View Full Version : Not sure if i can do this anymore
Hi all
Haven't posted a thread on the forums for a while now but I find myself awake at 2:45am again :wacko:
I just cant seem to sleep at the mo :weep:
and when I do go to sleep I have bad nightmares and then wake up and cant get back to sleep :weep:
I feel really lonely at the moment, nights are a good time for me cos it normally is my time to relax, do my yoga n pilates n chill out n feel ok but at the mo it also is a bad thing cos I feel so alone :weep:
I find myself sitting here in tears wishing I had someone to be close to and cuddle :weep: sometimes all I need is a cuddle to feel like I am loved.
Well the main reason I am posting this is I want peoples advice.
I will be going to the essex meet up on Saturday and I really want to go but I am sooooooo anxious and nervous about it I am scared I am not gonna be able to get there :weep: I dont want to let anyone down, I do want to go and I want to be able to say I done it but I am scared I will get there and feel like I want to come home straight away :wacko:
I lack confidence and self esteem and at the moment I am at an all time low :weep: so this really isnt the best time but I WANT to do this!
I am worried that I will look a state and freak everyone out :weep:
So has anyone got any tips or ideas on the best ways to cope? anyone here been on a meet up and felt the same as i do?
I hope I am able to go but I fear that it will be a disaster :weep:
Laura xxxxx:flowers:
awww lolly
I reckon if you can get ourself to the meetup you will have a great time and everyone there can support you just wake up on saterday and see how you feel i know u anxious but it will pass soon as you get there and you will give yaself a big pat on the back.Wish i could come I would go with you and hold ya hand and help ya
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: you take care lolly
Hi Laura,
Try to take it one day at a time and not look too far forward to Saturday (hard I know!). I've met some people from a different forum before when I went down to London and I was so anxious beforehand I thought I wouldn't do it but I did and had a good time.
Try to remember you're in control of the situation, if you want to go home after an hour you can etc. Everyone there also knows how you're feeling which is a massive bonus, I can bet that they're pretty much as nervous as you. We all have something in common and no one understands how we feel better than everyone on this forum.
Take it a day at a time and see how you feel come Saturday morning. I'm sure you will look fantastic and have a great time if you decide to go.
I'm in a very high anxious state at the moment and like you didn't sleep at all last night. I've been like this for 2 days now and I'm feeling rubbish and distant, like i just want to curl up and make it all go away. I know how you're feeling right now hun and it's awful, but remember we're here for you and we all just need to keep making that 1 step forward. :hugs:
oh sweetheart
im sure if you can meet up you will be made to feel welcomed and loved but if you cant then you mustnt beat yourself up over it
ju is going and she is simply ace!
whatever you do love i send you all the very best love
loveyou laura:hugs: :hugs:
Hi Laura :flowers:
Aww hun, you having a rough time aint you? If you really dont think you can make Essex meet hun you dont have to go, I know you dont want to give up hun but if you did no1 would judge.
If you think you can come then i promise I'll look after you and if you feel at all uncomfortable or panicky I'll be there to hold your hand, support you, give you a hug and look after you. If we have to leave thats what we will do, my house is 5 mins from pub and you can come here anytime. We all gonna be in the same boat on Saturday so you will have loads of support. And if that fails I'll just ply you with drinks until youre too drunk to care! :winks: But seriously hun no pressure at all ok.
Im sorry you having such bad nightmares hun that must be horrible.:hugs:
You are such a sweet, lovely fun person every1 in chat loves lolly especially me, we been friends since you joined. No need to be down on yourself when we are around cos we love you and admire you cos we know its not always been easy for you, you got so much to look forward to hun, youve worked really hard at your course work this year be proud of that hun you have done a lot more than you give yourelf credit for. :yesyes:
Chin up you! And if you dont come on Saturday I'll have to hug a whole bottle of Southern Comfort instead of you! :ohmy: that will be terrible! You've got my phone number so call me if you want anything ok.
Love ya hun
Take Care
Julie
:flowers:
hey loz
im really nervous bout saturday too
If one or both of us cant get there - me and you'll have to meet up somehere else instead!! somewhere not as far as essex! preferably somewhere we can shop :)
hopefully see you on sat
G xxxx
bottleblond
24-07-07, 17:06
Lozi hun!!
On the sleeping side of things, I also have many a sleepless night and can become quite scared and alone but i have a couple of tips that really work for me and i hope you have some luck with them too.
The first one. When you can't sleep, feel scared ad alone some people play relaxing music, i don't do that. I have a radio next to my bed with a little ear plug in it. The reason i have this is beacuse the people on the radio are takling and playing music too, i find it easier to listen to people talking because it makes me think about what they are saying and i get absorbed in the banter and stops me thinking about how i am feeling. The ear plug because i can keep the radio down low but can still hear everything thats going on.
