colonelkurtz
02-06-18, 00:53
Sorry for the long and unorganized post, but I have been going through a rough patch the last two weeks. I am in the last year of finishing my PhD and can't concentrate for crap. Due to a suddent change in school policy, since I am a 6th year student (they want us done in 5 now) my funding/stipend wasn't guranteed, so I had to worry for a month (no warning about this whatsoever) about whether I would even get paid once the summer session ended (along with losing health coverage-- the HA worrier's nightmare). Luckily, I secured a final year of funding (and another year of insurance) which will give me ample time to find a job and finish my dissertation part time after the 6th year of funding expires if I happen to not finish it on time (which is better than the 3 months that I would have had).
Anyway, I think the stress from that has caused a relapse in my depression and HA. So to get to the point, ever since I was a child I have had a slightly drooping right eyelid and uneven pupils. The side with the drooping eyelid also has a slightly enlarged pupil (the difference is pretty dramatic in very low artificial light). Both of the pupils are the same size in natural light, and sometimes they are just the same size or very close regardless, but this is the exception and not the norm. Even the droopy eyelid is better in natural light or when I am well rested.
IDK why I started worrying about this all of the sudden. My mother and sister both keep telling me that they took me to both a regular doctor and an eye doctor as a toddler because of this issue and the doctors' said since I hadn't developed any other symptoms it was likely just benign congenital nerve damage. It's not even like this was the last time I went to the eye doctor. Let's say I first went to the doctor at 5 years old for this (I am now almost 30) and have been to the doctor every 5 years since (until I lost eye insurance when 3 years ago when I had to get off my parent's insurance), that is like 5ish visits! While I never really brought it up explicitly since I just knew it was a thing I always had, I feel like someone would have noticed if something was wrong.
I do remember that during my last eye appointment 3 years ago I made sure to bring it up explicitly even though I wasn't concerned about it (from a HA perspective) and he didn't even think anything of it (I went to my eye doctor back home and it must have been in my chart).
Anyways, I want to go to the doctor to get some reassurance, but alas, I don't have eye coverage so I literally can't go to get this checked out. IDK what to do, usually I just go to the doctor when something is bothering me, but I can't this time and it is extremely frustrating. I am worried I have a slow growing brain tumor or an unruptured aneurysm. I have no other symptoms other than the eyelid and pupil which has been there for at least 20-25 years if not my whole existence.... I just wondered if anyone has had a similar issue.
It can't be horner's cause the drooping eyelid pupil is not constricted but rather enlarged... Ugh. I have appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist but it isn't until the end of the month and it feels so far away. I also recently had surgery on an anal fistula that made my life miserable, so the medical bills from that are overwhelming me financially even if I wanted to take on the costs of an uncovered specialist visit (which I absolutely can't do on my income, they pay us barely enough to survive). Thanks for listening! I just needed to vent, my family is sick of hearing me complain about my HA.
Anyway, I think the stress from that has caused a relapse in my depression and HA. So to get to the point, ever since I was a child I have had a slightly drooping right eyelid and uneven pupils. The side with the drooping eyelid also has a slightly enlarged pupil (the difference is pretty dramatic in very low artificial light). Both of the pupils are the same size in natural light, and sometimes they are just the same size or very close regardless, but this is the exception and not the norm. Even the droopy eyelid is better in natural light or when I am well rested.
IDK why I started worrying about this all of the sudden. My mother and sister both keep telling me that they took me to both a regular doctor and an eye doctor as a toddler because of this issue and the doctors' said since I hadn't developed any other symptoms it was likely just benign congenital nerve damage. It's not even like this was the last time I went to the eye doctor. Let's say I first went to the doctor at 5 years old for this (I am now almost 30) and have been to the doctor every 5 years since (until I lost eye insurance when 3 years ago when I had to get off my parent's insurance), that is like 5ish visits! While I never really brought it up explicitly since I just knew it was a thing I always had, I feel like someone would have noticed if something was wrong.
I do remember that during my last eye appointment 3 years ago I made sure to bring it up explicitly even though I wasn't concerned about it (from a HA perspective) and he didn't even think anything of it (I went to my eye doctor back home and it must have been in my chart).
Anyways, I want to go to the doctor to get some reassurance, but alas, I don't have eye coverage so I literally can't go to get this checked out. IDK what to do, usually I just go to the doctor when something is bothering me, but I can't this time and it is extremely frustrating. I am worried I have a slow growing brain tumor or an unruptured aneurysm. I have no other symptoms other than the eyelid and pupil which has been there for at least 20-25 years if not my whole existence.... I just wondered if anyone has had a similar issue.
It can't be horner's cause the drooping eyelid pupil is not constricted but rather enlarged... Ugh. I have appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist but it isn't until the end of the month and it feels so far away. I also recently had surgery on an anal fistula that made my life miserable, so the medical bills from that are overwhelming me financially even if I wanted to take on the costs of an uncovered specialist visit (which I absolutely can't do on my income, they pay us barely enough to survive). Thanks for listening! I just needed to vent, my family is sick of hearing me complain about my HA.