Anxiety and aging

[Weasley123]

I turned 40 in March and actually so far so good. I really like my life now. My problem is my lovely husbsbd turns 40 in 4 days. We don’t have children by choice, we have 4 dogs and 4 cats. I have no siblings or very close friends other then him. He’s the same abs frankly we like it thst way but I’m scared of loosing him

While I constantly dwell on abs ruminate over how much time we have left he doesn’t ever think about it. He exercises a lot but never goes to the dr; neither do I so I can’t talk. His mon died of a heart attack brought in by diabetes st age 63. I look at him now and worry about a heart attack. He bikes and Jogs. Both of us love to eat and on weekends we love trying new restaurants so our diets aren’t great nor are they the worst.

I try to push the thoughts out of my head but whenever we are having fun I have thus voice in my head saying how many more years how much longer. If we are at the beach I think how many trips left are tgere. If we are having a lovely indulgent meal I’ll look st him and think cholesterol. When weekends are over I think another one gone.

I’m trying to get better and have made a vow to not voice any health concerns about him for 5 days. I still have the thoughts but I’m trying to push them out If my mind. If I don’t I’ll waste our lives together worrying about how much time we’ve got. Does anyone else deal with this

[GiantMogwai]

Yes, every single day. Every day is a blessing.

He sounds relatively healthy to me by the way.

Cook him up a salmon steak every now and then, cut down a pinch on red meat, don't go crazy on alcohol and try to be thankful for every day you get.

You've got to try and enjoy life a bit while you're living it.

[Weasley123]

I had to laugh at that one bit. My husband cooks his own meals unless we go out or takeout. He actually cooks slot of salmon. This week he’s been eating sausage as he had no time to cook salmon. Our diet for wgat it’s worth is to eat healthy during the week and then get takeout orvea5 our weekends. He comes home much later then me do we eat our dinners separate. I eat eggs or veg burgers every night and he has salmon or chicken or sausage. I don’t love the sausage but I get that it’s easy and he liked it on occasion. He doesn’t drink at all I’m the wino :ohmy:😜

[GiantMogwai]

Also at some point if you can convince him go to doctor just for blood tests. Ask for liver function, cholesterol, and vitamin levels. Just a little peace of mind for anyone in their 40s. See it just as a health check.

---------- Post added at 20:57 ---------- Previous post was at 20:53 ----------

Does he eat plenty of greens? Here in UK we aim for 5 a day of fruit and veg.

[bin tenn]

Existential anxiety, I guess. Yes, I've dealt with this before, for a good while. I couldn't go a day without trying to "guess" how many more years I may have left. How the end if this days means "one day closer to the inevitable." How this vacation is one of "X number of vacations left." It's a terrible feeling, I know. I just did what I could to stop thinking about it, and eventually I broke the habit, though it was pretty difficult. Just try to enjoy the time you have, and make every minute count.

[Weasley123]

My husband and I both eat a lot of fruits and veg. He actually is a research scientist studying tb. He’d never follow 5 a day because he won’t count and hates slogans. He thinks most risk factors are over stated and blown up by Medis. He’s more relaxed doesn’t worry or count or think about health but he does eat his greens and exercise. He literally never worried or thinks past the current day. I can’t even imagine. I’m just trying to rephrase all my negative thoughts as positive ones. I have to stop thinking I wish I was ten years younger and think I’ll never be this young again? Bin Tenn how old r u? I see such young people on these boards and it baffles me. I never had ha until I was 37. It’s sctually better now then my late ;0s. In my 20s I never even thought about my health and my diet and dressing ning where atrocious

[GiantMogwai]

In some sense this might be more about how you feel about your husband and how much you would miss him if anything happened.

The best way to deal with this is to use that feeling as a source of strength and comfort that you are with the right person, and that you should spend the time you have as best you can.

To be honest things sound pretty good.

I had aspects of HA from my early teens at least. I imagine it's probably all about the age a particular person realises their own mortality and limits of resilience, and when they realise this in others.

[bin tenn]

My husband and I both eat a lot of fruits and veg. He actually is a research scientist studying tb. He’d never follow 5 a day because he won’t count and hates slogans. He thinks most risk factors are over stated and blown up by Medis. He’s more relaxed doesn’t worry or count or think about health but he does eat his greens and exercise. He literally never worried or thinks past the current day. I can’t even imagine. I’m just trying to rephrase all my negative thoughts as positive ones. I have to stop thinking I wish I was ten years younger and think I’ll never be this young again? Bin Tenn how old r u? I see such young people on these boards and it baffles me. I never had ha until I was 37. It’s sctually better now then my late ;0s. In my 20s I never even thought about my health and my diet and dressing ning where atrocious

I just turned 31 in April, and a lot of my severe anxiety started in my mid 20s. I know that's quite early, but that's how it happened.

[Weasley123]

In some sense this might be more about how you feel about your husband and how much you would miss him if anything happened.

The best way to deal with this is to use that feeling as a source of strength and comfort that you are with the right person, and that you should spend the time you have as best you can.

To be honest things sound pretty good.

I had aspects of HA from my early teens at least. I imagine it's probably all about the age a particular person realises their own mortality and limits of resilience, and when they realise this in others.


Yes thats very true Im incredibly lucky to have found him. I had a very difficult adolescence with non stop bullying. I was close to my dad who has passed on, but I am estranged from my mom. I dont have anyone but my husband but Im massively lucky and have a wonderful life. We dont haave kids by choice and we finally have good incomes and can indulge in our hobbies clothes for me, biking for him, and eating for us both. I think its becasue its so good I worry endlessly it will end.

