Desperate for Help (MS fears)

[HA1989]

Hi All

Long term browser, first time poster so please bear with me!

I have had HA for as long as I remember (I am now 29), my biggest fear is MS due to every single body sensation I feel can possibly be attributed to it.

A bit of background, I struggled to get pregnant for a couple of years. This is the only time I did not have HA! Instead I was just incredibly depressed about our fertility struggles. Then during pregnancy I feared every pregnancy related Illness and dreaded miscarriage or still birth.

I can happily confirm I have a happy 11 week old. But unfortunately I have not enjoyed a moment due to INTENSE fear of said disease. Not a moment of the day goes by without me thinking of it. I see a psychiatrist, councillor And therapists, I should be on antidepressants but due to the health anxiety I researched potential side effects and it put me off taking them. Therefore my mental health support will probably stop as they don’t feel i am able to be helped without medication.

I have previously seen a neurologist but no MRI. I dread being sent for an MRI as I think the waiting would kill me, this is not an exaggeration.

I would appreciate if you could look at my symptoms below and advise if I should push for a MRI (doctors and opticians, however lovely they are, are clearly getting sick of me).

How would I know if a symptom was serious or anxiety? I know this is a question everyone would love to know but it is seriously driving me crazy. I try to play with my baby and a slight twinge will be felt on my leg/head/arm etc and then that is it for the next day or so, just constantly checking it and worrying. I am not allowed to google as I used to spend upwArds 8 hours a day symptom checking.

My current worries are:

Very small area (like size of pencil end) or twinging/tingling skin on elbow that comes and goes last 5 seconds, off 5 seconds for example
Same feel started 2 days ago on knee
When I got hot the other day my palms felt like they were burning. I think the worry caused this to last for over 24 hours.
Twitching finger when I hold my hand a particular way.

I feel so depressed and anxious I seriously question the point of living. I have no life I am just existing. Please help

Hannah

[Sleepy]

I really feel for you as I felt similar just after I had my first baby. I had a bump on my shin and went to the doctor worried it was bone cancer. It was as though the fantastic happiness of having had a child could not last, as though I didn't deserve it. Anxious people are afraid of tempting fate by allowing themselves to be happy. They are sure they will be punished.

Also, I have a friend with MS. It did not present like this at all. You don't have it. Enjoy your baby x

[HA1989]

I really feel for you as I felt similar just after I had my first baby. I had a bump on my shin and went to the doctor worried it was bone cancer. It was as though the fantastic happiness of having had a child could not last, as though I didn't deserve it. Anxious people are afraid of tempting fate by allowing themselves to be happy. They are sure they will be punished.

Also, I have a friend with MS. It did not present like this at all. You don't have it. Enjoy your baby x

Thank you for your kind reply.

I believe my anxiety has got a lot worse since giving birth. I always thought HA would get better once I had another person to worry about, although it’s now a nightmare because I am obviously tending to my babies every need and worrying about him but the HA remains, and it knows my attention is elsewhere and doesn’t like it so has gone into overdrive.

It’s evil, when I try and think of the future the voice tells me I cannot make plans because of what is to become of me. I don’t know why i am such a bad person that I am not allowed to be happy.

I always had the option of the “easy” way out. I know it would be sad for husband./parents etc but they would eventually get over it. The thought of leaving baby J though in that way is too much :(

Every twinge, ache, itch, pain, EVERYTHING sets me off. I begged the doctors to tell me when I need to care about these things but obviously they don’t know so I am stuck in a rut of worrying about it all.

One interesting thing though that helped a bit. I had read on NHS that a symptom of the illness I am worried about is tingling, therefore a few hours later I noticed tingling in my left leg. This was the start of a dismal 6 weeks of constant attention to the leg. However, I found that if you focus really hard on any body part such as shin, wrist, eventually you can feel a tingling/energy sensation so I do believe this is what that was. I felt good for about one day until I noticed a twitching in my finger lol.

Just fed up of it all now.

X

[Sleepy]

I recently had to change medications and for a few weeks I wasn't on anything after 18 years of ADs. As the anxiety kicked back in, I was shocked by how many different physical symptoms anxiety can cause.

I can understand your worries about medication, but I couldn't be without mine. I have had some side effects over the years, and you have to find one that suits you, but for me, meds allow me to live my life.

I don't suffer from HA to the extent that you do, and it must be an absolute misery. I wish I could offer more than sympathy, and it probably doesn't help you to say that your symptoms are caused by anxiety, but they are.