dancerja77
14-05-18, 02:15
I am going to try to make this as easy to understand as possible.
I am trying to pinpoint my issues so I can get some help.
I am 23, I am in my 5th year of college, I work 50 hours a week, I am a full time student as well. It’s HARD.
I started having panic attacks at age 11. Nothing significant happened, no trauma, it just started. I used to have anxiety about food, and I would be extremely afraid of vomit (still am) I wouldn’t eat in public. It’s important to note that my anxiety comes and goes.
As I got older, my anxiety subsided. Until I turned 20. I was dating a man- a boy, that abused me. Emotionally. I was name called, controlled, yelled at, and manipulated. I changed my whole personality for him. I was afraid to see anyone in public because he would get mad if I spoke to them. I lost 10 pounds, I was NOT myself. (I am wondering now if I ever got over it) So I became obsessed with not doing anything “wrong.” Not thinking about anyone else besides him, I used to “confess” all my “wrongdoings” to him everyday. This caused EXTREME intrusive thoughts, which I would confess and this would make him even more mad at me. This was so emotionally draining. We broke up July 2015, and I met my current boyfriend in November. He is the complete opposite of this past relationship, suffers from Anxiety himself.
Bring this up to current day.
I feel like I have OCD. I get fixated on random things and I can’t control it. I worry and check things over and over again. I feel like I have to check, get support or reassurance from someone, or I will have extreme anxiety.
I have an EXTREMELY guilty complex. I feel like if I do anything “wrong” I can’t handle it. I googled some answers for an online test the other day, and I am still beating myself up about it. I want to be able to LET STUFF GO!!! I also have a memory of me being like 9-10 and rubbing up against my 3 year old brother in a pool. I have no idea what really happened, and I know I was a kid, and I can’t judge my present stuff for my childhood actions, but I feel so guilty about it. I want to be able to let all the “stuff” from my past GO.
Lately I have become extremely irritable. I get annoyed easily, I don’t want to be around anyone. I want to be alone. I get angry at my boyfriend, or others at the drop of a hat. I was prescribed Zoloft, but I am so scared to take it. I don’t want to be reliant on a medicine, but I am about to have a breakdown. I just don’t know what my issue is. I don’t feel happy, and I don’t know what to do.
I want to be able to not feel guilty 24/7. I don’t want to feel sad or guilty around my family for childhood stuff. I don’t want to be angry and scream at people.
My sister is bipolar/anxiety/depression, my aunt is bipolar and has depression, my brother has extreme anxiety/ OCD tendencies. Which I just blamed on myself for when we were kids. Now I am really worried….
I am trying to pinpoint my issues so I can get some help.
I am 23, I am in my 5th year of college, I work 50 hours a week, I am a full time student as well. It’s HARD.
I started having panic attacks at age 11. Nothing significant happened, no trauma, it just started. I used to have anxiety about food, and I would be extremely afraid of vomit (still am) I wouldn’t eat in public. It’s important to note that my anxiety comes and goes.
As I got older, my anxiety subsided. Until I turned 20. I was dating a man- a boy, that abused me. Emotionally. I was name called, controlled, yelled at, and manipulated. I changed my whole personality for him. I was afraid to see anyone in public because he would get mad if I spoke to them. I lost 10 pounds, I was NOT myself. (I am wondering now if I ever got over it) So I became obsessed with not doing anything “wrong.” Not thinking about anyone else besides him, I used to “confess” all my “wrongdoings” to him everyday. This caused EXTREME intrusive thoughts, which I would confess and this would make him even more mad at me. This was so emotionally draining. We broke up July 2015, and I met my current boyfriend in November. He is the complete opposite of this past relationship, suffers from Anxiety himself.
Bring this up to current day.
I feel like I have OCD. I get fixated on random things and I can’t control it. I worry and check things over and over again. I feel like I have to check, get support or reassurance from someone, or I will have extreme anxiety.
I have an EXTREMELY guilty complex. I feel like if I do anything “wrong” I can’t handle it. I googled some answers for an online test the other day, and I am still beating myself up about it. I want to be able to LET STUFF GO!!! I also have a memory of me being like 9-10 and rubbing up against my 3 year old brother in a pool. I have no idea what really happened, and I know I was a kid, and I can’t judge my present stuff for my childhood actions, but I feel so guilty about it. I want to be able to let all the “stuff” from my past GO.
Lately I have become extremely irritable. I get annoyed easily, I don’t want to be around anyone. I want to be alone. I get angry at my boyfriend, or others at the drop of a hat. I was prescribed Zoloft, but I am so scared to take it. I don’t want to be reliant on a medicine, but I am about to have a breakdown. I just don’t know what my issue is. I don’t feel happy, and I don’t know what to do.
I want to be able to not feel guilty 24/7. I don’t want to feel sad or guilty around my family for childhood stuff. I don’t want to be angry and scream at people.
My sister is bipolar/anxiety/depression, my aunt is bipolar and has depression, my brother has extreme anxiety/ OCD tendencies. Which I just blamed on myself for when we were kids. Now I am really worried….