Ups and downs - why?

[Gregor]

Hi,

I'm getting a little despondant with how my recovery's going at the moment. I've been trying to push myself a bit to get better. On Tuesday, i went on the bus for the first time in about a year. It was about a 15 minute ride, then i went round the shops and bought some things, then took the bus home. I was very proud of myself for that. I was pretty much fine the whole time i was out. However, when i got home, i started to feel my anxiety more.

Then, on Thursday, i went out - this time by car - but, i didn't cope too well. I couldn't understand this after doing so well the last time on the bus and everything. On Friday, i had another massive step. I went into town, by car, and went shopping in Asda (big big store which i can't normally cope with). I was there for nearly an hour and coped very well i thought. After that, i took the bus home. I'd done so well, but just as i got home, i felt extremely bad (lightheaded and dizzy).

Today, i went out again - by car. I walked for about 10 minutes and felt really bad again.

So, i can't undertand why i'm having these ups and downs so much. Surely, the more i go out and do the things i'm afraid of, the better it should become. Also, when i've coped well when out, i always feel the bad effects as soon as i get home - what's that all about??! I'm getting sick of spending all day trying to recover from my days out.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Gregor

[Carol_dearest]

Hi Gregor, I don't think you are alone with these feelings. Firstly, congratulations for going out, you really are on the road to recovery, even though you don't see it yet. I have had severe bouts of agorophobia for many years (56 allows for lots of years lol) Up until recently this time has been the worst, 3 years of it. I know what you mean about feeling panic after you have pushed yourself, it still happens to me sometimes. I think that in our subconscious and conscious mind, we know we are having to make an effort to be out. We use up all our reserves acheiving the 'big steps'. When we get home, we can go ohhhhhhhhh, I did it, but our mental, and perhaps physical strength has been depleted. Our brain gets muddled,again!!!! and goes back to it's same old pattern.
I wonder if smaller steps, to start with, might be more helpful. Also Asda is not really much of a pleasure, is it? I only go to places I like to start with. I don't stay too long. I build from there and always reward myself with something I enjoy afterwards. Being female, it's usually shoes!!!! which is a complete joke really as I buy ones that I can't walk in, but ohhh they are soooo nice.
Even a trip to the bookshop is great for me, I feel like a kid in a sweet shop.
I believe with every illness we get the ups and downs. I am certain that if you don't push yourself too far beyond your comfort zone, it will widen faster than if you try to blast your way through it.
If you had broken your leg, you would go very easy on it to start with and work gently on it until it is healed. Same with our minds. Be firm but gentle on yourself. You will get there and don't worry, it is normal. Oh and by the way, take me with you next time you go to Asda, you can stop me having a massive panic attack in front of everyone. Good Luck. Carol xx

[ricric]

Hi Gregor. did you tell yourself just how proud you was for the Bus trip?.....If you did`nt I think you should, A big well done from me....what a massive acheivment!!:yesyes:

I have good days and bad days now...Mre good days to be honest!.. I get a bit down when i have a bad day but, I know I will be getting good days again! You have a had a good day, have faith you will have many more. Take a breathe and thank yourself.:shades:

Celo:)

[groovygranny]

Hello Gregor!

First things first - WELL DONE for your achievements ( I counted six!) !!

This is only my personal opinion, so I could quite well be wrong, but I think your bad effects when you get home may just be due to the excess adrenalin in your system?

We all need adrenalin to function, so it's possible that because of your monumental efforts you may be producing over and above what you need to fulfill them?

I'd give yourself a pat on the back and say, ok I may feel a bit lousy when I get home but I won't allow that to rob me of my success!

Keep on keeping on!

:hugs::hugs:

[ItWillPass]

Gregor
I could have written your post myself. In fact, I was about to, before I saw yours. Yesterday I had a ton of acomplishments. I had a packed day. I started out going shoping in the morning, then I had to go to a bridal shower for my new sister in law, then I had to take my son to the mall for his first hair cut, then we had a birthday party for him at our house... It was really just non stop. I was so tired at the end of the day, but so proud of myself for acomplishing everything. Anyway--this morning I feel terrible. I am very dizzy and shaky. I feel like my head is foggy. I also was feeling discouraged. Why do I have to pay like this for pushing myself??? I guess it is normal to feel this way, which makes it a little better. I was worried it was because of some terrible disease I have as opposed to anxiety. I am not sure, but I suspect recovery will come from not feeling discouraged by set backs, and just accepting them.

[Gregor]

Hi,

Thanks for your replies.

I do think i pushed a little to hard, especially with the Asda trip. After the first bus trip i was so happy and started planning in my head all the different places i could go by bus.

When i went to Asda, i think i should have perhaps just gone for a short while (not the hour or so i was there), then come back by car instead of bus. I tried to pack too much in when i wasn't ready i think.

I'm continuiing with my attempts at recovery. I've not yet been put off by the little setbacks and have been out a few times since. Nothing big, but i have to keep going out to aid my progress.

Gregor

[Frankie23]

Maybe your just doing to much to soon.

Have you got a friend who could accompany you on the drive maybe just to have a conversation to distract you from the general anxieties? x

[Gregor]

more ups and downs!

yesterday, i had an appointment with the mental health department. I decided to go by bus. It was a 45 minute bus journey there and the same back, with my appointment in between. I was absolutely fine, nothing bad whatsover happened and i felt fantastic. Afterwards, i couldn't have been happier, i never even had many anxiety effects either.

today, though, i went shopping. didn't go by bus this time and just went round the shop for about 15 minutes. By the end, i was getting in a really bad way and by the time i got home i felt so bad. So, all day today i've been just trying to recover, lying down not being able to do anything. It's made me really depressed again.

I know i should think about the positives i had yesterday, but today has totally blotted that out.

[groovygranny]

Hi Gregor!

Great news about your appointment :) but sorry about your day today.

Look, it really is very difficult sometimes to focus on the positives and it will take time - but try and look at it this way.

When you left your house for the shops, did you lock your front door or did you leave it open?

Chances are you locked it - because that is an automatic reaction to leaving your house.

Just so with the positive thoughts - keep thinking them until they become automatic, then the negatives can't come in and steal your valuables!

Take care

:hugs::hugs: