Meriland30
11-06-18, 05:14
I've gotten to a point with my health anxiety, symptoms, phobias, and people ..that I feel truly stuck.
I have had serious health anxieties since I was 7 years old, and severe vertigo spells since I was 9. All were, at the time, the result of mental stress and a panic disorder..so my doctor had said. Technically, i have been 'dying' of everything for 20 years. Throughout however, i have suffered what is called 'white coat syndrome'...i am sure that many here relate to that. Mine was bad enough to where i refused...absolutely refused to go to a doctor, ever...cause i knew they would tell me i am dying of whatever it was i was worried over. Trying to talk to a friend, family member, even a boyfriend about a symptom in hopes they could relate only made them roll their eyes, and tell me to "see a doctor, we are not doctors". If my response was that i was terrified of doctors, the response was usually "grow up, you are ___ years old". In that, i feel that, I am bound to internalize any worries in fear that i will be judged harshly due to it beinv, seemingly irrational. I have been to a psychiatrist, who did prescribe me medicine...but i don't take it cause i am afraid it will make me dizzy. I have terrible vertigo, the slightest thing sets it off. When I refused to take them, and explained to my husband why, his response was "do you like living in misery? Does being this way satisfy you? Why waste money and time if you won't take the pills?"...i respond with "i went to get a analysis, not a bunch of pills to 'fix' me"...his response is " therapy is not enough, you need pills...and lots of them, you are bat ______ crazy and you are driving me crazy. It is like you deliberately want to be sick, always looking for something to worry about".
I feel so stuck. I had such a long period where i was absolutely happy and then it cycles over. My symptoms are real, however, apparently because i am a hypochondriac that automatically deems me impervious to disease. Even when i have the flu..fever and all, its "all in your head". I feel like i don't realize how unusually immature i am, and that makes me uncomfortable...that or I feel like i genuinely have a mental issue that is being criticised in a manner that is not actively or purposefully thought through. I hate feeling sick, worrying about being sick, or believing it so much so that going to a doctor feels like the green mile every time.
I have had serious health anxieties since I was 7 years old, and severe vertigo spells since I was 9. All were, at the time, the result of mental stress and a panic disorder..so my doctor had said. Technically, i have been 'dying' of everything for 20 years. Throughout however, i have suffered what is called 'white coat syndrome'...i am sure that many here relate to that. Mine was bad enough to where i refused...absolutely refused to go to a doctor, ever...cause i knew they would tell me i am dying of whatever it was i was worried over. Trying to talk to a friend, family member, even a boyfriend about a symptom in hopes they could relate only made them roll their eyes, and tell me to "see a doctor, we are not doctors". If my response was that i was terrified of doctors, the response was usually "grow up, you are ___ years old". In that, i feel that, I am bound to internalize any worries in fear that i will be judged harshly due to it beinv, seemingly irrational. I have been to a psychiatrist, who did prescribe me medicine...but i don't take it cause i am afraid it will make me dizzy. I have terrible vertigo, the slightest thing sets it off. When I refused to take them, and explained to my husband why, his response was "do you like living in misery? Does being this way satisfy you? Why waste money and time if you won't take the pills?"...i respond with "i went to get a analysis, not a bunch of pills to 'fix' me"...his response is " therapy is not enough, you need pills...and lots of them, you are bat ______ crazy and you are driving me crazy. It is like you deliberately want to be sick, always looking for something to worry about".
I feel so stuck. I had such a long period where i was absolutely happy and then it cycles over. My symptoms are real, however, apparently because i am a hypochondriac that automatically deems me impervious to disease. Even when i have the flu..fever and all, its "all in your head". I feel like i don't realize how unusually immature i am, and that makes me uncomfortable...that or I feel like i genuinely have a mental issue that is being criticised in a manner that is not actively or purposefully thought through. I hate feeling sick, worrying about being sick, or believing it so much so that going to a doctor feels like the green mile every time.