Major anxiety and panic over job change

[MrLurcher]

Hello all, first post on here. Been a reader for a while now, but feel the need to reach out atm.

Just to give an overview on my life. I am 31 now, and since my late teens I have suffered from anxiety / panic attacks / major catastrophising / over analysing. Topics of worry have included health, money, sexuality etc, with proper obsessional thinking over these things. I have done two stints of counselling over the years and recently did an 8 week mindfulness course.

The past two years have been tough. We've moved house twice, 3 of my grandparents passed away, my partner suffered PND after the birth of our second daughter. The recent house moved occurred 3 months ago, and it gave me major anxiety, to the point where I was worried about the sale falling through, worried about the house falling down pre-sale etc etc. Lots of lovely intrusive thoughts!

Now we're in our new house, I've transferred the anxiety onto this new place - worrying about cracks, leaks, noises in the roof etc. And I've also started worrying about money again.

This has all been pretty exhausting, and now I'm in a bit of depressive state following it all, but still mixed with anxiety.

Right, to the main issue! While all of this has gone on, I've been offered a new job working with my brother and his partners' business. I have been somewhat unhappy in my current job for a while, and have applied for 2 other jobs over the last 6 months. I am underpaid compared to my market value, and work has become a lot more stressful over the last year or so. I helped kick start my brothers' business and have always liked the idea of joining it if it became successful.

Unfortunately, I found leaving my current job difficult due to job security and having a few really close friends there. I was thinking of staying, but only if they offered me more money. I handed in my notice on Monday after weeks of indecision, and I've been panicking ever since about if I've done the right thing. I've also been feeling very depressed about leaving good friends behind, and have cried on a few occasions. My current job is my social hub, and don't do much with friends outside work.

I don't know if I should have made this big life changing decision in the middle of my anxiety and depression, but having spoken to family, partner and some friends, they all feel I've made the right choice.

I am currently on the waiting list to see an NHS therapist, and will discuss medication with my doc on Monday. However, I have a bad fear of anti depressants, as my father had an adverse reaction to some when I was 16. He had a nervous breakdown after taking them, which was followed by an episode of mania, and he was then diagnosed with bipolar. This is also something that's in the back of mind, and I worry a lot that I may have or could develop bipolar at some stage in my life. This is my first depressive episode, and have never experienced any sort of mania in my life. I have two young daughters and worry about the idea that their dad could have a mental illness.

The questions I keep asking myself now is, should I retract my notice and stay in the role that's safe and secure, where I have a few close friends? And is it too risky to move jobs with my current mental state? A good benefit of my new job is that it will give me more flexibility to visit therapists - I could never imagine telling my current employer about my anxiety and depression. The new job brings risks in the terms that it's a new business, so will I worry more about security and money? And I will also be working two days from home - is that a good thing for someone who has anxiety and depression?

Hope someone can give me some advice. Thanks.

[NervousKel]

I think it's very natural to have anxiety and worry and even depression with a job change, as well as having second thoughts. It sounds like you've made the right decision though, since your family seems to all be on board with it.

Regarding antidepressants, if you're fearful of starting one, you could start at a really small dose and see how/if that affects you, and work your way up there. I started my first antidepressant when I was 36; before that time I didn't think I needed them. When I finally went on one after experiencing a several month long period of really bad anxiety, I regretted not going on one sooner, as it really improved my quality of life.

[Rad1]

Hi MrLurcher,

Well I can completely empathise with you. Moving home is a strain in itself and worrying if the building is OK is something that would enter in to most people's minds. Then changing a job. Plus what you said about your father.

But look at each one-by-one. I think the house is going to work out fine. Even if there is a minor problem in the roof, it is fixable for sure and you should not loose any sleep over it. Moving jobs, well I think it sounds like you are making the right decision. You will likely be much happier with your brother. And I dont know what line of work you are in, but there are plenty of job options out there if things got difficult. And your dad? That's not the case for you. Dont waste energy on that one.

Incidentally, I am undergoing a really similar 'panic' at the moment. I work for myself and am about to lose a contact which has paid my bills for the past 10 years. And I also have a little daughter. It is all a huge pressure and I have had insomnia and panic attacks every day for the past 3 weeks. I have lost weight! I have also got these thoughts I will break down and my daughter and partner will struggle with it all.

So you are not alone. And there are plenty of others around in similar boats. What I would say to you is plenty can also go right for you too. Allow yourself that prospect. Clearly you are a caring guy, but have you thought about be caring to yourself too? What advice would you give yourself? I bet it would be stay calm, go through with your changes and be kind to yourself. Do your best.

I am on Sertraline an SSRI antidepressant. It controls anxiety and depression. I started off with anxiety, but it has followed into depression. I had this about 5 years ago too. And it helped me cope and feel myself again. It took me 5-6 weeks. The first week made my anxiety worse, but I became calm and much happier.

This time i am on week 2. I lie awake chewing over all possibilities of what will happen next. Feels like I am going mad and everything is going to have the worse outcome. But thats probably a little influenced by what happened to me when I was young. Financial problems my dad had meant we were evicted etc. Suddenly the 9 year old boy I was, grew up too quickly.

