View Full Version : Please please help about my son
I already know I'll be called a bad mum and all kinds of nasty things so am prepared for that, my son left school last year as he hated it and was refusing to go and being bullied etc. Possible autism but not sure.
He has an eating disorder too which I'm just about on the edge of sanity with, I have severe anxiety and levels are very very high at the moment.
What is the likelihood that he has a serious illness I just need to prepare myself. How likely is tiredness the main symptom as am too scared to google?
He's become even more of a night owl since he left school many nights of staying up til 5/6/7am and then sleeping til 2 or 3pm. Lately he just seems so tired but won't tell me what time he's getting to sleep. he's been going to bed recently about 11.30/12 but says he can't sleep for a while but just now I couldn't get him up at 4pm!!!!! It's not ok :weep::weep::weep::weep::weep:
He barely goes out so not wearing himself out with exercise there is no reason at all for him to be this tired it makes no sense, he barely does any education either so no mental tiredness.
I'm hysterical and can't cope, I know tiredness is a bad sign isn't it if it's a lot I just can't think straight. Hes going to drs next week anyway but will refuse blood tests as he has done every other time he's gone.
Im broken inside and terrified.
AMomentofClarity
07-06-18, 16:40
You don’t mention age, but what you describe doesn’t sound all that out of the ordinary for a teenage boy. While there might be something going on mentally or behaviorally, I don’t think tiredness or sleeping late in and of itself would be a sign of serious physical illness.
Also, every parent has challenges when it comes to raising children, it’s far from an easy job. Facing these situations doesn’t make you a bad mom.
Thank you so much, it helps so much to talk to someone I tried before online and got called lazy an abuser and neglectful which I already feel like but it hurt.
Am trying to be calm, just struggling so much and so hurt inside.
nomorepanic
07-06-18, 16:54
The less he does the more tired he will be as he has nothing to mentally and physically challenge him.
Can you not put a routine in place for him and get some professional help as you can't carry on like this and surely he needs an education?
How old is he?
Hello Crystal,
Your situation reminded me of how it was with me and my son at the same time in his life. Like you, I suffer from severe anxiety. My son also left school because he hated it, having bunked off and had many days when he just wouldn't go. He sat up until all hours and slept for most of the day. He was also very angry and difficult.
What we discovered as time went on was that he too suffers from anxiety which sometimes tips over into depression. My elder son also suffers, and his expresses itself as OCD, which he has overcome with CBT. I hate it that they have both been afflicted with my anxiety gene.
Teenage boys are such a challenge and they so often just won't talk about how they feel. Will your son talk to you? When they feel down or anxious, sleep is an escape, and feeling like that is exhausting in itself.
I thought I'd just share my experience with you. It doesn't necessarily follow that your son has anxiety. That age is a hard one to be at whether you have it or not.
Good luck at the GP's.
The less he does the more tired he will be as he has nothing to mentally and physically challenge him.
Can you not put a routine in place for him and get some professional help as you can't carry on like this and surely he needs an education?
How old is he?
Hi Nicola sorry should have said he's just 15. I'm trying to put a routine in place but it's so hard to get him to engage and with his sleep it's all over the place. We have some intervention from the education team and seeing them soon so I'll explain all of this. Does having not much to do really make you tired? It seems a contradiction somehow.
---------- Post added at 17:16 ---------- Previous post was at 17:11 ----------
Hello Crystal,
Your situation reminded me of how it was with me and my son at the same time in his life. Like you, I suffer from severe anxiety. My son also left school because he hated it, having bunked off and had many days when he just wouldn't go. He sat up until all hours and slept for most of the day. He was also very angry and difficult.
What we discovered as time went on was that he too suffers from anxiety which sometimes tips over into depression. My elder son also suffers, and his expresses itself as OCD, which he has overcome with CBT. I hate it that they have both been afflicted with my anxiety gene.
Teenage boys are such a challenge and they so often just won't talk about how they feel. Will your son talk to you? When they feel down or anxious, sleep is an escape, and feeling like that is exhausting in itself.
I thought I'd just share my experience with you. It doesn't necessarily follow that your son has anxiety. That age is a hard one to be at whether you have it or not.
Good luck at the GP's.
Hi sleepy, wow this all sounds so familiar - thank you for posting Im really grateful and can relate to what you say, your son sounds just like mine is and it's very very hard to talk to him without irritating him.
How are your boys doing now?
Whenever I post about this anywhere or talk to family etc I feel like they're overlooking the illness part of all this and focusing on his sleep routine or lack of school - is this part of my anxiety talking? I am paranoid and don't know how people can't see what I can in a way - hope I'm making sense!
Other people focus on what they can see. I used to get 'he shouldn't eat late at night' 'he should have breakfast' 'make him get up at a reasonable time' 'he should be working hard at school to give himself choices': as if I didn't know all that! Trying to make it happen is another matter. He made me angry and frustrated that he was messing his life up, but what I knew I had to keep doing no matter what, was talk to him. Keep the lines of communication open.
15 is when it got particularly bad for us. How I kept him in school until it was legal for him to leave I don't know. He even did a term of 6th form, but that was doomed.
He's 27 now. He still lives with us. He has had a series of jobs. His anxiety still features, but he has good friends and gets out. I have a couple of friends whose sons were similar. One went to university, the other joined the raf and has done well. My other son is happy and well.
It's hard. I've taken a lot of grief from him over the years, but he is also a very loving boy and I love him to bits. I know first hand what it's like to live with anxiety. I just want to be there for him.
nomorepanic
07-06-18, 17:42
Does having not much to do really make you tired? It seems a contradiction somehow.
Absolutely yes
Google "can doing nothing make you tired" and you will see what I mean.
I already know I'll be called a bad mum and all kinds of nasty things so am prepared for that, my son left school last year as he hated it and was refusing to go and being bullied etc. Possible autism but not sure.
He has an eating disorder too which I'm just about on the edge of sanity with, I have severe anxiety and levels are very very high at the moment.
What is the likelihood that he has a serious illness I just need to prepare myself. How likely is tiredness the main symptom as am too scared to google?
He's become even more of a night owl since he left school many nights of staying up til 5/6/7am and then sleeping til 2 or 3pm. Lately he just seems so tired but won't tell me what time he's getting to sleep. he's been going to bed recently about 11.30/12 but says he can't sleep for a while but just now I couldn't get him up at 4pm!!!!! It's not ok :weep::weep::weep::weep::weep:
He barely goes out so not wearing himself out with exercise there is no reason at all for him to be this tired it makes no sense, he barely does any education either so no mental tiredness.
I'm hysterical and can't cope, I know tiredness is a bad sign isn't it if it's a lot I just can't think straight. Hes going to drs next week anyway but will refuse blood tests as he has done every other time he's gone.
Im broken inside and terrified.
About things in bold, by order of appearance.
1. Absolutely not. Not by a long shot. You care about your son and you are a good mum.
2. He does not deserve to be bullied. Both of you, together with the school, should do something about it. Running scared from bullies is not a solution, confronting them and preventing them hurting him ever again is. Not to mention that bullies are costing him his education, as well. It is simply unacceptable.
3. He does not have serious physical illness, but he does have serious problems with anxiety and depression that he needs to sort out. Excessive sleeping, general laziness and tiring easily even when doing nothing are tell - tale signs that anxiety and depression are taking their toll and some counselling is in order.
4. He HAS TO get him self up and get him self together, to quote Al Pacino. "Barely goes out" just does not cut it. You need to intervene there and make him go out - to another school, to exercise, to the library or movies, to see a girlfriend or friends, whatever. Again, nothing of this is your fault - in my opinion, from now on you just need to be a bit more forceful and persistent about bad habits he picked up.
5.Again not good enough - he needs education, he is 15. Which returns us to point 1 - either you confront the bullies together and make them stop or he changes school, but he has to go to school.
6. As his parent and guardian, you are able to make him take blood tests even if he does not want to do it. Orderlies can tie him up and take blood if necessary, but it needs to be done. Just like he needs to treat his anxiety and depression as well. I don't want to mince words here - you need to show him some tough love and he needs to get a grip. He is 15, the whole world is his for the taking - he just needs to reach and grab it, with your help.
To conclude, you are a good mother, you love your son and want the best for him. Now the badass mum should make an appearance :)
BlueMoon24
07-06-18, 18:04
I'm 24 now, but at 14/15 I went through a very strange phase where I was incredibly moody all the time, would be up until the early hours every morning, always slept in until the afternoon etc. There would be occasions I slept in until 6pm on weekends. One Monday I went to school having had two days without sleep - purely because around that time I'd started playing online games and various other internet things to escape the real world and I spent a lot less time going outside. It lasted until I finished school, and I know I put my parents through hell at that time.
