing is wrong while I feel like I'm dying inside .
Take care and thanks .:hugs:
Thanks fish i just noticed that as I posted my long winded post , you lot have all got plenty of your own problems to be getting on with , cheers
Does she actually have a diagnosis, Buster? I only ask as she sees a psychiatrist every week. I appreciate how hard it is to live your life treading on eggshells and being a dumping ground for negative behaviours.
I don't think there is much help out there for carers. We are meant to soak it all up and carry on regardless. It's impossible though unless you are emotionally stunted. Do you get carer's allowance and if so could you ask for some counselling via Carers UK? If she's having regular professional support you would stand a good chance?
Buster, there was us thinking of you wrapped in a carpet blanket bedded on a floor of spiders and sawdust in the dark and cluttered with bikes. :huh:
Still, it's not ideal is it? But, I can understand why you did it and you have explained that.
IMO, which you might not even want, but here goes anyway. I think it is You that needs support and someone to chat to. You have a lot on your plate and you could do with someone to talk to.
In situations like this, we try to carry on and take everything on our shoulders, we don't even reveal to our family or friends how we are crumbling inside.
Maybe Pulisa's suggestion of contacting someone through the Carers UK site or your good old faithful Samaritans. I'm not too proud to say I turned to them many a time.
In the meantime, you have to safeguard yourself.
Carry on with your work, which I know you enjoy and gives you a buzz.
Your partner will be the same whether you carry on with your life or sit in the shed all day.
What she feels runs deep and won't be cured over night.
It's a lifetime of bashing and disappointments.
I think she knows deep down that you care. She is just releasing her emotions and you seem to be the only one around to take it.
After all, actions speak louder than words.
I can't say I have been perfect myself in my life.
When I first met my partner I would reject him all the time and say hurtful things, I think in a way to test him as I had been hurt so many times in my life.
It's actually a form of control and I didn't realise it until my therapist pointed out to me and why I did it.
Read in to that what you want Buster in your own relationship, it may or may not help you understand. x
---------- Post added at 11:37 ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 ----------
Just to add to that. Your mum seems pretty poorly at the moment and you really need to put any excess time and energy to that. If not, you may have regrets and even hold your partner responsible for not being there.
Believe me, I know what I am talking about and I know you had unfinished business with your dad. I don't want you to have any more regrets Buster.
And I have a feeling your partner will step up for you with your mum because within herself she is a very loving and caring person. You wouldn't be with her otherwise.
Tell me to mind my own business Buster if I am over stepping myself with my advice. I am just being truthful and speaking from the heart. :hugs:
Hi , pulisa I don't think they've ever stuck one of their mental labels on her but I once asked if she might bipolar and she went apeshit so I didn't mention it again , she doesn't tell them much about what's happening or how she feels , I tell her she should tell them everything they can't tell anyone else and it's what they get paid for , they need to know it goes back to her mum telling her she was evil and saying she wished she'd died when she had a heart op at three years old , her mum was truly evil and she carries that with her .
I did get carer's for a while but it stopped with the other benefits four months ago and still hasn't been reinstated, we get next to nothing now , when my heads straight I can earn good money but my head is all over the place .
Carnation I do appreciate your input as I can only see things from a male point of view , what you said about testing your partner is what I feel at times like she's testing how far she can push , it's as if she wants me to do something extreme , I have been trying to spend more time with my mum but it feels there aren't enough hours in the day , she isn't doing to good , she only leaves the house in a wheelchair now and her legs are so swollen she can hardly get up out of a chair alone , she won't and hasn't slept in a bed for a very long time which is making everything worse , if I ask she just denies it , we have never been a very open family , don't hug don't kiss and don't talk about problems pretty much sums up my upbringing.
Thanks , take care .:hugs:
Buster, we have more in common than you know.
I also came from a family of no hugs, kisses or 'love you'.
My dad never showed his affection at all to me.
I also nearly died as a small child from dehydration because my mum didn't give me enough fluids. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
So, I Do understand. And I understand how your partner feels and you, to a point.
I'm sorry to hear about your mum's deterioration. I've been down that road and it is not pleasant to experience.
You can only do so much, so don't feel guilty. It is also a time that you don't want to absorb too much, because it will bring you down.
Try to get as much of your interests in to your day.
Sometimes life just has to fit around you and not the other way around.
As someone said to me, just put one foot in front of the other and live each day as it comes.
You will be surprised how you survive and deal with the hard times and it won't be forever. :hugs:
JESUS! You've still not had all your full benefits reinstated yet!
These tosspots know that suicide rates due to behaviour like this are up too.
I have NO time for any political party but the Tory party have made a total mess of everything, things are so much worse now than ever.
All the best Buster!
MyNameIsTerry
02-10-18, 05:07
From what you've told us about your partner recently it's clear she's not her mother. Like how she jumped at organ donation. But she has some deep issues and they greatly affect your mental health too. How does she feel about that? Does she secretly kick herself even more for it?
Your completely right, she needs to tell them everything and you both deserve to know what needs dealing with. I wonder if part of it is that she doesn't feel worthy of help? Part of the damage her mother did to her?
I hope you are keeping warm. The weather is turning milder again but please be careful as it won't help your asthma.
I think you need to talk to your GP about your breathing. My mum was diagnosed with COPD but it's mild. They said her asthma had progressed onto this. But recently you were riding a bike whereas my mother in her late seventies can't stand for long periods. Her new inhalers are helping her though.
I wonder whether you need a change in asthma meds? My GF had to switch several times until they found something that helped. She's now on a combined one and she says it's much better. I warn you now though...some of the ones they've tried look like mini adult toys for women :winks:
Do you have an asthma clinic at your surgery?
Can your mum not sleep in a bed now? My mum has the sleep propped up due to her back pain. When she has illnesses that cause coughing she has to sleep in a chair as it's just too painful to sleep even propped up in a bed.
I said to my partner many times she is nothing like her mother but like you said Terry she doesnt feel worthy of anything good happening , funny thing is we dont even know if her mum is still alive she walked out one day sold the house without telling them and never came back , years later we were told she died and there was a funeral but it came out she had faked her death for an insurance payout , you couldn't make that shit up , she's Dead to my partner anyway .
No matt still no back pay or carer's , to start with they said it could take three months then after three months it could take six months , she has been awarded it an it should be back dated but you can't pay the bills with a promise of back dated money coming soon , they seem to want people to kill them selves so they can give the money to MP's to clean their f£&king moats , the thought of not giving in to them keeps me from putting my head under a steamroller :D Don't let the b'stards grind you down if anyone reading this is going through the DWP system .
Terry Ive stopped going to the docs I was ok until they messed with my inhalers and all they do now is say take more which I point out gives me throat and mouth infections , I have constant irritation in my lungs and throat which could be from reflux or post nasal snot and the weather does make a big difference, humid days are the worst it's like having a carrier bag over my head .
I feel if I could be happier and less stressed the rest would sort itself out but that's not looking likely to happen anytime soon .
I did have some quality time with my grandson today out down the river so at least that was one hour of light in a dark time .
Take care all.:hugs:
Hi Buster, crikey you're going through the grinder right now mate. I wish I had some magical answer to add to the very insightful replies from everyone else. Just reading through your posts, it gets me thinking that a person with no history of mental health problems would actually develop some if they were dealing with all you have on your plate. But you've got a head start sadly. Hang in there buddy, it can only get better.
Thanks fish .:D
Right so I checked the date I started this thread and it's been six months I really can't believe how fast time flys when you are having fun or no fecking fun at all , anyway friday they reinstated the benefits with a letter saying we are stopping the appeal, stopping as in you don't need to carry on your appeal because it was bull from the start and the overwhelming evidence from doctors and psychiatrists makes the appeal look ridiculous, six months with no regular money coming in would break many people and does pushing some to take drastic measures , my partner has been push to the brink and so have I and for what ? At the end they reinstate the benefits and back date the money , in the mean time you rack up debts and lose your home , the only reason we haven't is because my stubbornness won't let the shites win , the things I've had to do for money to keep us afloat have made me ill .
To anyone who they are now targeting stick with it , get as many people to back you up as possible, you have to play them at their own game , and if anyone reads this and they have an assessment coming up covertly record it as they do lie and make up parts to shut them selves , with hindsight if we had recorded my partners assessment we could have proved beyond doubt that the assessment was just made up .
It's tough but you can get through it .
Take care .:hugs:and thanks again for those who have helped and given advice .
About bloody time Buster. Everything you say is true and it happened to me twice!!! So, believe me, I know what you have been through.
We don't want you ill Buster, so maybe you have a breather now. :hugs:
Good news Buster:yesyes:
I just can't get my head around what they've done to you and your Partner, it's pathetic! What would've happened to your Partner if she was on her own and didn't have you around.
Out of interest, how long was it from when she was assessed before she was assessed six months ago?
Thanks carnation , breathing would be nice .we do seem to go through the same trials at different times .
I thought when it was all sorted I'd feel a huge sense of relief but it's been so long we just feel it will go wrong again and we've got into the mind set of watching what we spend .
I still have the issue of my mother and we also haven't had a bathroom for nearly four weeks after the housing association said do we want a new one then sent a load of cowboys who ripped out a good working one and still haven't replaced it , they have been turning up one day a week so it's driving partner nuts waiting in every day and they dont turn up , I miss the shower soooo much , funny they don't forget to take the rent though .
The way I look at it is there is always someone worse off and even the people who seem to live charmed lives have their problems behind closed doors .
Take care :hugs: ps if the Lone Ranger and his gang don't turn up again tomorrow I may have bring it up in the complaints department.
MyNameIsTerry
22-10-18, 02:09
Yes, slam a complaint in. Builders often bob back & forth between jobs treating everyone like crap in the process as they are trying to spread their cash out because they are working on a shoestring trying not to go under. It's not acceptable and you can guarantee what will happen is others in that chain will complain and they will get prioritised over you. The HA need to be aware of this situation with an at risk person involved and kick them up the arse like Father Ted did on Bishop Brennan! :yesyes:
Great news on your benefits. If you feel up to it there may be places out there collating stories of this disgusting process. The more the government are slammed over this the more chance of change. The current government are so stuck on getting Brexit support they appoint people they know they can keep in their inner circle which probably explains why one of the most hated women in the Tories, Esther McVey, returned in a more senior role than after her & IDS had to go before! :wall:
---------- Post added at 02:09 ---------- Previous post was at 02:06 ----------
Good news Buster:yesyes:
I just can't get my head around what they've done to you and your Partner, it's pathetic! What would've happened to your Partner if she was on her own and didn't have you around.
Out of interest, how long was it from when she was assessed before she was assessed six months ago?
Matt, this is the very sad thing in this. Some people have just sat there with nothing and ended up a statistic. We've read about their shocking cases in the media and whilst it's nothing new in that these things have been happening to the vulnerable well before all this current benefit mess (like with the elderly on their own forgotten) it's just worse the more the years seem to progress and we understand more about health.
The staff that was dealing with your case should be sacked!!!!! Which brings me to a very important issue when dealing with authorities and companies. Always get names. Start your conversation with, "Who am talking to? Can I get your full name for my records?" They don't like that and are less likely to mess you about.
These people know they have control and they get off on their power. Saying that, there are still a few that have a heart and deal with things efficiently, but it's a jamboree bag. :huh:
And we wonder why we have anxiety and depression! :wacko:
Yes, slam a complaint in. Builders often bob back & forth between jobs treating everyone like crap in the process as they are trying to spread their cash out because they are working on a shoestring trying not to go under. It's not acceptable and you can guarantee what will happen is others in that chain will complain and they will get prioritised over you. The HA need to be aware of this situation with an at risk person involved and kick them up the arse like Father Ted did on Bishop Brennan! :yesyes:
Great news on your benefits. If you feel up to it there may be places out there collating stories of this disgusting process. The more the government are slammed over this the more chance of change. The current government are so stuck on getting Brexit support they appoint people they know they can keep in their inner circle which probably explains why one of the most hated women in the Tories, Esther McVey, returned in a more senior role than after her & IDS had to go before! :wall:
---------- Post added at 02:09 ---------- Previous post was at 02:06 ----------
Matt, this is the very sad thing in this. Some people have just sat there with nothing and ended up a statistic. We've read about their shocking cases in the media and whilst it's nothing new in that these things have been happening to the vulnerable well before all this current benefit mess (like with the elderly on their own forgotten) it's just worse the more the years seem to progress and we understand more about health.
The guy who helps me with my issues was a mental health nurse, then a mental health officer. He has pretty much dedicated his life to helping people and in particular people who get stitched up by these f##kers.
Everything i read and hear is people when they 1st sign up to ESA they're kept waiting for a year plus for a medical assessment. Why? Because most people get well and go back to work and only ever received ESA assessment rate. When people don't get well they are nearly always passed fit and have to go through all the crap. When they do get awarded what they're are due and given a time limit there is never ANY DELAY ON WHEN THEY'RE DUE TO BE RE-ASSESSED.
---------- Post added at 15:19 ---------- Previous post was at 15:15 ----------
The staff that was dealing with your case should be sacked!!!!! Which brings me to a very important issue when dealing with authorities and companies. Always get names. Start your conversation with, "Who am talking to? Can I get your full name for my records?" They don't like that and are less likely to mess you about.
These people know they have control and they get off on their power. Saying that, there are still a few that have a heart and deal with things efficiently, but it's a jamboree bag. :huh:
And we wonder why we have anxiety and depression! :wacko:
Spot on Carnation.
I fear for when my daughter changes to PIP from the DLA she has received since she was 2. She does have a diagnosis of ASD, OCD and severe anxiety but we don't see any professionals now and I manage her issues on my own. If she gets turned down she will think that she has been a fraud all her life and has been living a lie. I truly dread this scenario as her mental health is so fragile and I'm not sure that I could cope with this devastating blow and it would be devastating...
I'm really pleased that you have your rightful benefits back, Buster.
Matt , she had an assessment a couple of years ago , since then it was just forms to fill in , she was actually put on the higher rate because her physical and mental health had got worse , pneumonia most of last year and three overdoses , so they decide to force an assessment ( don't have one and instant fail ) the assessor with very little in qualifications decided she knew better than her Doctor , psychiatrist and consultant but it's not what they say that counts, we are still paying our own rent and rates because it's not worth dealing with the council as well but at least it's some regular money coming in .
It's scary Terry what they can do and no one is held accountable, if a plumber messes up and you end up dead he's going to jail but these people mess up in huge numbers and no one is punished , there are some horrific stories on the net .
