Relapse brought on by my own stupidity

[anxiousjomo]

So,

I have been medication free for about 6-7 months (was on Prozac, then Citalopram for 5 years or so, with a previous 6 years or so prior to that on Prozac). Exercising regularly, meditating etc. Still had tough days from time to time, and still struggled with sleep and with morning anxiety/upset stomach etc. But was really doing a hell of a lot better.

Then this weekend was my wife's 40th birthday and we had a big party. I don't usually drink (as we all know it is a bad idea when you have anxiety and depression issues!) but ended up having a couple of strong drinks to get over the initial party-awkwardness and then completely lost track of what I was drinking. Next thing I know we are getting home at 4am Sunday morning and I am pretty much pass-out drunk.

Sunday day was horrific. And that night I was shaking, sweating etc etc. Yesterday a little better but now anxiety is through the roof and last night I think I slept a bit but I feel awful today. Really groggy, anxious, jittery etc.

Now my brain is falling back into those old patterns: "You are not going to sleep tonight because of the anxiety"; "you have broken all the good work you did on yourself and are back to square one"; "you are such a failure"; "you are too exhausted to do your job properly" etc etc

Anyone been in a similar situation? Any helpful suggestions? Any advice/reassurance that I have not completely lost all the progress I made?

---------- Post added at 14:28 ---------- Previous post was at 10:30 ----------

I have to just remember the mantras and the lessons of Dr Weeks.

So what if I don't sleep well tonight and am exhausted tomorrow? Am I going to die? No. Have I got through days feeling much worse? Yes. Is this jitteriness and grogginess and everything else really that awful? I am comparatively healthy in all other ways - no major illnesses, my limbs all work fine, I am not particularly overweight or anything else. So what if I have some sensations in my body that are not very pleasant. So what if I am tired - it can't be as bad as those first few months when my son was a baby!!

So just let it go.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think you have the right idea - keep going, wait it out and let it go.

You won't put back all your progress from one wobble. You are judging it based on being in the triggered event but determining real backsliding can only be judged based on longer timescales. It's a blip, not a relapse.

Alcohol can do this to some. The more you drink, the more it causes your Serotonin to spike. I strongly suspect a big part of this is connected to the body needing to rebuild that and it needs to come from food.

The alcohol is well out of your system before the after effects of this anxiety changes. That to me says it's about keeping it going yourself through the panicking but also likely the body just rebalancing itself.

It doesn't mean you need to abstain from alcohol, it might just mean learning about your limits. I used to get hammered in my twenties but as you get older you find the handovers can hit you harder. So, you adjust. Right it off in the same way and don't make it into a new fear that you need to avoid.

But you can decide whether you need it or not. I've haven't drank for at least 5 years now due to my relapse and complications with my meds but after a couple of years it rarely enters your head anymore.

Just accept this event, keep in mind it will fade. Review things after it has faded, not during it when your anxiety is running rampant with irrational thinking.

[anxiousjomo]

Thanks. That is really helpful. I managed to sleep better last night, and am feeling more together today. I listed to one of my Dr Claire Weekes recordings, which really helped to remind me of all the stuff I had already internalised (the need to just accept, to stop obsessing over all the little internal twitches and jitters and flashes of anxiety, and just let them be.)

And, yeah, I don't think I need to abstain from alcohol - the odd drink now and then is not going to be a problem - but I certainly have no intention of getting that drunk ever again! It is a poison after all. No wonder my poor old body was a mess after I had filled it will all that...