20 years of "dying"

[anbeq14]

I am 31 and have been dealing with this for 20 years now. I wish at the age of 11 I knew that at 31 Id still be kickin so I would've have wasted that time..but here I am worrying away some more of it. My panic has increased a bit here lately and I will have pretty intense episodes of fear out of no where. I am truly scared that I am going to have an attack bad enough that I will be thrown into a psych ward and have my kids taken away or something. I am a good mom and luckily I am able to hide a lot of my anxiety these days. Lately, I have been getting these strange headaches in the back of my head..its A LOT of pressure more than pain and just makes my head feel so weird. I have had this before but now I worry about strokes so I will start to think my legs and arms are weak and even at times I feel like I cant speak correctly..not slurred speech but more like my mouth isn't moving correctly. Does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone else ever done CBT and had it actually work? I annoy myself with these worries. I just want to enjoy life and its exhausting worrying. Thank you!

[watercolors]

How many times I have thought this. I'm 50 years old. Wouldn't it have been great to know I would be here. And how different I would have felt this whole time. But it doesn't work that way. Are you in therapy? On medication? Honestly my medication isn't working the way it used to. I am starting yoga soon. My breathing anxiety is out of control. I wish you the best.

[Scass]

It’s exhausting isn’t it. All that time we’ve wasted worrying and googling and worrying some more.

I’m sure you’re a great Mum.
Are you in the UK? You can self refer yourself for CBT (just google free cbt in your area), and try it? There’s no harm in trying is there? It helped me a lot, and makes a lot of sense.

Headaches are a really common symptom of anxiety.


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[anbeq14]

Thank you both for replying. It is definitely nice to know you aren't in it alone, although, I would never wish this on anyone else. I took some therapy when I was a kid. My parents put me in it but honestly I don't remember a whole lot or even whether or not it worked at the time. I took some medicine when I was about 23 and I felt like a zombie. I was so out of it and hated feeling that way that I never let it even get in my system enough to see if that feeling would go away, all I knew was I had to work and drive and couldn't effectively do it feeling that way. I am an American. Don't hold it against me, lol Im sure you hear awful things about us, especially now. I do need to find therapy and at least try it. I pray it works. As of lately I am just getting these intense bursts of panic and I have no clue why because nothing seems to trigger them. Its so frustrating.

[Scass]

Well the world seems to be a hostile place at the moment, and that can definitely add to our anxieties.
I think CBT would benefit you. You seem to understand where you are at, and that you need a little help, so why not try something new.


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[watercolors]

I am an American too. Therapy is good. This forum is amazing. Going through a tough time myself. You are definitely not alone.