Locked In Communication

[Nerdling2]

Does anyone find that because the emotions and thoughts with GAD can be so constant and layered and vague, it can be almost impossible to define and communicate them- even when you really want to?

I'm usually a very eloquent person but struggling hugely with communicating what I'm feeling, especially what I need or want to others...particularly my husband. It's really taking its toll.

I want to, I try but it's like my mind and mouth lock down and no coherent linked thoughts or sounds come out.

[AnxiousinCali]

Does anyone find that because the emotions and thoughts with GAD can be so constant and layered and vague, it can be almost impossible to define and communicate them- even when you really want to?

I'm usually a very eloquent person but struggling hugely with communicating what I'm feeling, especially what I need or want to others...particularly my husband. It's really taking its toll.

I want to, I try but it's like my mind and mouth lock down and no coherent linked thoughts or sounds come out.


Totally. There's the added fact that most of us aren't really taught to communicate effectively about how we feel, and certainly not about difficult feelings. We're basically starting from scratch during a very dark time. It's horrible.


If the anxiety is straining your relationships, I've found it helpful in the past to pass along articles that seem to do a good job of describing my experience. Often times, others have already articulated what we're trying to, and it can be helpful for others to read it from an entirely different party.


Good luck!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yep, it's hard to describe your triggers because whilst you can see some it doesn't explain why you just feel anxious 24/7. The thermostat is set with a higher baseline and everything you experience is now based on this.

I think that's why it's so hard to treat because it's very hard to identify why it's there and what's keeping it going.

[Nerdling2]

Thanks both. Passing on articles is a good idea that I've tried but my husband doesn't seem to like this approach. He's asked me to write a letter telling him 'everything' and what he should do...even though I've said I literally have no idea what to say and anything I wrote would be just to try and give him something, not real because I can't put a framework on this, my mind doesn't work like that or it would be so much simpler.

Has anyone else managed to help their partners understand and have any tips that may work for mine? I think unfortunately some people just instinctively get it a bit easier than others, even without having to know exactly what you are thinking or feeling.

[Pegi21]

Hi, I too find it difficult to speak what I feel at times but I find that writing it down really helps and it opens up the communication between my boyfriend & I. You should try it, I either, txt or send an email. Hope it works for you.

---------- Post added at 21:19 ---------- Previous post was at 20:27 ----------

Hi, I too find it difficult to speak what I feel at times but I find that writing it down really helps and it opens up the communication between my boyfriend & I. You should try it, I either, txt or send an email. Hope it works for you.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Articles and user stories can be helpful to give some insight into what people go through with these disorders.

The trouble is there is only so much you tell someone. It's hard to cover everything anyway but if he wants an A-Z of how to deal with your anxiety it would baffle many a professional as so much of it is complicated by our individuality.

Maybe do it bit by bit? Write some things down and come back to it again later. It's easy to forget things that we think of later and re-reading it can help you see what else you want to add.

You've got to go through it to know how it feels just like with any physical illness. Having sprained a few ankles doesn't mean someone knows how a broken leg feels. But there may be some in between where you can explain about the panic/anxiety cycle side and how it manifests for you? Pick a scenario and write it out on one of those cycle sheets we use in therapy perhaps? Let me know if you want some templates and I'll post a link to a site with a load on.

[Nerdling2]

Thank you. I just don't know where to start. I'm anxious about so many different things all at once and no 2 days or moments are ever the same, my triggers aren't consistent so I'm worried about trying to show him cycles. He's a very black and white thinker and is getting really frustrated with me that I can't pin down what's going on to explain it...but the moment I try I know he'll latch onto something over simplistic and hold me to that which is so much worse.

[pulisa]

I'd say it's virtually impossible to give your husband an anxiety "manual" particularly if he's going to analyse it and try and find a "cure". It's such a sensitive area and getting it "wrong" can cause such distress if he's determined to "sort things out" in his own way.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think you made a good start on your other thread:



If I had to list specific fears and major stressors, they'd include:
Terrorism (big one)
Wars
group social situations
Motorway driving
Air travel (I think this one really is a phobia)
Cancer
Something bad happening to my pets or children
Minor details around the house not being right eg chipped paint or the fridge packed in the wrong order
People coming to my house
Mess
Mould
public transport

1 or more if them is constantly in my mind; they just layer on top of each other. Sometimes there are more layers than other times and then it gets worse.

So, how about adding to that using something like the CBT 'hot cross bun'?

https://psychologytools.com/cross-sectional-formulation.html

That might help him understand how you feel, think, etc in a more structured way that he can get his head around.

He could also read about how it affects the body & mind:

https://psychologytools.com/fight-or-flight-response.html

It made sense what he asked now you have said he is a black & white thinker. That's actually one of the negative thinking styles we are encouraged to change! (See All-or-nothing thinking on here https://psychologytools.com/unhelpful-thinking-styles.html) He will have to meet you half way on this and compromise how he thinks because this just isn't a broken leg where doctors know how & what should be happening all the way through a set period of time.

When you are dealing with a cycle trigger those workbooks will include what we need to change our thinking too so he could read those and know where he fits in.

At the bottom of the worksheets main page are a set of workbooks:

https://psychologytools.com/download-therapy-worksheets.html

He could have a read of some of those which explain about the anxiety/panic cycles. They also explain how to work on these issues and the mistakes we make. Again, he will have to be less black & white, it's not a formulaic recovery as it's ups & downs, backwards & forwards, we hit ruts/brick walls, etc, sometimes a step in treatment is too triggering and a "micro step" or set of them may be needed to build up, etc.

The worksheets on that site that say Pro are ones you have to subscribe to use (it's a site for therapists) but with most of them you can zoom into them on the preview page. Many templates can be found on Google Images anyway once you know what a tool is called or you just draw your own.

[Nerdling2]

Wow thank you Terry lots of info there, I will look through it all properly and see if there's anything I can take forward to try and connect.