Update on Anxiety and self: [Archive]

LouiseAndy

01-07-18, 18:00

So basically on Friday night I broke down. My Mam took me to the South Doc (like a urgent gp). He felt me out. Shrugged saying he didn't know why I had all this stuff going on but he didn't think it was much. Like I haven't had any nosebleeds in days! The headache is mainly gone. I'm still dealing with the stuff on the right side, ear pressue/pain, jaw/teeth/neck (imaged not feel around for lumps but oh boy is it hard. I try sitting in my hands to stop myself) pain. I'm trying to believe they will go away in their own time.

The urgent doctor was amazing?? He asked me if I was nervous person and I told him I have anxiety and other issues that I had been digasonsed with in therapy. He spent 15 minutes talking to me about mental health. After I told my Mam this. She and me talked for ages about everything and anything about mental health and not. We decided it would be best to go to my gp this week and tell her I'm willing to go for private therapy session (as I'm not able to see my regular therapist until the college term starts again).

So why I won't lie. I'm still kinda worried about all the stuff happening on the right side on my face I'm going to do my best to take the first step forward and move along. Not always thinking about some awful cancer or illness.

I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who's listened to me on this website. Especially those who really took the time to speak to me privately about a issue.

Today is also my birthday! Exactly one year after my major break down. So while I might be in a bad place right now. It won't last forever. I was good for awhile! I can get help and get back at it again.

pulisa

01-07-18, 19:28

Happy Birthday, Louise!! You CAN get help and get better! Now you have a plan you will feel more determined and focussed on getting better with your family and friends' support of course xx

LouiseAndy

01-07-18, 20:34

Happy Birthday, Louise!! You CAN get help and get better! Now you have a plan you will feel more determined and focussed on getting better with your family and friends' support of course xx

Thank you so much for replying! I'm doing my best to stay postive not freak out all the time. Doing CBT worksheets and all that! I do have moments of panic like what if it hurts because of this sinister reason!! But I try to make myself talk myself around it! Fingers crossed I am right it's nothing serious (it propaly isn't!)

Thank you for the birthday wish! Already hit 22! :D

Scass

01-07-18, 21:00

Happy Birthday!
I’m glad you are feeling so positive, and that you had such a good chat with your Mum. Remember this feeling, and remember what the doctor said.

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LouiseAndy

01-07-18, 21:42

Happy Birthday!
I’m glad you are feeling so positive, and that you had such a good chat with your Mum. Remember this feeling, and remember what the doctor said.

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Thank you!! I'm doing my best. I still have moments where I want to Google everything but without googling I can't already tell its going to give me some horrible cancer or something! So no point in even looking and freaking myself out. Like I am going to chat to her about this but mainly its for my mental being. It's important to work on it. I was miserable for most of my 21st year so I'm going to do my best in my 22nd!

LouiseAndy

02-07-18, 21:38

Think I might have spoken to soon yesterday... Last night and today have not been great. Physically I felt awful, I can't even describe how bad I felt while I was trying to sleep. My heart felt strange and my body ached so badly... My mind was all over the place.

Today my body ahced again with that right side of the face thing super bad. I'm not going to make a list but I did do some CBT work!

Like for example my neck hurts so badly and my mind jumped to cancers! Tumors! Horribleness. I'm also sweating really badly at night and I want to feel around my neck so badly but I'm doing what my therapist said and sitting on my hands to stop myself. I also feel like I'm so distance from reality and I feel so forgetful. Also earlier today I got a pain between my shoulders, mid back area. It hurts and can be sharp. It's still causing me some panic now- but I can a chest x-ray a few months back so trying to be calm.

But I took the write to write out my fears and how impossible they might not be. I've listed time and time again all the tests I've had here and there's no point in doing it again! So I tried to help myself understand why I was feeling so bad without panicking to much! Like maybe I was so bad last night because we have insane heat here in Ireland at the moment (I'm carrying a bit of weight) and I'm also on my period so that makes me feel kinda strange. It helped a little bit and I'm staying away from Google and looking up other people stories!!

I'm doing my best to be postive! I called my gp office today and they are calling me with a appointment time tomorrow!

LouiseAndy

03-07-18, 22:52

So! Not going to dwell on this to much. Still have a lot of the physical stuff! But my wonderful, amazing gp called me today and she shed made a appoiment for a therapist for me on Friday.

