Worried I will never sleep again! HELP!!!!

[defyinggravity65]

I am new to this site but am reaching out because I am convinced I am dying, basically. For about a month I've had pretty horrible insomnia where I would sleep 3 hours on a bad night and 6 hours on a good night. I used to sleep 7-9 hours per night and feel great during the day, even with anxiety. Now, it's like my whole world has changed. This past week has been kind of a rough one; a couple nights of 4-6 hours of sleep. Three nights ago I slept 6.5 hours and felt great. Then last night I slept about 2 really broken, disturbed hours of sleep in which every time I was just about to drift off, my body would "jolt" itself awake. It was honestly one of the worst feelings I've ever felt. I thought I would sleep good last night due to the terrible sleep of the night before, but no such luck. I slept only 3 hours from like 5:30-8:30am, and that was after basically maxing out on my allowable dose of lorazepam and taking a half of Unisom (OTC sleep-aid). I am SO tired and out of it today, blurred vision, kind of uncoordinated, weird, fuzzy thoughts, etc. so I called into work. I keep trying to nap but I've honestly never been able to nap during the day and every time I start to think sleepy thoughts, by body jolts me awake again. Also, I started Escitalopram a week ago at 5 mg after I told my psych about my insomnia, and I really don't think it's made any difference in it so far. I think it's getting worse because I can't stop obsessing and worrying about sleep and all morning long I've been crying and shivering from the anxiety that overtakes me about it.
I'm just so worried I will die from this and that I will never sleep again! I worry I will uncontrollably pass out somewhere and hurt myself! I'm afraid of the stronger sleeping meds (i.e., Ambien, Lunesta, etc.) but now feel as if I have no choice but to give in and try one. I have tried everything else: sleepytime tea, essential oils, no electronics before bed, getting up if not asleep in 20 minutes, keeping dark room, wearing soft ear plugs, keeping the temperature slightly cool, etc. I have also tried melatonin (which worked for one night and now does nothing since I've gotten more anxious), Valerian Root, Chamomile, Unisom, Benadryl, etc.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I'm just so afraid I'm going to die and I'm sure some of these weird feelings I'm feeling now are from sleep deprivation but most are from this crippling anxiety.
ANY HELP would be appreciated. Thank you!:weep:

[Carys]

I honestly feel for you. I, and many others here (do a search for insomnia) will entirely relate to what is happening right now. It is the worst thing ever, you are in a state of anxiety and panic all day, and entirely exhausted and your mind just will not let your body sleep. It doesn't matter how exhausted, your adrenaline has you on high alert and the moment you drift off...yep, that horrible feeling of jolting as your mind says 'no body , don't sleep, you need to be alert...there is a threat'. Its a spiral, as you are now finding, the more tired you are, the more anxious, the less likely to sleep.......and so it goes on....The more you panic about lack of sleep, the more you think about it and get worked up, the less it happens.

You reach absolute beyond desperation point, right?

You won't die from the amount you are getting (though I would agree that you need to be careful about taking part in activities that require concentration e.g. driving), if you were about to then a number of people here would have been lost already :winks:. Some even come to the conclusion that they have fatal sleep insomnia, and of course as they are anxious about that, they sleep even less....thus proving their fear. Of course, they don't have it, which they find out later. Someone also said to me - in wartime men were on high alert in the trenches for months, on little sleep...the body can cope. Yes, its not nice, its not ideal and sleep deprivation makes you feel completely awful...but it can be done. There was one guy who had literally night after night of no sleep at all posting on here, tried many tablets and nothing....eventually....once the anxiety about it was broken he slept. I had a similar problem to you a few months ago I eventually resorted to lorazepam. Luckily it worked for me, but then I'm not used to generally taking anthing. Look up my thread on lorazepam, not so long ago, and you will see on there some replies people made (particularly my name is Terry) about how to deal with it. One particular piece of advice I had was - don't go to bed and consider that you are going to sleep, just lie there and say it doesn't matter if I don't sleep...I'm going to rest with my eyes closed.

I would consider trying the stronger tablet, as its about breaking the pattern, and after a good night of sleep you will feel somewhat better. I am presuming you are getting help with the anxiety, as you are right its the cause behind the original problem?

[defyinggravity65]

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your prompt and wonderful reply! It was very reassuring! It is SO nice to know that I'm not alone in this and that others have survived this. Way too often, I assume my condition is the "worst" and that makes the fears spiral even more out of control. I can agree with you that the solution lies not worrying about sleep and not even wanting it--only then will it come. That is such a hard concept for myself and other anxiety sufferers though.
I'm glad to hear the lorazepam worked for you. Can I ask what was your insomnia like when you had it? Was it like mine or worse? I'm in a somewhat different situation with the lorazepam....I have been dependent on it for a month now. Haven't needed to up my dose but still feel as though I will experience withdrawals if I don't take it at night.