I started a meditation course at a yoga centre. I get this 'rest' from my over active worrying, which is a real relief. It was good to hear about your mindfulness course. So try and distract yourself, focus on breathing. You get yourself through this tough patch and move on to a better life.

Let me know how you get on. I hope some of what I say helps.


I hope some of my words make sense to you. I hope we stay in touch.

[MrLurcher]

Hi Rad1, many thanks for responding.

Feeling a bit better following my post. I still have major anxiousness about the change. Main one being I will be working from home 2 days a week, and am just concerned is this a wise thing for someone suffering from depression and anxiety. I am planning on using my lunchbreak to go to the gym and walk the dogs, as a break from the 'office'. I will also need to invest more time into social stuff, but that is difficult with family.

Regarding caring for myself, probably not. I seem quite bogged down by guilt a lot, which is never a good thing for oneself. And I have a tendency to put myself down for even being depressed and anxious in the first place.

I tend to catastrophize a lot, which I've sort of figured out is GAD, and also Pure O OCD. A real crap combination if you are a worrier anyway! I've managed to work through difficult stages in the past, but right now, this current phase is really affecting my home life and my work.

Sorry to hear of your troubles as well. I can sympathise with the working for yourself scenario. When I left Uni I wanted to run my own business within 10 years. However 10 years on, and with the way I've been feeling over the past few years, there's no way in hell I can work for myself!

Have you considered applying for any jobs? Just to take the pressure of yourself for the time being? Hope things work out, I'm sure they will.

With the medication, have you been on it for 5 years? Or was it a short term thing 5 years ago?

[Rad1]

I will reply soon

[Rad1]

Hi Mr Lurcher,

Change or being outside one's comfort zone, scary yes, but it is amazing how well it can all work out. There is this book called Feel the Fear and Do it anyway, I think written in the 1980s. Susan Jeffers wrote it and it basically helps you understand why you need to take on challenges. It is a little harder for us anxious types, perhaps with historical life experiences, and who knows - maybe genetic peculiarities. We are what we are, it has its benefits - for example I have a sensitivity with people and that has often been a great advantage in life. The reason I say it is that you too are facing the fear, and however uneasy you feel about changing jobs, its is something to pat yourself on the back about. Many in life stay stuck. You will beat that fear by taking it on. I work from home, and it is not a problem for me. I have time to be calm, do deep breathing, and Im in touch pretty much non stop on Skype with people anyway. I'd say it is far less stressful. If you have 2 little ones, that will be amazing to eat with them and spend some really precious moments. Gym and dog walking is great in every way.

Yes, I understand what you mean about putting yourself down. I wish I too could be different, but it is what it is, I am who I am, and with it I am also a kind and caring and understanding person. I hate it when I feel so unstable, mainly for my daughter. And I feel really low on confidence after a bad period.

There is no rush to 'work for yourself'. Yes, it can be wonderfully liberating, but then again when things go quiet it is extra stressful. The amount of times I wished I could have had a regular job instead. 10 years after uni? there is no hurry

I have an interesting tale of how I ended up working alone, right at the start of my career. It is down to anxiety. Maybe I will save that for another time.

In further explanation to your question about my medication...
I have had 3 recent episodes of heavy anxiety. All 3 related to the threat of losing my business. It got so bad, that I couldn't sleep, lost appetite and felt dreadful. But somehow things did come along and do you know what? I have had the most successful periods of business since then and been ever so happy in life. This time it is severe, again, maybe I will share why another time. But on both the other 2 occasions, after 2 weeks of misery, I was prescribed cytalopram. There is a website called the cytalopram survival guide. (or something like that). My god the guy who wrote that is a genius. He talks you through everything about it, so for someone like me who likes to weight things up, I found it helpful. But it made me very aware of the first weeks of difficulty one has to endure before one gets the benefits. Both times I got through it, and it worked really well for me. Suddenly I felt 'myself'. I even smiled. I started eating as usual. Sleep was OK. I was human again and able to work without distraction.

So I took it 5 years ago, then after a year, went off it. Then 3 years ago I went back on due to work stress. Went off it about 18 months later. Its been all good since, the only change this huge thing about to happen. That has sparked me off. It is kind of survival, wanting to pay the bills etc, so I would say valid reason to be so scared. But as I did so well, I saved and invested, so I have time to get back on track, lots of time. As it helped me feel better able to cope, I decided to ask for it again. This time a different SSRI.

I have 2 friends who took another SSRI, just to 'manage' their panics. They are on low doses and they suffered very few side effects. There are plenty, plenty of people out there on these type of medications.

So for me it worked, and it helped me manage life things. Side effects stopped after a month. It is not addictive. In my experience anxiety is followed by depression. And when you are in a depression, life is miserable and there feels like very little hope. The Citalopram changed that.

So Mr Lurcher, I've been around a little longer than you, I hope some of what I write is helpful. And you know what, despite all my anxiety and worry, I took on so many challenges. I did things I never would have thought I could. I also had great success. I faced many fears, but I suppose, I have this trait and it is not 100% conquered yet. I am hoping this counselling on Friday will make me see things in a different way.

You give yourself a break, go with the flow and you will be fine.

God that was a long reply.