Cant stop this fear

[willieverbefree]

I have just discovered that my boyfriend of a several years has been cheating - we have had unprotected sex - my anxiety levels are through the roof re contracting HIV ..I cant stop worrying about it ..I have been to a clinic and am clear of any STI's but its the HIV thing that is worrying me constantly

[ServerError]

If you've been tested, wouldn't they have checked for HIV?

[willieverbefree]

I am awaiting results for that test - the waiting is killing me, am so scared

[ServerError]

Unfortunately all you can really do is wait. But it's very unlikely. Passing HIV on is not actually that easy.

Do you know if your ex has been tested?

[willieverbefree]

No I dont know if he has been tested - we do not live together, I have expressed my concerns to him and he claims he had protected sex, has no symptoms and is in the low risk category ..If I asked I doubt he get tested - he thinks I am being " irrational" ?? - He is not the guy I thought he was unfortunately

[ServerError]

It's never irrational to be concerned when you find out that somebody you've had unprotected sex with has been sleeping with others. Getting tested is the right thing to do.

However, it's certainly very unlikely that you've caught HIV. It's actually quite difficult to contract so I think it's very likely you'll be fine. Stay strong.

[willieverbefree]

Thank you for being kind enough to talk to me, I do worry terribly about all that kind of stuff - and I am not the kind of woman/female that sleeps around..I was foolish/naive to trust that he would not do that - or if he did he would at least be honest and tell me and consider my health if nothing else..

[ServerError]

Unfortunately any successful relationship requires us to place our trust in the other person. It won't work if we don't. Sadly, people you trust sometimes let you down.

HIV isn't that common really. Other STIs are much more common and you've been cleared of those. Your boyfriend would have to have had unprotected sex with someone with HIV who either didn't know or didn't tell him. That's extremely unlikely. Until you have the test result, just try to remind yourself how unlikely it is.

[willieverbefree]

I posted recently re discovering that my Boyfriend ( of several years - we do not live together) has been having/had sex with other women ...We always used to use protection, but in recent months on a few occasions ( we had not) - I foolishly ( not realize) that I trusted him, and I have not had sex with anyone else.. We split up and I have not seen/spoken to him for approx six weeks now - I had a 28 day HIV test and it came back clear - but I am still worrying myself silly ....I asked him ( via email) if he would have a test, his response was that he has no symptoms and claims he has not had unprotected sex with anyone ( other than me) in years ..I am struggling to believe anything he says and particularly via email.....I feel like I am on he verge of suicide with the fearful thoughts

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

[ServerError]

Not really sure why he's still your boyfriend to be honest. He sounds like a callous and uncaring individual to me.

But anyway, if your test has come back clear, what would you like us to say? I mean, your test result is all we have to go on, isn't it? It says you're clear. Be happy. Or just relieved.

Sounds to me like you need to getvdome help dealing with what's happened to you. If this boyfriend really cares about you and wants to start doing right by you, he'll support you in this.

[Fishmanpa]

All I know is I'm totally confused :huh: In an earlier thread in May you posted you lost a partner of 6 years. Is this the same person you're talking about now?

Anyway... You're clear so that's all that matters.

Positive thoughts

[willieverbefree]

No Fishman pa

I lost a partner six years ago - then met a man a few years later ( I have been with him only) we do not live together, but stayed at each others homes every weekend...I always had protected sex with him ( trusted him) but for some foolish reason ( I cannot explain ) I had unprotected sex with him the last couple of times in recent months.... I have since discovered that he has been on dating sites ( possibly the whole time i have known him) he has admitted having had sex with others, but is claiming it was protected ?? - Naturally my anxiety is through the roof - I have been terrified of HIV, and also feel that I was and have been made such a fool of for trusting - I dont know what to do with so much stuff running through my mind ...My 28 day HIV test came back clear - but I am still feeling incredibly anxious and shocked etc etc

[ServerError]

So what are you going to do next?

[willieverbefree]

I have ended my relationship/ association with him ( I did several weeks ago) ....But!! I am still left with these fears( re health) and beating myself up for trusting him ....Unfortunately! this stuff leaves you with psychological/emotional and some physical damage ....I was a fool to trust, and a fool to have unprotected sex - if I could turn the clock back I surely would ... Now I am on Citalopram - hoping it will kick in and help me cope

[ServerError]

The thing is, will beating yourself up over something you can't change make any difference? You can't go back so why waste time wishing you could? Many many years ago I had unprotected sex that resulted in a pregnancy scare. Both me and my then girlfriend didn't freak out. We couldn't change it so we learned from it. I certainly learned from it. Why not use this as a learning experience and change your future instead of dwelling on the past? Get some help. Talk to someone.

[willieverbefree]

I understand and appreciate what you are saying - but I still worrying myself sick re establishing HIV ...I have since read that HIV can establish itself in the body several months after exposure ....( so despite a 28 day negative test) there is no guarantee for sure that I am clear....My ex bf is no longer in contact and refuses to get tested/reassure me...I have no idea how many women he has cheated with - my mind is in turmoil ....I have started anx meds, but they are not helping much - I am constantly afraid ...I am going to see my GP on sat - but I doubt she will be able reassure me either, other than give me more/different meds etc....My life feels such a mess, all because I trusted my bf of 5 years ( and I had unprotected sex with him in recent months)... I dont know what to do