JooneBug37
30-06-18, 03:37
It’s the summer again. It’s the time when I can finally relax again. Unfortunately, my OCD has better ideas. In the past fe days, I’ve been obsessing over a thought I had about cannibalism. I had a fear about cannibalism before, but I soon got over it. But now it’s the summer, where I don’t need to do anything. Which gives my brain a lot of time to think about my thoughts. I once heard that if I felt “pleasure” from a thought, it wasn’t an intrusive one, so now I test myself every time to see if I feel pleasure. What really scares me is that I really feel like I want to now. I don’t feel much disgust from the thought (though that’s probably because of desensitization) and I feel like I want to bite people on certain parts of their body (cheeks, arms, legs). I’ve always felt curious about cannibalism, a topic that really scared and disgusted me. Scary and disturbing things seem to attract me (judging by the scary movies I watch). Wait, doesn’t that mean I want to cannibalize someone? As if that wasn’t enough stress, today I was walking along when I saw a little boy. My brain, which was worrying about cannibalism, instantly thought: I shoudl eat him! The scary thing was though, I felt pleasure from the thought. I didn’t feel pleasure from the thought of actually doing it, but I think I felt pleasure from the concept of it. My brain kept thinking about why I felt this way. Was it due to my morbid curiosity? My attraction to scary things. I’m really panicked right now. My brain also really hurts from thinking too much. By the way, does anyone else feel certain symptoms with their anxiety. I feel dizziness, lack of hunger and weariness. But my brain thinks so much sbout this I can’t sleep. So any response would be welcome, and can anyone give me tips on how to go through the summer without having to deal with anxiety. That would be helpful. Also, if I do turn out to be a cannibal, can anyone tell me where I can get treatment?