My parents are mental

[skitty]

Dont suppose this is the right forum for this but since health anxiety (among others) is my thing I thought I would post here. I have just had a surprise visit from my parents.They live 600 miles from here so this is a relatively bizarre thing to do after not seeing them for 6 months or more.
Anyway so they turn up out of the blue and immediately start criticising (i havent mowed the lawns painted the woodwork done the washing up etc which i would have done if they told me they were coming). Then they expect me to cancel my little boys weekend with his father whom he hasnt seen in 2 weeks and has been looking forward to all that time (we are separated).
I wont do that. So Dad immediately goes into a silent rage and (literally) does not say another word to me the whole weekend, just looks blank or immediately negates anything I try to talk about, doesnt even eat at the same table as the rest of the family etc.
Meanwhile Mum keeps up a running commentary about her illnesses pains etc and what disease every member of the family and everyone I ever knew back home is dying of, critisizes my weight, clothes hair tells me I eat all the time (I couldnt pour myself a stiff one which is actually what I felt like doing), while my sister roams around the house exploding with rage at books I own or whats on the radio and generally demonstrating her superiority at every opportunity.
Then they all just packed up very suddenly and without waiting for my son to get home and took off!
I cant believe their behaviour! They dont seem to have any concept of the effect of all this on me or my son (or care). Its no wonder I have anxiety problems having lived with these people for the first 17 years of my life!
You 'd think it would be a relief now that they are gone but I cant stop crying and have been left feeling very shaky and upset.
Dads behaviour was particularly anxiety provoking and the silent treatment took me straight back to my child hood.
Sorry for length of post but I was wondering how many others on here can relate their problems to their upbringing. Thanks for listening.

[nanny]

Hi Skitty

I can relate to what you are saying i had this problem for years and i used to be eaten up with anger over it big time, i am 48 now and last year decided i had had enough.
I was always too afraid to tell my mum how i felt (at my age ? ) but i thought it's either that or have it for the next god knows how many years so i took courage and off i went and explained Calmly how i felt. I felt a lot better afterwards and since then we have got on fine, well almost i still have my moments where i could scream.

I think what helped me most though was someone said ACCEPTANCE is the key, your parents will probably never change so try to accept who they are and what their like, but don't let it AFFECT you. When they are there and moaning and groaning and pulling you down just try to ignore it, i always say people who pull you down are insecure thenmselves, they blow out other peoples candles so theirs burn brighter.

If you can tell them that everytime they come round they end up upsetting you and if they can't stop doing it tell them you'd rather they didn't come, it could be a wake up call. They are still trying to control you Skitty........ don't let them.

Hope this has helped a little bit.
Good luck :hugs:

[Fall Out Boy]

I still live with my parents so i have to go through this all the time!!!

[Piglet]

Skitty I am so sorry that you had such an unpleasent time.

Trying to think on the good side of your parents maybe they thought it would be a nice surprise for you - mind you in that case then they can't expect that you can suddenly drop everything.:lac:

If they had thought to give you notice then you may have been able to arrange something regards your son.

I have to say I think you have every right to feel upset and confused by their behaviour and rather than storing this up I would tell them so. You could write a letter saying how it was lovely to see them but obviously if you had had notice of them coming you may have been able to do more and if they want to come and stay again then perhaps to check with you first as to good times etc.

I have a mother who is just as difficult so I do understand.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Lissy43]

I can relate to how you are feeling, poor you. I am considering moving to another country to escape the stress of our families.

I was brought up in a very stressful family, lots of arguing and rages from my parents (at eachother) total nightmare and im certain infact a psycologist said to me once that its no wonder I am suffering from anxiety as an adult. I carry alot of anger because of it all.

Poor you, do not contact them, let them come to you (((hugs)))