New and very very scared

[Krn95]

Hello everyone.

I came across the this site via some googling and I see myself in many of your posts.

I guess today I am here to vent, I hope that that’s is ok.

It’s 12am and tomorrow morning at 930am I have a colonoscopy for women ongoing health problems. I’m A 23 year old female and fairly sure my doctors a arenr worried about the C word. Actually I know they aren’t, they are checking me for inflammatory bowel disease but obviously my mind has gone straight to C.

(I’m not sure if the word C**** causes triggers so I will not use it)

In sum, I’ve had about 8-9 months of stomach problems that include blood in my stool from time to time. Terrifying. Tests showed I had inflammation in my bowel and so here I am.

I’m emetophobic (severely) so taking then prep was so difficult for me to do mentally as vomiting is one of the side effects. I’ve been inevitably glued to the toilet for hours and need to take a second prep at 4am (crazy right! Going on 2 nights no sleep from the worry and now from the pooping!!)

I’ve had severe health anxiety ever since I could remember. I recall being around 4 years old clutching my chest telling mt mom I was having a heart attack (I was not). It continued that way into adulthood. I’ve convinced myself I’ve had every cancer known to man and have never been proven right. This is the first first time I actually feel like I’m reallt facing the possibility of diagnosis though and it’s making me absolutely crazy.

My poor girlfriend is having to deal with me telling her I will likely have cancer and to prepare herself for it. I feel like I NEED to prepare my loved ones for the possibility. I’m hoping that’s relatable to someone here because it’s a main problem of mine. I put my issues onto my loved ones and it does nothing but cause pain.

Anyways, please keep me in you’re thoights If you read this and if anyone is interested I will update with results.

Thank you for reading!

[BlueMoon24]

I know how you feel - I've got what I suspect to be gallstones and also have been terrified of the C-word. My anxiety levels are so high right now!

The best thing you can do as a first step is stay off Google - you're almost always going to have at least some symptoms of everything. This, again, has been my mistake this time round.

If your doctors aren't worried about the C word, particularly when you've had or are having tests, then there's generally a very good reason for that.

Good luck with your colonoscopy - no doubt the results will put your mind at ease. Your next step is then trying to combat anxiety. It sounds like anxiety is the real problem here.

[Krn95]

I’m surprised I got a response so quickly! Thank you so much:hugs:

My anxiety is definitely the cause of my biggest problems. I fear the C word so much because of my fear of throwing up. All my issues start and end with my emetophobia. I would rather die than vomit, and if faced with chemo therapy To save my life i would opt not to take it because of the nausea/vomiting side effect. It’s all I can focus on right now.

Dr google has not been my friend. There are literally hundreds of 20 year olds with my exact story who ended up with late stage cancer. My guess is that it’s written about because it’s so much less common. I’m hoping so at least.

I’m very sorry to hear about the hightened anxiety and health issues your facing currently, know that you aren’t alone. I’m here with you feeling the same way. Even though I can’t be this logical with myself, chances are, you won’t have cancer or get cancer. It’s much likely to on be something more benign that you can treat! Anxiety leaves us totally illogical, naturally. We have to remember that.

As for me, there’s no convincing me I’m not about to get the worst news imaginable. I can only wait and see.

Hoping for the best, expecting the worst. As always!

[Anxiousamyj]

How did your test go?