As for my bathroom problem ( oooh that sounds dodgy :D)
Here's the story so far four long weeks ago they turned up with a manager with a promise of 8 days work and who would be coming on what day to do what , I started out in the building trade I've worked with brickies plumbers joiners plasterers so I know how things work , first day they turn up and rip out the bathroom leaving us no shower and blocked up bath plus hundreds of nails sticking up out of the floor , no show for four days ( I knocked the nails in after standing on them once too often ) then a plumber shows up and sticks in the new suit but no shower , three more days of no show partner is climbing the walls she hates mess , plasterer turns up but the wall paper hasn't been stripped or the heater taken out so he bodges some plaster up and over the wallpaper , what a fookin mess , couple more no shows and a joiner turns up but by now nothing has been finished so he can't finish either , at this time a chap from the housing association comes to inspect the work and cant believe how bad it is and apologised, he takes some photos and goes never to be heard of again , so next in line is the decorator who again says it's not ready for him but paints over all the shite unfinished work , holes cracks bits missing he threw paint at it all , which brings us neatly up to today when a bloke turns up and says he's come to finish the bathroom , partner rings me quite pleased but I have to tell her he's the finisher off chap snagging jobs etc , he goes in and realises nothing is finished , no shower , no flooring , no skirting boards, a hole in the wall for an extractor , paint where plaster should be , cables hanging out of walls , lets just say he didn't finish off and disappeared, complaining is pointless and stopping paying the rent would just end up in court for eviction, because we rent they don't give a f&@k , would it be wrong to take one of them hostage ? I'm not sure where I'd stand legally is kidnapping still a crime ? . Oh and just before I finish my little rant , the joiner who turned up pulled up outside the house with his window down and shouted " for f&@ks sake " and looked really angry , when he knocked I opened the door and said " is that that how you greet all of your customers?" He said "eh ? " I said "you just shouted for f&@ks sake and I assume its aimed at me parking my van outside my home , he apologised and looked a complete a complete **** , had I had time to think about that I'd have lost my bottle and said nothing then beat myself up about it all day .
Anyway I'm going on and on so I'll shut up , I sometimes think I'm living in a soap opera and haven't been told .
Take care fellow mentals :hugs:
Buster is your partner on ESA?
If so you're automatically entitled to housing benefit.
Yep she's on it and nope we don't claim it , we had a load of trouble with them a few years ago when her lovely sister told the council we owned houses and rented them out , we don't even own this one , they sent the gestapo round and gave her a real hard time before checking who owned the houses in question, since then she won't deal with them , plus we'd have to pay bedroom tax as well .
No show from the builders today they must be exhausted from the two hours they did yesterday, it's now causing arguments in the house of fun .
Pulisa I can't see that they'd need to do an assessment with your daughter with her history and the best option is tell them she can't do it as it would be too distressing .
Today I sold a bike to a lawyer, an old chap and for some reason he just told me he'd had two breakdowns , it seems no one is exempt from mental illness it's just not fussy , black , white , rich , poor , intelligent, stooopid , it will take anyone.
Laters :hugs:
Buster, do you still have no heating in your house even though your partner has the pneumonia issues? Surely you would qualify for some help with bills etc?
The heating was supposed to be done in summer along with a new back door , they came they saw they did feck all , a chap turned up with a new door frame to fix an old warped door , scratched his head said you need a new door and went , as for the heaters the house has no gas so no central heating , the storage heaters packed up years ago , they've even left the broken one in the bathroom , it can cost us up to £100 a week in winter and it's still bloody freezing , if it's below a certain temp for while you get a payment but it's not that often I think we had it once last year , when you are at the bottom it's very hard to get out of the situation, we can't exchange no one would want it and private renting is a joke £600 a month minimum for a shite hole , any one want a lodger ?
The way I see it is there are people sleeping on the streets tonight I've seen them , So we are better off than that , just .
Ta :)
MyNameIsTerry
24-10-18, 02:20
Buster, do you still have no heating in your house even though your partner has the pneumonia issues? Surely you would qualify for some help with bills etc?
How about going to see her GP? I would expect him/her to be pretty annoyed and willing to write a strongly worded letter to the HA about her vulnerable patient.
Just a little nudge reminiscent of "if anything happens you will be getting your ass sued off and be on the front page of the papers". :winks:
---------- Post added at 02:14 ---------- Previous post was at 02:13 ----------
The guy who helps me with my issues was a mental health nurse, then a mental health officer. He has pretty much dedicated his life to helping people and in particular people who get stitched up by these f##kers.
Everything i read and hear is people when they 1st sign up to ESA they're kept waiting for a year plus for a medical assessment. Why? Because most people get well and go back to work and only ever received ESA assessment rate. When people don't get well they are nearly always passed fit and have to go through all the crap. When they do get awarded what they're are due and given a time limit there is never ANY DELAY ON WHEN THEY'RE DUE TO BE RE-ASSESSED.
And I wonder how many millions they save from people too afraid to take on "the system"?
For us with anxiety this process is daunting.
---------- Post added at 02:20 ---------- Previous post was at 02:14 ----------
Matt , she had an assessment a couple of years ago , since then it was just forms to fill in , she was actually put on the higher rate because her physical and mental health had got worse , pneumonia most of last year and three overdoses , so they decide to force an assessment ( don't have one and instant fail ) the assessor with very little in qualifications decided she knew better than her Doctor , psychiatrist and consultant but it's not what they say that counts, we are still paying our own rent and rates because it's not worth dealing with the council as well but at least it's some regular money coming in .
It's scary Terry what they can do and no one is held accountable, if a plumber messes up and you end up dead he's going to jail but these people mess up in huge numbers and no one is punished , there are some horrific stories on the net .
