View Full Version : Silent treatment
I'm on the verge of ordering Xanax online.
I'm getting sudden silent treatment from my ex, he knows I hate being ignored.
He chose to remain friends, whilst I really didn't want to but when I pulled away he cried and I felt bad, he's done this more than once. We spoke pretty regularly but I knew he was angry at me (the break up which was my fault, he ended it).
He is super helpful with everyone but me, and some of these people did him bad, but I'm the first person he asks when he wants money and favours. He would shout at me and get nasty if we had a conversation and my opinion differed. Now he's just cut off, at first I assumed he wanted space, I said I'd give it to him, he said that wasn't the case and spoke called daily, then pulled away again, he said he was going away and I said I wouldn't message him whilst he was gone, I messaged him saying safe journey as I would to anyone. He messaged me whilst he was away, I said I wasn't going to respond after that. He called when he got back and sounded manic, he has bi polar disorder, then again a few days later being sexual but it was aggressive and I felt uncomfortable. Then he really started the silent treatment, I ask him why and he'll say he's busy after pretending he hadn't seen the message for ages(this is via whatsapp), he'll read my message and then not respond, then I'll ask why and he says he's busy (he has a part time job), I asked if he was seeing someone or if he was angry, he just said he was busy, I asked if he was depressed and if I annoy him, he just said I don't annoy him at all. He called again and as he usually does basically told me he had other things to do so he couldn't talk long but then spoke over an hour. I then messaged him again and now he's pretending he hasn't read it over 24hrs later. I can't deal with this, on top family issues and the heatwave making me a billion times more anxious than usual.
I'm soooo anxious, my OCD is coming back from my teenage years.
I feel like he's playing games to punish me but he won't admit it. I've had to second guess everything since the break up. If I get anything out of him it's when I get tired and want to leave, he'll bring up stuff from his past, cry, self harm and even threatened suicide.
Is he punishing me? Is it the bi polar?
An "ex" is an "ex" for a reason(s). and from what I just read, cutting off all ties seems like it would be beneficial. In fact, based on what you wrote from his behavior, if you went silent, I'd place a bet he'd contact you within a week. Frankly, I think he's just manipulating you. If it were me (and I've been with some doozies in my time) I'd cut off all ties, block numbers etc. There's enough drama in the world. Who needs it from an "ex"?
Positive thoughts
Mindprison
26-06-18, 22:43
An "ex" is an "ex" for a reason(s). and from what I just read, cutting off all ties seems like it would be beneficial. In fact, based on what you wrote from his behavior, if you went silent, I'd place a bet he'd contact you within a week. Frankly, I think he's just manipulating you. If it were me (and I've been with some doozies in my time) I'd cut off all ties, block numbers etc. There's enough drama in the world. Who needs it from an "ex"?
Positive thoughts
Agreed. In my experience its extremely difficult if not impossible to have a friendship with someone you were once intimate with.
A clean break followed by sone time spent recovering and you'll be better in no time. Keeping him in your life is likely to keep old wounds open and by the sounds of it, creating new ones as well.
Cut all contact and focus on yourself for the time being.
MyNameIsTerry
27-06-18, 04:58
It is possible to remain friends or at least be on friendly terms with an ex. I had to with one since we worked together. But I think in my case it was more growing apart and there was no animosity by either of us. She ended it and I think I realised, probably without fully working it out as I put my energies into my friends, what she had already. I harboured no ill feelings for the dumping. The dynamic has to change though or you just end up stepping over lines.
But if there have been problems prior to the end or the end had been messy leaving animosity then it's going to be very hard to remain friends and distance may be more appropriate since it's more important to move on.
With your ex it seems there were issues within the relationship where he treated you poorly and took you for granted to bail him out but what did he give in return? So it does sound like his old ways are just continuing now.
When he doesn't respond, do you really care if you get an answer? Shouldn't you not care? Or is it that you worry about his bipolar?
Is/has there ever been a risk of self harm? Is his bipolar stable? Does he have friends & family who should be taking over that role from you?
I ask because I question whether you are just a caring person who still wants to ensure your ex is safe? Can or would he take advantage of your nature?
It's clearly impacting on your own mental health and something needs to change here because he's no longer able to have the same expectations as before.
Thanks for the replies guys.
Fishmanpa and Mindprison, I know now that I have to cut all ties. It's the only option for me now. I guess I felt guilty being the cause of the break up and it gave him the upper hand and he has really taken advantage of that. I told him that he knows he has a hold over me and he went silent and half denied it.
I'd gotten used to a norm of us talking most mornings and then he just changed, but it's the way he's done it, I find that's the intended malice in it which he denies. I do think he's being manipulative but I don't understand why even if he is punishing me.
Terry, I thought we managed to be okay but I suspected that he was bubbling under the surface. I didn't think he'd do this, on one hand it's so childish and on the other it's dark and cruel. If I knew what was on his mind, I'd feel a lot better but maybe that's the point, I'm not supposed to.
I'm definitely not the innocent party as far as the relationship goes, I unmaliciously screwed up and I feel like he's taking everything bad that everyone has done to him out on me whilst smiling in my face. Telling me to calm down when I rightfully get upset.