I hope everyone is doing okay!

---------- Post added at 22:37 ---------- Previous post was at 19:51 ----------

Also: Another update (Positive I swear!) I've rejoined the gym! I used to lots of sports when I was younger, swimming and horse-back riding mainly but I have to give them both up to a back-issue. I'm going to through myself into the positive of working out again. Both for my metal state and physical state. My Mam is joining with me, my sister is getting married later this year. So it's going to be nice going with someone.

Like I said already physical not great but mentally slightly on the up? I don't want to speak to soon of course! Trying not to worry to much. I was a bit pressured about not seeing the gp anymore. Yet I remind myself that a doctor did look at me, I've had lots of tests done. (Gotta stop doing the whole they never checked here tho!! Anxiety).

---------- Post added at 22:52 ---------- Previous post was at 22:37 ----------

Also, I did have a worry about HPV and all those cancer being linked to my constant issues (already talked about them) since I have (tmi) oral sex without a condom with my boyfriend. Yet my sister said to me, that I got the vaccine in school (The HPV Vaccine that's given as part of the cervical cancer, so I think it covers some of the other stuff!) so she didn't think that was possible. Shows what anxiety can do :doh:

LouiseAndy

04-07-18, 21:10

I just finished my first session at the gym! It was... A experience. There was the feeling of everyone looking at me and judging me but I manged not to run out of the place! It was a little worrying to someone who's had heart anxiety before seeing their heart rate up at 150/170 constantly.

My body also felt kinda strange all weak and floppy at times. My head also feels strange now. Like I've got a lot of tension especially around and behind the nose area (as well as all that stuff I was complaining about before also still going on.)

I would kinda ask for some support. That I'm over reacting about the body stuff. I am unfit and kinda over weight but I did have some heart stuff done back in February (some type of bloods and a like some type of best where the check the results of the activity of my heart.) I don't want to give up on this out of fear.

LouiseAndy

05-07-18, 20:32

I have my therapist appointment tomorrow evening, which I'm kinda nervous about but I'm looking forward to taking the step forward!

I'm having a bit of a issues with looking for lumps again, like I'm looking for a sinister contention between everything but I keep using reasoning about tests and the urgent care doctor and stuff.

---------- Post added at 20:32 ---------- Previous post was at 19:39 ----------

I can't stop thinking about how when I was pressing and feeling around the area under my chin/long the bottom of my jaw/top right side of my neck where I'm having most of the issues seems to be lumpy or harder then the left side? Of course since this is the side with all my issues it's causing me some distress which is silly. I can't keep sitting here like "they never checked this area!!" it's exhausting. Yet I can't stop thinking about it or wanting to touch it. I looked in the mirror and I can't see any viable mass or they it looks fuller on that side or is that my mind playing tricks on me.

I also felt exhausted today even tho I didn't do much. I'm hoping it's just the heat and stuff. I'm trying to sit on my hands now and stop searching as much for lumps or uneven areas.

Fishmanpa

05-07-18, 20:41

LouiseAndy

05-07-18, 22:42

When you see your therapist, be sure to mention your participation on the forum, listing every niggle causes you to dwell on it more and reassurance seeking will hinder your recovery.

Positive thoughts

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'll defo bring this thread to my therapist appointment tomorrow. I suppose I'm at a place now in my mind where I'm finding it hard to push apart what's something to worry about and what is. When it's probably nothing. I just can't understand what's causing it but me dwelling on it, is probably whats making it worse.

Like, if you go looking for lumps you'll probably find them. Waiting everyday to see something looking different or feeling different. Like the fact it seems harder to me on the right could be wrong and I'm just looking for links.

pulisa

06-07-18, 08:13

LouiseAndy

06-07-18, 21:59

I don't think anyone giving you any more reassurance about your symptoms would be doing you any favours, LouiseAndy. I'm sure your therapist will agree when she's sees this thread.

I really hope that therapy will help you and all the very best for today. Remember that you've been checked out by doctors and they picked up on your HA.

Thank you for taking the time to reply! :D:D:D

I had my therapy session today, it was intense but it's a step forward! I did talk to them about this thread. They told me I have to be my own back-up and we'll work on that together as it can be easier said then done.

I also went to the gym today afterwards then letting myself get over drawn by how intense the session was. While I'm still dwelling on the physical a bit (if I'm being honest). I'm going to put my best foot forward and work towards a positive out-look.