As for my bathroom problem ( oooh that sounds dodgy :D)
Here's the story so far four long weeks ago they turned up with a manager with a promise of 8 days work and who would be coming on what day to do what , I started out in the building trade I've worked with brickies plumbers joiners plasterers so I know how things work , first day they turn up and rip out the bathroom leaving us no shower and blocked up bath plus hundreds of nails sticking up out of the floor , no show for four days ( I knocked the nails in after standing on them once too often ) then a plumber shows up and sticks in the new suit but no shower , three more days of no show partner is climbing the walls she hates mess , plasterer turns up but the wall paper hasn't been stripped or the heater taken out so he bodges some plaster up and over the wallpaper , what a fookin mess , couple more no shows and a joiner turns up but by now nothing has been finished so he can't finish either , at this time a chap from the housing association comes to inspect the work and cant believe how bad it is and apologised, he takes some photos and goes never to be heard of again , so next in line is the decorator who again says it's not ready for him but paints over all the shite unfinished work , holes cracks bits missing he threw paint at it all , which brings us neatly up to today when a bloke turns up and says he's come to finish the bathroom , partner rings me quite pleased but I have to tell her he's the finisher off chap snagging jobs etc , he goes in and realises nothing is finished , no shower , no flooring , no skirting boards, a hole in the wall for an extractor , paint where plaster should be , cables hanging out of walls , lets just say he didn't finish off and disappeared, complaining is pointless and stopping paying the rent would just end up in court for eviction, because we rent they don't give a f&@k , would it be wrong to take one of them hostage ? I'm not sure where I'd stand legally is kidnapping still a crime ? . Oh and just before I finish my little rant , the joiner who turned up pulled up outside the house with his window down and shouted " for f&@ks sake " and looked really angry , when he knocked I opened the door and said " is that that how you greet all of your customers?" He said "eh ? " I said "you just shouted for f&@ks sake and I assume its aimed at me parking my van outside my home , he apologised and looked a complete a complete **** , had I had time to think about that I'd have lost my bottle and said nothing then beat myself up about it all day .
Anyway I'm going on and on so I'll shut up , I sometimes think I'm living in a soap opera and haven't been told .
Take care fellow mentals :hugs:
BIB: Ah, so that was you I saw on Rogue Trader's letting Rav's bike tyres down then? :winks:
Nice one putting that idiot in his place.
Victor Meldrew had it right. Remember when that house door locks company wree messing him about and he couldn't even get out of his own house properly? He knocked on the door of the company owner and then locked him in his front porch and posted the key back to him via Royal Mail. :yesyes:
Either that or go full Falling Down on them :winks:
My brother has a similar experience when they had to claim for the underpinning on the insurance. It took ages and several complaints in writing to get the lazy builders to do what they were paid for. It was frequently in a mess.
Heating your house this winter is a priority though. I'm sure the professionals who helped to get your benefits reinstated would fully support this along with your partner's respiratory Consultant. Keeping warm could keep her out of hospital. True you have a roof over your heads but she has a medical condition which you need to manage and not having any heating in the house makes it far harder.
Buster, I am presuming you are using plug in heaters.
That would explain the high bills.
What about calor gas heaters until you get sorted. They are much cheaper and you can use in the garage after.
Used them a lot in the pub days.
As far as your workers or should I rephrase that as non - workers. It's the Manager you need to sort out.
If you contacted him and let it drop that your partner suffers with pneumonia on a regular basis and wouldn't want to hold him and his workers responsible if something should happen to her, he might get very worried and change his gear.
You have to be cunning in these situations. :winks:
The cold is fast approaching and this needs sorting for the both of you. :hugs:
Terrible state of affairs!
Housing associations are crap! My partners Dad and Sister have council houses and any problems are sorted in an instant.
I'd go to environmental health.
---------- Post added at 19:19 ---------- Previous post was at 17:33 ----------
And I wonder how many millions they save from people too afraid to take on "the system"?
For us with anxiety this process is daunting.[COLOR="blue"]
Either that or go full Falling Down on them :winks:
Terry, Exactly, i'm sick to the back teeth of how the vulnerable are singled out and picked on as an easy target. What would've happened to Busters partner if she was on her own.
Falling Down:yesyes: Great film!
Well big bust up with her in doors, I want to ring the contractors and go crazy ape sh&t on them but she's not having it and isn't up to calling herself, after four weeks it's all we talk about , guess what ? Didn't turn up again today , not having a shower is doing my head in , the new bath is an eco one so shallow and small , it takes the whole hot water tank to fill it then an hour to re heat the tank , big chap like me looks like an elephant in a kids paddling pool taking a bath .
Carnation calor gas is really expensive now I use it in my lockup and the fumes are not great for asthma, I have zero sense of smell so I don't know it's affecting me until it has .
We are mid terrace so I could ask the neighbour's to turn their heating up .
I think I could go all Falling down on them before long , I have massive rage inside me that I keep under control, it has been let out once or twice before and it is quite spectacular , my old bank manger would back that up :roflmao:
Read on Facebook today another old drinking buddy has passed away , I see two of my old mates in mobility scooters bags of bones fetching strong lager first thing in the mornings , so my view today is any day upright above ground is a good day , and loud music always helps .