For people who are/were in a situation like me, where such easy escapes from life exist, it's so easy to let life just pass you by because you've moved into your own world that exists only in the confines of your bedroom. It was at 17 I was properly diagnosed with depression & anxiety and started treatment, and it really did do wonders. I feel at 14/15 though, I was pretty apathetic to everything. It was the only time in my life where overall I felt absolutely nothing - neither up nor down.
Not sure if this will help you at all, but at that age the ability to just escape reality into a better(?), albeit non-existent life created a comfort zone that I didn't want to leave.
silver_shoes
07-06-18, 19:30
I haven't really got any advice but I just wanted to say I hope everything gets better! And I'm certain you're not a bad mum xx
You say that you think he might be on the autistic spectrum.
Sleep issues are very common with children/teenagers/young adults on the autistic spectrum. It's a very common complaint parents of ASC (Autistic Spectrum Condition) children make. I'm a Support for Learning teacher and have a post graduate certificate in Autism and Learning, so I know a little bit about the subject. Sensory overload during the day(sensory issues are common with ASC children), can cause sleep issues at night. Also, teenagers, ASC and non ASC are often up playing computer games till the early hours. This will mess up sleep patterns. If your boy is on the spectrum, sensory overload from XBox etc. will definitely upset his sleep rhythmn.
Mood especially anxiety and depression, can be common amongst ASC adolescents. Trying to socialise in a 'Neuro typical' world, where they may or may not fully understand social interactions and things like small talk, may leave them feeling isolated hence unwillingness to leave the safety of home and their own space. If he is on the waiting list to be assessed, I would push for an assessment as you can then access support for your son.
Best of luck xxx
Just logged in quickly at work to say thank you SO MUCH for these replies. I haven't had a minute since I last posted to reply properly as I work full time (long hours) and do everything at home in terms of housework/shopping/cooking etc and spent quite a bit of time with my son last night so finally fell into bed at 1am exhausted!
I'll be able to reply properly later this evening when I'm home and hopefully get a few mins spare.
welsh girl
08-06-18, 10:52
It sounds so like depression to me, if it is I am sure the Dr will help tremendously, good luck and please keep in touch, You are not alone with
your anxiety we all understand how you feel,and you are certainly not a bad Mother, you care
At 15 I did the same on the weekends. Stayed up until 9am most days, woke up around 5pm, then getting back to bed Sunday night for school was impossible. I couldn't quit, or my dad would've beat me until I wanted to go back. Haha!
My parents tried their best, but in all honesty, they weren't strict enough. They should've had ME doing the chores around the house, and keeping active. Instead, they let me be a teenager, which ended up working out fine as I'm now a manager with a wife, two kids, who live in a nice home on a ton of land, BUT...looking back, I should've had way more structure in my life as a child/teen. Their parents were old school, beating them, making them do work, basically like most people grew up in the 60's. So, they didn't want to become "their parents."
With raising my two boys I try to find a happy medium. We keep them busy with chores, but not to the point of child labor. If they don't pick up after themselves, it goes in the garbage, and that's that. If they end up sitting around watching YouTube when it's nice out, the television gets shut off, and they're told to go find something to do.
Likewise, my you gest son is 4 and has a bad speech delay, and was thought to be on the autistic spectrum. We never let it become a crutch. He's smart as a whip, and we keep him engaged as if nothing is different with him.
While my boys aren't teenagers, there's challenges at every stage with children. This is a new challenge for you, and you need to figure it out. It doesn't sound like your kid has any health issues. Like stated, not doing anything all day makes you feel like a turd.
Maybe try asking what HE would want to do to get him engaged in doing something besides loafing on the couch. Surely there is something that might motivate him to get some fresh air.
MyNameIsTerry
09-06-18, 02:31
The internet is the home of judgemental idiots. Ignore their comments on your parenting skills. Some people just like to make others feel bed as they feel self gratification for it.
If I'm remembering you correctly from a while back, wasn't his father someone who didn't understand the needs of others? He was very much in his own world. I wonder whether this has some bearing on this? Maybe something for the doctors to consider, if they aren't already?
Hi Crystal I was as a child bullied a lot at school, I understand why you son is like he is, and sleep patterns were out of the window exactly the same as your son stayed up all night and slept during the day did this for years( I also had a eating disorder for years) Can I ask what eating disorder your son has? I got help via my local OA group :)I was unhappy and very alone :weep: As others have said his education is very important to him and his future. so first call is talk to the head of the school and also get a MH diagnosis in to what's going on see if there is a special school that is more suited to his needs where his condition will be taken seriously. He cant be allowed to deteriorate any more, You are a good mum but I guess you feel trapped and isolated your self, you too need support. ATB :hugs:
Dave_Lister
11-06-18, 17:46
I already know I'll be called a bad mum and all kinds of nasty things so am prepared for that, my son left school last year as he hated it and was refusing to go and being bullied etc. Possible autism but not sure.
He has an eating disorder too which I'm just about on the edge of sanity with, I have severe anxiety and levels are very very high at the moment.
What is the likelihood that he has a serious illness I just need to prepare myself. How likely is tiredness the main symptom as am too scared to google?
He's become even more of a night owl since he left school many nights of staying up til 5/6/7am and then sleeping til 2 or 3pm. Lately he just seems so tired but won't tell me what time he's getting to sleep. he's been going to bed recently about 11.30/12 but says he can't sleep for a while but just now I couldn't get him up at 4pm!!!!! It's not ok :weep::weep::weep::weep::weep:
He barely goes out so not wearing himself out with exercise there is no reason at all for him to be this tired it makes no sense, he barely does any education either so no mental tiredness.
I'm hysterical and can't cope, I know tiredness is a bad sign isn't it if it's a lot I just can't think straight. Hes going to drs next week anyway but will refuse blood tests as he has done every other time he's gone.
Im broken inside and terrified.
As a father of an 18 year old who was dealing with depression, I can almost certainly say that this sure sounds like.
My son would stay up all hours of the night because he kept ruminating on thoughts about friends school pressures. He is a crack footballer, and has been playing at a high level (pro academy etc.) and was a top student but the pressure finally caught up to him and he told one of his friends that he wanted to kill himself via a suicide note.
Thank God that the friend told us, so we immediately went into action to get him the help he needed.
My son had a bad diet too, and didn't eat much, so this sure sounds like depression to me.
I would urge you to get him looked at by a physician who can look at him and run some blood tests to see if he is deficient in anything, and also he can prescribe some meds if warranted.
We got him counseling and also some meds, and it has made the world of difference. He is back wanting to play soccer again, and is graduating High School, and is taking a year off from school, and then is going back to play soccer on a scholarship.
I know it may seem like a dark tunnel for you and I felt like a bad parent at times too because of this, but that isn't the case. My wife and I even did counseling groups with other parents of troubled teens, and the story was like ours. I realized that if we were bad parents then we wouldn't have given a toss, and let our son just go downhill, but we didn't.
You can get through this, but the first step is getting him looked at, and then coming with an action plan to tackle what I feel is depression.
God bless you, and let me know if you have any questions or if you would like to send PMs regarding this.
I went through this five years ago, I was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder.
I'm overwhelmed with the replies - thank you all so much. I'm not doing good, my mental health is really bad and I get migraines so often and at the worst times like yesterday, when I was supposed to meet with the education officer regarding my son's education issues. So I couldn't go, so that's another few weeks of being in limbo.
I can't talk to him, he flies off the handle at me and really truly hasn't got many people to turn to so I need to be someone he trusts and thinks has his back. If I hassle him he will drift even further away.
Going to try to get him to doctors monday, I've been trying to get an app all week but theres been none available. Really not coping.
---------- Post added at 16:05 ---------- Previous post was at 16:03 ----------
I went through this five years ago, I was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder.
So sorry to hear this, I hope you're doing as ok as you can be <3
---------- Post added at 16:06 ---------- Previous post was at 16:05 ----------
As a father of an 18 year old who was dealing with depression, I can almost certainly say that this sure sounds like.
My son would stay up all hours of the night because he kept ruminating on thoughts about friends school pressures. He is a crack footballer, and has been playing at a high level (pro academy etc.) and was a top student but the pressure finally caught up to him and he told one of his friends that he wanted to kill himself via a suicide note.
Thank God that the friend told us, so we immediately went into action to get him the help he needed.
My son had a bad diet too, and didn't eat much, so this sure sounds like depression to me.