Scass

06-07-18, 22:23

Brilliant that you’re talking positive- even if you don’t always feel it. Little steps forward [emoji846]

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LouiseAndy

07-07-18, 19:48

Brilliant that you’re talking positive- even if you don’t always feel it. Little steps forward [emoji846]

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Thank you for taking the time to reply! :D I'm trying to keep up the positive vibe and stuff. I went to the gym again today and went swimming afterwards. You know trying to follow that whole health mind, health body thing! I'm also working on some projects the therapist gave me. :D

Trying not to worry about all the feelings and not allowing myself to look for any lumps and stuff! You'll find something if you look!

Scass

07-07-18, 21:07

You will always find something if you look!
Great that you did so much todat.

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LouiseAndy

07-07-18, 22:56

You will always find something if you look!
Great that you did so much todat.

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Thank you once again for the reply!
My body is aching all over the place but it's nice to know for once it's from getting a good work out then worrying about a heart issues or another list of sinister things! :D

kay1218

07-07-18, 23:14

I am new to this website, found it today. I love it! I just read this and i am so happy that you’re doing better (although not perfectly fine). I struggle with anxiety and panic disorder, mainly health anxiety! It always helps me to see people getting better. I also love your positivity!!

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LouiseAndy

07-07-18, 23:38

[QUOTE=kay1218;1805150]I am new to this website, found it today. I love it! I just read this and i am so happy that you’re doing better (although not perfectly fine). I struggle with anxiety and panic disorder, mainly health anxiety! It always helps me to see people getting better. I also love your positivity!!

Thank you so much! Reading this comment meant so much to me (all comments do). Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm still having lots of ups and downs with my health. I'm also dealing with some other issues, but it's been a tear of misery so I'm really trying to move forward. Honestly thank you so much for this. I hope you find peace and help! I truly do.:hugs::D

kay1218

07-07-18, 23:39

LouiseAndy

08-07-18, 20:39

[QUOTE=LouiseAndy;1805158]

I’m not sure how this website works exactly yet but if there is a way you can reach out to me one on one you can ALWAYS feel free!!

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Thank you so much hun! It was lovely to come home from work and see this. After having a bit of a rough day! I'm always here if you want a chat also :hugs:

kay1218

08-07-18, 20:40

[QUOTE=kay1218;1805159]

Thank you so much hun! It was lovely to come home from work and see this. After having a bit of a rough day! I'm always here if you want a chat also :hugs:

Not sure if it would help or hurt but if it would help you could check out some of my posts and see if you relate... anxiety can feel so lonely if u think ur the only one feeling the way you feel

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LouiseAndy

09-07-18, 18:19

[QUOTE=LouiseAndy;1805383]

Not sure if it would help or hurt but if it would help you could check out some of my posts and see if you relate... anxiety can feel so lonely if u think ur the only one feeling the way you feel

Thank you hun

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---------- Post added at 18:19 ---------- Previous post was at 18:16 ----------

Today really not been a good day. I've been in a strange mindset all day. My body just felt strange and I'm back to feeling dizzy and off balance again like I used too. My vision also feels strange and my old friend! Heart worries is back. I'm not sure if this from the gym or what.

Like the weather has been hot and humid in Ireland but today I've just been covered in sweet and I wasn't able to work out because my body just felt so strange and my mind was freaking out about my heart and I felt like I was going to drop at any moment.

I'm so frustrated at myself for this. I want to get better. I'm doing everything in my power. I'm not googling anymore and I do t read other people threads to freak me out. I know I shouldn't be listing things here but I just feel so alone and like my heart or mind is going to give out any minute.

Like I'm trying to remind myself I have a okay heart acitvey test in February and they did those f
Blood tests and everything was okay. I'm keep trying to remind myself all is okay and good but my body just feels so far from okay.

Scass

09-07-18, 18:27

All is ok.

Have you read any of the helpsheets on the site about symptoms and things to do when you’re panicking?

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LouiseAndy

09-07-18, 18:36

All is ok.

Have you read any of the helpsheets on the site about symptoms and things to do when you’re panicking?