[Carys]

It was literally exactly like you are describing, exactly. It wasn't worse, it was the same - although I have read on here some vastly worse than even you and I! I wouldn't say it was a whole month like yours is getting on for as my anxiety situation resolved - as it was related to a scan I was waiting on. However, even after I had those good results it took several days to a week to get back to some semblance of normal.

I have only ever taken a small amount of lorazepam for sleep problems, and hadn't had any for about 6 months before having this sleep problem. So I was 'fresh' to medication, if you know what I mean. I also need a good 8 - 9 hours to feel ok, and so to be having 2 hours broken, then maybe another hour - it was hell. A couple of nights it honestly felt like I was awake all night, but I must have been sort of waking up every half hour for a few hours at a time. As soon as the lorazepam wore off I was literally bolt up and awake. I do sympathise.

I too felt so tired, and was certain I'd go to sleep and tried in the day a few times, nope, nothing....with more tears and frustration following. I was getting so desperate that I was looking up all sorts of insomnia articles and of course increasing the importance in my mind of the need for the sleep. I tried those night time nice sounds and music apps and the binary sounds things, they just drove me nuts. :D(well, more nuts)


Here is my thread from then.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=216373&highlight=Lorazepam

It is relating to a worry I had about the lorazepam, so ignore the first part, but some good advice starts from terry right at the bottom of page1. There are a few more suggestions on page 2. You will see that I had been using the lorazepam at night for 2 1/2 weeks, and in the two weeks before that I had become despearte and hence started using it. So, maybe it was about a month. I used to try and go to sleep naturally, which of course didn't happen - so I would end up taking the lorazepam like 1.30 to 2 am. I should have just taken it at the blimmin start of the night lol




Edited to add.....


As well as the jolts, I would get an odd 'whoosh' that would bring me back to wide awake. I was kind of almost asleep and then felt like a heat and rush within me and would be awake again. It was most strange, never had it before.


You WILL get through this, just like everyone else who has had this awful anxiety symptom. The trouble is your body needs more sleep from the anxiety and gets less. :(

[defyinggravity65]

Thank you so much Carys. The jolts are exactly similar to mine as well. I think I'm going to try to lay down for a nap now but I'm honestly scared. I'm also scared for sleeping tonight. Even just to hear you say "you will get through this" means so much to me, so thank you for that.

[Carys]

You are welcome. Dont be scared, it'll go, in its own good time. :o) DO read the ideas Terry gave, they are good.



This is the info from the forum articles on here...




Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night, jolting awake, bad or crazy dreams


What you feel:


You may feel fine and be able to quickly fall asleep but then wake up a short time later. Once up, you can't easily fall back to sleep because your mind is racing or you are too ill. Or, you may have a hard time initially falling asleep and when you do, you wake often and again have a hard time going back to sleep.
Just as you are dozing off to sleep, you feel like you hear a lot bang, buzz or shot, and that jolts you fully awake. Or, as you are dozing off, you feel like you are falling and that frightens you fully awake. Or, you are just dozing off and your body radically twitches awake.
You may wake up in a panic and recall the dream you just had as being bizarre and totally crazy. This usually has you spending some time trying to figure out what caused the bad dream and what the bad dream is trying to tell you.
What causes this:


Stress is one of the main factors associated with sleep disorders. When the body is stressed, natural sleep patterns become disrupted. While there are many types of sleep problems, the ones mentioned are common for those experiencing anxiety disorder.
Because sleep is controlled by a functioning of the brain, an over stimulated nervous system will interfere with the brain's normal functioning, thusly, producing erratic and odd responses when we want to fall or stay asleep. Similar to ingesting caffeine, high stress biology will keep you awake, and it can do so in a number of ways.
Examples include:


Immediately falling asleep only to wake a few hours later all revved up and ready to go. You then have difficulty falling back to sleep, even though you may also feel exhausted. Your mind may race and you may experience a number of anxious thoughts that continue to disrupt your sleep.
You have difficulty falling asleep and when you finally do, you wake a short time later and can't go back to sleep.
As you are dozing off, you are suddenly jolted awake by a sound, twitch, a bang in your head, etc. This makes falling back to sleep difficult.
You may have a bad or crazy dream that jolts you away, and sometimes in a full panic
You wake up regularly and continually have to go to the bathroom.
You may be chilled even though you are well blanketed. Or, you may be sweating profusely even though the room is cool.

There are many other types of disruptions, however, they are all related to an over stimulated nervous system. These symptoms may also vary from one type to another type, and so on. They will also come and go, and sometimes persist.
The best remedy for these symptoms is rest. When you are experiencing regular sleep problems, it's important to get as much rest as you can. That means taking time out of you schedule to do so if you have to. When my sleep became problematic, I made sure to get to bed earlier than normal and to do so for a number of nights until my sleep patterns returned to normal.
You may have noticed that the more sleep difficulty you experience, the worse you feel and the more difficulty you continue to have. This can become a vicious circle if not deliberately stopped. Rest is the only thing that will do this.
None of these symptoms are important, only disruptive.