I would urge you to get him looked at by a physician who can look at him and run some blood tests to see if he is deficient in anything, and also he can prescribe some meds if warranted.
We got him counseling and also some meds, and it has made the world of difference. He is back wanting to play soccer again, and is graduating High School, and is taking a year off from school, and then is going back to play soccer on a scholarship.
I know it may seem like a dark tunnel for you and I felt like a bad parent at times too because of this, but that isn't the case. My wife and I even did counseling groups with other parents of troubled teens, and the story was like ours. I realized that if we were bad parents then we wouldn't have given a toss, and let our son just go downhill, but we didn't.
You can get through this, but the first step is getting him looked at, and then coming with an action plan to tackle what I feel is depression.
God bless you, and let me know if you have any questions or if you would like to send PMs regarding this.
Thanks for sharing your story Dave I appreciate it and sorry things were difficult with your son. I'm so glad though that you got through it in some ways, it's not easy bringing up these teens is it!
---------- Post added at 16:09 ---------- Previous post was at 16:06 ----------
Hi Crystal I was as a child bullied a lot at school, I understand why you son is like he is, and sleep patterns were out of the window exactly the same as your son stayed up all night and slept during the day did this for years( I also had a eating disorder for years) Can I ask what eating disorder your son has? I got help via my local OA group :)I was unhappy and very alone :weep: As others have said his education is very important to him and his future. so first call is talk to the head of the school and also get a MH diagnosis in to what's going on see if there is a special school that is more suited to his needs where his condition will be taken seriously. He cant be allowed to deteriorate any more, You are a good mum but I guess you feel trapped and isolated your self, you too need support. ATB :hugs:
Hey - wow I'm so sorry you went through all this :( school and bullying can set kids up for a lifetime of low self esteem if it's not handled properly. I can't call the school head unfortunately as my son left school last year so we're cut off from any school involvement at all. We have the education team who work independently of schools but I missed an appointment yesterday as I was ill.
He has something called SED or ARFID - how are you now with your eating? Hope you are ok.
---------- Post added at 16:12 ---------- Previous post was at 16:09 ----------
The internet is the home of judgemental idiots. Ignore their comments on your parenting skills. Some people just like to make others feel bed as they feel self gratification for it.
If I'm remembering you correctly from a while back, wasn't his father someone who didn't understand the needs of others? He was very much in his own world. I wonder whether this has some bearing on this? Maybe something for the doctors to consider, if they aren't already?
Hi Terry, yes you're right I'm still in that situation and still very much struggling with it and not being listened to. Whenever I talk to professionals I do explain about this as it definitely gives context.
Oh I know you're right about the internet, lots of people wanting to stick the boot in! I expect to be criticized and told where I'm going wrong or even that I'm doing badly and how to sort it out, but it wasn't nice or more importantly helpful to be called an abusive, neglectful, very lazy parent :( And other things, there was one person who kept on and on at me, no matter what I said she had to get in there a bit more and twist the knife - even with me agreeing with her!!!
---------- Post added at 16:18 ---------- Previous post was at 16:12 ----------
You say that you think he might be on the autistic spectrum.
Sleep issues are very common with children/teenagers/young adults on the autistic spectrum. It's a very common complaint parents of ASC (Autistic Spectrum Condition) children make. I'm a Support for Learning teacher and have a post graduate certificate in Autism and Learning, so I know a little bit about the subject. Sensory overload during the day(sensory issues are common with ASC children), can cause sleep issues at night. Also, teenagers, ASC and non ASC are often up playing computer games till the early hours. This will mess up sleep patterns. If your boy is on the spectrum, sensory overload from XBox etc. will definitely upset his sleep rhythmn.
Mood especially anxiety and depression, can be common amongst ASC adolescents. Trying to socialise in a 'Neuro typical' world, where they may or may not fully understand social interactions and things like small talk, may leave them feeling isolated hence unwillingness to leave the safety of home and their own space. If he is on the waiting list to be assessed, I would push for an assessment as you can then access support for your son.
Best of luck xxx
Thank you Poppy yhis is a really helpful comment! I'm so grateful for everyone for taking the time to talk to me. He's not on the waiting list, I'm waiting to see if they'll accept him onto the waiting list if that makes sense. Yes he hates small talk, he really doesn't like socialising at all .
---------- Post added at 16:19 ---------- Previous post was at 16:18 ----------
Sorry I haven't replied to everyone, just got to do a few things then will carry on.
Hello Crystal,
So sorry to hear about your continuing problems. I had the same situation with my son and still do to some extent. It's so frustrating when all you want to do is help them and they just blow up and storm off. All you can do is make it clear that when he wants to talk you'll be ready. When he calms down I'm sure he will come to you.
I've said before that if I'd only had my elder son I would have thought I was the best mum ever, and if I'd only had the younger one I would have thought I was the worst. As it is, I know I'm just a mum doing her best.
X
Hi crystal yes it wasn't easy for me for years I was a loner and realised this is not good and have made good progress in trying to make new friends so I believe with quick intervention your son can get better. The longer the problem persists the harder it will be to make head way, I did relapse on my Over Eating slightly but am gaining control back It's not going to beat me. As I keep thinking what I was like years ago 5 stone over weight and that helps me to beat it. Not knowing what city or town you live in there is a MH charity called Changes they have all sorts of meetings for young people with any MH condition and would recommend the organisation to you and your son theres a office in Bristol and several in the midlands for eg Burton upon trent, Stoke on trent their website is www.changes.org.uk do take a look as there is wealth of information on the website that could help you. ATB
Hello Crystal,
So sorry to hear about your continuing problems. I had the same situation with my son and still do to some extent. It's so frustrating when all you want to do is help them and they just blow up and storm off. All you can do is make it clear that when he wants to talk you'll be ready. When he calms down I'm sure he will come to you.
I've said before that if I'd only had my elder son I would have thought I was the best mum ever, and if I'd only had the younger one I would have thought I was the worst. As it is, I know I'm just a mum doing her best.
X
Hi Sleepy, yes thats exactly it , very frustrating and upsetting.Sorry youve had similar.Glad that things were slightly better with your elder son, and interesting how you've said about being either the worst or best mum.
---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 20:47 ----------
Hi crystal yes it wasn't easy for me for years I was a loner and realised this is not good and have made good progress in trying to make new friends so I believe with quick intervention your son can get better. The longer the problem persists the harder it will be to make head way, I did relapse on my Over Eating slightly but am gaining control back It's not going to beat me. As I keep thinking what I was like years ago 5 stone over weight and that helps me to beat it. Not knowing what city or town you live in there is a MH charity called Changes they have all sorts of meetings for young people with any MH condition and would recommend the organisation to you and your son theres a office in Bristol and several in the midlands for eg Burton upon trent, Stoke on trent their website is www.changes.org.uk do take a look as there is wealth of information on the website that could help you. ATB
Brilliant thank you for that I will have a look they sound great. Really glad that things became a bit easier for you over time and you should be massively proud..of course there will be difficult times but you sound like you have a handle on it which is pretty amazing.
---------- Post added at 20:54 ---------- Previous post was at 20:49 ----------
I'm so sorry I havent replied to every post, I'm in a really bad way at the moment and extremely anxious. My son was ok-ish today but I asked him to go with his dad over the road to get a couple of things. He agreed, not happily though. He hasn't been out in about 2 weeks, anywhere.
He does have hay fever in this hot weather, he came back after about 15 minutes saying he felt so ill, his nose was bad, his eyes hurt so much that he could barely open them, he wished he hadn't gone.
He's still saying it now that he feels really ill, tired and has a headache and is really down. I don't understand how a quick trip to Tesco can cause this :( I'm freaking out and think I should take him to the walk in centre or something. He used to play football for hours and be so happy I've gone so so wrong and hate myself.
Hi Sleepy, yes thats exactly it , very frustrating and upsetting.Sorry youve had similar.Glad that things were slightly better with your elder son, and interesting how you've said about being either the worst or best mum.
---------- Post added at 20:49 ---------- Previous post was at 20:47 ----------
Brilliant thank you for that I will have a look they sound great. Really glad that things became a bit easier for you over time and you should be massively proud..of course there will be difficult times but you sound like you have a handle on it which is pretty amazing.
---------- Post added at 20:54 ---------- Previous post was at 20:49 ----------
I'm so sorry I havent replied to every post, I'm in a really bad way at the moment and extremely anxious. My son was ok-ish today but I asked him to go with his dad over the road to get a couple of things. He agreed, not happily though. He hasn't been out in about 2 weeks, anywhere.
