Spiraling and trying to be rational

[CG5246]

Okay I need to write this out...PLEASE give me any insight you have. I went to an orthopedic doctor for my shoulder pain and I got an MRI and everything and they didn't find anything wrong with the joints/bone. Then he sent me to a neurologist and the neurologist didn't find anything wrong with my nerves. He is already plenty annoyed with me, I can tell, since the follow-up was just him saying, "Okay nothing was found, no treatment". I then asked him if I could ask him a question in regards to soft tissue (muscles, etc) and he then said "no you must go to your GP for that, I really only do bones, hip replacements things like that" and then I asked him to feel a bump on the back of my skull and he took 2 seconds to do it and said "it's just bone, it's your skull, nothing dangerous".

So...in my latest spiral because of a birthmark I have I am worried about some genetic disease, and one of the symptoms is fibrous dysplasia, which would show up on an x-ray. The doctor did an x-ray of my skull and didn't say anything about it.

So then I called the doctor's office to ask him if I could speak to him over the phone, but she said he's in surgery all day, so I could email him. I emailed him, but then I decided that I wanted an in-person appointment and called back. I asked for an appointment and the secretary asks for my name and then says "Oh, the doctor says you need to go to the GP since we only do orthopedics." I asked her why and she said "You have to go to your GP because it's orthopedics and you have another problem". This sent my anxiety THROUGH THE ROOF. I asked her what problem? And she said she couldn't say and she would send me a letter written by him. I basically begged her to tell me what the problem was, she wouldn't, and then she hung up on me.

So I am now spiraling.

My very small rational voice is trying to tell me that the "problem" she is referring to is when I asked the doctor if he can answer my questions on soft tissue problems and he said "no you must go to your GP" but I never told him what my problem/concern was. So does this mean that this "problem" she is talking about that I have to see my GP for is the soft tissue questions I had for him? Or is it something he didn't tell me about on my x-ray or the bump on my skull I had him feel???

And can I assume that if there was fibrous dysplasia he would have told me, right...? Because I'm worried that if I do have fibrous dysplasia, maybe he just assumed I already knew about it?

Please help me I am distraught :weep:

---------- Post added at 10:48 ---------- Previous post was at 09:01 ----------

anyone have any thoughts on this...?

[Fishmanpa]

Based on how you were basically blown off, I'd place my money that letter discusses your other problem as anxiety.

Positive thoughts

[Emc]

Completely agree with Fishmanpa.
I would hazard a guess that your shoulder pain is also anxiety related.

[AndrewCanada]

I can relate to you CGS, because my form of health anxiety is largely somatic symptom disorder. In fact, I'd say a large percentage of people on the health anxiety board can relate in similar ways. Many people with health anxiety also have somatic symptom disorder. They kind of go hand-in-hand.

If you're unaware of what that is, it's a hypersensitivity to real sensations our bodies might have. However, just because something is real and physical, doesn't mean that your mind can't amplify it out of proportion or worsen it due to overthinking. This is exactly what hypersensitivity to bodily functions can do. If someone without anxiety problems wakes up one morning feeling dizzy, they would rationalize it as something like "well, maybe I got up too quickly", or "maybe I'm dehydrated", whereas someone like us might think "oh, [insert deadly worse-case scenario]"... followed by a bunch of worrying, or, as you put it: "So now I am spiralling."

Example: I get random skipped heart beats. My doctor calls them post ventricular contractions (PVCs). My heart has been monitored and tested vigorously over the past twelve months. Multiple doctors have told me that, while I get these PVCs, they are harmless - that most people get PVCs, but don't notice them because they tend not to focus on them.

This reassurance doesn't stop me from spending hours upon hours worrying about them after I get them. I had a particularly forceful-feeling couplet (medical term for two PVCs in a row) yesterday afternoon (it feels like a sudden thud or flutter in your chest)... and, like that, my entire evening was a write-off, because I couldn't stop thinking/worrying about that one incidence of a couple PVCs. In hindsight, here I am realizing that it was my thought pattern that was triggering a fast heart rate after the couplet, whereas yesterday I was SO convinced that the fast heart rate HAD to have been caused by the couplet.

My advice would be to listen to your rational self. Don't try to shut out the irrational, though, because you'll only make it louder. It's like that thought experiment, when someone tells you not to think of pink elephants. What happens after? Well, you can't stop thinking about pink elephants, despite being ordered not to think about it.

When a rational thought comes up, think about it for as long as you can, and let it pass. When an irrational thought comes up, let it pass - or, if it doesn't seem to pass, write it down and then jot distinct reasons why it might be a simple case overthinking. I'm still very much in a similar stage of my health anxiety that you are, so I can't say I'm perfect... but these are a couple of coping mechanisms that have, over my worst period of anxiety in February of this year (I was hospitalized from it), helped me reduce the irrational noise in my mind.

[Fishmanpa]

Good advice Andrew! :yesyes:

Positive thoughts

[CG5246]

Completely agree with Fishmanpa.
I would hazard a guess that your shoulder pain is also anxiety related.

Thanks for your input. I did figure out that the "burning" down my arm was probably anxiety, as the neurologist said all my nerves are fine. But the sharp shoulder pain I originally went for has been around for a couple years now and all they could see is bicep tendonitis (it's injured) and a mild case of arthritis which is apparently giving me no symptoms because my sharp pain isn't in the same area.

---------- Post added at 20:54 ---------- Previous post was at 20:41 ----------


I can relate to you CGS, because my form of health anxiety is largely somatic symptom disorder. In fact, I'd say a large percentage of people on the health anxiety board can relate in similar ways. Many people with health anxiety also have somatic symptom disorder. They kind of go hand-in-hand.