[defyinggravity65]

That is very good information!! Thank you for providing me with that. I find that some things are good to read online for insomnia are very, very bad. I get really scared of the stories (which I'm sure you've also seen) of people literally being up for days, and not even getting a measly three hours like me, and having to go to the ER to basically get knocked out...I'm so afraid that will happen and when I see that, my anxiety gets even worse.

[Carys]

Ah no, I've not see stories like that, glad I didn't see them a few months ago LOL I focused on articles to try and deal with/treat insomnia, rather than examples of the hideousness some people had. DON'T read any more, really!:yesyes:

[defyinggravity65]

Easier said than done but okay. Logging off for now - will try not to think about this any more in hopes that it will not ruin my night again. I just don't know how I can function another day on just three hours :(

[Carys]

Consider the 'big gun' sleeping tablet ?



I just don't know how I can function another day on just three hours :(



Wrong thing to say :) Instead, know that you CAN function, and don't keep mentally pressuring yourself. (easy for me to say now ey)


I'll check your thread tomorrow.

[defyinggravity65]

Well last night was better but not great. I took some more lorazepam, as my doctor never called me back about a different sleep med.
I slept HARD from 11:30-2:30 (a good three hours). I think I racked up another 2 or 3 hours between then and 9 this morning, but I'm not even sure to be honest. If I did, it was in small chunks and the sleep was very anxious/fretful. At one point I know I for sure was dreaming but I still felt like I was awake if that makes sense. One I looked at the clock and 1.5 hours had passed since I last looked and I couldn't tell if I had been sleeping or not. I thought that I must have been sleeping since the time passed quicker than I would have thought. But then I was laying in bed for a bit after that and I KNOW I was awake and I spent about an hour and a half doing that as well and it didn't feel like much time had passed. So now I'm just doubting everything and I'm still a nervous wreck. :(

[Pkstracy]

Stress and anxiety can do that to you as well, I am totally off my meds and I was on five different ones, I weaned myself off, even my sleeping pill, I now take 5 mg of melatonin at night to sleep, I stay up until 130 or two in the morning but I get a good 8 hours, I went through what you are going through now, longest I was awake once was 40 hours. Talk to your Doctor, it could also be your meds,

[Carys]

OK, that is definitely better though. Its a small step in the right direction, and you need to take positives from that. I recall my husband saying to me 'oh you slept well last night' and I came out with a description similar to you...moaning about how it a few hours with lorzepam then I was awake on and off. Your pattern sounds so like mine was.

[defyinggravity65]

Thank you so much for these responses. So happy to know I'm not alone

[pulisa]

You are certainly not alone. Sleep should be a natural thing and when it goes to pot it can make it very difficult to function rationally because your brain is tired and everything is more difficult. The nights are so long too and it's easy to panic when you are sleepless and highly anxious.
I seriously wouldn't overuse the benzos-you don't want to get dependant no matter how "attractive" they are in terms of giving you some respite from the insomnia.

[Sleepy]

I was on a sedating AD but changed to escitalopram about 8 weeks ago. I was told that insomnia may ensue and it did. I take Zopiclone anyway but had to double my dose to 7.5. A typical night was waking every 1-2 hours. If I added together all the little bits I maybe got 5-6 hours.

I'm still on the 7.5 but now I wake maybe three times and go straight back to sleep. I'm really glad I stuck with the escitalopram as it has really helped my anxiety.

I sleep best when I tell myself that I have 9 hours ahead of me and I'll sleep for some of it. What I really need is rest.

Good luck, it will get better. It makes you feel like rubbish I know, but it's not forever.

[defyinggravity65]

I am also taking escitalopram and have been on it for two weeks. I know this med can cause insomnia but I don't think it's affected either way becsuse I had terrible insomnia before the med as well. Last night I slept 3 hours again, from 6:30-9:30 am with MAYBE another 30 minutes of dozing between awake and asleep before that.
Will this kill me?? I'm so worried this will kill me :(

[Daedalus]

There's absolutely no way this will kill you, particularly not on 3-4 hours of sleep a night, which parents of new born children sometimes endure for months on end (as do soldiers during wartime, the whole of London during the blitz, and so on).

Won't kill you! No way!

Plus, you're not necessarily going to know when you're asleep. The brain takes micro-sleeps when it needs them, which you're probably not going to notice (this is partly what makes driving, etc., dangerous in a sleep deprived state).

[defyinggravity65]

Thank you for this reply. I take comfort in knowing you think I'm not going to die. Lol, seriously. And you're right about the new mom thing, too.
I'm just so scared with each passing day that im coming closer to death or something.