Why cant I drive??

[David985623]

Hi

I started driving lessons 2 months ago. Something I thought id never do coz the thought of it made me sick. I was involved in accident as child which put me off driving. I never wanted to drive up until now. I thought I was over it but I feel very nervous when driving and it stops me from learning and taking information in which im usually good at. I feel like a failure coz most people drive and I cant seem to get anywhere with it. Im on verge of giving up but I don’t want too. Ive had a bad experience with one instructor. She keeps reminding me of how dangerous driving can be and making me uncomfortable when at the wheel. This has set me back so much. Im trying to get back what little confidence I had. But its hard when you been told how ur not progressing and how bad things are going by the instructor. I also feel pressured by family who I don’t think fully understand how scared im feeling. Luckily I do get support from one person who understands. If it wasn’t for that I doubt id even be thinking of carrying on with it. Is there anyone else out there who has felt like this and got through it and passed test?

Dave

[cattttt]

That doesn't sound like a very good instructor, someone who can destroy your confidence like that shouldn't be teaching.
Try having a look round for someone who specialises in nervous drivers, they will understand and take things at your pace so you don't feel so pressured. It might take longer, but you'll get there in the end.

Good luck

[clickaway]

Hi Dave,

I would certainly change your instructor - loads of people do the same.

I didn't drive until late (42) and so can relate to you. Whilst I didn't have anxiety then, I was clearly nervous. I was first taught by a big burly Scotsman who taught karate and had a temper! He was pretty agressive in his style and I couldn't hack it.

I changed to a woman about 30 who kept horses who was very placid and her attitude was right for me. What's more, she had power-assisted steering in her car!

Good Luck!

[honeybee3939]

Hi David

I would change you driving instructor:ohmy: . I have recently been having driving lessons to build up my confidence. If you look through the yellow pages under driving instructors, you will probably find some instructors that specialize in confidence building and nervous driver lessons, i would give one of those a ring and explain just how you are feeling when driving.

Good Luck!

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[blackie]

Hiya hun
I know exactly how you feel. When i was at collage i started to learn to drive and at first i was very slow because i lacked the converdence. Luckly for me i have a fabv instructor who was also a canciller on the side who understood all about panics and anxiety. She knew just how far to push me and built up my converdence. I turned into quite a good driver and was happy to gfo to new places, drive my family around and stuff. Finding the right instructor for you is really important. You can do it. Converdence can be built up till you feel comfortable doing it.
I hope it all works out for you. If you want to chat more about it just pm me.
Take care
Blackie

[lucy0927]

Hi Dave,

I changed driving instructors 3 times before I finally found someone that i was comfortable with in the car. You have to remember that you're the one paying for the lessons so it doesn't matter how long it takes you to pass it's something you'll do in your own time and a good instructor won't push you.

Learning to drive is very scary, I use to dread stopping at traffic lights because I'd panic that I'd stall the car and everyone would start shouting and beeping their horns at me. In the end I told my instructor and ask him to take me down a road with loads of traffic lights again and again until I'd got the hang of it. You're the one in the driving seat, do it your way.

I know lots of people that don't drive either because they're too afraid, just don't want to or can't afford it. It's not a disability and nothing to be ashamed of or feel pressured into doing. You should do it because you want to.

I find nothing calms me down like driving down country roads, the thrill I get when I drive takes away my anxiety (probably because I'm concentrating on driving so much).

You can do it if you really want to. :)

[neptuno]

Hello David !
Listen up. My mum was 62 when she learned to drive ! She was always terrified of it. The turning point was when Dad was long-term ill in hopsital and visiting meant she had to travel across Manchester on 3 buses which took hours (this really cheesed her off as Dads car was idle and parked on the drive). So ... she booked a week off work and took an intensive driving course - and passed ! She rang round and found an instructor who understood her nervousness and she felt she could get along with. Mum's 80 this year and still driving - purely because it gets her from A to B.
Now if that should inspsire you to keep going !!
Be kind to yourself

[David985623]

Thanks for all your kind words of encouragement. It has made me feel lot better. Im just deciding what driving school i should try next. Or maybe find an instructor who specialises in ths kinda thing. I was told BSM was best but i never wanna go back there again. It cost so much money to set my confidence back so much. Just hope i get an instructor who i can learn with next time. Maybe the best approach is to go straight out onto main roads. I wasnt getting any confidence going round back turnings. ive been told if i was being taught right id have been doing that after 10 hours on the road.

Dave

[Paddington]

Hello David :hugs: .well i learnt to drive 2 yrs ago aged 50..well that was when i passed my test..6th time lucky:blush: :D i was so nervous..learning was fun for a while then i had one huge panic attack ,and i lost my bottle:ohmy: on the tests ..i kept failing or being failed.:mad: so even after i passed i had no confidence and was terrified to drive my car:ohmy: bit then i found this site and i read Nicola's driving cbt thread it is still on the forum somewhere[help nic..send David in the right direction]It changed my outlook on driving and although i dont venture far[agoraphobia:mad: ]I take my Daughter to work and to the shops too:) Also..change your instructor..maybe a smaller independant guy..who works for himself and has no quota to fill..also how about learning in an automatic car..no gears to worry about..wish i had done that in hindsight ..we do make things hard for ourselves dont we mate:) Good luck David..and remember too it is no crime to be a non driver hun:flowers: Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[domino]

Hi david, i,m a driver of 32 yrs and i hate it,fortunately i do,nt drive too much these days ,but i know how you feel, i would definately change your instructor, have you thought about an intensive course, just a thought as this might help with your anxiety, better than week by week. Good luck with what ever you decide.

[Piglet]

Is there anyone else out there who has felt like this and got through it and passed test?


Well whilst I didn't have anxiety back then I would say I was quite similiar to you in my view of driving but I did indeed get through it and pass my test.:yesyes:

I was a bit like Ray in that I didn't learn as a youngster (was 30ish) either. I don't drive at the moment though, not really because of the agoraphobia side of things but because I can't afford to run a car. I can't say I enjoy driving cos I don't - it's was/is just a means to an end.

However it is a useful skill to have - so take it slow, don't rush yourself and for goodness sake change your teacher lol!!! My middle one is learning to drive at the mo and has a great relationship with her instructor which makes all the difference.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[David985623]

Thanks again. This has been so helpful. I thought i was only one who hated driving. Most people around me seem to love it. But they have passed there test. I just want to drive coz it will be useful in my current situation. I still gotta book more lessons. Its just case of picking up phone and doing it. I think idea of a private instructor sounds better coz they will have more time. I just want to get enough confidence to get back into it. This has helped me get some of it back listening to all you people thanks.

Dave