The second thing. I have saved some txt's on my phone from people i feel close to, nice ones and funny ones. So rather than pick up a book, i scroll through some txt's because these words are for me, some make me smile and some make me laugh but all in all they also take my mind off my anxiety!
As for the meet up. Don't worry about it sweety, if you feel you can't go then don't get yourself in a state about it, but just remember that Julie and the others will be there for you and you can go to Julie's close by if it all gets too much but i get the feeling that once you get there, you'll have a ball hun!!!
take care and love ooooooo hun
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Awwww thank you for all the replies :blush:
Miffy - Thankyou for the reply hunny :hugs: Thankyou for your kind words! I hope I do manage to go, I know our wulie will look after me :hugs:
Lucy - Thankyou for the reply hun :hugs: I know what you mean by trying not to think about saturday n just take each day as it comes but it is difficult! :wacko: I feel like I am going crazy sometimes with some of the mad 'what if' thoughts I get :wacko: for instance here is a crazy one for you! "what if the tunnel collapses as u go through it n u drown" :ohmy: how silly is that????? oh dear! call the men in white coats! lol
Thankyou for ur support hun n im sorry you have been having probs sleeping hunny :hugs: :hugs:
Ade - As always thank you for your kind words :hugs:
You are such a lovely, caring person. I am so glad we met and I hope we remain friends for a long long time! :hugs: I owe you about a million pints by now dont I???? :winks: Love you lots hunny xxxxxxxxxxx
Julie - I do want to go hunny more than anything! It is just the actual doing it thats the difficult part! :wacko: You are such a diamond! Ur reply actually made me cry but in a good way! :hugs: :hugs: I am going to try my best to come as I want to meet me julie! :D
Plus I need that incriminating photo of you in the skip passed out with your kebab :winks: im sure all the NMP peeps will pay good money to see that :yesyes: But seriously thank you for your kind words n just being you! You are so lovely to say you will look after me and it makes me feel reassured that I will be ok :hugs: if i make it saturday (aslong as the tunnel doesnt cave in) I shall buy you many drinks :winks:
Love you Julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Gabby - Thank you for the reply :hugs: I hope we both get there saturday and have a good giggle :) But if it happens that we dont meet on saturday then we will definatly have to meet up this side of the water! Im thinking Bluewater!! :winks: lots of shopping under one roof BLISS! although il bring my rescue remedy! lol Love you hunny hope we meet saturday! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:
Lisaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! - :D Thank you for the reply hunny :hugs:
That is a good tip! I may just try that tomorrow night! If i can find my clock radio lol But that does sound like it could work for me cos I normally fall asleep watching tv with the sound down low so I can hear voices but only faintly, it makes me feel less alone (yes i know how sad!) and also the text thing I actually do already! :blush: I have saved texts that mean something to me and I look at them when I am feeling low. I thought i was the only person to do that! haha!
And thanks you are right, I shouldnt get worked up about it but I still find myself doing it! :wacko: I know we will all be there to support each other but when I am panicky I tend to go quiet and then dont let on how bad I am actually feeling, if that makes sense? Silly I know but it stems from when I was younger, I was always told to keep things to myself and not to cause a nuisance or upset anyone.
Thankyou for your reply lisa xxxxxxxx love ya hun xxxxxxx
Generally tonight has been a weird night, very up and down in my mood.
I am part excited and part terrified of the meet on saturday!
I even found myself today looking through possible outfits and then found myself getting worked up and panicky about it so just left it :shrug:
Im going mad arent i???? shall i call the men in white coats now?? lol
I am going to try my best to go saturday I just hope the rest of this week goes abit better for me so I dont feel so weird!
Thanks for your support, its nice to actually get some support im used to people telling me to just "pull yourself together" "dont be so silly" etc
Laura xxxxxxx:flowers:
PhantasyStar
25-07-07, 05:15
Laura, there has been some fantastic replies already not much more i can add really apart from saying good luck and i hope it goes well, try not to worry and don't forget they will be feeling just the same as you, it's hard the first few mins but then once everybody has settled it will be awseome.
Good luck ok :)
Aw. I'm open for cuddling, but it's in Oslo, Norway. So, a bit far. :p (but seriously, lack of cuddling and physical contact is bad. I suffer from the same thing.)
Maybe this tip can help you, though. I've found that acting confident goes a long way to being confident. Maybe you're tricking yourself, but it doesn't matter. You could say that the appearance you give in a conversation is almost not at all about the words you choose, but how they're said and what environment they're in. Now, this is stuff I used when working in IT support, but I've transfered it to real life. Try the following: Make a habit out of looking confident. It's just an act - pull your shoulders back, straighten your back and tilt your head up. It's become a habit for me, although I'm not very confident of myself. But now I automatically seem like I am, and it took a few weeks to start getting used to it.
