LG18
19-04-18, 12:39
Yesterday, I finally took the plunge and allowed myself to entirely sucumbe to my anxieties.
I’ve feared at least 15 types of cancer as The beast that is health anxiety consumed me for five years, all of which I thought I had ample evidence for. This time it’s bone cancer. In the space Below my last rib and above the top of my hip I feel on one side there’s a large lump, while on the other side the lump is there also but smaller. No one else can feel it but me.
I have bad posture I’m trying to correct, with an anterior pelvic tilt that undeniably pulls the muscles in that area causing them to knot up. People have had golf ball sized knots in these muscles before due to posture, so I’m hoping this is what I’m feeling. I’m of course worried it’s a tumor, though. a tumor responsible for all my nerve pain and hip pain that I before associated with my bad posture.
Yesterday I managed to resist feeling it all but one time, whereas usually I’d be checking about thirty times a day. It was mental agony not to check. I cried several times throughout the day as I sat trying to make sense of the torment in my head. I’ve been unable to eat much, though today appetite has improved a little.
This is the most anxiety I have ever felt in my life, but I hope I’m finally turning a corner.
Just posting this in the hopes of hearing of other people going through the same thing.
Thanks for reading.
I’ve feared at least 15 types of cancer as The beast that is health anxiety consumed me for five years, all of which I thought I had ample evidence for. This time it’s bone cancer. In the space Below my last rib and above the top of my hip I feel on one side there’s a large lump, while on the other side the lump is there also but smaller. No one else can feel it but me.
I have bad posture I’m trying to correct, with an anterior pelvic tilt that undeniably pulls the muscles in that area causing them to knot up. People have had golf ball sized knots in these muscles before due to posture, so I’m hoping this is what I’m feeling. I’m of course worried it’s a tumor, though. a tumor responsible for all my nerve pain and hip pain that I before associated with my bad posture.
Yesterday I managed to resist feeling it all but one time, whereas usually I’d be checking about thirty times a day. It was mental agony not to check. I cried several times throughout the day as I sat trying to make sense of the torment in my head. I’ve been unable to eat much, though today appetite has improved a little.
This is the most anxiety I have ever felt in my life, but I hope I’m finally turning a corner.
Just posting this in the hopes of hearing of other people going through the same thing.
Thanks for reading.