Kris b
07-07-18, 21:24
Hi, I'm 39 years old IT guy that had anxiety for a long time. Even as a child I remember having health anxiety. In my mid twenties it was almost unbearable. Years of medication and therapy had me back on track. I thought I finally accepted that life is a precious gift and sooner or later it has to end for all of us. But a couple of months ago a mom from a classmate of my 5 year old son died. He is terrified he is going to loose his parents too and that freaked me out. I want to be here for him as long as I can. He deserves a dad and a mom. That combined with failed IVF, chronic hip arthritis, a demanding period at work and the hot weather tore me down when I visited my GP because I had a virus. She told me to let a mole checked that is not as the other atypical moles I have. I know this mole. It was ripped when I was a teenager while sporting and it healed but the mole became dysplastic and have grown. The new rim was light brown had some darker speckles and the gp told me that it was fine and might become one color again. At my mid twenties it became my obsession after an ingrown hair was causing an inflammation for 3 days after that it healed nicely in a couple of days. He assured me all was still fine as it healed real quickly. It had two shades of brown but was quite symmetrical, although a bit irregular looking border. He told me again it might still become a single darker shade mole. But since then (10 years ago) it did not changed.
Now i had a new GP since 8 years (I moved to another town). She has seen the mole in the past without making comments. And all of the sudden she asks me to visit a dermatologist to check it out with a dermascope. She asked me if it changed to a darker color and told her it is still the same for at least 10 years, no itching, etc. She said it was not urgent but adviced to let it check anyway. It completely freaked me out a couple of days later I had my first panic attack in 10 year I think. I am so scared I even don't dare to make an appointment. I'm so scared for bad news. And dr Google also tells me a melanoma can stay unnoticed for lots of years and there are images of melanoma that just seem like an atypical mole. So I started checking, using my cellphone macrolens, magnifying glass, lights.... and yes there are 5 needle sized dark spots in it. :scared10: And yes also two white spots (flake of loose skin maybe). Chances are these spots are there from the beginning but I never had a macro lens on my cellphone back then.
I really thought I was over my health anxiety. Not...
I raised my medication I was still taking from 10 to 15mg ecitalopram.But it will take time to kick in. Trying to get distractions but hot weather, weekends, etc makes it even harder. I'm tired of fighting OCD.
Now i had a new GP since 8 years (I moved to another town). She has seen the mole in the past without making comments. And all of the sudden she asks me to visit a dermatologist to check it out with a dermascope. She asked me if it changed to a darker color and told her it is still the same for at least 10 years, no itching, etc. She said it was not urgent but adviced to let it check anyway. It completely freaked me out a couple of days later I had my first panic attack in 10 year I think. I am so scared I even don't dare to make an appointment. I'm so scared for bad news. And dr Google also tells me a melanoma can stay unnoticed for lots of years and there are images of melanoma that just seem like an atypical mole. So I started checking, using my cellphone macrolens, magnifying glass, lights.... and yes there are 5 needle sized dark spots in it. :scared10: And yes also two white spots (flake of loose skin maybe). Chances are these spots are there from the beginning but I never had a macro lens on my cellphone back then.
I really thought I was over my health anxiety. Not...
I raised my medication I was still taking from 10 to 15mg ecitalopram.But it will take time to kick in. Trying to get distractions but hot weather, weekends, etc makes it even harder. I'm tired of fighting OCD.