qwerios
03-06-18, 21:26
Hello everybody, I've made an account purely to make this post, because I am at my wit's end and need to vent. I appreciate that it's unlikely anybody here is a qualified therapist, but waiting lists are long and I absolutely feel the need to talk freely.
I am a consistently a compulsive liar to my parents, and I'm not entirely sure why.
I am beset by constant anxiety of the thought of my Mum discovering any hobbies, or interests that I've garnered by myself, and I will compulsively lie to cover it. I have absolutely no idea why, as clearly my mum wouldn't mind my interests at all, but I think it's been a recurring problem for around 10 years.
I'm left on edge whenever I use the internet by the thought of my mother coming in, and immediately being required to minimise everything.
What's not more, whenever I'm out and about, I am consistently anxious that my mum could drive by at any moment. I appreciate how absolutely absurd this premise is, but it's constantly there.
This translates to me having become a compulsive liar, which of course only adds a great deal of stress into my life.
I'm not the greatest son in the world, clearly, and my Mum does a great deal of everything for me, and she complains about having to do everything, but truthfully I want to do some things for myself, but don't because I'm so anxious that not do whatever it was good enough for her.
When it came to University, my Mum insisted that it would be a good idea to save a great deal of money by staying at home. I honestly never wanted to stay at home at all, however the only other university I dared suggest was Cambridge, which she of course was happy to look into. As is the case for a great deal of hopefuls, Cambridge never panned out, and I simply couldn't bring myself to tell my Mum I didn't want to go to our city's university (you may notice, but I'm leaving out any specific names because I still fear she'll find this).
The strangest thing about all this, however, is I know that my Mum would absolutely be fine if I told her these things. She's definitely the nicest person I have ever met. I believe I may have some underlying condition, but broaching the topic of trying some counselling is, yet again, something I can't do. However, I have absolutely had enough. I spend the entirety of my life lying and under great stress for no reason whatsoever. I have never had any long term relationship, because I simply have been more willing to break it off suddenly than face the prospect of introducing her to my parents, and I am tired at this point, far too tired.
This honestly feels like a completely alien situation, and I don't know what to do, but I am honestly done with being so anxious all the time, and certainly sick of the compulsive liar I have become.
I am a consistently a compulsive liar to my parents, and I'm not entirely sure why.
I am beset by constant anxiety of the thought of my Mum discovering any hobbies, or interests that I've garnered by myself, and I will compulsively lie to cover it. I have absolutely no idea why, as clearly my mum wouldn't mind my interests at all, but I think it's been a recurring problem for around 10 years.
I'm left on edge whenever I use the internet by the thought of my mother coming in, and immediately being required to minimise everything.
What's not more, whenever I'm out and about, I am consistently anxious that my mum could drive by at any moment. I appreciate how absolutely absurd this premise is, but it's constantly there.
This translates to me having become a compulsive liar, which of course only adds a great deal of stress into my life.
I'm not the greatest son in the world, clearly, and my Mum does a great deal of everything for me, and she complains about having to do everything, but truthfully I want to do some things for myself, but don't because I'm so anxious that not do whatever it was good enough for her.
When it came to University, my Mum insisted that it would be a good idea to save a great deal of money by staying at home. I honestly never wanted to stay at home at all, however the only other university I dared suggest was Cambridge, which she of course was happy to look into. As is the case for a great deal of hopefuls, Cambridge never panned out, and I simply couldn't bring myself to tell my Mum I didn't want to go to our city's university (you may notice, but I'm leaving out any specific names because I still fear she'll find this).
The strangest thing about all this, however, is I know that my Mum would absolutely be fine if I told her these things. She's definitely the nicest person I have ever met. I believe I may have some underlying condition, but broaching the topic of trying some counselling is, yet again, something I can't do. However, I have absolutely had enough. I spend the entirety of my life lying and under great stress for no reason whatsoever. I have never had any long term relationship, because I simply have been more willing to break it off suddenly than face the prospect of introducing her to my parents, and I am tired at this point, far too tired.
This honestly feels like a completely alien situation, and I don't know what to do, but I am honestly done with being so anxious all the time, and certainly sick of the compulsive liar I have become.