Thanks for the support I know you all have your own issues going on :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
25-10-18, 02:47
"Turn the heating back on...now" :noangel:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YsrOvXVGo0w/Vqyf2l_YIBI/AAAAAAAAJIU/Xet4vPklz0I/s1600/4.jpg
:yesyes:
---------- Post added at 02:47 ---------- Previous post was at 02:43 ----------
Sorry to hear about your old drinking buddy :hugs:
My brother's GF is a prison officer and even she gets sick of all the hassle with insurance companies & builders so she leaves it to my brother who is more than willing to have a barny over the phone with them. I think he hates them getting away with stuff.
Remember before these sw-anky (yes, now the swearing filter has got me too, pulisa! It always happen if one of us puts Hilary Sw-ank's name in the games threads. Yet I could get away with shitty no problem) showers? Bath day Sundays and sink washes the rest of the week? I was lucky, in my parents day it was shared baths with the youngest in last...and I'm the youngest! Must have been a bugger for my dad as he's the last of 13 :roflmao:
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ITuGQDdAWzs/VXftvcUtIzI/AAAAAAAACuw/wTZIuSM1H4w/s640/blogger-image-133048285.jpg
I suppose you could always get your partner to lob a few buckets over you, it sounds like she would enjoy that right now :winks:
Well today partner rang them she doesn't want me to do it because it will be awkward when they come round ( I say f&@k em ) so she said it's making her ill the hassle of it all so within an hour the builder is round all apologetic, then he starts trying to make out it's not that bad but as they where looking at unfinished plastering that had been painted over even he had to admit it wasn't good , he tried to sort a few bits out and went saying someone else was coming , they didn't, been working on my van all day long so absolutely ditched and sweaty a shower would have been nice but at least it was just me having a bath , you wouldn't want twos up on that water .
Your first pic reminded me of the golf course scene and how Matt would cope with that situation, bloody golfers taking up all that land firing off balls at innocent psychopaths with machine guns just trying to make their way home :roflmao:
And only one word sprang to mind with the other pic ,,,,, HAROLD!!! :D
I agree with your partner Buster. Sorry, but guys tend to fuel the situation. My partner used to let me deal with any trouble in our pub incase things got out of hand or got physical. I really don't know how I handled that because I couldn't say boo to a goose these days.
I hope things get sorted out for you. It's been a terrible year with worry and stress. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
26-10-18, 01:51
I've always had visions of you turfing some big builders out of the pub with their arms up their backs, Carnation! :yesyes:
Buster, remember Harold had that bath on wheels so he could watch the TV? That was genius! :yesyes:
Ha ha Terry. Quite the opposite. More the softly, softly approach. I would say things like, "what would your mum think of your behaviour?" :lac:
It seems with life when you moan about the litttle things pi££ing you off life shows you what it can really do , started the week as usual moaning about the lack of a bathroom , things had been going ok with partner but the builders threw a spanner in that works , we argued and the best option seemed a weekend away from the house of horrors , booked a room down the coast with a view to going tomorrow, got a call this morning from my bro saying mum wasn't well , so I went round to find the paramedics getting ready to take her to hospital, they suspect a chest infection or blood clot , somthing that scares me to death as it was a PE that killed my dad , so I've spent the whole day at the hospital with my bro trying to look after mum also trying to get my brother to eat something.
They've kept her in and we still don't know 100% what's wrong , either way it's not good .
Just to add insult to injury the ****er plumber didn't turn up again to fit the shower and the nhs car park cost me £20 and I might be getting a fine for parking in the wrong NHS patient car park , what a f£&king day .:weep:
Buster, your weekend away has just been put on the back burner, but now you need to be around for your mum and brother. As you know I have been down this road and you literally have to take it one step at a time.
But please make sure you get some rest and food in your stomach.
I feel for you Buster, I really do. Take care. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
27-10-18, 05:03
Sending best wishes to you & your mum, Buster :hugs:
You probably know all about how they don't take chances with things like chest infections in the elderly and if they aren't looking tip top with them they bring them in for monitoring just in case. That's what has happened with my mum a couple of times and I'm hoping that's what you are going through and that she will be back out very soon.
Make sure you are getting plenty to drink and eat where you can. You need to keep your strength up too.
It's very worrying to see as it hits you head on that your parents are old. Certain thoughts naturally start seeping into our minds.
All you can do is be on the hospitals case about things and be there for her even though you will feel you have to do more.
Rant on here if you need too or just have a chat to take your mind off things for a while. You know there are plenty on here who will want to help you.
So sorry to hear this, Buster. I hope they have stabilised her and that she has a diagnosis so that treatment can start as soon as possible.
You and your brother are in this together but it's horrible having a parent in hospital going through tests and not knowing what is going to happen next.
The last 24 hours have been heart breaking and soul destroying, seeing the woman that gave birth to me and brought me up not being able to get up to go to the toilet , she has very little short term memory and I swear the nurses memory's are just as bad ,they keep asking her what she's had done and has she eaten or been to the toilet and I keeping telling them she can't remember, she's scared and can't be made comfortable, me and my bro have taken it in turns being there , she's having blood thinning injections and antibiotics , she's hardly eaten.
I sat with her for four hours this evening alone no tv just trying to talk and keep her spirits up while inside I was crying at how quickly she has got old and gone downhill.
