View Full Version : Has anyone here had palpable lymph nodes and everything was okay?
koolaidkitten
19-04-18, 09:18
I had a terrible lymphoma fear a year ago. I felt some nodes on my neck, then behind my ears, then on my scalp.... an ENT doc told me not to worry, two EA doctors told me not to worry, an oncologist told me twice not to worry, a radiologist told me not to worry, two different endocrinologists told me not to worry, my boyfriend's parents are both doctors - told me not to worry. It got so bad that I went to a private cancer hospital to meet their lymphoma specialist (he has a doctoral degree in hematology) - TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY.
I had probably 50 tubes of blood taken out of me - nothing abnormal. Ultrasound of my neck, twice - multiple lymph nodes present but I shouldn't worry. Chest x-ray was clear and so was my stomach ultrasound. I have an autoimmune condition and go regularly for check-ups and blood tests.
Since a year ago I had a really really bad health anxiety episode (scared of lymphoma) i suddenly started to feel a burning sensation all over my body, got night sweats a few times, lost weight since I couldn't eat because of my anxiety and felt really weak. Had to take 3 weeks off work which I spent crying in my bed. Had to sleep in the same bed with my mom, holding hands cause I just couldn't cope. Also had weird dull pains in my joints and jaw bone - just the places where there are lymph nodes in human body. This actually went away after this HA episode but started again now.
Since then some big things happened, I moved away from home and started university and let go of this lymphoma fear. It still was in the back of my head but I could actually enjoy living my life. Last autumn I noticed some swollen nodes not actually in my groin but near my lady parts? Told my hematologist about these and he said not to worry. They are soft, squishy and move around.
The weird skin sensation has continued since. It is not burning sensation anymore and not an itch, it is more like someone would be poking me with a tiny needle. It sometimes stops completely - in situations when I don't think about it, when I'm drunk and it isn't really present when I am showering or in a sauna. It decreases if After shower I use lotion on my body. It's quite symmetrical, if I feel it in my left hand I will feel it in my right hand too. In february I had tonsillitis and a high fever and it went completely away for those days - I don't know if it was because of the fever or the paracetamol. Would a lymphoma itch behave this way?
But last friday I felt these nodes again and went completely berserk. I am just thinking about my early death (I'm only 20). This will never go away unless someone takes some of my nodes out and examines them. This never ends...
My boyfriend has palpable lymph nodes - one on his scalp, one on his neck and 4 in his groin. Yet he is not concerned at all. His mom told me that she has had completely healthy patients with 8+ palpable lymph nodes in the neck area. I am still so so so scared. I did the mistake of going to reddit and reading the cancer subreddit and the lymphoma subreddit. So many people with the same symptoms as me and it turned out to be cancer. Also read instagram posts with the hashtag #cancersurvivor. Big mistake. I actually feel really bad about this, some people are celebrating their lives after having cancer and I use it to scare myself and make myself anxious? This is just twisted and sick.
I have a psychologist appointment next month.
But I am so sure that the nodes are spreading. Some of them have got to be over 1cm. I am slowly dying and wasting away. The ones on my scalp are HUGE. No one will do a biopsy. I am just so done. Just take one of the nodes and examine it and I will get peace - either I will get a relief after this hellish experience or I will finally get treatment for my cancer.
Anyone with similar experiences?
I have AT LEAST 13 palpable nodes. They have stayed the same size. Not sure how big the new nodes are but at least 1cm. What should I do?
Sorry if this is hard to understand. I'm just so scared I can't think straight.
koolaidkitten
19-04-18, 17:05
Anyone? :(
AMomentofClarity
19-04-18, 18:00
To me, your first paragraph completely exemplifies everything you need to know.
If you won’t believe that many experts, why would you believe strangers on the internet?
Getting the psychologist appointment is a great first step to getting over these fears. Professional mental help will go a lot further than googling and online reassurance seeking.
By my count 11 different doctors have told you don’t need to worry about lymphoma. It is so incredibly unlikely that they are all wrong. If you have lymphoma & have had it for a year your blood tests would not be normal. It’s far far more likely that this is all down to your health anxiety. Lots of people have palpable lymph nodes. I have one that’s round about 1cm at my jaw that has been there for as long as I can remember. It’s fine. My husband & children often have palpable lymph nodes - they are all completely healthy. Lymph nodes can go up & down particularly in response to infections of any kind. Poking at them definitely makes them seem bigger. Your other symptoms sound perfectly explanAble by anxiety to me.