I do care if I get an answer as I would with anything because it's plain rude to ignore somebodies message. No one is too busy to text. He knows that how I will feel about getting ignored, he has anxiety too, when he needed money and he text me (after we broke up) and I didn't see the message straight away he called me. He doesn't like it either. I'm a little bit worried about his bi polar in case he's struggling as I know he gets withdrawn but he made a point of calling when he was sleeping on his friends sofa.
He let slip that he would never have actually committed suicide which made me get angry as he used that to keep me in a relationship but to make himself feel better about it. He has 2 really good friends who he ditched for me and I had to make him make the effort to talk to them, and after we broke up he returned to them, same with his family who have basically screwed him up. Now he immerses himself in them, which is fine but it shows how he uses people, picks them up and drops them, but he's never played games with anyone like he is to me.
He knows that I still very much care for him and love him, he's taking advantage of it, every time I pull away, he pulls me in though but now he's doing this, it's a head trip.
I don't know but no disrespect to anyone on here I basically think the majority of people suck big time they look after number 1 and don't give 2 hoots I know I have known quite a few like that. But agree it's often difficult to remain friends (with some one who you had a relationship with) Some times the only way is to cut your losses hard yes but it has to be done :) ATB
Thanks Bigboyuk, I think I'm going to let him know exactly how I feel and then block him because this is actually pathetic and childish. I read that silent treatment makes the victims brain think it's physical pain and I have had physical symptoms of this. I'm so over this now, I've had abuse before, I don't need more.
Thanks Bigboyuk, I think I'm going to let him know exactly how I feel and then block him because this is actually pathetic and childish. I read that silent treatment makes the victims brain think it's physical pain and I have had physical symptoms of this. I'm so over this now, I've had abuse before, I don't need more. You are welcome stay_gold for me it doesn't cause physical pain but emotional pain, totally agree hun tell him how you feel don't listen to his charm be strong then block, life is way to short for this crap And yes I have suffered mental abuse lots in my life so know how you feel. Stay strong:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
28-06-18, 05:11
It sounds like he is far from alone and had support without you feeling you have to be there just in case. So is easier to cut ties.
Regardless of what he is feeling it doesn't mean he can take all his troubles out on you but it's what often happens initially as I'm sure you know. This will hopefully calm down but to be honest it doesn't sound like you need him in your life anyway since he leans on you to bail him out.
It seems sensible to cut ties to me. Regardless of what has happened your mental health is being affected and you need to prioritise yourself. He finished it and if you dint want him back that's all there is too it and other than explain your reasons there doesn't seem much else left.
I wondered about not getting a reply because it bothers a lot of people. It used to bother me but I've learned to shrug it off and accept I can't do much admit it so why bother wasting my time in it. Given you mentioned OCD I was questioning whether there may be some focus on the replies so that you feel you can't just let it go e.g. phone checking, further messaging, sitting playing possible reasons in your mind due to lack of response, etc. If so, these are things that can be worked on to reduce their impact on you and if it increases your anxiety.
I might be wrong there but I wondered because obsessive-compulsive cycles around the replies are only going to make you feel worse, which I'm sure you know.
Bigboyuk I messaged him and told him what I thought about it all and blocked him straight after I sent the message. I feel like crap tbh.
Terry, with the replies. He knows that I generally find it rude if you don't reply to a message, especially if it's a question, I've messaged 'how are you?' And got not response but 2 blue ticks appeared showing he'd read it. It shows that he is being disrespectful and playing games with me and it's very frustrating, he used aggression beforehand to make me fall in line which I did. He knows exactly what he's doing but acts clueless when I confront. I feel like he wants me to suffer. He wants me to wonder what he's doing when he's ignoring me, he knows my fears but he gets a kick and the OCD comes in because I'm now touching things a certain amount of times and saying things a certain amount of times if I feel I do something that will bring on bad karma, and I haven't done that in years.
Bigboyuk I messaged him and told him what I thought about it all and blocked him straight after I sent the message. I feel like crap tbh.
Terry, with the replies. He knows that I generally find it rude if you don't reply to a message, especially if it's a question, I've messaged 'how are you?' And got not response but 2 blue ticks appeared showing he'd read it. It shows that he is being disrespectful and playing games with me and it's very frustrating, he used aggression beforehand to make me fall in line which I did. He knows exactly what he's doing but acts clueless when I confront. I feel like he wants me to suffer. He wants me to wonder what he's doing when he's ignoring me, he knows my fears but he gets a kick and the OCD comes in because I'm now touching things a certain amount of times and saying things a certain amount of times if I feel I do something that will bring on bad karma, and I haven't done that in years. You Had to do what was necessary, and now you feel crap (because you blocked him) I have had that with the 2 blue ticks but look at the time stamp when it was actually read to find that out simply put your finger on the message and hold it there till you get some icons on top of the screen you will see a 'i' icon in a circle click on that and it will show you the time/date it was delivered.Cause I have had that and think hang on they last seen online yesterday and yet I sent message today for eg and it's just been read, so it could be a problem else where. Yes some people do enjoy seeing other people stressed they are low and vile in my book. Think you have done the right thing :) Move on from it ATB
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.