Determined to feel normal again

[Paul84]

Please forgive the ramble...

After my latest bout of Health Anxiety (10 weeks or so), i'm going to make some changes. The usual pattern has occurred, where anxiety latches on to something and takes me for a spin. It then moves on to something else, and then something else and so on... and to be honest, it's boring me now.

Initially, I spotted (what I thought was) an abnormality on my lips which sent me into a spin. 2 visits to the docs later, I was given a cream to apply but, I was told it's really nothing and my anxiety is a little concerning.:wacko:

I move onto worrying about a mole on my leg; It was checked 5 years ago and I was told it's fine. They said it was a compound mole that's just changing with time. It's brown with uneven edges, and remains the same to this day. My anxious mind however has been telling me otherwise. :doh:

I then move onto to Testicular C; This fear really triggered my 9 years of on/off HA. I've had my testicles checked 3 times in 9 years and each time was told there's nothing to be concerned about. No change as far as i'm aware, but Anxiety is being a little Sh*t. :mad:

My main physical symptom is muscular tension, and it tends to be worse in my lower back, hips, groin, legs etc... I know, in all likelihood, this will explain the stiffness, the sensations, the tingling etc in and around my groin... but again those thoughts pop up... "it's prostate C"... "it's Testicular C"... It's all too much. :lac:

This evening, I attend my second counselling session. On my way there, I'm booking in a physio to work on the muscle tension. The excercise bike is on order and the Self-Help guides are getting some attention for once.

I've been living a half-life, not fully commiting myself and my focus to anything. I'm 33 years old, I have a wedding to arrange with my fiance (who is an absolute legend), I have a new job to crack on with, i have soooo many projects to get on with at home... all of this requires all of me!!!

To finish, if anyone has any self help tips that they personally recommend then I am all ears :) Much appreciated.

Thanks for reading :hugs:

[BlueMoon24]

I know how you feel, everything was going pretty good for me over the past year and then suddenly I'm back in the spiral that is health anxiety.

Recently I've decided to completely cut out all caffeine and alcohol as I'm sure they're a big factor in triggering stress. For peace of mind if nothing else, eating healthy is also great - you'll feel so much better and it gives you a few less things to worry about.

[Captain irrational]

These are a few simple things that personally helped me break out of a long cycle of health anxiety.

1: Ban yourself from Google and looking up anything medical related in general.

2: Stop self-examining and don't go hunting for symptoms, because you will inevitably find 'something' for your anxiety to latch onto. As trivial and cliched as they may seem, I really cannot stress enough how important these first two points are, and I will also say that doing them will make achieving point 3 much, much easier.

3: Don't 'fight' or try to reject anxiety, instead learn to accept it. It might sound counterintuitive, but think of it this way, when you 'fight' your anxiety, when you sit there and desperately try to rationalise and counter-argue against what the anxious thoughts are saying to you, all you are really achieving is spending what precious energy you have left fighting with yourself and you will ultimately end up feeling even more drained than before, which of course is a breeding ground for further anxiety. You break that cycle by accepting and ignoring your anxiety, and in time it's power over your will wither away and die.

I'm probably not explaining this particularly well, I strongly recommend looking up Dr Claire Weekes. Her excellent work explains these techniques far better than I can.

[unsure_about_this]

Hi Paul I
I am the same about testicle cancer, I had 3 ultrasounds in the last 3 yesrs (including one last month) lost counthow many exams I have had at GPs, I been told cysts but I dont believe them as I am still in pain, maybe the cysts are playing up or I have poked myelf too much.
I am 34. It not testicle cancer I am worried I keep thinking I have, it nearly every cancer including ms and brain tumours.

[Paul84]

Thank you for your replies and the advice so far. I will definitely look into Claire Weekes work; I've heard good things before. Thank you.

Had my second counselling session this evening and we talked about the first time my HA exploded. We talked about the time leading up to it, and he said that a few big things happened in the 18 months before.

I probably hadn't processed all of these things and may have been enough to generate stress and anxiety, which then likes to latch onto something; it was my Testicle C fear.

I have a third session in 2 weeks, and a few things to work on. I am still seriously thinking about a GP visit to get things checked.:unsure:

Any more tips are very welcome.

[NervUs]

That you are getting bored of it is a GOOD thing. Whenever your brain acts up, remind yourself, this is boring and there are better things to think about...and then move on immediately, as many times as it takes to stop dwelling on the health fear and ON the new thing.

Ultimately, it really is a mind over matter thing. You seem ready to fight back-- because it does take willpower and it does take work.

No googling, too. Avoid self checking. Put limits on going to the doctor, like schedule check ups and things, but no I found a bump (unless it is very obviously growing fast and changing somehow), no my back hurts, no I have a lymph node (unless of course it's growing like mad).

And I agree with the Captain. Learn to accept that you can't know anything with 100% certitude. I think getting through bad HA is coming to a point that you can accept that something bad could very well happen and you will deal with then, but not before!!

[Paul84]

Hi NervUs! I appreciate your reply.

I am in two minds about visiting my GP about my testicles AGAIN. I don't have any fast growing lumps or swelling. I don't really have any pain. It's a slight discomfort, sometimes. I know that I've had similar/same sensations and niggles before. Both before being checked by a GP and before. My last check was around 3 years ago.

Probably weird to say, but if I had the same feeling or level of discomfort in another part of my body, it wouldn't bother me. I've never thought "Knee C"... "Ear C"... I know that testicles is my thing! My fear!

It's like this I think; I've seeked reassurance and felt great afterwards. It's almost like anxiety has arrived again and is saying "Oi, Life's going great for you Paul... but you've taken your eye off the ball, you've let your guard down!"

Does anyone have similar thoughts like this? Like you start to reach some form of normality and calmness and then suddenly it's like "Ok you've had enough fun sunshine..." It's frustrating :mad:

[Paul84]

***Probably TMI coming up, so sorry***

the exercise begins this week as I've set up the exercise bike. I did visit my GP who checked my testicles and they're fine, he also prescribed Sertraline 50mg and asked me to go back in two weeks. The counselling continues next week also.

Obviously HA doesn't magically disappear and I'm now concerned about something else :weep: I'm worrying that I delay going to the toilet too much. I've just started a new job and I've been glued to my desk for several hours at A time as I'm getting stuck in. I get the whole "you need to urinate" signal and I think, it's alright I'll wait.
I go before work in the morning, and I'll go several times in the evening but sometimes I may go just once/twice during the day. This tends to happen when I'm under pressure or the anxiety beast is keeping my attention.

Another thing that's not helping is I had about 4 hot baths last week (to help with muscle tension, which didn't help). I think it's given me UTI-like symptoms. The logical part of me says, I felt fine down there a couple of weeks ago but the other side of me has me thinking that I've done permanent damage to my bladder over the last 33 years.

When I go out for beers with my Mate, he's up and down to the toilet every 30-60 minutes and always comments that I don't go as much.

My urine starts darker yellow in the morning and gets lighter throughout the day. My last one was very very very pale yellow. I've never had blood in my urine. I just have this weird sensation in the lower abdomen, above the little guy. No pain.

I will speak to my GP about this, but is thinking about this worth my time?