I really think you need to focus on your mental health now - get on top of your anxiety and I think the lymph nodes will suddenly become a lot less obvious.
Big hugs.
koolaidkitten
20-04-18, 15:40
Thank you so much AMomentofClarity and Emc for your answers!
I just can't let this go, I am constantly touching my nodes and trying to find new lumps and measure them. I think I will have to make a doctor's appointment again...
AMomentofClarity
20-04-18, 15:50
I’m sure you’ve been through this site enough to know that most people here would absolutely kill to have the amount of reassurance that you’ve already gotten.
Be honest with yourself....is one more doctors appointment going to change anything? Will you believe him?
Anxiousamyj
20-04-18, 15:52
With respect, you will not be able to let go of this HA if you don't stop the compulsive checking. This is an OCD cycle and no reassurance from a doctor can help if you aren't willing to change some behaviors by doing the difficult work of resisting your urge to check. Your blood counts would be way off if you had lymphoma and they are not. You are physically ok, but stuck in a vicious cycle. I've definitely been there and still struggle sometimes, but doing the work of avoiding Google and not checking your body will have positive results for you.
I’m sure you’ve been through this site enough to know that most people here would absolutely kill to have the amount of reassurance that you’ve already gotten.
As a survivor, I would have given anything to get one clear test let alone dozens.
Positive thoughts
koolaidkitten
21-04-18, 17:56
I am in pieces. The lymph nodes near my groin made me panic really bad since I read that it could indicate some kind of vulvar cancer and called to the emergency room. They said that I shouldn't panic, could be lymph nodes and probably benign but the first appointment they could book me is in May..... so total panic and booked a gynecologist appointment on Monday. I am feeling so scared, this has to be my end....
Also, this bad anxiety has now lasted a whole week, my skin is feeling like it is burning and last night I woke up and my pillow was a little damp. My boyfriend said that it is terribly hot in my apartment at nights and he said he is sweaty at night since our bed is ridiculously small. But my sweat HAS TO BE a lymphoma sign. And so is the burning too. My fingers feel itchy. I am mentally exhausted. I want this all to end.
Was gonna say - all those doctors and not one psychologist. Good luck at your appointment.
Touching them can make it worse and can even make them irritated. And also, the nodes aren't the problem. The problem is your anxiety! When you repeatedly check something on your body, you give the anxiety power over you. Then you need even MORE reassurance over it. The more you check, the more reassurance you need that you are okay. You check, hoping that just maybe this time you won't feel them. But the checking feeds the cycle. You're posting here and have seen LOTS of doctors, seeking reassurance. But you will never get enough reassurance. It is a deception that fixing the lymph node problem will make everything better. It won't! You will move onto something else. You have to make a choice to believe the doctors. Make a plan for checking - 2 more times today, then two more times tomorrow or something like that. I promise you this is the only way to fight this - tackle the anxiety, no the symptom. You have to talk to yourself to break this cycle. Tell yourself; "I'm choosing to believe those with much more knowledge than I have. I'm choosing to focus my energy on working toward bettering the anxiety. I've already checked my two times today, tomorrow I will check again. Until then I can remain calm." Even if you don't believe the words, keep telling yourself and eventually you will. You can do this!
Touching them can make it worse and can even make them irritated. And also, the nodes aren't the problem. The problem is your anxiety! When you repeatedly check something on your body, you give the anxiety power over you. Then you need even MORE reassurance over it. The more you check, the more reassurance you need that you are okay. You check, hoping that just maybe this time you won't feel them. But the checking feeds the cycle. You're posting here and have seen LOTS of doctors, seeking reassurance. But you will never get enough reassurance. It is a deception that fixing the lymph node problem will make everything better. It won't! You will move onto something else. You have to make a choice to believe the doctors. Make a plan for checking - 2 more times today, then two more times tomorrow or something like that. I promise you this is the only way to fight this - tackle the anxiety, no the symptom. You have to talk to yourself to break this cycle. Tell yourself; "I'm choosing to believe those with much more knowledge than I have. I'm choosing to focus my energy on working toward bettering the anxiety. I've already checked my two times today, tomorrow I will check again. Until then I can remain calm." Even if you don't believe the words, keep telling yourself and eventually you will. You can do this!
Excellent post!