If you're unaware of what that is, it's a hypersensitivity to real sensations our bodies might have. However, just because something is real and physical, doesn't mean that your mind can't amplify it out of proportion or worsen it due to overthinking. This is exactly what hypersensitivity to bodily functions can do. If someone without anxiety problems wakes up one morning feeling dizzy, they would rationalize it as something like "well, maybe I got up too quickly", or "maybe I'm dehydrated", whereas someone like us might think "oh, "... followed by a bunch of worrying, or, as you put it: "So now I am spiralling."

Example: I get random skipped heart beats. My doctor calls them post ventricular contractions (PVCs). My heart has been monitored and tested vigorously over the past twelve months. Multiple doctors have told me that, while I get these PVCs, they are harmless - that most people get PVCs, but don't notice them because they tend not to focus on them.

This reassurance doesn't stop me from spending hours upon hours worrying about them after I get them. I had a particularly forceful-feeling couplet (medical term for two PVCs in a row) yesterday afternoon (it feels like a sudden thud or flutter in your chest)... and, like that, my entire evening was a write-off, because I couldn't stop thinking/worrying about that one incidence of a couple PVCs. In hindsight, here I am realizing that it was my thought pattern that was triggering a fast heart rate after the couplet, whereas yesterday I was SO convinced that the fast heart rate HAD to have been caused by the couplet.

My advice would be to listen to your rational self. Don't try to shut out the irrational, though, because you'll only make it louder. It's like that thought experiment, when someone tells you not to think of pink elephants. What happens after? Well, you can't stop thinking about pink elephants, despite being ordered not to think about it.

When a rational thought comes up, think about it for as long as you can, and let it pass. When an irrational thought comes up, let it pass - or, if it doesn't seem to pass, write it down and then jot distinct reasons why it might be a simple case overthinking. I'm still very much in a similar stage of my health anxiety that you are, so I can't say I'm perfect... but these are a couple of coping mechanisms that have, over my worst period of anxiety in February of this year (I was hospitalized from it), helped me reduce the irrational noise in my mind.

Thank you so much for sharing your story Andrew. I have figured out that a large portion of my symptoms are psychosomatic and are in fact anxiety. I do have moments where I question if it all really is anxiety, but I usually brush them off.

My struggle right now is knowing what's normal and what's not when it comes to my body (lumps/bumps/moles, etc). I am convinced that everything is cancer and am currently worried about 6 different cancers and a couple genetic diseases. I KNOW that there's no way I have all those things. But I am (mostly) convinced that I might have one of these diseases.

I am also struggling to trust doctors. I assume that they aren't looking hard enough and missed something. I assume that they missed something with the tests. I assume that they half-ass my examinations because they know I have anxiety. I assume that they brush me off because I'm 29 and not 50+. I assume that they might not tell me about certain diseases/conditions I have because they see how anxious and worried and scared I am. My latest worry is that the doctor didn't mention the fibrous dysplasia to me that might have been on my x-ray because he assumed I already knew about it. I don't know why I'm having trouble assuming that he didn't say anything about fibrous dysplasia because I just don't have fibrous dysplasia :doh:

Thank you also for the mindfulness tips. I am working on this. I already have come to terms with the fact that I am not going to get the scary thoughts to go away. So what I've been doing is writing them down like this: Worrying thought: I have fibrous dysplasia and the doctor didn't tell me. Rating of worry (out of 100): 60. Alternative, more rational thought: The doctor didn't tell me he saw fibrous dysplasia on my x-ray because it wasn't on my x-ray and I DON'T HAVE fibrous dysplasia. I seriously have to write in all caps sometimes and I feel like it just isn't getting through to my brain.

Some days I have considered checking myself into a psych ward, but that is scary to me. I am trying to work through this and everyday is extremely difficult. I cry almost everyday.

---------- Post added at 20:58 ---------- Previous post was at 20:54 ----------


Based on how you were basically blown off, I'd place my money that letter discusses your other problem as [I]anxiety.

Positive thoughts

Yes I was blown off. It's very clear to me that they want nothing to do with me anymore. I know I've thoroughly embarrassed myself at multiple doctors and annoyed the living hell out of them. I don't like going to these appointments and having people talk about me because I'm there again. But in my head, my alternative is to die an early death and leave my family behind because I was too embarrassed to get checked out.

I am certain that almost every doctor I have seen recently has written that I have anxiety in their reports. I know I have it, and I know it's severe.

[Fishmanpa]

Yes I was blown off. It's very clear to me that they want nothing to do with me anymore. I know I've thoroughly embarrassed myself at multiple doctors and annoyed the living hell out of them. I don't like going to these appointments and having people talk about me because I'm there again. But in my head, my alternative is to die an early death and leave my family behind because I was too embarrassed to get checked out.

I am certain that almost every doctor I have seen recently has written that I have anxiety in their reports. I know I have it, and I know it's severe.

They also know without a doubt there's nothing "physically" wrong with you :shrug:

The key words in your reply are "in my head". That's where you should be focusing your healing efforts with a professional.

Positive thoughts

[CG5246]

Heh you guys were right...my “problem” was anxiety :doh:

[Ethansmom]

my husband had shoulder pain for about 2 months on and off, but mostly on. He was convinced he hurt himself at the gym. He convinced the doc to give him an MRI and nothing was found. He believes he either overused it at the gym or it was stress related. He took a few muscle relaxers and it went away! My husband believes it was stress related.