worriedwithfear
17-06-18, 11:50
I just found out probably my best mate who I've known from school since we were 15 finally lost his virginity last year. He's my age. Thing is he's only ever had one gf and I had assumed given that they were living together for a while. But he didn't kiss a girl (this same girl) until like he was like 30! So he's hardly had any experience (I've been with far more women) but he's finally crossed the line. Still a little difficult hearing that but as I said I had kinda of assumed anyway.
I say this because as a Christian from an early age I believed it was important to wait for sex and despite having relationships, I did....and although I've obviously done some things I've still never had intercourse. I feel nothing but shame, frustration and disappointment over missing out on something that is so significant in life. I will never be able to change the past. It is not only deeply shameful but unhealthy to be a virgin at almost 35. It is a horrible position to be in. That's why I deeply regret not having done this when I had the opportunities earlier in life with previous gfs but I guess it never felt right at the time / women I was with weren't right for me etc. And also my mindset was different, I saw sex as something to be avoided because of my faith and beliefs. I know I should not beat myself up over this but I think the point is that I never imagined I'd still be waiting NOW!!
If I knew that I'd still be in the same position, I know I would not have waited.
So I would say since around the age of 30 I have been what's called an INCEL. I have only had one proper relationship in my 30s and that didn't last too long at all (a few months) but I have dated on and off since then. I can never seem to find a mutual attraction after years of online dating and searching.
It's not something I can click into existence and I can't bring myself to visit an escort i.e. someone I will never see again and to pay in order to lose something I have been holding onto my entire life!! That would be even more traumatic than what I'm going through at the moment. At this stage I will simply settle for a woman who I can have some sort of relationship with and take things from there. I even went as far as putting up an ad on personal ads/classfied etc. just for this purpose. No responses yet.
Growing up I always imagined I'd meet someone great and settle down, have a family etc. and that would be it, it would just happen naturally - a seemingly average life. And people see average in a negative light. I would do anything to settle for average if average meant the above! Because right now I am far from being average, I am so far below average that I am a failure compared to most men.
So, at almost 35 now, maybe marriage isn't sadly a reality. I will just settle for a full sexual relationship, even if it's a brief one.
I say this because as a Christian from an early age I believed it was important to wait for sex and despite having relationships, I did....and although I've obviously done some things I've still never had intercourse. I feel nothing but shame, frustration and disappointment over missing out on something that is so significant in life. I will never be able to change the past. It is not only deeply shameful but unhealthy to be a virgin at almost 35. It is a horrible position to be in. That's why I deeply regret not having done this when I had the opportunities earlier in life with previous gfs but I guess it never felt right at the time / women I was with weren't right for me etc. And also my mindset was different, I saw sex as something to be avoided because of my faith and beliefs. I know I should not beat myself up over this but I think the point is that I never imagined I'd still be waiting NOW!!
If I knew that I'd still be in the same position, I know I would not have waited.
So I would say since around the age of 30 I have been what's called an INCEL. I have only had one proper relationship in my 30s and that didn't last too long at all (a few months) but I have dated on and off since then. I can never seem to find a mutual attraction after years of online dating and searching.
It's not something I can click into existence and I can't bring myself to visit an escort i.e. someone I will never see again and to pay in order to lose something I have been holding onto my entire life!! That would be even more traumatic than what I'm going through at the moment. At this stage I will simply settle for a woman who I can have some sort of relationship with and take things from there. I even went as far as putting up an ad on personal ads/classfied etc. just for this purpose. No responses yet.
Growing up I always imagined I'd meet someone great and settle down, have a family etc. and that would be it, it would just happen naturally - a seemingly average life. And people see average in a negative light. I would do anything to settle for average if average meant the above! Because right now I am far from being average, I am so far below average that I am a failure compared to most men.
So, at almost 35 now, maybe marriage isn't sadly a reality. I will just settle for a full sexual relationship, even if it's a brief one.