Positive thoughts
koolaidkitten
23-04-18, 15:32
Went to the gynecologist today and she even did an ultrasound to check that my ovaries etc. are okay. I was crying almost the whole time there and she actually didn't know what the lumps I have down there are. She said that they don't feel suspicious but she understands that I have really bad anxiety over these lumps since I told her my whole lymphoma worry saga from the beginning. And she said that I could get an ultrasound done to check them just for my peace of mind.
When I got home I had a terrible breakdown, just cried and felt pure panic. Told my mom I just can't take this anymore, I'm too weak mentally. And well because of this terrible anxiety I actually have lost some weight since I have no desire to eat anything. Thank god for my boyfriend who is staying with me, taking care that I eat and drink. He also helps me with household chores, does the dishes, washes the laundry etc. He is truly a blessing. <3
But my mom got so scared that she actually booked an appointment for me with our local cancer society's head oncologist – they gave me an acute appointment because I am so so so anxious and seriously on most days don't have any will to even get up from the bed. :(
My boyfriend was so mad cause he believes that all my symptoms are just pure health anxiety, he thinks that the only help I should get is from a psychotherapist. My dad also thinks the same.
I hope this oncologist will give me some peace of mind.... or she will find out I have cancer. I don't know if I should be happy with this or not. I am wasting everyone's time, money, resources – but on the other hand, I need this appointment. I need to be told to go on and live my life and there are not cancerous cells present anywhere. But I just have this fear rooted so deeply in me that the only thing that could change my mind would be a pathologist with my lymph node.
Actually, now I am worrying that these lymph nodes have spread from cancer in some other part of my body. I am really scared of brain cancer since some spots on the right side of my head feel a bit numb. Or actually they have been feeling numb for over a year now. Like the skin behind my right ear feels weird. Not really numb but weird. The right corner of my mouth feels heavy. This is so weird. And scary.
Thank you all for your messages <3 I really appreciate every one of them. I hope that some day I will be able to work things out in therapy but right now I am too scared...
I had a terrible lymphoma fear a year ago. I felt some nodes on my neck, then behind my ears, then on my scalp.... an ENT doc told me not to worry, two EA doctors told me not to worry, an oncologist told me twice not to worry, a radiologist told me not to worry, two different endocrinologists told me not to worry, my boyfriend's parents are both doctors - told me not to worry. It got so bad that I went to a private cancer hospital to meet their lymphoma specialist (he has a doctoral degree in hematology) - TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY.
I had probably 50 tubes of blood taken out of me - nothing abnormal. Ultrasound of my neck, twice - multiple lymph nodes present but I shouldn't worry. Chest x-ray was clear and so was my stomach ultrasound. I have an autoimmune condition and go regularly for check-ups and blood tests.
But my mom got so scared that she actually booked an appointment for me with our local cancer society's head oncologist – they gave me an acute appointment because I am so so so anxious
Another medical professional? Perhaps your Mom should have called a mental health professional? By any chance, does she suffer from anxiety also?
There's NOTHING physically wrong with you according to more doctors that I've seen the last ten years and I'm a survivor!
I hope you find some peace.
Positive thoughts
I have to say i’m concerned about how you will respond when this oncologist inevitably tells you that you’re ok. I understand the need to know for certain that this isn’t cancer but the simple fact is there is very rarely absolute certainty in ruling out a diagnosis in medicine & even if you’re told definitively that this is not cancer by the oncologist I feel sure that in a few hours or days or weeks you’ll be back worrying about this again. By all means see the oncologist but please please work on your mental health as well.
koolaidkitten
23-04-18, 16:08
Another medical professional? Perhaps your Mom should have called a mental health professional? By any chance, does she suffer from anxiety also?
There's NOTHING physically wrong with you according to more doctors that I've seen the last ten years and I'm a survivor!
I hope you find some peace.
Positive thoughts
My boyfriend actually thought the same: why is my mom letting this all go on? I think she is just very scared. Last spring I was in a very depressive state and somehow I actually felt guilty to have been born to my parents. They deserve someone saner than I am – saying these things aloud to my mom probably made her really anxious too... I feel like a piece of crap :(
But! Actually, my mom just messaged me that she knows someone near me who has a psychology degree and practices cognitive behavioral therapy. So together with the doctor's appointment on Thursday, therapy will be my next step.
I guess I could be suffering from some kind of generalized anxiety disorder? On top of this terrible health anxiety of course. I actually was seeing a psychologist/counselor before I moved last year. I should have kept seeing someone, now this all just snowballed to this.
