Convinced my time is just up....

[87sal87]

This is just a vent, no one has to reply, just want to get out what I'm feeling.

My life is over...completely over at 31. I know I'm going to die soon, my body is too f**ked up for me not to.

I'm suffering from palpitations constantly.

I'm losing blood everytime I go for a bowel movement and I'm having episodes of diarehoa and now I'm 4 days late on my period and only losing brown discharge from my vagina. So now something has obviously stopped my period...and I'm now absolutely losing blood from my vagina when I go to the toilet too. I know what this is...I know it's bowel cancer that I've left too long and has now spread to my bladder/uterus. I just know that is the case.

It should be a good time in my life, it's summer, I'm 'young' and I'm meant to be starting a new job in a week's time, full time, well paid...good opportunity, but I know I won't be doing it because what's the point? I'll be too ill, too scared...too tired...I won't be able to do my job.

And I'll be dead soon. I don't know if this is acceptance or what, but sometimes, you can only take so much. No reassurance in the world can save you.

[HelloPanda23]

This is just a vent, no one has to reply, just want to get out what I'm feeling.

My life is over...completely over at 31. I know I'm going to die soon, my body is too f**ked up for me not to.

I'm suffering from palpitations constantly.

I'm losing blood everytime I go for a bowel movement and I'm having episodes of diarehoa and now I'm 4 days late on my period and only losing brown discharge from my vagina. So now something has obviously stopped my period...and I'm now absolutely losing blood from my vagina when I go to the toilet too. I know what this is...I know it's bowel cancer that I've left too long and has now spread to my bladder/uterus. I just know that is the case.

It should be a good time in my life, it's summer, I'm 'young' and I'm meant to be starting a new job in a week's time, full time, well paid...good opportunity, but I know I won't be doing it because what's the point? I'll be too ill, too scared...too tired...I won't be able to do my job.

And I'll be dead soon. I don't know if this is acceptance or what, but sometimes, you can only take so much. No reassurance in the world can save you.

If you're truly that afraid, do yourself a favor and go get it checked.

[AMomentofClarity]

I’ve been exactly where you are before, I understand the hopelessness. But everybody on here is always 100% convinced they’re dying of whatever, and it’s very rarely if ever the case. I would recommend going to a doctor to get the all clear on your physical concerns, then jumping into some treatment for the mental side of things. It can be treated.

[LouiseAndy]

You're also seem to be under a stress and anixety at the moment? Like that can have a huge impact on your body. Like I didn't get my period of two months before during a time of high stress and anixety. That can have a be impact on your body.

I know it's funny to say, as someone who's always having a mental down about feeling on the brink of something all the time. Yet I think it's important you do speak to your gp. You have a amazing chance coming up! You don't want to loss out on it.

Best wishes x

[87sal87]

I have spoke to my GP, I had a full blood test done with only came back with a few defiencies in certain vitamins, most likely through my poor diet.

I've refused the camera up the backside, after I had the camera down my throat, I realised I could never, ever go through anything like that again. But I am going for a transvaginal ultrasound to get checked for cysts. But I know it's not cysts.

I have already been referred for counselling recently, poured my heart out to the women on the phone and only got offered online help with patronising videos to watch and boxes to tick afterwards....about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

What else is there left to do?

[Halle0587]

Here is a few tips I can give you as someone who has stomach issues diagnosed. Bright blood is okay from the back side. You are very stressed and your body responds to stress with hormones. Those hormones alter your cycle so you’re only spotting brown until your body is ready for your cycle to start.
I’m 31 as well, I feel as though my good luck or “scares only” have run out as well. I’m stressed waiting for a mammogram and ultrasound on Wednesday. My stomach hurts, I have heartburn, I’m bloated, I swear the area of concern hurts more daily, and I’m trying to plan for the good and the bad. I completely understand where you are right now.
I use EFT videos on YouTube. My counselor sees me weekly, just moved to bu-weekly, and I use the videos in between. You have to throw out the idea of it being patronizing.
The first time my friend said, “it’s good to get checked.” Instead of, “everything is going to be okay.” I freaked out and thought she didn’t care about me anymore. The fact of the matter is, I’m not going to get better with my HA is she pateonizes me and offers reassurance. There is a reason counselors only two you anxiety won’t kill you and not “it’s going to be okay” when seeking reassurance. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m seeking it. Give the videos a try for a week at least, 5-7 days a few times a day if possible. Then see how you feel.

[tracieann]

hi there your h a is through the roof with all this i understand so well i think also you could be having the feelings of impending doom that comes along with anxiety and depression you feel like your certain this thing will be bad i know its a horrible sense of dread but i do understand having been this way for 25 years already dont let this fear ruin your life get some decent help cos i didnt and ive had years of these situations take care

[HelloPanda23]

I have spoke to my GP, I had a full blood test done with only came back with a few defiencies in certain vitamins, most likely through my poor diet.

I've refused the camera up the backside, after I had the camera down my throat, I realised I could never, ever go through anything like that again. But I am going for a transvaginal ultrasound to get checked for cysts. But I know it's not cysts.

I have already been referred for counselling recently, poured my heart out to the women on the phone and only got offered online help with patronising videos to watch and boxes to tick afterwards....about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

What else is there left to do?
Vitamin deficinies along with anxiety that already wears you out terribly, is enough to cause many of your symptoms. Eat well and healthy, and try not to stress. Don’t lose hope, and take care of yourself. :)

[Halle0587]

Forgot to add, I started B12 after my doctor did my labs and they were really low. Then I started paying attention to food that have B12, D, and Magnesium in it. I feel a world of difference in days I don’t watch what I’m eating.

[JB1985]

I've refused the camera up the backside, after I had the camera down my throat, I realised I could never, ever go through anything like that again. But I am going for a transvaginal ultrasound to get checked for cysts. But I know it's not cysts.


Honestly, the procedure is not that bad. If you get the shorter camera then you are usually not sedated, but it does not take long, and it just feels uncomfortable for a short while, while they're doing it. Like cramping if you have too much gas and having to make a big poop. If you get the longer camera then you are sedated and don't feel a thing.