Partner was up and down today there for me one minute and snapping at me the next , she didn't want to come to the hospital then text me when I got there to say she would get a bus up there , I told her no as I didn't want a bad atmosphere , they didn't get on for years and my mum wasn't nice to her , things did get much better over the last few years but that history can't be changed .
And I think to myself what a wonderful world , NOT , while writing the word not my dog has just farted next to me ,her timing is impeccable.
MyNameIsTerry
28-10-18, 01:35
Don't the nurses have things called pens to write when patients have eaten in their notes? I thought that sort of thing was just standard nursing stuff? :unsure:
Hang in there :hugs: Once the antibiotics kick in things could change and she might want to start eating small amounts.
Once the antibiotics start working your Mum will be less confused ( hopefully) Buster.
Blimey, you are being drawn through the mill. :hugs::hugs::hugs: Hugs are not much good,but hope they help xxx
Thanks guys , didn't sleep much last night and got up early didn't realise until after lunch time the bloody clocks had gone back god knows what time I actually woke up .
Been to the hospital and spoke to a nice nurse ( the other one had the bedside manner of a pis&ed off robot ) he filled me in on what had happened today as mum didn't have clue , she had a scan and what they thought was clot they now say is a build up from the infection which is a big relief, she's still not well but being on a bed instead of sleeping on a chair has done her good , if she can get over the chest infection the hospital stay could be a blessing in disguise, got my daughter to video call her with the grandkids and it really cheered her up I know by no she won't remember it but we are always being told to live in the moment. Got lost four times trying to get out of the hospital I thought I was going to have to live there , found my way out and realised I'd left my coat and keys so had to go back .
My bro says she is very different when I'm with her she tends to do things if I say she needs to where as with him she just relies on him too much , she's given up doing things for herself which isn't helping her .
Hoping she will be home soon fingers crossed.
Thanks and thanks for the hugs magic it is a nice gesture and it does make a difference :bighug1:
Better news, Buster. Fingers crossed she makes good progress now. They will be assessing her dementia too so you may find there is more help for her and you once she is home..
I know I know...This should happen in theory but in practice it's all a bit dodgy.
Best wishes to your Mum, you and your family, Buster.
Good to read that your Mum has made progress.
Take Care Mate!
Not sure why maybe the stars were aligned or baby Jesus took a shine to me today but I just felt more positive and able to cope with the shite storm called life .
Text brother to arrange hospital visits , drove to burton on Trent the deal with a couple of blokes and felt no anxiety even laughing and joking with them , didn't stress when my sat nav decided to get me lost in a big city and wouldn't take me to my destination, didn't stress when I got home to a message I'd left something in Burton I'll go back another day , took it in my stride rushing around, nipped in a florists and had some flowers sent to partner , didn't have to queue for a space at the hospital, did a deal with someone by text while walking through the hospital and found my way first time , mum looked a lot better today and I made her laugh a few times which was nice , held her hand before I went which hasn't happened since I was a kid we aren't touchy-feely, got a message a chap was waiting at home to buy something but he was early and I wasn't rushing waited until mum took her meds then left at my pace and didn't rush home , dealt with the chap who was friendly and deal was done .
Now if anyone in my area heard " oh my god Ive missed you , that feels soooo good " around seven o'clock that was me having a shower after five weeks of waiting for shite builders plumbers etc to put it back in after ripping out our bathroom (I have had baths I'm not an animal ) .
Today wasn't such a bad day felt glad I didn't put my head under a steamroller on Saturday, just wish I could cope with life's little jokes every day like this .
Take care all .:)
MRS STRESS ED
29-10-18, 22:08
oh bless you and your mum wishing your mum a speedy recovery and wishing you well buster take care xx
Wouldn't it be good if every day was like this Buster? But then we wouldn't appreciate them, would we?
Good to hear your Mum is picking up-such a relief for you.
In a strange sort of way, your mum probably needed that visit to the hospital, so they could check her out as she hasn't been good for a while. And that moment of closeness you had with her, I had the same with my mum. We were not touchy feely, but in those sort of circumstances it comes out and it is nice because deep down there is love. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 09:14 ---------- Previous post was at 09:12 ----------
I love a good day like that and people like us appreciate them tenfold. :)
MyNameIsTerry
31-10-18, 01:51
Good to hear your mum is making some progress, Buster :yesyes::yahoo:
...and if you get lost around Burton On Trent you just head for the brewery :yesyes:
Me and partner have said for while she needs to go in hospital carnation but she hates the places ( who doesn't ) tonight's visit was like going to the loony bin ,they seem to have put all of the dementia sufferers on this ward , an old Irish woman was opposite, she was screaming and when the nurses came to sort her out she started shouting I hope you are all good Cristian's then launched into a tirade of abuse " you broke my f£&king arm you b£&ch , you big black headed b£&ch, b&@ch dog Mary mother of God etc " my mum laughed and said "that wasn't very Cristian " shouldn't laugh but it was like father ted meets the exorcist .costing a fortune in car parking fees but tonight the barrier had broke so no charge , result :yahoo:
Terry I have never seen a city with so many pubs every other house is a makeshift pub even rows of terraced housed have three knocked together for pub ,it must have been great place for pub crawl back in the day , lots of derelict buildings now though it's looking very run down , bit further down the A50 and I'd be in your neck of the woods right ? You'd recognise me , In a van looking lost , singing away and oblivious to the mayhem around me , beep beeep :roflmao:
I just had a giggle Buster. Been there. Might be there myself one day!!!!! but not just yet. Glad you had free parking
Talking about Pubs Our locals three of them derelict or shut down. No pubs.
