Health Anxiety continuing to get worse, I need to vent and need people to talk to..

[yekimd]

Hello this is my first time posting here I'll try and keep my story concise but I need help and I thought talking to people online who share similar concerns would be best.

First let me discuss what anxiety I have... It started off as strict hypochondria which I still have to this day and it has evolved to social anxiety and extreme panic disorder. I seek relationships with new friends and potentially a girlfriend but I fear meeting new people.

Anyway, I was born with congenital heart defects and had two open heart surgeries as a child / in second grade I had an ablation for atrial flutter (caused by my scar tissue from 2 earlier surgeries) Knock on wood I was healthy for the next 15 or so years, last week I went to my cardiologist for yearly appointment and she stated my heart has gotten a bit more globular and she put me on medication (I was off meds for 5 years) She said she is not concerned and surgery isn't even an option to consider at this point. She said it is nothing new but believes me aging (I'm 22) as well as being overweight and having high blood pressure is the cause for this. I've decided to take a whole new lifestyle to live a better life by cutting out everything terrible I was eating with a clean healthy diet and have started exercising regularly to go with my medication.

I started my medication today and I've had anxiety all day long I'm currently sitting in my computer chair rocking back and forth to try and calm myself. I just think I'm going to die from my heart even though I'm on medication, I'm taking care of myself better, and my doctor isn't overwhelmingly concerned, she also stated most people would go on 2 other medications with what I'm going on but my situation isn't that bad. I feel like I need to talk to a professional or start going on medication for my panic disorder but I don't know where to begin. I hate going to the doctor because I fear bad news. I also have been told it is possible I suffer from PTSD from being hospitalized so much.

[artist12]

First, welcome and I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. You will find many of us hear who know exactly how you feel and are always willing to offer support.

I can completely see an aspect of PTSD with hypochondria, and how your prior medical events have shaped how you now respond to your health anxiety. I didn't go through anything like you did as a child, but I did have a brain tumor scare at about age 10 and also around that time watched my grandfather, with whom I was very close suffer extensive heart issues...ambulances always coming to the house, always wondering if this hospital stay was going to be his last, etc. Shortly thereafter followed my first memories of being obsessed with my health and having feelings that I was dying. It would not surprise me in the least that you might deal with traumatic effects because you HAVE had some medical events which required treatment, so you've been on the real end of the hypothetical, what if something is wrong with me?

I also fear going to the doctor above all else, even often skipping preventative care and screening because I fear bad news, which I know is counter-intuitive if you want to make sure nothing is wrong with you. But, one thing we have to do as people facing health anxiety challenges is to work on trusting our doctors when we do visit. I know it's easy to fall down the rabbit hole of wondering if the doctor is overlooking something, if they're paying enough attention to your case...but try hard to focus on the fact that your cardiologist said she is NOT concerned.

Have you discussed your health anxiety with your cardiologist, or any other doctor? I hid mine for a while, and now I have made a point to discuss it with any new doctor, and sometimes reminding the ones I have seen more than once and it has been extremely helpful to be open with them...most have taken a greater degree of care to help through the process of a doctor visit and take more time to explain things to me knowing that I am more questioning than perhaps the average patient. And to also take greater care in how they word things to me...little things like that go a long way for me because I've had some really insensitive doctors in my past (like the one around age 10 or so who casually threw word for word out in the exam room that my headaches, vision changes, pain could be caused by a brain tumor and that I needed a scan...I'm convinced that moment first traumatized me even though it seems so inconsequential now)

As far as talking to a professional specifically about anxiety, I have tried it in the past but gave up after seeing one therapist that I didn't connect with very well. My advice, and I should get back to following this, too, would be not to give up if you don't connect with your therapist right away and if you can, might be worth looking for someone who works specifically in OCD, hypochondria, etc. who can really delve into the unique issues we face. I started with a general family therapist and while she was a really sweet lady I don't feel like I could ever relay to her just how debilitating my health anxiety was, how much it affects my daily life...we spoke mostly about my family and how I was feeling, etc. so I gave up going to my visits. I do think someone with experience in panic disorders specifically is worthwhile to find if you can.

Kudos to you for making the lifestyle changes to improve your health, I need to do the same myself...

Keep us posted and please know you are not alone...it is very cathartic to me to chat with others here who feel the same way and I hope you find that, too. Try to resist the temptation to seek reassurances about particular symptoms (though many of us still give in, it happens). Seeing how others are affected by health anxiety has made me more self-aware and able to look at what goes on in my head more objectively, if that makes sense.

Best of luck!