Screaming Panic Attacks

[GiantMogwai]

Anyone ever had screaming panic attacks?

[ana]

You mean screaming whilst having a panic attack? As in screaming from terror and fear? If so, then yes, especially when I had my first few attacks and didn't know what they were.

[GiantMogwai]

About 20 attacks in public over last 2 years - momentary confusion then falling to the floor in a ball and screaming for 10-15 minutes. Happens when trapped, in crowds, confused, can't make sense of what is going on around me, often after some form of confrontation, sometimes when that confrontation has resolved. Sometimes in response to a movement, or something in the corner of my eye. Feels like emotional and sensory overload. Worse when i am tired or there have been other difficult situations throughout the day. People try to help so far - they hold me - feels worse - i feel violated. For next few weeks I have a couple of nightmares where i relive that sort of experience except people are mean and kick me or shout at me whilst i'm in ball screaming. First time it happened to me was on SSRIs. Have been off them for 8 months now.

---------- Post added at 14:30 ---------- Previous post was at 14:20 ----------

It feels like my brain has learnt a new pathway to not release emotional responses gradually but to wait until everything is too much and then release like a kettle going off. It has happened at home about 30+ times too - maybe way more - usually when I am overwhelmed with things changing around me or what is going on in the day. I used to also get this regularly first thing Saturday morning when i woke up like i was holding together during the week and then the kettle boils on the weekend when i can release. Really debilitating as if i overextend on CBT exposure therapy for dealing with panic and agoraphobia symptoms this kind of attack does and will happen. My body is left bruised, my throat hoarse, and i have a headache for days, plus in last week i had this in front of neighbours. I get so scared when it is happening because i can hear some people calling ambulance and that would be worst thing, with people touching me and invading my space. They say with panic it is fear about what might happen - not for me - it's cumulative experience about all the horrible things that have happened. The world is just terrifying to me. It sucks.

---------- Post added at 14:39 ---------- Previous post was at 14:30 ----------

I'm trapped in my home at the moment. There is a big event here for 2 weeks with crowds of people going up and down the street that is my only way out. I can't handle it - too much noise - too many people. I've booked a taxi to work for 2 weeks to bypass the crowds but I am so wound up and tired that i fear i'll have an attack in the taxi. Real odds of that happening are 50/50. I couldn't get to the shops today because of crowds and yesterday when crowds were less had to take huge detour to get medication. My other half is away this weekend to get some headspace - my choice - she offered to stay but i don't want her to suffer also. My local Council won't do anything to help. I might lose my job if i don't handle this right - i'll probably need to take 2 weeks holiday last minute - but i'm scared if i don't sleep in my own bed - something is going to have to give. I'm utterly terrified and not enough stuff in fridge to eat healthily which isn't helping. Will probably phone for pizza. One of those times a person just needs to buckle down, prioritise, and make difficult decisions. Very terrifying.

---------- Post added at 14:50 ---------- Previous post was at 14:39 ----------

Psychiatrist has asked about anti-psychotics but for me it's not me that is the problem it is the world or at least my near environment. People like my Council just let things happen. They are such short term thinkers and they don't think of the knock on effects. Where i live there are now more people than ten years ago and the pavements are narrower rather than wider. That just doesn't make sense. Every official document I read says my Council should be doing something about this but they don't, and the more people, the more houses, the more construction sites, the less space, the more dogs, the smaller the shops, the more dysfunctional the shop checkout systems, the smaller the pavements. It's messed up like some sort of world run by lunatics. I feel like some eskimo that is being overwhelmed by the encroachment of civilisation. Noise from mobile phones freaks me out also - i need a time machine back to the 80s. Lol. :)

[ana]

I understand what you're going through... sounds like sensory overstimulation. I get that a lot too, but I've learnt how to cope with it. Just focus on one thing at a time, or on one sense at a time, and give it your full attention. Don't let your thoughts run away with you. Give your mind something to do, a creative outlet, or do some physical exercise, anything to occupy yourself.
Feel better :hugs:

[GiantMogwai]

Thanks Ana. Appreciate your reply. :)

[ana]

Please, just keep trying to keep busy and it will eventually become easier for you to relax. I remember a time when I couldn't sit down and watch TV and just relax without panicking. I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I've learnt to keep calm even when my mind has nothing to do. For the moment, though, practice mindfulness and remember that DP/DR is just an anxiety sensation.

[GiantMogwai]

Sadly Ana there is no peace where I am. If i was in the country I'd go and sit on a bench by a stream and get some peace. No peace here. Never. It's like repeated metaphorical jabs in the ribs every few minutes. Repeated sensory assault.

When i was off work from anxiety a few years ago, they said find something you like doing. I could do that. Something small like walking in the park or doing a bit of painting. Now though being in this city is like being in a torture chamber - like being in a cell with someone flicking the lights on and off repeatedly and banging on a metal door with a metal hammer to try and break me.

If i go to the country i fear someone with a mobile phone who feels they have to capture, broadcast, invade, share - that artificial crackling from a phone that sounds in the distance like some sort of machine dying - it's like living in a world full of demented paparazzi - this world is sick.

---------- Post added at 15:55 ---------- Previous post was at 15:40 ----------

It's actually funny that if you Google "fear of mobile phones", you get far more results for fear of being without a mobile phone than anything else. Typical.

I don't begrudge people their own habits, just not when they impact on other people.

[ana]

I live in a city too. It's possible to get some peace if you put on a pair of headphones, dim the lights, just enjoy the quiet for a bit? Why not switch your phone off for an hour or two each day?

Sadly, you can't change the world we live in. You can only adapt to it and learn how to feel good in it. :)

[GiantMogwai]

Different city and I'm guessing you don't live next to a train track with a train sending noise and vibrations through your house every 5-10 mins every day for 20 hours each day.

I wear ear plugs in the house from time to time but there is mostly always some form of noise. I'm also very sensitive to movement. Even people walking across the street hurt me if they swing their arms about too much. It's like sensory assault.

In the winter it is quieter but even then I will sleep with earplugs and a woolly hat covering my ears, and diazepam if necessary.

If I listen to music too much I start crying. It gets me over stimulated.

I can enjoy some silence sometimes but it is so rare to get it here. I think we will move eventually as can't handle this anymore.

---------- Post added at 20:27 ---------- Previous post was at 20:15 ----------

I will try your suggestion though. :)

[JasonB2]

Had also problems with 'panic attacks'

All are gone now and it never even was my own fault :D
clarity-of-being.org
Might be challenging, but these answers are truly self empowering and not just playing around :D
And you will be one of the VERY few people that got to deeper understadning of all this
All the best

[GiantMogwai]

I also can relax a little with some TV programs.

[ana]

There you go, you can create your own little peace oasis. :) Anything that helps you relax is worth doing more of. It'll become easier in time, I promise.

[GiantMogwai]

I spoke to Counsellor today. She said most of my recent problems seem to be to do with where I live. Maybe time to think about moving. :)