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Thank you so much for replying. It means so much to me. I have, I've also tried using the methods my therapist gave me but everything's to much right now. I know I'm being dramaict and annoying. Like other have said if there was a real issues I wouldn't be posting here. But my mind can't settle and everything is scaring me. Jumping around to all awful ideas

Scass

09-07-18, 19:05

No it’s fine, I completely understand.
I remember trying to explain my anxiety to a counsellor, and saying that when I was in the spiral I just didn’t know how to make it stop. So I do know, and you’re not being annoying.

I can’t really remember how I got it to stop though. I started writing in a diary every day and started doing things to ground me in the moment: playing a game on my phone - my current favourite is called animal pairs, and it’s a match game. I also found the exercises where you find things, such as 5 things to touch 4 things to see 3 things to smell 2 things to hear and 1 thing to taste, very helpful. You can google grounding methods if you like.

Then I started listening to progressive muscle relaxation every day, and eventually it kicks in.

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pulisa

09-07-18, 19:22

My advice would be to say to your symptoms "do your worst, I don't care.."

Apathy regarding symptoms even boredom.."not this stuff again-yawn"

LouiseAndy

09-07-18, 21:01

@Scass @Pulisa Thank you both so, so much for your replys. It means so much to me to have people take the time to reply to me. My Mam saw me in my panic and brought me swimming to try and calm me down as it used to be a calming effect for me. I'm a little bit calmer now but I'm still very on edge and high strung.

Both you both so much for the advice, I'll definitely be following it. Its so nice having a outsides suggestions to me. It's like I have these huge panics or freaks out that I have all these sinister issues. Whenever that finally ends I start 5he thought process of why am I being so stupid and I attack myself for being like that. Like I'm trying to believe I'm okay physical but there always seems to be something and I'm really trying to stop and be postive but there's a never ending loop and I'm truly trying to change it. I just started therapy and hopefully I can get along with this.

pulisa

09-07-18, 21:07

I think you are trying too hard and this is just adding to the adrenaline being produced? Perhaps you need a bit of "meh...."therapy? Don't fight the symptoms...just let them happen?

LouiseAndy

09-07-18, 21:59

I think you are trying too hard and this is just adding to the adrenaline being produced? Perhaps you need a bit of "meh...."therapy? Don't fight the symptoms...just let them happen?

Thank you so much for the reply. You're propbaly right. I'm so focused on making things" better" it could have the opposite effect.

LouiseAndy

10-07-18, 18:45

Today I tried to take it easy, I didn't go to the gym. Giving my body a chance to rest. I tried being somewhat kind to myself. I used all the skin care stuff I haven't touched in ages. I also finally allowed myself to buy a replacement foundation since the one I brought two months ago was the wrong shade! So trying to do some of the self-care and stuff I talked to my therapist about! Since she said being so hard on yourself all the time won't lead to growth.

I'm still having some physical issues but I'm not even going to go into that. Just move on and just carrying on with the day. I think a big issue for that worry is that all of my family are going away for the weekend and I live in the country-side and not able to drive so I wouldn't be able to get help if something went wrong.

P.S I do have another therapy appointment next week! It's the soonest one I can have since she's a specialist it's harder to get appointments sooner.

pulisa

10-07-18, 19:32

Really glad to hear that you have done some "normal" stuff, Louise! Maybe you should think about treating yourself to a pampering session or something which you would find relaxing?

LouiseAndy

10-07-18, 19:58

Really glad to hear that you have done some "normal" stuff, Louise! Maybe you should think about treating yourself to a pampering session or something which you would find relaxing?

Thank you for the reply! :flowers:
I was thinking of maybe doing something like getting my nails done or something! I used to do it as a reward in college whenever I did well so I guess it was seems a positive reward!

pulisa

10-07-18, 20:24

LouiseAndy

10-07-18, 21:23

That sounds a really good idea-something just for you which would make you feel happy. You do deserve to treat yourself, Louise-especially now when your life is full of fear and worry. A treat would be the complete opposite to all the negative thoughts and fear of illness-and your therapist would be all in favour of it!!

Thank you so much once again, for the reply. My Mam was saying something like that today herself! Seems like some people are more clued into into then myself :doh:. Like today it's been hard enough not to focus on the negative thoughts/ all these strange things going on with my body. So maybe shifting towards something more positive could help change that mindset.

LouiseAndy

11-07-18, 22:12

Today has been rough. Mental and physical. There's some stuff starting to work it's way into the physical stuff that's really scaring me. I feel awful, things just get worse and worse. Yet I'm trying to be postive! I booked to get my nails done tomorrow and I have my appoiment on Monday. Trying to rule the other stuff down to some none sinister stuff but it's not always easy.