He does have hay fever in this hot weather, he came back after about 15 minutes saying he felt so ill, his nose was bad, his eyes hurt so much that he could barely open them, he wished he hadn't gone.
He's still saying it now that he feels really ill, tired and has a headache and is really down. I don't understand how a quick trip to Tesco can cause this :( I'm freaking out and think I should take him to the walk in centre or something. He used to play football for hours and be so happy I've gone so so wrong and hate myself. I am sorry to hear this. even if you don't live any where near a changes office they also have resources that can help take a look at the 12 steps programme and sit with your son and discuss it with him after you have had a good read your self:yesyes: Please don't blame your self for what's happned to your son you are a good mum :hugs:ATB
I am sorry to hear this. even if you don't live any where near a changes office they also have resources that can help take a look at the 12 steps programme and sit with your son and discuss it with him after you have had a good read your self:yesyes: Please don't blame your self for what's happned to your son you are a good mum :hugs:ATB
You're very kind thank you :hugs: I've googled and there's a very similar place near to me - similar name too. It's just getting him to go thats the battle as he will outright refuse.
Thank you for saying I'm a good mum x
---------- Post added at 22:30 ---------- Previous post was at 22:27 ----------
Absolutely yes
Google "can doing nothing make you tired" and you will see what I mean.
I googled and I get it. It's about the blood and oxygen not getting moving and therefore not causing any stimulation that creates energy. Resulting in tiredness basically due to boredom mentally and physically. It makes total sense.
---------- Post added at 22:36 ---------- Previous post was at 22:30 ----------
About things in bold, by order of appearance.
1. Absolutely not. Not by a long shot. You care about your son and you are a good mum.Thank you, that means a lot and I'm glad others can see that I care so much.
2. He does not deserve to be bullied. Both of you, together with the school, should do something about it. Running scared from bullies is not a solution, confronting them and preventing them hurting him ever again is. Not to mention that bullies are costing him his education, as well. It is simply unacceptable.Unfortunately that ship sailed last year and he's no longer at school, I went in repeatedly about the bullying but it would come back in various ways after a few days and the school simply didn't deal with it.
3. He does not have serious physical illness, but he does have serious problems with anxiety and depression that he needs to sort out. Excessive sleeping, general laziness and tiring easily even when doing nothing are tell - tale signs that anxiety and depression are taking their toll and some counselling is in order. Agreed.
4. He HAS TO get him self up and get him self together, to quote Al Pacino. "Barely goes out" just does not cut it. You need to intervene there and make him go out - to another school, to exercise, to the library or movies, to see a girlfriend or friends, whatever. Again, nothing of this is your fault - in my opinion, from now on you just need to be a bit more forceful and persistent about bad habits he picked up. Well I made him go out today and it didn't go well - see my previous post :(
5.Again not good enough - he needs education, he is 15. Which returns us to point 1 - either you confront the bullies together and make them stop or he changes school, but he has to go to school.He has said he wouldn't be able to cope with life if he had to go back to school, it's so hard to know how to deal with it.
6. As his parent and guardian, you are able to make him take blood tests even if he does not want to do it. Orderlies can tie him up and take blood if necessary, but it needs to be done. Just like he needs to treat his anxiety and depression as well. I don't want to mince words here - you need to show him some tough love and he needs to get a grip. He is 15, the whole world is his for the taking - he just needs to reach and grab it, with your help. Going to try this again with the blood tests.
To conclude, you are a good mother, you love your son and want the best for him. Now the badass mum should make an appearance :)
I've answered in blue above :)
I have never had that badass quality and I hate myself for it. I'm just too nice to him and it's done him no favours. If any parents reading this can learn from me then I'd say: do not try to be the parent your child wants, be the one they need. I have failed at this massively.
Thank you for your kind reply I really do appreciate it.
---------- Post added at 22:40 ---------- Previous post was at 22:36 ----------
I'm 24 now, but at 14/15 I went through a very strange phase where I was incredibly moody all the time, would be up until the early hours every morning, always slept in until the afternoon etc. There would be occasions I slept in until 6pm on weekends. One Monday I went to school having had two days without sleep - purely because around that time I'd started playing online games and various other internet things to escape the real world and I spent a lot less time going outside. It lasted until I finished school, and I know I put my parents through hell at that time.
For people who are/were in a situation like me, where such easy escapes from life exist, it's so easy to let life just pass you by because you've moved into your own world that exists only in the confines of your bedroom. It was at 17 I was properly diagnosed with depression & anxiety and started treatment, and it really did do wonders. I feel at 14/15 though, I was pretty apathetic to everything. It was the only time in my life where overall I felt absolutely nothing - neither up nor down.
Not sure if this will help you at all, but at that age the ability to just escape reality into a better(?), albeit non-existent life created a comfort zone that I didn't want to leave.
Everything you've said here makes sense to me, it all sounds so familiar. I really feel for you, it literally must feel like hell on earth being that age and stuck with all those emotions. (Or non emotions)
It's exactly what you say, creating a world where you feel safe and can retreat and not be scared. It feels the right thing to do at the time but it's reinforcing the notion that the ONLY safe place is locked inside your room.
I need to try to explain this to my son somehow - how are you doing now
---------- Post added at 22:48 ---------- Previous post was at 22:40 ----------
I haven't really got any advice but I just wanted to say I hope everything gets better! And I'm certain you're not a bad mum xx
THANK YOU so much for that, I am truly grateful x:hugs:
Can anyone help me tonight? I just need someone to talk to am very very anxious and feeling so sick.
Hi crystal so whats happened? ATB
Hi Bigboy, thanks so much for replying.
I'm consumed by this fear that my son has a serious illness and these are the symptoms, all the things I've described in this thread. I feel sick and am shaking. If I could just somehow know that he's physically ok - even if deficient in a vitamin that can be treated - then I could relax slightly, pull myself together and get a grip and help him deal with his mental health,
He got up 2.30 today because I made him get up as we had people round, he got really tired about an hour ago and said I shouldn't have made him get up so early when he only went to sleep at 8am. He said he felt really down. Then said he felt ill and that it hurt his head to talk. He then picked up a bit and has seemed fine, but said he's going to bed in ten minutes as hes so tired.
He is spending too much time in bed, lying down for hours it can't be good for him. And as you saw in my previous post when he does go outside it leaves him exhausted and feeling bad. I know given his lifestyle it's the most obvious conclusion that it's psychological and he's depressed or his sleep is messed up. It's just this horrible, niggling, fretful voice inside me telling me I should be very worried.
He's my absolute world and I just want him to be ok :( am in despair and not living even a quarter of the life I used to .
Hi Bigboy, thanks so much for replying.
I'm consumed by this fear that my son has a serious illness and these are the symptoms, all the things I've described in this thread. I feel sick and am shaking. If I could just somehow know that he's physically ok - even if deficient in a vitamin that can be treated - then I could relax slightly, pull myself together and get a grip and help him deal with his mental health,
He got up 2.30 today because I made him get up as we had people round, he got really tired about an hour ago and said I shouldn't have made him get up so early when he only went to sleep at 8am. He said he felt really down. Then said he felt ill and that it hurt his head to talk. He then picked up a bit and has seemed fine, but said he's going to bed in ten minutes as hes so tired.
He is spending too much time in bed, lying down for hours it can't be good for him. And as you saw in my previous post when he does go outside it leaves him exhausted and feeling bad. I know given his lifestyle it's the most obvious conclusion that it's psychological and he's depressed or his sleep is messed up. It's just this horrible, niggling, fretful voice inside me telling me I should be very worried.
He's my absolute world and I just want him to be ok :( am in despair and not living even a quarter of the life I used to . Its ok right yes your son is ill with his MH condition(s) this why its so important to get him some help its only natural to feel worried about your son. I was exactly the same many years ago lie in bed all day and up most of the night I was constantly tired and bored still get the odd day when I cant sleep at night but I am always up by 10:00 am now :) I totally agree that he is spending too much time in his bed and room doesn't really matter if its his safe space its unhealthy and soul destroying and this cycle must be broken. You say there is a place with a similar name to changes near to you, it might even be a changes office did you look at the 12 steps on the website I posted? Well try not to worry I know its not easy when its your own flesh and blood. You need help too for your anxiety Have you spoke to that place yet you both need support to see you through this terrible time:hugs: Please update us when you know more ATB
Its ok right yes your son is ill with his MH condition(s) this why its so important to get him some help its only natural to feel worried about your son. I was exactly the same many years ago lie in bed all day and up most of the night I was constantly tired and bored still get the odd day when I cant sleep at night but I am always up by 10:00 am now :) I totally agree that he is spending too much time in his bed and room doesn't really matter if its his safe space its unhealthy and soul destroying and this cycle must be broken. You say there is a place with a similar name to changes near to you, it might even be a changes office did you look at the 12 steps on the website I posted? Well try not to worry I know its not easy when its your own flesh and blood. You need help too for your anxiety Have you spoke to that place yet you both need support to see you through this terrible time:hugs: Please update us when you know more ATB
Yes I had a look on the changes site and had a good read and there's lots of helpful info on there, I skimmed over the 12 steps and it makes so much sense, just not sure how to apply it to my son without annoying him more.