If you can get out to people at all, just looking a bit more confident will invite attention, and conversation. For me, it has helped a lot on my being nervous around people, and it's so much easier to talk to people when you feel like they want to talk to you. I'm also better at seeing the silly things I do, scratching my hands, arms, and head - and other things that make me look nervous (although I *am*, but that's not the point).
In my life it has been important that I could keep a face and act like I could handle situations that I couldn't really do, so I haven't had a choice but to act. I've gotten really good at it, though :p Maybe you don't want to, or need to, but good luck with whatever you choose :) This doesn't really apply to being with other people in the same situation as you, but in general, so it won't help much on saturday. But if you want to, go! ;)
Anyway, I've been through the same things you say. Sometimes being with friends and other people helps a lot, sometimes it brings you down. When it gets me nervous and anxious and I feel like I need to be some other place, I just go. Don't think of it as you're disappointing anyone (and much less yourself), and you're not missing anything. You're simply taking care of yourself. If people around you can't respect that, they're not worthy of your attention.
Phantasy Star - Thanks for the reply, I do appreciate it and your right once im there and settled I will probably be ok it is just the anticipation that gets to me! Thanks for the reply :hugs:
Chris-t-o - Thanks for the reply :D Hmmm I dont think my arms could stretch all the way to Norway lol :p But thanks :hugs: :hugs: I do miss cuddles and having someone to be close to :weep: it does get me down alot. Especially at night time.
Interesting tip and I may just give it a go thanks :yesyes: my problem is I do have very low confidence and self esteem. I dont like the way I look and when people pay me compliments I jus brush them off and dont believe them. But I will try your tip, it may work.
I do want to go tomorrow more than anything I am just worried I will get up in the morning and feel rubbish and then end up not going.
Thank you for your kind words, much appreciated :hugs: :hugs:
Its good to know that I am not alone in some of my "quirky" ways :)
Well just an update....
Today I am feeling EXTREMLEY anxious and on edge about tomorrow.
I have tummy ache and tomorrow is constantly on my mind :weep: :weep:
I have all the usual "what if" thoughts and worries.
Some of them are MAD :ohmy: :wacko:
I do want to go more than anything but I know I could get up tomorrow and feel so bad that I will just give in and not go cos it is the easy way out, to just run from it and hide and be in my safe place.
I really really HATE feeling like this, I want to be able to go out and when my friends ring up and say "laura do wanna come out" that I can turn round n say yeh where we going not sitting there trying to think of an excuse not to go :weep: :weep:
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I am just so fed up of this :weep:
Why cant I just be ok and feel confident and know I can do it rather than doubting myself all the time and just being a big let down.
Oooohh im so anxious :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
Thanks for all the replies
Laura xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:flowers:
:hugs: laura
whatever happens i will miss you like crazy tomorrow!part of me wants to get on the bike drive there and get refreshed with you!
love you to pieces loz
ade xxxxxxxxx:flowers: :hugs: :) :flowers:
Well thought I would update.
I woke up Saturday felt rubbish but kept telling myself I can do it.
Got ready, was panicking like mad but tried to keep my mind busy.
Got in the car, set off. Got to the tolls there was alot of traffic :weep: started freaking out, got through tolls went through tunnel into essex, got more traffic, freaked out more and ended up giving in and turning round and going home :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
I am SO disappointed in myself. I tried and got further than I have when I have felt that bad. I just feel useless :weep: :weep:
Ever since then I have been feeling really low. Saturday night I ended up getting drunk at home and done something I regret but I was feeling so low, upset,angry at myself and lonely at the time :weep: :weep:
I havent been the same since, anxiety has been sky high.
Sunday I managed to go Sainsburys for the first time in ages and also took my dog for a walk.
I am trying but this is so hard :weep:
I just feel like I am fighting a losing battle :weep:
I feel so down and feel that I am not coping anymore
Sorry to moan
Laura xxxxx
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: For you Laura, you did so well to get to where you got to :yesyes: :yesyes: well done gal:yesyes:
We are all so good at dragging ourselves down when we dont manage to do something but always forget what giant steps we took to get where we were. Think that makes sense???!!!
Loz you have been under immense stress anyway hun so to even get in the car was a major achievement, one i wont even contemplate on a bad day but i'm a chicken anyway:shades:
Hope you soon feel a little better
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Brightest Angel Blessings
Mystics :flowers:
Laura,
I know this has been so hard for you but please don't think of yourself as useless. You did really well in making so much of the journey, but there is only so much we can take. I have been experienced similar, albeit on a smaller scale - I got three quarters of the way to the local shop once but the last bit just seemed a bridge too far. That time I came back home and tried again two hours later! But you can't easily do that with a trip to Essex!
You did well on getting to the supermarket the next day - remember this takes time and you will get there. Let's hope you can make the next meet-up.
Take Care
:hugs:
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