Garysymon
12-05-18, 01:14
Hi all,
I'm Gary.
I have suffered from anxiety since 1997 (when I was 12).
The strange thing this is that I remember the date and time and reason that I first felt an anxiety attack. I went in to our living room to watch a movie as well used to in the evening's and this particular time it was the film 'Philadelphia'.
As the film went on, and for reasons that I still can not explain to this day, I began to convince myself that I was dying from Aids, as Tom Hanks was in the film. I noticed the lesions on Tom in the film and began thinking that spots on my skin were the same.
What makes this particular incident strange for me to look back on now, as an adult, is that I was never exposed to any situation what so ever that could have resulted in me contracting Aids. On top of this, at the time I had no real understanding of aids was or how it was contracted, but knowing it was a terminal illness meant that it was the first in the series of hundreds of attacks that I have suffered since.
Over the years, I have noticed a pattern. I notice that my anxiety is worse when it is Summer. I have no idea why but I would suffer constantly from between 2-8 weeks literally panicking about dying of various illnesses such as dying from a heart attack in my sleep (in this instance I would only sleep in the day time when I knew people were awake so they could keep an eye on me).
As I have got older, especially in the last 10 years, the route cause of the attacks have changed a little. I no longer suffer as bad when it comes to panicking about dying from illnesses, although every now and again it does crop up.
Where I mainly suffer now is with sleep, but, with a twist! I only ever seem to get anxiety when I have to be up the next morning for an event. So for instance I am a big football fan and if I am going to be driving say 200 miles the next day, then I get anxiety that basically wont let me get to sleep. This is the same when I go abroad on holiday, it basically keeps telling my body that it knows that I have to be up the next day and that I'm getting no sleep which will ruin the day for me. I have found that getting up and watching TV does stop it, but when you need a certain amount of sleep, it's not so much of a cure as a temporary solution.
They way the attacks happen to me is that I get little bits of niggling anxiety throughout the day that generally gets worse. It's like someone pushing down on my chest applying pressure. When I go to bed, I then start pretty much making myself worry when I can't get to sleep, and it's at this point that I get what I can only describe as a muscle contraction feeling where the pressure I feel in my chest shoots up towards my throat which makes me sit up in bed and start panicking. From this point I know that sleep isn't going to happen and I become a mess throughout the night.
Due to the anxiety I get I have recently lost a job that I enjoyed and regularly get down because of it and even wished I was no longer here so it doesn't put me though any more pain.
I am lucky enough to have a great support network in family, but the pressure they go through because of my attacks worries me as I don't want it to affect their health.
I have never expressed my thought's like this so I apologise in advance if I sound weird or silly, but it has got to a stage where I'm trying everything to rid myself of these horrible attacks.
Thanks for reading,
Gary:)
I'm Gary.
I have suffered from anxiety since 1997 (when I was 12).
The strange thing this is that I remember the date and time and reason that I first felt an anxiety attack. I went in to our living room to watch a movie as well used to in the evening's and this particular time it was the film 'Philadelphia'.
As the film went on, and for reasons that I still can not explain to this day, I began to convince myself that I was dying from Aids, as Tom Hanks was in the film. I noticed the lesions on Tom in the film and began thinking that spots on my skin were the same.
What makes this particular incident strange for me to look back on now, as an adult, is that I was never exposed to any situation what so ever that could have resulted in me contracting Aids. On top of this, at the time I had no real understanding of aids was or how it was contracted, but knowing it was a terminal illness meant that it was the first in the series of hundreds of attacks that I have suffered since.
Over the years, I have noticed a pattern. I notice that my anxiety is worse when it is Summer. I have no idea why but I would suffer constantly from between 2-8 weeks literally panicking about dying of various illnesses such as dying from a heart attack in my sleep (in this instance I would only sleep in the day time when I knew people were awake so they could keep an eye on me).
As I have got older, especially in the last 10 years, the route cause of the attacks have changed a little. I no longer suffer as bad when it comes to panicking about dying from illnesses, although every now and again it does crop up.
Where I mainly suffer now is with sleep, but, with a twist! I only ever seem to get anxiety when I have to be up the next morning for an event. So for instance I am a big football fan and if I am going to be driving say 200 miles the next day, then I get anxiety that basically wont let me get to sleep. This is the same when I go abroad on holiday, it basically keeps telling my body that it knows that I have to be up the next day and that I'm getting no sleep which will ruin the day for me. I have found that getting up and watching TV does stop it, but when you need a certain amount of sleep, it's not so much of a cure as a temporary solution.
They way the attacks happen to me is that I get little bits of niggling anxiety throughout the day that generally gets worse. It's like someone pushing down on my chest applying pressure. When I go to bed, I then start pretty much making myself worry when I can't get to sleep, and it's at this point that I get what I can only describe as a muscle contraction feeling where the pressure I feel in my chest shoots up towards my throat which makes me sit up in bed and start panicking. From this point I know that sleep isn't going to happen and I become a mess throughout the night.
Due to the anxiety I get I have recently lost a job that I enjoyed and regularly get down because of it and even wished I was no longer here so it doesn't put me though any more pain.
I am lucky enough to have a great support network in family, but the pressure they go through because of my attacks worries me as I don't want it to affect their health.
I have never expressed my thought's like this so I apologise in advance if I sound weird or silly, but it has got to a stage where I'm trying everything to rid myself of these horrible attacks.
Thanks for reading,
Gary:)