I have got the number of the similar place ready to call them tomorrow so hoping they will be able to help a bit, even if it's to see me or chat on the phone if they can't help him.
Thanks for being so kind. Other people don't see it the same as me, they say he's lazy and I do too much for him but they don't see the sadness that I do. Am crying my eyes out now, just can't cope with things at the moment.
Yes I had a look on the changes site and had a good read and there's lots of helpful info on there, I skimmed over the 12 steps and it makes so much sense, just not sure how to apply it to my son without annoying him more.
I have got the number of the similar place ready to call them tomorrow so hoping they will be able to help a bit, even if it's to see me or chat on the phone if they can't help him.
Thanks for being so kind. Other people don't see it the same as me, they say he's lazy and I do too much for him but they don't see the sadness that I do. Am crying my eyes out now, just can't cope with things at the moment. Well perhaps call them too and get the 12 steps booklet and WAP booklet sent out to you I don't know how near any of their offices to where you?I will reply in full tomorrow as I have gone very tired, try and get some rest tomorrow is new day :) I think it's a question of getting the right help sooner than later so if one place doesn't seem right or they don't have the expertise or facilities to help then move on So try both changes and the other place :) That's the thing 'other' people wont get it cause they don't understand but we (and I do ) on here understand I too have cried in the past, because I have been so low so know what you are going through, forgive me for asking but If you have mentioned it before my short term memory is poor because of my MH. How old is your son and is he still at school? Hope you will have some answers later to get the ball rolling :hugs: Take care ATB
Well perhaps call them too and get the 12 steps booklet and WAP booklet sent out to you I don't know how near any of their offices to where you?I will reply in full tomorrow as I have gone very tired, try and get some rest tomorrow is new day :) Take care ATB
Thank you :hugs:
Sorry to bump this again I know I am really annoying on here and people must roll their eyes every time I post as I'm just pathetic, I'm just so so worried about my son.
I'm doing my best to get help for him as people have suggested and have an appointment tomorrow somewhere and also drs app in the week for him. I've contacted a couple of other places regarding counselling.
He's been very down this week, his sleep has been so bad and all over the place. He seems to want to spend a lot of time in his room even if not sleeping, if I tell him he can't then he gets so angry at me and doesn't want to talk much to me.
I'm worried today because he slept for approx 6 hours last night but by mid afternoon today was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open, hes gone to bed now to sleep as he said his head hurt and he had to sleep. I sometimes only get 4 hours a night and manage to function the whole next day and obviously I'm a lot older and do a lot more activity than him. It just doesn't seem right :( I'm now in a loop of anxiety again thinking it means there's something seriously wrong , ugh I hate this so much.
---------- Post added at 15:52 ---------- Previous post was at 15:51 ----------
Well perhaps call them too and get the 12 steps booklet and WAP booklet sent out to you I don't know how near any of their offices to where you?I will reply in full tomorrow as I have gone very tired, try and get some rest tomorrow is new day :) I think it's a question of getting the right help sooner than later so if one place doesn't seem right or they don't have the expertise or facilities to help then move on So try both changes and the other place :) That's the thing 'other' people wont get it cause they don't understand but we (and I do ) on here understand I too have cried in the past, because I have been so low so know what you are going through, forgive me for asking but If you have mentioned it before my short term memory is poor because of my MH. How old is your son and is he still at school? Hope you will have some answers later to get the ball rolling :hugs: Take care ATB
So sorry I've only just seen that you added to your reply! He's 15 and left school a year ago as he hated it so much but hasn't done much since leaving. Thank you for understanding, am hoping the place near me like Changes are going to be able to helps as sent them an email. Sorry for what you've been through as well.
15 year olds need so much sleep. My 15 year old niece has a nap after school.
I can’t help you on much else though sorry
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi crystal please don't apologise for posting And we don't think you are pathetic! While teenagers do need their sleep he is getting this at the wrong time of the day. It must be so hard seeing your son suffer like he is doing. Please let us know when you receive the email if you haven't heard in a few days call them and see what they can offer as your son does need medical intervention for his problems, Stay positive he can get better for sure :) ATVB to you and your son
15 year olds need so much sleep. My 15 year old niece has a nap after school.
I can’t help you on much else though sorry
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
No that does help thank you. I'd be less worried though if he was at school and/or doing activities or sports, just can't see how he'd need so much sleep otherwise.
---------- Post added at 19:13 ---------- Previous post was at 19:11 ----------
Hi crystal please don't apologise for posting And we don't think you are pathetic! While teenagers do need their sleep he is getting this at the wrong time of the day. It must be so hard seeing your son suffer like he is doing. Please let us know when you receive the email if you haven't heard in a few days call them and see what they can offer as your son does need medical intervention for his problems, Stay positive he can get better for sure :) ATVB to you and your son
Thanks for support and yes it's not nice seeing how things have turned out, it actually breaks my heart. I cry most days and not eating properly and don't really enjoy anything about life anymore sadly.
Will chase up the people I've contacted in a couple of days if not heard.
Hello Crystal, I have seen your response to my post just now. Sorry for not answering you before.
Anyway, couple of things:
Firstly, the school not wanting to deal with the bullies is an absolute disgrace. I won't recommend it now as the priority is your son gets better, but after he does get better, If I were you, I'd be going to the media and shaming the bast.ards in public. Both school and the bullies.
Secondly, as for his problems getting out - I am sorry the trip with dad to Tesco turned out badly and I might sound cruel now - but I do think you have to encourage him. Maybe you should try something he liked before his problems started - football for example...It is the World Cup now, maybe you should, I don't know, go somewhere together and watch England play. Or, for starters, just watch a game together at home and talk about it. Just an idea, perhaps it sounds silly, but he needs to recover his interest in life and even these small things can be a start.
As for counselling, if I understood correctly you contacted therapists and he is now waiting to be assessed. Well, you really did an excellent job taking that option. Well done. Now I know he can resist it - but there you have to be absolutely firm. OK, maybe not badass :), but firm. He has to do it, period, even if it involves having nurses sedating him and carrying him to a therapist's office and tying him to a chair. I am not kidding. It is for his own good and therapists are used to dealing with depressed teenagers (it is sadly a common issue these days) - even if he is resisting it is more than probable that an experienced therapist will be able to reach to him, which is a first step towards full recovery.
And at the end - I know it can be hard but do not listen to what other people say. Do not even argue with them - just ignore them. They are not important. You are his mum, you love him, you care for him, he is your whole world. YOU, and what you think, are important. Of course, doctors/therapists are important too - they are medical professionals and they will solve medical issues. Everybody else - they are just the background noise.
PS Please do not worry about your posts. They are neither stupid nor boring - they show how much you love your son.
Hi! I've been reading this post for awhile and I'm not sure how much I can give to this but I felt like I needed to reach out somehow.
I think you're a brilliant Mum! You can see how much you love your child and you're doing everything possible to try and help him. It isn't easy, I know that. I went through something similarly where I was the child and my Mam did everything she could to try and help me. His a lucky lad, having a parent who cares so much and tries to understand. Some parents wouldn't do that at all.
I wish you the best of luck and that everything works itself out for you two.
Hello Crystal, I have seen your response to my post just now. Sorry for not answering you before.
Anyway, couple of things:
Firstly, the school not wanting to deal with the bullies is an absolute disgrace. I won't recommending it now as the priority is your son gets better, but after he does get better, I recommend going to the media and shaming the bast.ards in public. Both school and the bullies.
Secondly, as for his problems getting out - I am sorry the trip with dad to Tesco turned out badly and I might sound cruel now - but I do think you have to encourage him. Maybe you should try something he liked before his problems started - football for example...It is the World Cup now, maybe you should, I don't know, go somewhere together and watch England play. Or, for starters, just watch a game together at home and talk about it. Just an idea, perhaps it sounds silly, but he needs to recover his interest in life and even those small things can be a start.
