SunnyB
28-04-18, 23:02
In a few days I am due to travel by train for work, it will be 2 days and it’s a different site to where I usually am. I don’t really want to go but it involves training and working with another manager, the way my manager worded it i thought it was compulsory, I then found out i didn’t have to go. But the travel had already been booked because my manager booked it within the hour of me agreeing to it.
They said I seemed nervous and I was unsure about saying yes but I felt like I had to because I didn’t want to seem like I’m not putting in the effort. I recently had to tell my manager about my struggle with anxiety and how it is affecting me at work.
The train journey has 2 changes and it is in a major city where I have to change over. It’s a massive deal for me because I only started getting the train on my own in my mid twenties and that has been a struggle but I think I’ve done really well. Now I feel like I’m not ready to conquer this fear of travelling through London on my own, it’s one thing I’ve always avoided.
As this is for work I am very worried how I will react that morning and if I will manage to even leave the house. Because you know how it is.. and how hard it is when you’ve felt that anxiety and panic before.
I think both managers know I’m not keen on going so expect me to call in sick and made a joke about it (not about my anxiety but because this other manager is a bit scary lol and we all feel a bit nervous about them and I’m not keen on working with her but ya know, it’s work etc) but would be very disappointed if I didn’t go and I would feel so embarrassed and stupid. I’ve cancelled day trips before where I was travelling by train because I had a panic attack before leaving the house. I don’t want to go but I do also want to try to go so I don’t feel like I’ve let myself or anyone else down. It’s really not a big deal in general but for me it is. If I was visiting a friend I know they would understand my anxieties and would be on call, one friend often does that when I visit them and it’s a great comfort and it makes me feel like I’m not crazy.
I’ve been worrying myself sick about it for weeks, I don’t know what to do! I should give it a go of course. But I will feel like such a let down if I don’t get there, it’s so hard to get across to some people how hard I find it.
They said “oh apparently even though you have to change trains it is really easy and it’s easy to find when you get there.” they meant well and said it like i would be like Oh ok it’s all good then because that’s the only issue!
but that’s not the issue for me! It’s starts by just getting myself out the house, but how do I explain that :shrug: I know it’s irrational but it’s part of my anxiety.
Do you have any tips that will help me?
I always leave the house super early anyway and get to the station really early because I hate the thought of missing my train and i like to feel prepared.
I’m so scared of getting to the station or on the train and then panicking and wanting to leave!
This turned out to be a longer post than I planned!!
They said I seemed nervous and I was unsure about saying yes but I felt like I had to because I didn’t want to seem like I’m not putting in the effort. I recently had to tell my manager about my struggle with anxiety and how it is affecting me at work.
The train journey has 2 changes and it is in a major city where I have to change over. It’s a massive deal for me because I only started getting the train on my own in my mid twenties and that has been a struggle but I think I’ve done really well. Now I feel like I’m not ready to conquer this fear of travelling through London on my own, it’s one thing I’ve always avoided.
As this is for work I am very worried how I will react that morning and if I will manage to even leave the house. Because you know how it is.. and how hard it is when you’ve felt that anxiety and panic before.
I think both managers know I’m not keen on going so expect me to call in sick and made a joke about it (not about my anxiety but because this other manager is a bit scary lol and we all feel a bit nervous about them and I’m not keen on working with her but ya know, it’s work etc) but would be very disappointed if I didn’t go and I would feel so embarrassed and stupid. I’ve cancelled day trips before where I was travelling by train because I had a panic attack before leaving the house. I don’t want to go but I do also want to try to go so I don’t feel like I’ve let myself or anyone else down. It’s really not a big deal in general but for me it is. If I was visiting a friend I know they would understand my anxieties and would be on call, one friend often does that when I visit them and it’s a great comfort and it makes me feel like I’m not crazy.
I’ve been worrying myself sick about it for weeks, I don’t know what to do! I should give it a go of course. But I will feel like such a let down if I don’t get there, it’s so hard to get across to some people how hard I find it.
They said “oh apparently even though you have to change trains it is really easy and it’s easy to find when you get there.” they meant well and said it like i would be like Oh ok it’s all good then because that’s the only issue!
but that’s not the issue for me! It’s starts by just getting myself out the house, but how do I explain that :shrug: I know it’s irrational but it’s part of my anxiety.
Do you have any tips that will help me?
I always leave the house super early anyway and get to the station really early because I hate the thought of missing my train and i like to feel prepared.
I’m so scared of getting to the station or on the train and then panicking and wanting to leave!
This turned out to be a longer post than I planned!!