---------- Post added at 22:12 ---------- Previous post was at 21:12 ----------

I'm starting to get a sharp pain in my left temple and all the stuff going on the right side which is getting worse and more stuff going on. I'm starting to get scared.

Scass

11-07-18, 22:47

LouiseAndy

12-07-18, 14:29

What do you do at home to distract yourself? I know your concentration is probably all over the place. But sometimes the easiest way to relax is to trick yourself into it by distraction. I play games on my phone!

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Thank you so much for the reply once again :):). I used to find I could loss myself in reading very easily! But sadly I can't keep my mind on it anymore. I need to find a new outlet!
I woke up today feeling awful, I have the same feelings as I did before (I won't list them and go down that path) I got that awful headache and all those issues that freaked me out so badly last night. Instead of giving in. I got up and took some painkillers and went to my nail appoiment! So while I may not be feeling great physically as I type this. I am doing so with some great nails!

Scass

12-07-18, 15:28

Ha! At least your nails look brilliant. Well done for going [emoji4]. Keep on fighting the fear x

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LouiseAndy

12-07-18, 17:13

Ha! At least your nails look brilliant. Well done for going [emoji4]. Keep on fighting the fear x

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Thank you :)! I'm really doing my best, it's not always easy. Yet I'm trying to remind myself of the tests I have had, stop looking for the what ifs in everything. During the last year I've had a number of times, after one test was clear my mind jumps to the other.

Scass

12-07-18, 19:33

Yes, keep reminding yourself that the tests were good or clear, and of how you felt when they were.

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LouiseAndy

12-07-18, 21:45

Yes, keep reminding yourself that the tests were good or clear, and of how you felt when they were.

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I'm doing my best to fill my time with things! I feel my mind shifting towards a new worry about my eyes when I had a test done last year and just don't wear my glasses enough. Trying not to connect everything to much.

My two main family support and people who would actually bring me anywhere if something went wrong are gone.

---------- Post added at 21:37 ---------- Previous post was at 20:54 ----------

Does anyone have any tips on how to stay..together while your home alone? I'm going to be by myself from Friday-Sunday. I don't drive so I'm kinda trapped in the house. In the middle of no where and I'm scared of having some type of break down or something physical going wrong.

---------- Post added at 21:38 ---------- Previous post was at 21:37 ----------

Like, I don't want to make my Mam and sister worry about me. Since their going away to buy my Mam wedding outfit for my sister wedding and it's meant to be a special weekend for them. I don't want it to be ruined anyway by me.

---------- Post added at 21:45 ---------- Previous post was at 21:38 ----------

Like I'm already getting nervous which I know is only adding to it and I'm trying to calm myself. Saying that the strange feelings in my chest is nothing, the headaches, the strange eye stuff and flashes (A new issues with my eyes, oh joy! I love adding to the list)- just all those things are nothing and I'll be fine.

LouiseAndy

13-07-18, 22:46

So.... I'm still alive! I'm a bit nervous because night time is always worse for my anxiety like so many people! I still have a lot of physical stuff going on but I'm still here! I manged not to read any other people's posts because that sets me off and I've been no where near doctor Google!! So slightly proud of myself :). Trying to tell myself whenever I see a flash in my vision or something like that it propbaly down to the fact I'm waiting for something like that to happen. That I had a eye test just over a year ago. I still have a lot of stuff going on with the right side but pushing on!!

Also my sister called me earlier, telling all about their London trip so far and I manged not to freak out down the phone like I've done before.

---------- Post added at 22:46 ---------- Previous post was at 22:32 ----------

I spoke to soon again...I was sitting at the kitchen table and I suddenly got like a rush. I felt like I was gonna to faint or something. Everything felt strange. I felt so strange, of course there was a flash again. So, it's going to be a long night of worry again :unsure:

LouiseAndy

14-07-18, 03:16

I'm at breaking point. I've had a horrible night. I've tried to sleep. I can't, I keep having dizzy spells. My eye's aren't right I won't go into all that. My chest feels strange, I made the mistake of feeling my pulse and it seems so weak and skipping bits. Just so much. I'm trying to tell myself it's just a anxiety spell because I'm alone but the rest of me won't listen.