As for counselling, if I understood correctly you contacted therapists and he is now waiting to be assessed. Well, you really did an excellent job taking that option. Well done. Now I know he can resist it - but there you have to be absolutely firm. OK, maybe not badass :), but firm. He has to do it, period, even if it involves having nurses sedating him and carrying him to a therapist's office and tying him to a chair. I am not kidding. It is for his own good and therapists are used to dealing with depressed teenagers (it is sadly a common issue these days) - even if he is resisting it is more than probable that an experienced therapist will be able to reach to him, which is a first step towards full recovery.
And at the end - I know it can be hard but do not listen to what other people say. Do not even argue with them - just ignore them. They are not important. You are his mum, you love him, you care for him, he is your whole world. YOU, and what you think, are important. Of course, doctors/therapists are important too - they are medical professionals and they will solve medical issues. Everybody else - they are just the background noise.
PS Please do not worry about your posts. They are neither stupid nor boring - they show how much you love your son.Excellent post Andrash:yesyes: Cant add anything else apart from the watching foot ball out side of your house would be a huge help especially if he like football most teenage lads do so here's hoping and if he likes a burger etc after then that's another sweetner and could really help change his out look, Bullying is never nice so totally agree with Andrash on what to do regarding this. It ruins young peoples lives full stop I know I have been there my self. ATB
Hello Crystal, I have seen your response to my post just now. Sorry for not answering you before.
Anyway, couple of things:
Firstly, the school not wanting to deal with the bullies is an absolute disgrace. I won't recommend it now as the priority is your son gets better, but after he does get better, If I were you, I'd be going to the media and shaming the bast.ards in public. Both school and the bullies.
Secondly, as for his problems getting out - I am sorry the trip with dad to Tesco turned out badly and I might sound cruel now - but I do think you have to encourage him. Maybe you should try something he liked before his problems started - football for example...It is the World Cup now, maybe you should, I don't know, go somewhere together and watch England play. Or, for starters, just watch a game together at home and talk about it. Just an idea, perhaps it sounds silly, but he needs to recover his interest in life and even these small things can be a start.
As for counselling, if I understood correctly you contacted therapists and he is now waiting to be assessed. Well, you really did an excellent job taking that option. Well done. Now I know he can resist it - but there you have to be absolutely firm. OK, maybe not badass :), but firm. He has to do it, period, even if it involves having nurses sedating him and carrying him to a therapist's office and tying him to a chair. I am not kidding. It is for his own good and therapists are used to dealing with depressed teenagers (it is sadly a common issue these days) - even if he is resisting it is more than probable that an experienced therapist will be able to reach to him, which is a first step towards full recovery.
And at the end - I know it can be hard but do not listen to what other people say. Do not even argue with them - just ignore them. They are not important. You are his mum, you love him, you care for him, he is your whole world. YOU, and what you think, are important. Of course, doctors/therapists are important too - they are medical professionals and they will solve medical issues. Everybody else - they are just the background noise.
PS Please do not worry about your posts. They are neither stupid nor boring - they show how much you love your son.
Hi Andrash, thanks so much for your lovely message, I can't explain how much I appreciate your support it means a lot. Yes I do feel like contacting the school about the way it was all handled, I wish I'd done it nearer the time really as feel like dragging it all back up now will just make me more mad about the way he was treated, plus I'm not too good at confrontation or being assertive.
About the going out thing - yes I've tried to encourage him since, we went out the other night to see a friend of mine so I could get him out the house for a couple of hours and he was fine at the time but not so good when we got back, he seemed very depressed and was barely speaking.
He is very into the world cup, we've been watching a lot of the games and he loves it but isn't interested when I try to suggest playing. He's stopped playing with his couple of friends online too which is a shame as even a month ago he at least did that. I've spoken to his dad about this and that I'm worried about him socially and all he said was "Well I'm his friend, he only needs me" :wacko:*Eye roll emoji*
He really does take a lot of comfort from being in his bedroom and shutting himself away, the more I try to talk to him the more quiet he goes so am trying to not say too much.
Ok - note taken about the therapy issue, yes you're right he needs to talk to someone whether he wants to or not, I care SO much about him that I really will do what I can to help.
HelloPanda23
24-06-18, 23:37
Hi Andrash, thanks so much for your lovely message, I can't explain how much I appreciate your support it means a lot. Yes I do feel like contacting the school about the way it was all handled, I wish I'd done it nearer the time really as feel like dragging it all back up now will just make me more mad about the way he was treated, plus I'm not too good at confrontation or being assertive.
About the going out thing - yes I've tried to encourage him since, we went out the other night to see a friend of mine so I could get him out the house for a couple of hours and he was fine at the time but not so good when we got back, he seemed very depressed and was barely speaking.
He is very into the world cup, we've been watching a lot of the games and he loves it but isn't interested when I try to suggest playing. He's stopped playing with his couple of friends online too which is a shame as even a month ago he at least did that. I've spoken to his dad about this and that I'm worried about him socially and all he said was "Well I'm his friend, he only needs me" :wacko:*Eye roll emoji*
He really does take a lot of comfort from being in his bedroom and shutting himself away, the more I try to talk to him the more quiet he goes so am trying to not say too much.
Ok - note taken about the therapy issue, yes you're right he needs to talk to someone whether he wants to or not, I care SO much about him that I really will do what I can to help.
You need to get to him. I'm a teenager myself and after too much anxiety to handle and feeling depressed and down all day due to hypochondria, I just broke. I couldn't handle it anymore and I needed as much support as I could get, because the pain was simply too much for me to bare. I'm happy it happend, and I don't regret it for a single second. Please try your best and reach out to your son. If you haven't already, question him as to why he's the way he is, and get him to trust you (if of course he doesn't). Connect with him, as you said yourself, you both relate through anxiety. Try anything you can to get him to talk. If he ignores you, I'd get super upset at that in your position, and get mad at him. I don't care how much depression or anxiety someone is going through, that gives them no reason to disrespect those who cared for and raised them. Best of luck, please keep us updated.
Hi! I've been reading this post for awhile and I'm not sure how much I can give to this but I felt like I needed to reach out somehow.
I think you're a brilliant Mum! You can see how much you love your child and you're doing everything possible to try and help him. It isn't easy, I know that. I went through something similarly where I was the child and my Mam did everything she could to try and help me. His a lucky lad, having a parent who cares so much and tries to understand. Some parents wouldn't do that at all.
I wish you the best of luck and that everything works itself out for you two.
Hi, you're so kind to say that I'm a good mum! It means a lot to me as I spend most days thinking the opposite and feeling I've failed every step of the way. It's such a horrible feeling of regret...it's just nothing like I thought being a parent would be. I have so much guilt over the way I've handled things with him, I wish I could do it all again, but correctly.
Sorry to hear you went through similar, what kinds of things did you feel? No worries answering if it's hard to talk about. I'm glad you came through it though and how wonderful that you had a supportive mum who was there for you :hugs:
---------- Post added at 23:50 ---------- Previous post was at 23:42 ----------
You need to get to him. I'm a teenager myself and after too much anxiety to handle and feeling depressed and down all day due to hypochondria, I just broke. I couldn't handle it anymore and I needed as much support as I could get, because the pain was simply too much for me to bare. I'm happy it happend, and I don't regret it for a single second. Please try your best and reach out to your son. If you haven't already, question him as to why he's the way he is, and get him to trust you (if of course he doesn't). Connect with him, as you said yourself, you both relate through anxiety. Try anything you can to get him to talk. If he ignores you, I'd get super upset at that in your position, and get mad at him. I don't care how much depression or anxiety someone is going through, that gives them no reason to disrespect those who cared for and raised them. Best of luck, please keep us updated.
Hi Panda...so sorry you went similar hard times. Can I ask how old you are? Who do you have in the way of support and how do they help you best?
Believe me, I do get mad. I get very angry sometimes and unfortunately I think that stresses him out more, especially when it's health related and I panic then it comes over to him as anger. I think it stops him wanting to confide in me, so I try all the time to keep my feelings in and be happy for him and positive. It's exhausting though.
He is lovely - I know how much he loves and appreciates me because he does tell me this sometimes and tells me he loves me every night which is the most precious thing to hear. this is why I feel so guilty as well because I feel I've let him down which he has never deserved. I see him as a victim of circumstances that he shouldn't have had to be around so I can't blame him for how he is.
I appreciate hearing things from your point of view, it actually helps a lot...please feel free to talk about the things you went through or are still going through, only if you feel able to of course. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with depression/anxiety/hypochondria so I hope you're ok and have support :hugs:
Hi, you're so kind to say that I'm a good mum! It means a lot to me as I spend most days thinking the opposite and feeling I've failed every step of the way. It's such a horrible feeling of regret...it's just nothing like I thought being a parent would be. I have so much guilt over the way I've handled things with him, I wish I could do it all again, but correctly.