Hope things improve with your Mum and Partner. All The Best :hugs:x
Thanks magic , youth is wasted on the young getting older is no fun except it seems you can say exactly what you are thinking and get away with it , you seem young at heart , I miss smokey smelly pubs , what do young people do now ?
Crashed today , i knew it was coming rushing around trying to be everywhere at once and not sleeping , got up feeling like death warmed up and stayed that way , still managed to get things done but it was like wading through treacle.
Mum seems to be getting better and might be coming out tomorrow, partner visited her today and they both enjoyed it , it was nice they seemed close after what's happened in the past , it is a shame by tomorrow she won't remember.
Made time for a quick pumpkin , happy Halloween:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
01-11-18, 01:43
Like the Spidey pumpkin, that's some expert carving that would make a serial killer nod with approval http://yoursmiles.org/ssmile/quarrel/s0633.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/s-quarrel.php):yesyes:
---------- Post added at 01:43 ---------- Previous post was at 01:36 ----------
Me and partner have said for while she needs to go in hospital carnation but she hates the places ( who doesn't ) tonight's visit was like going to the loony bin ,they seem to have put all of the dementia sufferers on this ward , an old Irish woman was opposite, she was screaming and when the nurses came to sort her out she started shouting I hope you are all good Cristian's then launched into a tirade of abuse " you broke my f£&king arm you b£&ch , you big black headed b£&ch, b&@ch dog Mary mother of God etc " my mum laughed and said "that wasn't very Cristian " shouldn't laugh but it was like father ted meets the exorcist .costing a fortune in car parking fees but tonight the barrier had broke so no charge , result :yahoo:
Terry I have never seen a city with so many pubs every other house is a makeshift pub even rows of terraced housed have three knocked together for pub ,it must have been great place for pub crawl back in the day , lots of derelict buildings now though it's looking very run down , bit further down the A50 and I'd be in your neck of the woods right ? You'd recognise me , In a van looking lost , singing away and oblivious to the mayhem around me , beep beeep :roflmao:
Glad to hear your mum might be well enough to come out. I bet she can't wait to get out of there? :yesyes::yahoo:
Yeah, when they are old they have a habit of putting them into dementia wards for the sake of it. It must be very distressing. Probably find some of the dementia patients are in there until they find a more suitable place?
Any concerns, raise it and see if they can get her in a private room?
I've not been around Burton for ages but yeah it's pretty much known as that place with the brewery to us.
Yep, once you get past Uttoxeter race course you are heading for me. You will know once you are here, we have a security booth vetting people's opinions on oatcakes and whether Port Vale are rubbish. If you like oatcakes and think Vale are naff, you're in! :yesyes:
Thanks Terry ,mother is indeed now home and for the first time in a few years she slept in a bed , me and bro got one like the Hospital beds and put it in the back room , her head had pretty much fused downwards so she can't look up and need some a Zimmer frame to walk but she did seem more cheery at home and rang me today which she hasn't done in months .
Got a weirdo pestering me on eBay tonight which has ramped up the anxiety again 19 messages in an hour all freaking stupid ones and now he's bought something I've got to have him come round to collect it , not looking forward to that .
There always seems to be somthing to stop me being relaxed .
Thanks for being there once again .
Ps what's an owtcake ? Some sort of nothern delicacy?
So been really struggling this last week anxiety will not let up , I wake up and within a few minutes it's taken over and stays all day like an uninvited guest, I can't breathe normally I'm in constant pain from tensing up so much , I can't sleep , so even with all this I'm still trying to carry on as normal , it's like dragging a huge ball and chain around with you all day long .
Now this morning I had to take the kids to school , I was struggling with the task of two kids , bags ,coats and then just out side the school an old woman with a young lad did a face plant straight into the pavement , I was about fifty feet away but a man was jogging past her probably what unsettled her , he looked round at her face down and jogged on , what an absolute c**t , I ran up and my grandson ran through the school gate to nursery , I thought he'd be safe so I helped her up to her feet , covered in blood and clearly broken her nose she was apologising , I reassured her and another chap came and offered to take her to the school office while I found buzz lightyear ( my grandson children in need day ) some days you just see the best and worst of mankind , I seriously hope that jogger treads in dog shite every day for the rest of his life .
Tucked up in a caravan down the coast now ,drive here was hell but worth it , wearing partners comfy pink jumper which she finds hilarious as do my daughters now photos have been sent home but I'm cosy no one is around including the fashion police so who cares .
I need to see an act of human kindness to restore my faith.
Rant over and out .:)
You always seem to be around when there is a calamity Buster.
God must have made you an angel. :)
So pleased you are having a break away, you deserve it and need it. Lovely day tomorrow too. :)
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