GingerFish
11-06-18, 12:48
I didn't know which section to post this in since its every condition I have that seems to have relapsed, not just one in particular. I have OCD, CPTSD, panic attacks and GAD. I am in intensive therapy (Compassion Focused Therapy) at the moment and have been since last year.
I could feel this relapse building for a while and tried to keep it under control but it became unbearable the last few days A lot has happened in the last few months. My papa is on the transplant list and has had cancer scares, my gran broke her hip, stepdad took another TIA, I lost £300 through that whole TSB scandal - got it back but it took 15 days and considering that was nearly all of my benefit money and I couldn't access my savings, it was hellish! A 'close' friend betrayed me and back stabbed me and my family after years of friendship and then the cherry on the cake - the most recent one, ESA have called me in for a re-assessment.
Like I said, I had trying to keep on top of it and my therapist knew this but last night it reached the peak when I harmed myself. It wasn't the first time I have done it lately but it was the worst and I was so distressed, panicky, compulsions wouldn't stop, mind was in over drive and I was in a state. I called NHS24 and a CPN there got the crisis team to assess me urgently. They got in contact with my GP today and I saw him first thing this morning. He read my last psychiatrist report and it is from 2016 and it said that the psychiatrist wants me to try clomipramine but both the GP and my psychologist don't know a lot about this drug and are wary of starting me on it when I am in this state so he is sending me for an urgent psychiatric assessment and I should get a call tomorrow with an appt. I also see my therapist tomorrow.
I feel awful. I haven't felt this bad for years. I only got an hours sleep last night so I feel mentally and physically drained. I also feel ashamed for calling last night. I feel like I wasted their time and that I am only 'weak, not ill' and that I am wasting NHS resources. Then I also feel like doctors will think I am just chancing my luck to get help with my ESA even though the start of the relapse before it got bad was mentioned before I even got any word from ESA. I keep trying to tell myself I did the right thing calling last night and see my GP today but I can't help but feel cheeky, rude and undeserving if that makes sense?
It also scared me how bad I was last night. The feelings of distress were overwhelming and I am scared I will feel it 10 times stronger soon, if that is even possible.
Do you have any tips on how to deal with this relapse? I am grateful to have a great support system of my family, husband, pets and friends but I am sure you know what it feels like when you are in this situation - feels like you are alone no matter who is beside you
I could feel this relapse building for a while and tried to keep it under control but it became unbearable the last few days A lot has happened in the last few months. My papa is on the transplant list and has had cancer scares, my gran broke her hip, stepdad took another TIA, I lost £300 through that whole TSB scandal - got it back but it took 15 days and considering that was nearly all of my benefit money and I couldn't access my savings, it was hellish! A 'close' friend betrayed me and back stabbed me and my family after years of friendship and then the cherry on the cake - the most recent one, ESA have called me in for a re-assessment.
Like I said, I had trying to keep on top of it and my therapist knew this but last night it reached the peak when I harmed myself. It wasn't the first time I have done it lately but it was the worst and I was so distressed, panicky, compulsions wouldn't stop, mind was in over drive and I was in a state. I called NHS24 and a CPN there got the crisis team to assess me urgently. They got in contact with my GP today and I saw him first thing this morning. He read my last psychiatrist report and it is from 2016 and it said that the psychiatrist wants me to try clomipramine but both the GP and my psychologist don't know a lot about this drug and are wary of starting me on it when I am in this state so he is sending me for an urgent psychiatric assessment and I should get a call tomorrow with an appt. I also see my therapist tomorrow.
I feel awful. I haven't felt this bad for years. I only got an hours sleep last night so I feel mentally and physically drained. I also feel ashamed for calling last night. I feel like I wasted their time and that I am only 'weak, not ill' and that I am wasting NHS resources. Then I also feel like doctors will think I am just chancing my luck to get help with my ESA even though the start of the relapse before it got bad was mentioned before I even got any word from ESA. I keep trying to tell myself I did the right thing calling last night and see my GP today but I can't help but feel cheeky, rude and undeserving if that makes sense?
It also scared me how bad I was last night. The feelings of distress were overwhelming and I am scared I will feel it 10 times stronger soon, if that is even possible.
Do you have any tips on how to deal with this relapse? I am grateful to have a great support system of my family, husband, pets and friends but I am sure you know what it feels like when you are in this situation - feels like you are alone no matter who is beside you