bobololo
08-05-18, 10:41
Hey all :)
I've lurked for a while on these forums and have found it very helpful. (I apologise in advance for such a long post!).
To summarise, I had agoraphobia after leaving school due to bullying (age 16) and spent many years hiding away, avoiding social situations, self-harming and having depression/panic attacks. I'm in my late 20's now, and have reached a point where I am able to go out, socialise,etc. and still do suffer from horrid anxiety - but I have learned to manage it thankfully albeit not perfectly yet. I still struggle to hold down a job, but it's getting there!
Since I have spent many years simply trying to deal with the anxiety itself, rather than having a life (e.g. going to university, travelling, holding down a job, buying their own homes, even starting a family), I really feel so so so behind and I am sure that this is something that many others can relate to also.
I see other women who have done all of the things in life that I have dreamed about, such as going to university, getting a good job, etc, and are much younger than me. I know that it is really unhealthy to compare yourself to others, however it is truly difficult! My boyfriend and I moved to London two years ago, and this place has been both hell and helpful for my anxiety. It's allowed for me to face my anxiety head-on, but has also exposed me a much higher amount of successful people who have done everything that I wanted in life. I also hate that I cannot contribute as much as I'd like to towards our relationship... I imagine how much nicer our life would be if I was like a normal woman my age, who'd worked/studied, can pay towards living costs, and it leaves me feeling completely deflated.
There's also so many things in life that others know and that I do not (the type of things that you learn through life experiences). It's hugely embarrassing to talk with other people about certain things, that anybody should know, and I have no clue what they're talking about! Also, when people ask me what I do in life, I often have to lie or build on the truth a bit, because it just opens up a whole can of worms.
Another factor, is that as a kid/teen, I was a high achiever with good grades, was super creative/social and was always told "you'll do great in life kid" by some family members. It makes me cry just thinking about it, to be honest.
I know that the obvious answer is to not compare yourself to others or dwell on the past, and I'm trying not to do this! I am studying part-time to get back in to education, so I'm being productive about it and all, but when I think about "what could have been" if I didn't have the anxiety, I become so depressed that it honestly makes me want to do absolutely nothing. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and almost as though I don't want to exist because I feel so inadequate.
I wondered how others dealt with these feelings and how you learned to brush them off? What methods do you use? I want to keep going forward and to get on track, so any advice would be hugely appreciated :) thanks.
I've lurked for a while on these forums and have found it very helpful. (I apologise in advance for such a long post!).
To summarise, I had agoraphobia after leaving school due to bullying (age 16) and spent many years hiding away, avoiding social situations, self-harming and having depression/panic attacks. I'm in my late 20's now, and have reached a point where I am able to go out, socialise,etc. and still do suffer from horrid anxiety - but I have learned to manage it thankfully albeit not perfectly yet. I still struggle to hold down a job, but it's getting there!
Since I have spent many years simply trying to deal with the anxiety itself, rather than having a life (e.g. going to university, travelling, holding down a job, buying their own homes, even starting a family), I really feel so so so behind and I am sure that this is something that many others can relate to also.
I see other women who have done all of the things in life that I have dreamed about, such as going to university, getting a good job, etc, and are much younger than me. I know that it is really unhealthy to compare yourself to others, however it is truly difficult! My boyfriend and I moved to London two years ago, and this place has been both hell and helpful for my anxiety. It's allowed for me to face my anxiety head-on, but has also exposed me a much higher amount of successful people who have done everything that I wanted in life. I also hate that I cannot contribute as much as I'd like to towards our relationship... I imagine how much nicer our life would be if I was like a normal woman my age, who'd worked/studied, can pay towards living costs, and it leaves me feeling completely deflated.
There's also so many things in life that others know and that I do not (the type of things that you learn through life experiences). It's hugely embarrassing to talk with other people about certain things, that anybody should know, and I have no clue what they're talking about! Also, when people ask me what I do in life, I often have to lie or build on the truth a bit, because it just opens up a whole can of worms.
Another factor, is that as a kid/teen, I was a high achiever with good grades, was super creative/social and was always told "you'll do great in life kid" by some family members. It makes me cry just thinking about it, to be honest.
I know that the obvious answer is to not compare yourself to others or dwell on the past, and I'm trying not to do this! I am studying part-time to get back in to education, so I'm being productive about it and all, but when I think about "what could have been" if I didn't have the anxiety, I become so depressed that it honestly makes me want to do absolutely nothing. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and almost as though I don't want to exist because I feel so inadequate.
I wondered how others dealt with these feelings and how you learned to brush them off? What methods do you use? I want to keep going forward and to get on track, so any advice would be hugely appreciated :) thanks.