But! Actually, my mom just messaged me that she knows someone near me who has a psychology degree and practices cognitive behavioral therapy. So together with the doctor's appointment on Thursday, therapy will be my next step.
I guess I could be suffering from some kind of generalized anxiety disorder? On top of this terrible health anxiety of course. I actually was seeing a psychologist/counselor before I moved last year. I should have kept seeing someone, now this all just snowballed to this.
Well, you are on an anxiety website :winks: I'm not a psychologist but your posts scream HA and anxiety to me. I hope you get some help and overcome from what all intents and purposes is paralyzing you.
Positive thoughts
AMomentofClarity
23-04-18, 16:33
I sincerely hope I’m wrong. But I predict that this doctor will tell you nothing to worry about, just like the others and you will refuse to believe him. It’s a clear pattern at this point.
I would agree that the psychological help is critical. I would recommend discussing medications in order to get your mind in a place to focus in on the CBT.
koolaidkitten
26-04-18, 15:56
Hello again! :)
I saw the oncologist today. She felt every single one of the lymph nodes that have been bothering me. She said she couldn't even feel the ones in my neck area – she said that if you really have to dig into your neck to find pea-sized nodes those aren't enlarged. I do have some maybe pea-sized nodes behind my ears that are actually kinda visible but she could barely feel them.
She felt the ones near my groin too and didn't find them very alarming. She said that ultrasound would be pretty pointless since even the biggest one wasn't really too big to be concerning. I could get an ultrasound done in a few months since I actually called THE EMERGENCY ROOM last weekend about these groin nodes so they booked me a doctor appointment. But I don't know what to do. Options:
1) New doctor says not to worry and doesn't order an ultrasound
-> I feel that the doctor probably is missing something important and I end up dying
2) New doctor says that it is alarming and orders an ultrasound
-> I panic and turn into an anxious mess and then either:
a) Benign looking node and nothing should be done, no biopsy
-> I have cancer in my lymph nodes and they missed it!
b) Suspicious node, a biopsy is done
-> Results say no cancer: they must have missed it and this is just a false negative!
-> Results say cancer: I knew it all along....
I just can't win. :( This is exhausting.
The doctor did say that I need psychotherapy and I am now in the process of trying to find a psychotherapist. I will see a psychologist next month which is probably good, I may be referred to a psychiatrist and if he/she sees that medication for my anxiety is necessary I will try it.
The doctor also said that she wants to see me again in the summer. My mom thinks that this is because I was so anxious and she was just very worried about my mental health.
But I'm trying to stay sane. She said that I may have these bigger nodes for the rest of my life and I just have to learn to deal with it.
---------- Post added at 14:56 ---------- Previous post was at 14:50 ----------
And the most important thing my doctor said: DO. NOT. GOOGLE. YOUR. SYMPTOMS. EVER!
This lymph node hell actually started a year ago when I googled swollen lymph nodes and literally the first thing I read was that you should never ever be able to feel your lymph nodes if they are not enlarged and if they are painless, well, then you basically have lymphoma. :doh:
Of course, if you have any lumps/bumps that bother you, go show them to a doctor. This is just my journey after bothering 12+ doctors with my lumps :blush:
koolaidkitten
27-04-18, 09:24
This seriously never ends. Just found a quite a big lump under my chin while I was laying on the sofa. :weep:
All that tells you is that you desperately need that psychotherapy.
We have a new contender to the Darkside/Helen throne. Sheesh.
Yes, i have palpable lymph nodes. That's what started my anxiety actually! They are on my neck. The doctor checked them out, referred me to an ENT because i was crying! Literally, it was all i could think about for weeks on end. The ENT felt them and said they were normal and there was no need for biopsy or anything. It's been three years and they haven't changed! BTW, i too was so scared that i fell asleep in my husbands arms. It was a sense of comfort for me. I really hope you can get over this fear, especially since all of your bloodwork is fine.
I've got palpable nodes in my neck, had them for a year now. I can also feel some around my groin and armpits, all normal places to find them. Some of the nodes in my neck can be SEEN but my doctor was very unworried when he checked them, the look he gave me when I said that I might have cancer was embarrassing.
I envy you for having had so many tests, I've been fighting myself for months over getting just a second opinion. I'm very tempted to demand endless tests but know that it won't do me any good. Your anxiety sounds out of control, listen to others' advice and seek a psychotherapist.
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