Sorry to hear you went through similar, what kinds of things did you feel? No worries answering if it's hard to talk about. I'm glad you came through it though and how wonderful that you had a supportive mum who was there for you :hugs:
My Mam used to say that she was worried that people would be like "What did you do to your child that she's like this now." Like not that she thought there was anything wrong with me, she was the one who wanted me to go to therapy. It was more like, people love to judge without knowing. Yet she carried on and did the best for me (she is still fighting my side, even with any issues I deal with now)
Well...there was a lot of issues tbh. One of the big ones when I was about your sons age (I'm 21 now!) Is that I hated going to school because I was alright at class work but all my friends always seemed miles ahead of me without trying. I would spend hours pouring over study and homework yet they would always do better! I used to find anyway to get out of school. Like my friends were wonderful and most of them are still my friends now. It was just like, a whole comparing thing.
I really do feel for your son because in a way I can understand- but please, please look after yourself also!
HelloPanda23
25-06-18, 00:51
Hi, you're so kind to say that I'm a good mum! It means a lot to me as I spend most days thinking the opposite and feeling I've failed every step of the way. It's such a horrible feeling of regret...it's just nothing like I thought being a parent would be. I have so much guilt over the way I've handled things with him, I wish I could do it all again, but correctly.
Sorry to hear you went through similar, what kinds of things did you feel? No worries answering if it's hard to talk about. I'm glad you came through it though and how wonderful that you had a supportive mum who was there for you :hugs:
---------- Post added at 23:50 ---------- Previous post was at 23:42 ----------
Hi Panda...so sorry you went similar hard times. Can I ask how old you are? Who do you have in the way of support and how do they help you best?
Believe me, I do get mad. I get very angry sometimes and unfortunately I think that stresses him out more, especially when it's health related and I panic then it comes over to him as anger. I think it stops him wanting to confide in me, so I try all the time to keep my feelings in and be happy for him and positive. It's exhausting though.
He is lovely - I know how much he loves and appreciates me because he does tell me this sometimes and tells me he loves me every night which is the most precious thing to hear. this is why I feel so guilty as well because I feel I've let him down which he has never deserved. I see him as a victim of circumstances that he shouldn't have had to be around so I can't blame him for how he is.
I appreciate hearing things from your point of view, it actually helps a lot...please feel free to talk about the things you went through or are still going through, only if you feel able to of course. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with depression/anxiety/hypochondria so I hope you're ok and have support :hugs:
I'm 16, and my mother supported me a lot through my stupid fear of terminal illnesses that are so rare, that no one but us hypochondriacs care for them. I confronted her about them because I needed the support after a long month of suffering over ALS fears. I love living and don't want anything to stop me from doing so, and so when I was first confronted with the thought of death, I got devastated. I'd always thought about death before, but not to the extent in which I found myself experiencing it anytime soon. As a result, it hurt me a lot at first, but I'm getting better and better suited to handle the stress caused by it. I mainly talked to my mother because I needed to see a doctor about this and see their input on my fears and stress, because it'd been a long week and I couldn't move on from the constant fear I was having. Honestly, if you have the patience to wait it out, then please give him a bit more time. If it goes on for another week, or more, that's when you should get involved. Explain to him how you feel because he needs to understand that he isn't only hurting himself, and that's he's being a bit selfish by not talking to you about this. Also, does he eat normally? If he doesn't, then it's only natural for him to be super sleepy. When my anxiety gets super bad and I start obsessing over something, I lose my appetite and don't eat anything. This makes me a walking zombie because not only do my fears deplete a lot of energy that I should have, but they also make it almost impossible for me to get anymore energy (because I cant eat when I'm anxious). This makes me even worse, and I feel sleepy throughout the day.
I'm 16, and my mother supported me a lot through my stupid fear of terminal illnesses that are so rare, that no one but us hypochondriacs care for them. I confronted her about them because I needed the support after a long month of suffering over ALS fears. I love living and don't want anything to stop me from doing so, and so when I was first confronted with the thought of death, I got devastated. I'd always thought about death before, but not to the extent in which I found myself experiencing it anytime soon. As a result, it hurt me a lot at first, but I'm getting better and better suited to handle the stress caused by it. I mainly talked to my mother because I needed to see a doctor about this and see their input on my fears and stress, because it'd been a long week and I couldn't move on from the constant fear I was having. Honestly, if you have the patience to wait it out, then please give him a bit more time. If it goes on for another week, or more, that's when you should get involved. Explain to him how you feel because he needs to understand that he isn't only hurting himself, and that's he's being a bit selfish by not talking to you about this. Also, does he eat normally? If he doesn't, then it's only natural for him to be super sleepy. When my anxiety gets super bad and I start obsessing over something, I lose my appetite and don't eat anything. This makes me a walking zombie because not only do my fears deplete a lot of energy that I should have, but they also make it almost impossible for me to get anymore energy (because I cant eat when I'm anxious). This makes me even worse, and I feel sleepy throughout the day.
Hi I'm so sorry you had all these fears, I was the same growing up and still am to some extent and it's horrendous I know. It's good your mum was supportive, that makes all the difference doesn't it. Has it helped seeing a doctor about how you feel, and what have they suggested?
No my son isn't eating properly but that's normal for him, hard to explain but he doesn't eat well anyway and hasn't for years.
For anyone reading this I'm in an extreme panic - my son's sleeping has been all over the place this past week, but last couple of days he's been falling asleep 2am and waking up about 9am. Yesterday he got to about 3pm and was so exhausted he went to bed to sleep for 3 hours...I have deja vu typing this, I feel like I posted about this yesterday? Need to re read my posts..sorry if I said all this already.
Anyway today same thing, he woke up about 9 and seemed fine all day til about 4pm then said he couldn't keep awake any longer and went to bed about 5 and is still asleep now. I can't cope with this, it isn't ok is it? Something must be seriously wrong and I know I have to face it but am terrified and don't know how he or I will cope. I hardly have any support in real life, no one gives a crap tbh. He hasn't seemed depressed either these past couple of days so I can't explain it with that, it has to be physical... my life is in limbo I can't believe I actually used to feel calm and that it didn't used to feel like the world is ending every second of every tedious day :weep::weep::weep::weep::weep:
Hi I'm so sorry you had all these fears, I was the same growing up and still am to some extent and it's horrendous I know. It's good your mum was supportive, that makes all the difference doesn't it. Has it helped seeing a doctor about how you feel, and what have they suggested?
No my son isn't eating properly but that's normal for him, hard to explain but he doesn't eat well anyway and hasn't for years.
For anyone reading this I'm in an extreme panic - my son's sleeping has been all over the place this past week, but last couple of days he's been falling asleep 2am and waking up about 9am. Yesterday he got to about 3pm and was so exhausted he went to bed to sleep for 3 hours...I have deja vu typing this, I feel like I posted about this yesterday? Need to re read my posts..sorry if I said all this already.
Anyway today same thing, he woke up about 9 and seemed fine all day til about 4pm then said he couldn't keep awake any longer and went to bed about 5 and is still asleep now. I can't cope with this, it isn't ok is it? Something must be seriously wrong and I know I have to face it but am terrified and don't know how he or I will cope. I hardly have any support in real life, no one gives a crap tbh. He hasn't seemed depressed either these past couple of days so I can't explain it with that, it has to be physical... my life is in limbo I can't believe I actually used to feel calm and that it didn't used to feel like the world is ending every second of every tedious day :weep::weep::weep::weep::weep: I am sorry to hear this hun, No to be blunt this isn't ok (yes we are all different)but this doesn't seem right 1.He is getting the sleep at the wrong time of day.2. He should be full of energy and enjoying life but he isn't. Apart from any MH problems he has reading this post he isn't eating well this could also be contributing factor what does he eat typically in the period he is awake? Have you chased up the similar place to changes yet? You simply cant carry on like this it's affecting you too:hugs: Hope these problems are resolved soon ATB
I am sorry to hear this hun, No to be blunt this isn't ok (yes we are all different)but this doesn't seem right 1.He is getting the sleep at the wrong time of day.2. He should be full of energy and enjoying life but he isn't. Apart from any MH problems he has reading this post he isn't eating well this could also be contributing factor what does he eat typically in the period he is awake? Have you chased up the similar place to changes yet? You simply cant carry on like this it's affecting you too:hugs: Hope these problems are resolved soon ATB
Thanks for replying you're right I can't carry on like this I am going crazy and full of fear ALL the time. Lost interest now in so many things and can't hold a normal conversation with anyone.