Scass

14-07-18, 04:17

LouiseAndy

14-07-18, 21:30

It’s just anxiety because you’re alone. You’re going to be fine, but you need to try and help yourself.
Could you switch off from the internet, make yourself a cup of tea and put the telly on? Something trashy and silly. Try and leave your phone, just focus on sitting on the sofa, having a warm drink, and listening to the telly. Just concentrate on those things for a while, and then maybe go back to bed.

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Thank you for the reply yet again :D, I've been doing my best all day to keep my mind fousced on things and not letting it wonder to much. Which has worked for the most part! There still been some slips and slides but mainly have worked!! The night is when my anxiety is always worse so I'm a little on edge the later it gets.. And it's clear from the update that I lived away!! Unlike my thought process last night. I'll really need to talk about this issue about facing my fears alone in my session on Monday!

---------- Post added at 21:30 ---------- Previous post was at 21:19 ----------

Small update: I manged to take a shower by myself with no one in the house!! I know this sounds silly but it was one of my biggest anixetys before!! I used to be so scared of like fainting or something!!

LouiseAndy

16-07-18, 15:44

So, had my therapy session today and it was really good! I really do think I need to take a step back from this website. It's been so wonderful to me, there has been the most lovely people to me here and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Yet seeing people worried and stuff about illness like rubs off on me? And I need to be able to handle these things in a more postive light.

Once again thank you so much to everyone who's ever talk to me and reached out ❤️❤️❤️❤️

LouiseAndy

16-07-18, 23:01

Hello! So basically I've been struggling hard with health anxiety and a lot of other mental health issues. Some very serious mental health issues.

I've started some specialized therapy and I've realized some stuff. I've had a lot of tests of tests for my health, nothing serious has come back from it. My mind always jumps to another issue. It's never ending. Like right now? I have a pain in my left temple with some strange head zaps or something and my mind comes out with a endless of worries. Which makes it worse.

Anyway, I won't list it because that's looking for people to tell me that's nothing wrong and I've gotta do that for myself. I'm not going to get better over night, it's going to be a long road. A hard road. I'm willing to fight for it. To put everything into therapy and learn how to work on this.

I can't send forever worrying about what might be wrong when so far- there's been nothing! It's all been making big issues out of something that's so livable.

Like I'm flying for the first time on my own this Wednesday? I'm going to meet my boyfriend and his family for the first time (a worry but a livable one). It a big step. I need to take bigger steps like that and trust in myself.

Thank you to everyone who's ever reached out. To everyone but especially to Scass and Pulisa who have truly given me words to think over and always replied in my many hours of need. To anyone who's read what I've written and felt the same.Let's try to get better together.

Like I know this won't work over night, I'll get a strange twist in my nose or something that may set me off (Yes that's happened :shrug:). All the other worries I have written about are stiff there- Yet this is about dealing with it. Learning to deal with not just health but everyone.

So, it's this time I really hope it goes well. That I can make a positive change. For me. For a better mindset.

(The title I wasn't sure what to write and I was listening to a song with the and I was like oohhh that's good )

LouiseAndy

17-07-18, 20:20

Just to add, the doctor gave me some xanna for flying do hopefully it works!

venusbluejeans

17-07-18, 21:09

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

Emmz

LouiseAndy

24-07-18, 03:00

So! I've been on holidays for about 5/6 days now. Clearly the pills for the plane worked! I've only had a few moments of total panic here. Like dizzy spell propbaly brought on by not drinking enough. I've also had a number of small bumps and lumps- fly bites or bad shaving marks at worse I'm trying to tell myself!

Tonight I had a bit of a slip again. I was chewing gum and my rouge hit of the back of my mouth-endless to say that set off a panic when I felt like I could feel something strange there. Went to look in the mirror?? If course saw things that could have always been there like lumps at the back of my thoart or white spots in certain areas. Then it felt like I couldn't help my thoart and I had like fluff or something in my mouth it's hard to describe. Just a whole lot of badness. So after a few moments of panic of course about oral or thoart horrible sinister issues-I manged to calm myself down! Reminding myself over and over again of possible tests I've done and all that stuff-also stopping myself from poking at it with my finger!

So for any little slips I've manged to being myself back! Not let it over take me and ruin my holiday! One of the scariest moments was going to the supermarket and doing my shop by myself. Without my boyfriend who's a speaker of the launge here-unlike me. Yet I also manged to do that!