My mother is a very negative person and she has severe but mysterious health issues. None can ever be addressed or treated according to herand while there is something very wrong, she has massive spinal damage from accidents. She never gives a clear picture of her problems and I believe they are exacerbated by mental health issues. She always made it clear that doctors never helped her. I always saw her sick and misserable and it instilled a terror of doctors in me. I never go and if I do go I have a total panic attack. When I do talk to her she frightens me by mentioning vague health issues: kidney disease which she has but wont elaborate on, gastronintestinal problems. She had her uterus removed but cant rememember why she says it was possibly cancer, how can you not remember? When I speak to her she also always says she wants to die but that shes sure she will live a long time outliving even me.

My dad died of cancer at 66 and my mother in law who I loved at 63 of a heart attack. They died very close together. Then within a short timeI found a breast lump and 3 of my dogs died. This triggered the ha the lump was nothing and after 3 years of thinkking im dying of various ailments, I am still convinced Ill get breast cancer eventually, I have now focused the anxiety on my husband. I dont want to nag and annoy and drag him down but its very hard.

Im try8ing a mantra every day where I say Ill never be this young again. Live it up!

---------- Post added at 15:41 ---------- Previous post was at 15:39 ----------

:shades:
I just turned 31 in April, and a lot of my severe anxiety started in my mid 20s. I know that's quite early, but that's how it happened.

Wow your a baby:) I am sure its awful at any age but I think it grows worth with time. Im furious with myself when I remember that at 37 I was obsessed with a fear I had cancer or my husband did. That seems young to me now that I am 40. I m trying to tell myself Im still young and I have to enjoy every day

[GiantMogwai]

It is difficult when you see people you love die so close together and relatively young. My grandfather who i never met died at 58 from a heart attack, but then thankfully my dad survived until 73 mainly because they have better kit for dealing with heart problems than they did back then. He had a heart attack in his early 60s but he then had an ICD fitted which looked after him for another 10 years. As somebody once said to me when i was worrying about him, the heart is one of the organs they know most about these days.

Your mum may be forgetting due to old age or not wanting to talk about it. She is possibly protecting you from the detail to an extent but also trying to forgot about it. Some memories I have I imagine them on a sheet of paper and then an eraser rubbing them out. I'd rather forget in some cases. I also had an operation for a hernia when i was in my 20s and i seem to remember the doctor saying he had taken my appendix out as well because it looked like it needed it but can't remember. I was still recovering from general anaesthetic at the time. Do I have an appendix or not. No idea. It bothers me I don't know sometimes but i just try and ignore that.

With the breast cancer thing I'm a man but have had a painful lump in my chest for a good 10 years. I know it's not at all the same but it hurts especially when i push on it. Then it hurts a lot. I used to stress about it but have calmed down about it a little. I went to see a specialist who was reassuring.

There were two things the specialist said that were reassuring.

Firstly they have a scale from 1-5 here on how something looks on the echo. He said i was a 2. On the scale 1 is nothing to see, and 5 is serious. The 2 means there is something to see - that is all - just something to see - but nothing to worry about.

Also i had a couple of these echoes done 2 years apart and here is where i felt really reassured. The specialist said that when there is something to worry about it changes in size and shape fairly significantly over time. There was little change in 2 years. At this point i began to feel more reassured and started to forget about it.

[Weasley123]

It is difficult when you see people you love die so close together and relatively young. My grandfather who i never met died at 58 from a heart attack, but then thankfully my dad survived until 73 mainly because they have better kit for dealing with heart problems than they did back then. He had a heart attack in his early 60s but he then had an ICD fitted which looked after him for another 10 years. As somebody once said to me when i was worrying about him, the heart is one of the organs they know most about these days.

Your mum may be forgetting due to old age or not wanting to talk about it. She is possibly protecting you from the detail to an extent but also trying to forgot about it. Some memories I have I imagine them on a sheet of paper and then an eraser rubbing them out. I'd rather forget in some cases. I also had an operation for a hernia when i was in my 20s and i seem to remember the doctor saying he had taken my appendix out as well because it looked like it needed it but can't remember. I was still recovering from general anaesthetic at the time. Do I have an appendix or not. No idea. It bothers me I don't know sometimes but i just try and ignore that.

With the breast cancer thing I'm a man but have had a painful lump in my chest for a good 10 years. I know it's not at all the same but it hurts especially when i push on it. Then it hurts a lot. I used to stress about it but have calmed down about it a little. I went to see a specialist who was reassuring.

There were two things the specialist said that were reassuring.

Firstly they have a scale from 1-5 here on how something looks on the echo. He said i was a 2. On the scale 1 is nothing to see, and 5 is serious. The 2 means there is something to see - that is all - just something to see - but nothing to worry about.

Also i had a couple of these echoes done 2 years apart and here is where i felt really reassured. The specialist said that when there is something to worry about it changes in size and shape fairly significantly over time. There was little change in 2 years. At this point i began to feel more reassured and started to forget about it.

I’d agree about my mom except she has been like this since my child hood. She is never reassuring nor protecting but I at her Fahd is he flakes of health fears by invisioning the worst case. I should by sympathetic but am bad at that

[GiantMogwai]

I’d agree about my mom except she has been like this since my child hood. She is never reassuring nor protecting but I at her Fahd is he flakes of health fears by invisioning the worst case. I should by sympathetic but am bad at that

Fair enough. You know her a lot better than I do after all.