I rang them and left a message as couldn't talk properly I only had a few mins to ring today so hoping they return my call tomorrow.
He eats vegan pizza couple of times a week or just chips. Or crisps. And drinks soya milk. that's all, but his diet has been bad like this since he was 4 and he used to play football for hours at a time and do PE at school and walk there and back so can't think that it's his diet causing this.
Is it possible he could be anaemic, crystal? Not much iron in that diet..? I appreciate that he has food issues.
Thanks for replying you're right I can't carry on like this I am going crazy and full of fear ALL the time. Lost interest now in so many things and can't hold a normal conversation with anyone.
I rang them and left a message as couldn't talk properly I only had a few mins to ring today so hoping they return my call tomorrow.
He eats vegan pizza couple of times a week or just chips. Or crisps. And drinks soya milk. that's all, but his diet has been bad like this since he was 4 and he used to play football for hours at a time and do PE at school and walk there and back so can't think that it's his diet causing this. You are welcome:) Glad you called them and left a message I pray they will get back to you soon. Well Iam not so sure, his diet isn't exactly varied so what I am saying is he isn't getting the right nutriants It could quite possible be the diet, the poor MH and sleep patterns, everything is out of sync at the mo.You could ask your dr if his diet is ok but I doubt he/she would agree You need answers and fast ATB
Is it possible he could be anaemic, crystal? Not much iron in that diet..? I appreciate that he has food issues.
Hi Pulisa, well this is one of my worries yes. Tbh if I found out it was 'just' anaemia then I could relax a bit and have a more proactive 'what can we do now' attitude which would benefit him more than how I am currently (nervous wreck).
Does anaemia cause this extreme tiredness though? I'm too afraid to google much these days as I get sinister stuff coming up too which makes me worse.
---------- Post added at 20:45 ---------- Previous post was at 20:42 ----------
You are welcome:) Glad you called them and left a message I pray they will get back to you soon. Well Iam not so sure, his diet isn't exactly varied so what I am saying is he isn't getting the right nutriants It could quite possible be the diet, the poor MH and sleep patterns, everything is out of sync at the mo.You could ask your dr if his diet is ok but I doubt he/she would agree You need answers and fast ATB
Maybe you are right and it's all catching up now with him, he has zero fruit and veg and virtually no iron or protein. My plan is to get a GP appointment tomorrow, in his name but I will go alone and talk all this through as if he's there and I say all my worries he'll freak out. Then get him to go weds hopefully.
Chase up the place like Changes. And get onto CAMHS and say we need an urgent appointment. Thanks again for being here I'm so grateful :hugs:
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I should maybe say as well that he has always had very bad hay fever and is suffering with that this summer too..
Hi Pulisa, well this is one of my worries yes. Tbh if I found out it was 'just' anaemia then I could relax a bit and have a more proactive 'what can we do now' attitude which would benefit him more than how I am currently (nervous wreck).
Does anaemia cause this extreme tiredness though? I'm too afraid to google much these days as I get sinister stuff coming up too which makes me worse.
---------- Post added at 20:45 ---------- Previous post was at 20:42 ----------
Maybe you are right and it's all catching up now with him, he has zero fruit and veg and virtually no iron or protein. My plan is to get a GP appointment tomorrow, in his name but I will go alone and talk all this through as if he's there and I say all my worries he'll freak out. Then get him to go weds hopefully.
Chase up the place like Changes. And get onto CAMHS and say we need an urgent appointment. Thanks again for being here I'm so grateful :hugs: Iam right and knew before but googled it for you and yes Anaemia is the MAIN cause for being tired.It's also know as iron poor blood Iam not going to type any more as you are stressed out enough. You are being very proactive about your sons health and that is admirable which makes you a good mum to take this on board, he needs urgent help if Iam being honest here. ATB
Iam right and knew before but googled it for you and yes Anaemia is the MAIN cause for being tired. You are being very proactive about your sons health and that is admirable which makes you a good mum to take this on board, he needs urgent help if Iam being honest here. ATB
Ok. Thank you - I will call drs at 8am tomorrow morning. Going to do my best to get this sorted for him, I had no idea anaemia can make someone so tired.
Crystal, anaemia will make him lethargic and unable to concentrate on much. I think you could stress the need for a CAMHS urgent appointment based on his food issues too which may be contributing to his mental health issues.I think CAMHS should be your main focus because they are specialised in this field. The fact that he has been out of school for a year should also be stressed as he is now socially isolated. This is NOT your fault but all adds up to the general picture of a young person in distress.
You are going to have to be assertive with the GP and don't be fobbed off by being told there are long waiting lists etc. Stress just how devastating this is for you as his mother and how helpless you feel because no help and support is forthcoming and you bloody well need intervention now because he is at such a vulnerable age xx
---------- Post added at 21:08 ---------- Previous post was at 21:02 ----------
You will of course need him to have blood tests but if he does turn out to be anaemic it will just work in your favour for the CAMHS appointment. And anaemia can cause all sorts of physical problems including the lethargy and tiredness. It's easily treated but the mental health aspect of his food issues needs specialised treatment now xx
Crystal, anaemia will make him lethargic and unable to concentrate on much. I think you could stress the need for a CAMHS urgent appointment based on his food issues too which may be contributing to his mental health issues.I think CAMHS should be your main focus because they are specialised in this field. The fact that he has been out of school for a year should also be stressed as he is now socially isolated. This is NOT your fault but all adds up to the general picture of a young person in distress.
You are going to have to be assertive with the GP and don't be fobbed off by being told there are long waiting lists etc. Stress just how devastating this is for you as his mother and how helpless you feel because no help and support is forthcoming and you bloody well need intervention now because he is at such a vulnerable age xx
---------- Post added at 21:08 ---------- Previous post was at 21:02 ----------
You will of course need him to have blood tests but if he does turn out to be anaemic it will just work in your favour for the CAMHS appointment. And anaemia can cause all sorts of physical problems including the lethargy and tiredness. It's easily treated but the mental health aspect of his food issues needs specialised treatment now xx I agree total pulisa It can be quite serious too. Please update us with some positive out comes crystal ;) ATB
Crystal, anaemia will make him lethargic and unable to concentrate on much. I think you could stress the need for a CAMHS urgent appointment based on his food issues too which may be contributing to his mental health issues.I think CAMHS should be your main focus because they are specialised in this field. The fact that he has been out of school for a year should also be stressed as he is now socially isolated. This is NOT your fault but all adds up to the general picture of a young person in distress.
You are going to have to be assertive with the GP and don't be fobbed off by being told there are long waiting lists etc. Stress just how devastating this is for you as his mother and how helpless you feel because no help and support is forthcoming and you bloody well need intervention now because he is at such a vulnerable age xx
---------- Post added at 21:08 ---------- Previous post was at 21:02 ----------
You will of course need him to have blood tests but if he does turn out to be anaemic it will just work in your favour for the CAMHS appointment. And anaemia can cause all sorts of physical problems including the lethargy and tiredness. It's easily treated but the mental health aspect of his food issues needs specialised treatment now xx
Thanks for this Pulisa, it's helped me focus a bit more. I will be assertive with the GP - which I'm not good at but HAVE to be in this case - and insist that he needs urgent help.
It's frustrating as I'm the one who has always pushed for help with his diet and see many professionals over the years. I can't count how many times I've been told it's a phase and he will def grow out of it, also I've had some doctors blame me for it and hint at munchausens (sp?) by proxy. He was finally referred to a dietician who has recently discharged him and told him to 'eat nuts and lentils' and waved us on our way. If only it was that easy.
If he's anaemic we can work with it and I will do what I can to help him. Thank you again xx
---------- Post added at 21:23 ---------- Previous post was at 21:21 ----------
I agree total pulisa It can be quite serious too. Please update us with some positive out comes crystal ;) ATB
I will keep you posted about all of this, thanks BigBoy for being so supportive x
Anaemia itself can be treated with iron supplements but there's obviously more to it than that and he could have a selective eating disorder which is affecting his nutrient intake and general health (mental and physical). It's certainly worth considering and I think you need more than a cursory brush with a dietician. Good luck, Crystal and please let us know how you get on xx
Ok. Thank you - I will call drs at 8am tomorrow morning. Going to do my best to get this sorted for him, I had no idea anaemia can make someone so tired.
Hey Crystal,
Please post how it went and good luck! I will write longer soon.
Yes be good to know how you have got on with some extra support for your son look forward to the update ATB
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