Rosie2727
01-07-18, 13:22
Hi everyone, I’m new to this and found you by chance when googling symptoms!
This year has been my worse year ever. My adored Mum died suddenly aged just 66 of a heart attack 6 months ago. To say I’m devastated is an understatement. I adored her and she was my best friend as well as my mum. I saw her every day.
I thought I was doing ok with my grief. I saw a counsellor who dredged up things from my childhood that I’d rather she hadn’t, but still felt as if I was coping. About a month ago I felt my anxieties going out of control. I was convinced every ailment I had was going to kill me. I googled until the cows came home! I couldn’t cope with home life (I have a husband and two children), I wanted to escape, run away from the pain and anxiety. So I did something beyond stupid. I met up with someone and we ended up in bed. I wanted to escape everything. I’ve never ever done anything like this in the 30 years I’ve been with my husband. It was a very brief encounter as I totally freaked out when I realised what I was doing. I had a clarity moment! But stupidly it wasn’t before we’d incredibly briefly done the deed....without a condom! He didn’t ejaculate and it was literally a few minutes or so before I suddenly realised how stupid I was and how much I loved my family and how I just wanted to be with them. The guy was lovely about everything. He too was married and looking for escapism. But I do think he’s done this before! I asked him to take an hiv Test as I know
I’m clean and he has and he’s waiting for the results. Probably Tuesday or Wednesday next week. But of course I have convinced myself I have hiv and totally ruined everyone’s lives. I’ve made myself ill with worry. I’m typing this from my bed as I feel sick, upset stomach headache. Sorry if I’ve overshared but I just don’t have any where to turn right now. I feel like a terrible person and I will be infected with hiv or an sti as my punishment. 😢
This year has been my worse year ever. My adored Mum died suddenly aged just 66 of a heart attack 6 months ago. To say I’m devastated is an understatement. I adored her and she was my best friend as well as my mum. I saw her every day.
I thought I was doing ok with my grief. I saw a counsellor who dredged up things from my childhood that I’d rather she hadn’t, but still felt as if I was coping. About a month ago I felt my anxieties going out of control. I was convinced every ailment I had was going to kill me. I googled until the cows came home! I couldn’t cope with home life (I have a husband and two children), I wanted to escape, run away from the pain and anxiety. So I did something beyond stupid. I met up with someone and we ended up in bed. I wanted to escape everything. I’ve never ever done anything like this in the 30 years I’ve been with my husband. It was a very brief encounter as I totally freaked out when I realised what I was doing. I had a clarity moment! But stupidly it wasn’t before we’d incredibly briefly done the deed....without a condom! He didn’t ejaculate and it was literally a few minutes or so before I suddenly realised how stupid I was and how much I loved my family and how I just wanted to be with them. The guy was lovely about everything. He too was married and looking for escapism. But I do think he’s done this before! I asked him to take an hiv Test as I know
I’m clean and he has and he’s waiting for the results. Probably Tuesday or Wednesday next week. But of course I have convinced myself I have hiv and totally ruined everyone’s lives. I’ve made myself ill with worry. I’m typing this from my bed as I feel sick, upset stomach headache. Sorry if I’ve overshared but I just don’t have any where to turn right now. I feel like a terrible person and I will be infected with hiv or an sti as my punishment. 😢