Desperate, I've run out os answers

[figi]

Hi, I live in the UK. I have a 20 year old son. I'm 49. I have a partner but we live separately. He is my rock. I've suffered from depression/anxiety for over 30 years on and off. I have a long period of feeling well ( myself happy self) and after I have a period of feeling anxious depressed desperate sad fragile. I'm currently going through a bad period. I haven't been myself for nearly 15 months. It is relentless everyday. Not even a breather. I wake up everyday with my heart racing and that's been going on for nearly 15 months, every single day. Even if I start to relax slowly throughout the day, but I'm still not back to how I was months ago and then when the morning comes it starts all over again. I've stopped doing all the volunteer work that I was doing because of how I'm feeling and I need the confidence to actually do it. Even the simplest of things is very difficult. I'm exhausted after so many months I've been like this. Meds I'm on is lamotrigine for my mood disorder and levothyroxine for my thyroid gland. In the past I've had CBT, group therapy, psychology and I still go through all this. I get a trigger and then this starts but it doesn't just last a few days it's for months and months. I've run out of things to do. I would like just to end it all. I think about my parents though because they have lost a daughter, and I have lost a sister, and it's just me now so I couldn't do that to my parents. It would kill them. I'm so desperate.

Thanks for reading

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya figi and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[vicky23]

Bless you Figi, I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. I really hope you find this site a source of support and encouragement. I can totally understand your sense of despair after trying all these things. My only advice would be to think of your son and the good times that you have, I know it seems at the moment that there's no light at the end of the tunnel but try to remember times you've felt well and appreciated life.
XXX

[Bigboyuk]

:welcome: to NMP.Sorry to hear this figi It will get better I know I have been there a few times, take refuge from my signature it makes good sense :hugs: ATB

[figi]

Thank you for your kind words. In the last few weeks I feel that I'm grieving for my old self and will never see her again. Has anyone else felt like this?

[EmmerLooeez]

Figi, May I ask when your last thyroid panel was taken? As your symptoms could match up with your dose being too high.

Have you spoken to your GP about your mental health?

I'm so sorry you feel this way xx

Sent from my SM-G357FZ using Tapatalk

[figi]

Hi EmmerLooeez

Yes my levels are fine. They were tested 7-8 weeks ago. I've had a long life of mental health issues, on and off. My gp knows. I'm having another blood test next week.

I do think it's all to do with my mental health and my hormones and I'm coming up to menopause age and the thyroid gland all mixed up. I need all these tests done and I'm going to ask my GP for them next week. The NHS are reluctant to do lots of tests because of funding matters. I've had enough of all of this and I need proper answers. They just haven't been keeping an eye on me. I did have a psychiatrist but I've been put back to my GP. It's a psychiatrist that knows about psychiatric drugs and can tweak them. This was what had happened in the past every time I went into this mode. The GPS just don't have enough education regarding mental health. They haven't had the training that a psychiatrist has. Especially to do with the drugs that can be prescribed. I take one type of drug, lamotragine, which is a mood stabiliser and an anti epileptic. I've had all kinds of therapies in the past including CBT group therapy psychology etc and nothing seems to work. I don't really want to take any more psychiatric drugs. I've been through lots of cocktails of drugs through the years.

[clio51]

Hi
I could if written this myself
I’ve had mh issues with anxiety/depression since I was about 25 now 60
I’ll have good periods for few years then wam it’s back. Also last for months going into year or so
Also over the years done, psychology,groups, mindfulness ,hypnotherapy
Currently wanting psychology again! 7 months waiting now. Agree nhs mh is in emergency funding , some places better than others. Mine is crap(Manchester)

I currently am in blip, every morning is a chore it’s a battle and I know what I’m in for every day. Also as I’ve become older I find it knocks my confidence more, and sometimes literally have to push myself to do things. Partner is complete opposite to me, loves the mornings
Very positive and just gets on with it regardless if he’s not wanting to

I’m on venlafaxine and 2mg diazepam, the diazepam to give me confidence to go out of the house as fuelled with anxiety I find it really hard.
At the mo anxiety is not to bad(diazepam) but mood is so up and down, can feel it come in waves quite frightening.

[sadsack95]

Welcome to the forum, I'm new here aswell. I hope you find the help you are looking for. I'm so sorry you feel this way, I hope you can find another rock on this forum to help you through.

[figi]

Hi
I could if written this myself
I’ve had mh issues with anxiety/depression since I was about 25 now 60
I’ll have good periods for few years then wam it’s back. Also last for months going into year or so
Also over the years done, psychology,groups, mindfulness ,hypnotherapy
Currently wanting psychology again! 7 months waiting now. Agree nhs mh is in emergency funding , some places better than others. Mine is crap(Manchester)

I currently am in blip, every morning is a chore it’s a battle and I know what I’m in for every day. Also as I’ve become older I find it knocks my confidence more, and sometimes literally have to push myself to do things. Partner is complete opposite to me, loves the mornings
Very positive and just gets on with it regardless if he’s not wanting to

I’m on venlafaxine and 2mg diazepam, the diazepam to give me confidence to go out of the house as fuelled with anxiety I find it really hard.
At the mo anxiety is not to bad(diazepam) but mood is so up and down, can feel it come in waves quite frightening.

Hi clio51

The way it should work is when we become unwell, we should be able to phone the mental health services and get the service that we require. Not in 7 8 or 9 months. Just like when people have physical ailments, they don't have to wait 7 8 9 10 months for to see a specialist. The system at the moment is transferring people from secondary care which is seeing professionals from the mental health sector and putting them into Primary Care, GP. GPS are not qualified to deal with people with mental health issues. Every time I need a change of medication I have to be referred to a psychiatrist or mental health team. That takes forever. They say that the services for mental health and physical health have come together but that is far from the truth.

The mental health system is getting worse and worse. They talk about mental health on the TV and the papers and a lot of people think that it is improving. But those people may be people that have never experienced mental health issues or use the services. The system is failing us and that becomes very dangerous for a person with mental health issues.